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Having A Bad Day? Wanna Rant? Right This Way!


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One of those days are very bad for me.

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I hate my job I hate my coworkers. Literally have no friends and everyone is a two faced back stabbing a hole. I seriously think people there have nothing better to do then to make others feel as miserable as they do. I'm just gonna keep to myself from now on. My social life is no better though. I have two stupid pos friends who waste their lives away doing dumb things and not bettering their selves. God why????? Please take these toxic people out of my life and bring more positive nurturing individuals so that I can be lifted from the darkness. Lord give me courage to walk away and please change their hearts

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Thinking too much leads to depression. I hate being an adult! Wish I was a kid again, full of innocence and wonders. I wish I can fly and go disappear and vanish into thin air. Life is complicated, there are so much sufferings in the world. So clueless that I don't know what to do with my life, but I guess it's okay, I'm here....I'm here now.

 

 

Sigh it's one of those days, I'll be okay. This too shall pass.

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  • 2 weeks later...

New to this... please bear with me and hear me out...

1- been confused and couldn’t determine what’s right and wrong (e.g. Was it wrong of me to buy something nice for myself with my first pay cheque? Why did I feel guilty about it?)

2- been raised to set family before myself and take into consideration of others (e.g. Every gift, item, travel spent must be inclusive of their existence)

3- better to offer than to receive (e.g. Never ask, always give, don’t take money too seriously, don’t be so money-orientated, parents will save for me, portrayed themselves as my safety personal piggy bank)

 

I suppose all was true and ways to show I was a respectful disciplined child.... until my job scope changed... got raised in salary... then soon... plans of my own wedding....

 

1- PARENTS highly recommended to pay ONE FULL YEAR home allowance in advance after my husband proposed - same year when I got married. This became rather difficult where I had been paying a monthly allowance and saving less than 1k usd for myself.  To cough up a full year of 50k usd was TOUGH. 

 

2- PROVIDE for my parents and all expenses for the wedding was a must.  My husband and I had to cover all the wedding banquet cost... down to my parents’ clothings (zero input from them)

 

3- TAKEN for granted, my parents took all my wedding favours provides by my family and friends. That’s right! Cash! Cheque! Gone! No input from them yet I felt I was robbed. Asked to return the favours back to help me pay for the banquet bills, shocker to them and that was not the practice and referred me as disrespectful money orientated  child.  They eventually kept my money, as they said for keepsake for me in times of emergency.

 

4- RESPECT for my parents was a must. Even after I got married. I was educated to provide and continue to earn for my parents.  This was the gesture of love and appreciation.  Fortunately, my husband disagreed but kept his silence.

 

5- PREGNANT was greatest news for me. Continued to work till the second last day of delivery.  Mentioned three months before delivery to my parents that I could no longer provide home allowance for them as I need to save and support for my baby. Discontented parents held their tongue. Two months before delivery of my child provided the last bulk of cash for parents, hopefully they could use the cash upon my difficult times and for my newborn if possible.  Same day, they offered the money to mom’s brother crying for help and in need of money.  Depressed and felt sorry for myself- pregnant lady with seven months baby earning for her parents and another family pleading for cash?!? How I wish to be resting in bed rather than working myself off. 

 

6- ARRIVAL of my newborn, given receipts of what parents spent for me and baby. First time telling them, I couldn’t pay them back, hadn’t been working, didn’t have extras... besides, I paid them in advance already - of course.. advance payment was disregarded (my usual gesture was to pay back with extras e.g. it cost 700, pay 800 or 1000 - if the exact amount is paid, they would feel offended)

 

7- BROTHER’s wedding after three months. Also, I went back to work and spent my entire paycheque on a gift I chose for my sister in law.  Dad called after brother’s wedding to confirm what I got for my brother. They assumed I would be getting them a two watches but ended up with a pearl pendant was rather disappointing. Was scolded for getting something so invaluable and low cost. Expressed my troubles and refreshes their memory that I had given them what I had before I gave birth.  I had been working one month only and this was what I could afford.  The call ended abruptly.  (Bonus note: I had nothing from my parents and my brother was offered a house from them)

 

8- EXTRA cash was given to them after I gave birth.  I suppose it would be difficult fir them if I cut back entirely.  With extras, my daughter and I were welcomed and invited weekly to visit them while they cooked meals which they emphasized greatly how costly homecook meal cost.  I just wanted my child to spend time with grandparents.

 

9- CUT BACK completely ended up with frowns as expected and not welcomed to their home so I suggested to eat out which they didn’t enjoy or prefer.  Invited them over my place, complained it was too far and costly on gasoline.  So i guess, kinda spoiled them with the money giving and giving them the chance to see their grandchild without putting in any effort.

 

10- SURGERY for my mom was needed and I expressed my concerned by accompanying my dad to visits and stayed over to see what I could help out.  Inquiried about cash issue which I expressed that I couldn’t help as I had other commitments. Dad flared up and angrily disappointed. Reminded him to use the money they claimed to save for me to cover the hospital cost and I had no intention to use it.  He warned me not to touch it and those bulk was meant to be his retirement money. 

 

11- DISAPPOINTED as I seemed as though my parents were giving me hope and brainwashing me to contribute all this while.

 

12- MORE SCOLDS from my brother, (my guess) dad embarrassed to contact me after sending me a letter for being  displeased for not supporting the family.  I held my silence, sinking deeper into my solitude. It was then I learnt from my brother my parents had spent 50k usd upon my wedding to support me and asking, “What else do you expect from our parents, they did what they can to support you?” When I clarified the false information, brother grew quiet, neglecting the lie and forgive them. 

 

So now, I continue to pay my respect and invite them for dinner so their spending will keep to a minimal.  I understand they may be tight in cash but I am certain there was much I provided previously which should put them in good use.   Their birthday is soon, I wish to provide them a decent good meal but as per gifts... I rather not.  Previously been spoiling them with costly ones, can’t live up that standard for them anymore.  

 

Questions come...

 

Was I brainwashed?

How should I treat my parents moving forward?

Should I provide or support my parents?

Is it wrong of me to be paranoid?

Am I considered a victim here? 

 

Any suggestions or thoughts would help

 

Thank you 

 

Edited by andydz
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@andydz Girl, cut that cord. NOW.

 

Your parents are living off of you. It seems your dad, sorry to say, is a lazy bum and your mom is neglecting her duties as a parent. Both are, actually. Actually, I'm not sorry. He's a lazy bum and should be working himself to support his family. They did NOT put you on this world to provide for them. 

Sure, you can help out financially, but the amount of cash you've already given them is enough to support an entire household without extra income. If they're struggling, it's their problem. Not yours. Not anymore.
If your brother sides with them, cut ties with him too. You don't need these people in your life. You have a husband and a kid to care for, that's more than enough.

 

For parents who are telling you you're too focused on money, they are extremely focused on money themselves. They keep wanting more cash while you've got other bills to pay. No more. Cut those diseases out of your life. You don't need them and apparently, they only need you for your money. They don't even care enough to visit their own grandchild, YOUR CHILD.

 

Gosh this makes me mad. :angry:

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2 hours ago, CamelKnight said:

@andydz Girl, cut that cord. NOW.

 

Your parents are living off of you. It seems your dad, sorry to say, is a lazy bum and your mom is neglecting her duties as a parent. Both are, actually. Actually, I'm not sorry. He's a lazy bum and should be working himself to support his family. They did NOT put you on this world to provide for them. 

Sure, you can help out financially, but the amount of cash you've already given them is enough to support an entire household without extra income. If they're struggling, it's their problem. Not yours. Not anymore.
If your brother sides with them, cut ties with him too. You don't need these people in your life. You have a husband and a kid to care for, that's more than enough.

 

For parents who are telling you you're too focused on money, they are extremely focused on money themselves. They keep wanting more cash while you've got other bills to pay. No more. Cut those diseases out of your life. You don't need them and apparently, they only need you for your money. They don't even care enough to visit their own grandchild, YOUR CHILD.

 

Gosh this makes me mad. :angry:

Thank you @CamelKnight for your feedback. Much appreciated.  Actually my dad is working at the moment in his late 60s.  He made a bad choice in investing his cash (or my cash) into some business.  It is kinda worse than gambling.  This business is going downhill and losing money from start but it is what he is comfortable with and find himself useful so he continued it.  I refer it as a very expensive hobby to keep my prideful dad busy and useful.  He would pity himself to be still working in his late 60s and not retiring.  

 

That’s correct, after I stopped paying my parents allowance, they never paid a visit to see their grand child.  It took them three months (from the day I was scolded for not paying for mom’s surgery) to pay a visit to see their grandchild.  

 

I am really confused, not sure what’s wrong and can’t imagine the power of money could be so strong to even buy time and attention to care for love ones like grandchildren.... 

 

it might be me.. spoiling them from start..

 

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@andydz So he's running a business that has no reason to exist other than being your moneypit? If you were a miljonair I'd say go for it, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Perhaps it's about time the old geezer learns about humility and falls flat on his nose when his business fails.

 

3 months? I would've cut off all contact. Apparently you, your husband and your daughter aren't important to them. Let them rot. You don't need them and it's clear they don't need you either.

 

It's not you. Let's get that clear. You've gone above and beyond what a daughter should do for her parents. Their complete lack of thankfullness is disgusting. Their love for money is appalling. If money is this important to them, perhaps they should've spent YOUR money more wisely.

There's no doubt in my mind that you'll never see any of the money you paid them. As your father so bluntly told you: "it's his retirement money" and he's not going to share it with you, let alone keep it safe for you. Let it be an expensive lifelesson and cut that umbilical cord. You've started feeding them through it instead of them feeding you.

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