Having A Bad Day? Wanna Rant? Right This Way!

[Fae]

i just had another fight with my mom. they seem to happen every day now. she despises that im transgender, and won't accept that i identify as male. she takes advantage of me, and scolds and yells at me in public for sudden reasons she thought up just to embarrass me, and also uses she/her pronouns for me when introducing me to people, although she knows it makes me uncomfortable. luckily, she lets me style my hair how i want and lets me wear boyish clothes, but she still forces me to wear dresss to special occasions, and i feel so uncomfortable. she knows it, and i try to ask her for suits, but she always says no. then there's my dad. he doesn't care about the whole trans thing, but he's abusive. im very scared of him. he can't be put in jail, unfortunately, because my mom won't let me call the police on him. i don't understand why, because he's hurt her on several occasions. when my brother and i were little, our parents would fight every day, violently. him and i would hide in his room, locking ourselves in his closet while holding each other and crying. it was a very scary time for us. i started looking to the paranormal for help. i began learning witchcraft at a young age, about eleven. i would sneak onto the home computer any chance i got, researching rituals and spells to protect my brother and me. whenever my parents would try to turn on us, i would summon a spirit to help us. then... one evening, i took it a bit too far. my dad tried to attack my ten year old brother, and a spirit lent me strength. as a twelve year old girl, i didn't have much strength on my own. so, with the spirit's help, i managed to tackle my dad to the ground. the spirit left me, and my mom roughly pulled me off of my dad. he was sent to the hospital, and my mom immediately made me pack and she took me to an asylum like place for children. i cried the first hour i was there, missing my brother. i made a friend, though, a young boy who was sent there because he claimed he was a cat. he was kind and friendly, though a bit strange, and he was protective of me. i stayed at that torturous place for a year, my only friend being the only thing that kept me from actually going crazy. i knew i would never forget Daniel. 

 

after i got home, thats when my parents began to truly control me. however, i never called upon spirits again for protection. i just endured it, and still do. luckily, im 21 now, so i have the ability to go out if i want, and i can defend myself somewhat. my friends help me out by letting me spend the night with them if need be. i have a job, so im out most days working as well. i will hopefully soon have the money to move out of my parents and get my own apartment or house, but that's at least a year and a half away. i deal with the abuse every day. then there's the fact im autistic and schizophrenic, and i pay for my own medication, and the fact that my mom won't pay for them is what really upsets me. then there's my anxiety and adhd and ptsd meds. im struggling rn, and im barely able to pay for them all. 

 

i just lost my closest friend to leukemia, and im still grieving. one of my friends is taking me to therapy every week to help with that. im going through a lot rn, and i really wanted to let it all out here, as well as talk a bit about my past. i know i might scare some people, but i just want comfort and reassurance, and some friends.

Edited July 22, 2020 by phikyl
Removed mentions of extreme violence/self harm.

[mirmz]

jeez @Rebel Pikachu i feel bad for u.

i hope everything gets better <3

[Fae]

50 minutes ago, mirmz said:

jeez @Rebel Pikachu i feel bad for u.

i hope everything gets better <3

thank you, i hope so, too. im trying my best, though it's hard.

[MayanEcho]

@Rebel Pikachu I'm glad you've friends helping you out. Do you have any hobbies, or things that help you feel better? Not the cutting of course, but other things you might enjoy?

 

So sorry to hear that you're in a tight spot as of now. Wishing you well, and please do your best not to forget taking your medications on time.

 

In time, if you really set your heart on it, you'll be achieving what you want for yourself.  But first, take good care. 

[Ernie]

What’s wrong with the forums? 

[Fae]

@MayanEcho im currently going to therapy and my therapist is giving me a lot of coping skills to help with the stress, anxiety, and depression. ive managed to go three days without cutting, and though its really really hard, ive made it this far and im hoping that i can keep going. and, yes, i always take my meds on time. thank you for the support, love. <3

[MayanEcho]

1 hour ago, Rebel Pikachu said:

@MayanEcho im currently going to therapy and my therapist is giving me a lot of coping skills to help with the stress, anxiety, and depression. ive managed to go three days without cutting, and though its really really hard, ive made it this far and im hoping that i can keep going. and, yes, i always take my meds on time. thank you for the support, love. <3

 

Oh wow, that's wonderful news! 

 

It will be hard at first, but bit by bit, you'll get there. Follow the advise of your therapist, keeping in mind that it's for your well-being. Same with your medications, continue taking them on time.

 

Take care there. 

[Fae]

48 minutes ago, MayanEcho said:

 

Oh wow, that's wonderful news! 

 

It will be hard at first, but bit by bit, you'll get there. Follow the advise of your therapist, keeping in mind that it's for your well-being. Same with your medications, continue taking them on time.

 

Take care there. 

thank you so much for the encouragment and support, it means a lot <3 im trying my best. if i can make it a whole month without cutting, my friends will take me out to dinner at my favourite restaurant to celebrate, so im really hoping i make it.

[thistle]

CoVid lingers on but I'm not giving in!  I figure it's a good day if I can breathe without having to listen to myself wheezing.  Sometimes my breathing sounds like cats fighting or birds whistling.  The other day the noise was so loud that my cat Dolly got scared of me.  

[Ernie]

Abdominal pain 

[Ernie]

My health needs to get better 

20 hours ago, triplem said:

Sorry to hear that ...are you seeing the doctor for it?

 

Yeah, I went to the ER 

[Ernie]

Surgery 

[thistle]

On 8/1/2020 at 12:07 PM, Ernie said:

Surgery 

 

Please let us know how you are doing.  Thinking good thoughts for your recovery!

[Ernie]

12 hours ago, thistle said:

 

Please let us know how you are doing.  Thinking good thoughts for your recovery!

 

Thanks, I’m about to have surgery in a few day from now 

[thistle]

54 minutes ago, Ernie said:

 

Thanks, I’m about to have surgery in a few day from now 

 

It's always kinda scary facing surgery.  I hope that all goes well for you.  

[Sakurafairy]

On 8/5/2020 at 2:39 PM, Ernie said:

 

Thanks, I’m about to have surgery in a few day from now 

I hope you did well in your surgery. God is good all the time. Wishing for your fast recovery. 

[thistle]

Migraine:  one of the ugliest words in the English language.  It has been a dreadful day.

[Ernie]

Covid is near somewhere... go away 

[Ernie]

Recovery time 

[BogummyNoona]

My eldest son wanted to stop going to college for this sem but I told him not to. But we can't impose what good we want for them. This covid pandemic makes everyone so lazy. I hope he changes his mind.