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Having A Bad Day? Wanna Rant? Right This Way!

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not sure if I understand your story  @andydz but here are some thoughts that popped up while reading your posts. you can take it with a pinch of salt as it may or may not apply.

 

it sounds like your family was accustomed to a certain standard of living and now through certain financial complications, it is not easy to maintain that standard of living. however, to save face, your parents expect you and your brother to chip in. you are struggling to do this but you feel guilt that if you don't, you are not a good child. on both sides (you and your brother at one end and your parents on the other), acts of love have a financial ranking. so you feel like you are failing and they don't love you unless you chip in and at the other end, they probably feel that their kids don't love them unless you are all chipping in. perhaps you and your brother also feel obliged to chip in because you want to save face; how your parents live also affects your sense of esteem and value.

 

so maybe a first step in breaking this cycle is accepting that the way you used to live no longer applies. there is a beatles song that goes "cant buy me love" -- so you also need to understand that your love and loyalty to your parents can't be measured in financial terms. so rather than trying to buy their love, take a step back.

 

from observation, people with complicated relationships with their parents and siblings sometimes ruin their own personal life because they are so laser focused on how their parents and siblings feel rather than how their spouse and children feel. this results in unhappy and sometimes broken relationships because the spouse and children feel neglected and unheard. so don't forget that now you have a husband and child. regardless of your emotional equation with your parents or brother, your focus, energy and worry should be first on your own husband and child because they are your family now. good luck!

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Why is it so difficult to survive at work? No matter how many lessons I learn , no matter how much I see,  no matter how many times I tell myself that I need to change...  Nothing changes. Lately,  I just feel I AM THE PROBLEM. Everyone else seems to be doing just fine. So it must be just me. Here I go again on my self-pity train. 

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So I f'd up and got myself a warning for the first time on OH because I said Nate users can go choke for hating on Taeyeon's comeback and now I have to wait 3 days to post again. 

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@kokodus I know I’m not supposed to laugh at that Pic, but it is quite funny. But if you really are having a tough day, sending some hugs. It will soon pass

Edited by triplem
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Long story short, this guy who I became attracted to at first sight (and to provide context, this doesn't happen to me on a regular basis) broke up with his girlfriend, started flirting with me, got back together with his girlfriend, and now is keeping his distance from me. I understand the rationale behind him not wanting to talk to me anymore, but I don't know if I should be sad, mad, or what. We had a good time for three months, but it was too short to be satisfying and too long for me to be able to move on anytime soon. Also, it's not like he's a jerk, the problem is he met his girlfriend before he met me.

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4 hours ago, mymediumsizedpony said:

Long story short, this guy who I became attracted to at first sight (and to provide context, this doesn't happen to me on a regular basis) broke up with his girlfriend, started flirting with me, got back together with his girlfriend, and now is keeping his distance from me. I understand the rationale behind him not wanting to talk to me anymore, but I don't know if I should be sad, mad, or what. We had a good time for three months, but it was too short to be satisfying and too long for me to be able to move on anytime soon. Also, it's not like he's a jerk, the problem is he met his girlfriend before he met me.

You were his rebound. He IS a jerk. 

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9 hours ago, mymediumsizedpony said:

Long story short, this guy who I became attracted to at first sight (and to provide context, this doesn't happen to me on a regular basis) broke up with his girlfriend, started flirting with me, got back together with his girlfriend, and now is keeping his distance from me. I understand the rationale behind him not wanting to talk to me anymore, but I don't know if I should be sad, mad, or what. We had a good time for three months, but it was too short to be satisfying and too long for me to be able to move on anytime soon. Also, it's not like he's a jerk, the problem is he met his girlfriend before he met me.

Don’t waste any energy on someone like that. You are lucky you found out early on before becoming even more emotionally invested.  It’s ok to feel hurt. But don’t dwell too Long. Sending some hugs

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I am being bullied at work . I feel horrible. I wish I could punch them in the face and tell them exactly what an INSUFFERABLE person they are and how badly they need counseling on their anti-social behavior

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19 hours ago, mymediumsizedpony said:

Long story short, this guy who I became attracted to at first sight (and to provide context, this doesn't happen to me on a regular basis) broke up with his girlfriend, started flirting with me, got back together with his girlfriend, and now is keeping his distance from me. I understand the rationale behind him not wanting to talk to me anymore, but I don't know if I should be sad, mad, or what. We had a good time for three months, but it was too short to be satisfying and too long for me to be able to move on anytime soon. Also, it's not like he's a jerk, the problem is he met his girlfriend before he met me.

Although he is a jerk for leading you on, without much backstory I can't really say much more. Perhaps his gf broke up with him, he got over it (or so he thought) and she went all out to get him back when she saw him with you. Though he clearly wasn't fully over his ex, perhaps he thought he was.

At least he's not leading you on or keeping you on the side. That would've been a lot worse.

 

5 hours ago, Avaloki said:

I am being bullied at work . I feel horrible. I wish I could punch them in the face and tell them exactly what an INSUFFERABLE person they are and how badly they need counseling on their anti-social behavior

Don't punch. Go to HR. Most large companies have an HR department and they really go nuts for stuff like that. Chances are that you're not the only one getting bullied and they can't take any chances. If this keeps up, you might get sick of working there, which ends up in being physically sick or even a burn out. Which means they have to pay you wages without getting the labor you'd normally put in.

If an HR department is not an option/available, search for another job asap. You don't need that poison in your life.

Good luck!

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@CamelKnight thank you. Yes. Indeed I don't need this kind of poison in my life.  That's why I have put my papers today. I am stupid most would say and some would say I am hasty and some might even say I am weak minded. Yes to all the three. I don't disagree. But this morning when I woke up and read the news of Shinee's Jong Hyun's demise,  and later after I read his suicide note.. I felt shock and a deep sadness. Why?  Because even though I am nowhere near as upset as he was to have taken such a drastic step..  Even though I know my life is not that hard or my troubles that painful..  I felt empathy. Not sympathy but empathy. I felt that yes...  Yes..  I am trying my best too. Why is no one seeing that.  I  am working hard to live too. Why then is it so hard. At that moment..  I knew that I have to do something stupid or this slow painful buildup of hurt will one day grow into one huge ugly monster that I won't be able to face. Before I am sucked in by my own weaknesses..  Let me admit now itself that I cannot handle this anymore and move on.  I admit I have some hope in the future ... Maybe even that's why without a backup plan I have decided to do this.  Maybe I can do great somewhere else.  Maybe I can do something better. Or at the least maybe I can breathe. May his soul rest in peace.  I didn't really listen to their music but somehow even then I feel very sad by this. I can't imagine how someone who can sing to the world..  Who has so much love and fame..  How could someone like that be so unhappy as to do that. How sad he must have been. How long he must have been enduring it all. Alone.  Strong people may call giving up as weakness but that is because they don't know or understand the cause of it in the first place. 

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But the moment was totally nothing like I imagined. My project manager caught up with me during coffee to ask what happened. Why the sudden resignation? Was there anything I was unhappy about? When I had played this scene in my mind....  I was going to let everyone know how a certain someone had made my life at work hell.  I wouldn't do anything crazy but I would let them know how unhappy I had been and how mentally tormented I felt...  But then that time when my manager asked me what's wrong... Even though my heart was shaking..  I involuntarily gave him the brightest smile and said ' no,  it's not like that. There's nothing. I just want to return to my hometown and do something else. ' there I was with the chance to finally tell someone my feelings but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I pretended everything was OK and I just wanted out. Even I don't understand myself sometimes. But I am glad. It's done. 

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@Avaloki ~ having put down papers without a plan in place can be very scary but also happy at same time. others might not understand but it is okay -- regardless of how it turns out, own your decision and you will have no regrets. sometimes it is better to be jobless for a bit and find something else then going to office and getting physically ill from all the stress around you. and don't feel bad about not telling your project manager -- in a way, you wanted to keep face and so you exited the way you needed to quietly. even if he doesn't know exactly why you quit, it is obvious that there was something wrong and he knew enough to ask a question. so that is enough. the rest will work itself out...

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Someone has been taking advantage of How so? Final message to her.....

 

I have spent the last month reflecting upon our time together. I understand that you say you've also taken the time to self reflect, but why did you

1) try to kidnap my dogs from the shelter

2) quit your full time job 

3) stalk me

4) attempt to log in my email account

5)  spread rumours of me

how could i face what you did to me over the past several weeks or shall I say years? 

 

Let me clear up some loose ends here. The lease ends mid January. I do not owe you anything and don’t have the responsibility to pay for your living.  Don’t expect me to pay for your rent “while you date other guys”.  Am I your sugar dad? Did you think you could get away with it when you said that?

 

You have spent the last several years disrespecting, bullying and mentally and financially abusing me.

 

You threatened me with suicide multiple times, beat the dogs when you were disagreed upon, mad or drunk, and even went so far as to plan three weddings  without my consent but had me paid for all of it.  Note that I never agreed to marriage, nor did I ever propose to you. I only knew about our ‘wedding’ when you sent out the ‘save the date’ invites (less than two months before the wedding).  Was it our marriage or several shows tailor-made for  you?

 

My departure in late November was not by choice, but my only option to leave behind my relationship with you. You made the attempt to take my dogs as hostage, stormed into my office for an explanation, screamed 'thief' out in the street to have me pushed down like a criminal and bellowed in the hospital after your arrest in front of three policemen when they pulled you back in from the window ledge.  What does this tell of you? 

 

I know that you have asked your friends to act on your behalf, and have also contacted your friends with your version of the story to track me down.  You have that right, but note that for every friend that you contact, I will also tell them the full story, not just your version.

 

Do not even think about finding out where I am, where the dogs are, or visiting my workplace. I have informed building management and my colleagues to call the police if you are even seen anywhere near these locations. Given your history, I already have enough evidents to apply for a restraining order from you.

 

I hope you seek professional help for yourself, and become a better person in the future.

 

Thoughts anyone? 

Prediction to what she will respond after?

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@Avaloki it's understandable that you didn't tell your manager exactly why you left. It takes an enormous amount of courage to do that, to blame someone for your departure. In a way, it feels like you're not strong enough. That's not true though. It already took a lot of courage to talk about it here, on this forum, and even more to take the step and quit. You ARE strong. Remember that.

Also remember that things will turn out for the better. I quit my job a while ago. It took me a few months, but I'm finally at a place with great colleagues, a cool job and a lot of satisfaction when I end the day. Eventhough I'm making a bit less money than before, I'm very happy I left my old job. It took a while, but I'm "home" now.

 

@andydz that's some serious stuff dude! I'd consider getting a restraining order because this woman is clearly completely bonkers. I hope she stays away, but considering what you've written, I seriously doubt that. Good luck!

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On 12/20/2017 at 4:02 AM, Avaloki said:

But the moment was totally nothing like I imagined. My project manager caught up with me during coffee to ask what happened. Why the sudden resignation? Was there anything I was unhappy about? When I had played this scene in my mind....  I was going to let everyone know how a certain someone had made my life at work hell.  I wouldn't do anything crazy but I would let them know how unhappy I had been and how mentally tormented I felt...  But then that time when my manager asked me what's wrong... Even though my heart was shaking..  I involuntarily gave him the brightest smile and said ' no,  it's not like that. There's nothing. I just want to return to my hometown and do something else. ' there I was with the chance to finally tell someone my feelings but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I pretended everything was OK and I just wanted out. Even I don't understand myself sometimes. But I am glad. It's done. 

 Hey....I hear you because I once was in your shoes before. I worked with this negative and idiot person at work. I left because the people there were just too toxic and gossipy for my taste. My only regret is that I didn't let that person know that because of them is the reason I quit. But once I quit; I feel so free. Sometimes it's not the work that sucks, it's the people that work at the same place with you. You can choose to ignore, confront or leave. For my own sanity and without any job in line, I just left. I'm glad I did because I'm doing much better. 

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This is gonna be quick but I just need to vent out. It's still pretty much early in here 3:48 am and I can't sleep. Probably because of jetlag, or because I'm missing someone so badly it's getting so hard to breathe.

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