Ask The Fellas

[Guest helloolleh1430276767]

Hey guys I have a question:My boyfriend have been dating for only a month and the other day he visited me 2 hours away just to give me flowers on a random weekday.  We're planning on getting dinner tonight at a nice place, which I feel like he'll pay for...but since I didn't get him anything for our one month is it okay if I say I want to buy dinner? Or is that rude since he planned it out...?Also, what sorts of small-ish gifts am I supposed to get him for these 1 month, 2 month, 100 days...whatever anniversaries? This is my first relationship where I've done things like this (mainly because he's the first gentleman I've been with, tbh....even though we're in our 20s haha) so I'm really confused as to what gifts are appropriate, or if a girl should even be giving out gifts at all.  Any feedback would be much appreciated!

[Guest pooface]

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[Guest showoff]

You're over-reacting. A guy doesn't want to feel like he has to do/say for his girl, he wants to do/say it because he truly wants to. You basically demanding he say "brbb" is a turnoff.

[Guest HERMIT]

@pooface:  I agree with what showoff has to say.  And to piggyback on that, just because he fails to say it just that one time should not be an indictment on the state of the relationship.  In the end, it's all texting/instant messaging - it's all a faceless, expressionless form of interacting anyway.  Predicate your judgments on his motives through the expressions, gestures, and actions that you can observe about him in person.  I understand that we are in an advancing technological age and that you are hurt - but ultimately, you are placing way too much emphasis on a method of interacting with a S/O that absolutely gives you NO real clue as to how he REALLY feels anyway.  Take the texting and MSN'ing for what it is - but do realize that the meat and potatoes of your relationship lie in the actual, real-life interactions that you have with him in person.

[Shuga]

-edited for privacy reasons-

[oooroosay]

so i broke up with my ex because he asked out one of my friends while we were on a break to get back at me. then he apologized. should i forgive him? 

[Guest Kyosukemox]

@Shuga: If you want to take the straightforward approach and ask him because if your relationship is close then it'll patch back up in time (it may also plant a seed for his feelings to grow for you if he wasn't interested already). Otherwise, be patient and wait for cues from him, I would even suggest teasing or giving him hints (this is assuming you like him?). Anyways good luck with that I hope I was able to help.

@oooroosay: He did what??! lol. I would advise you avoid that dude. You'll find much better, the world is full of great people waiting to meet you!

[Guest babyyheavennn]

Hey guys! I just want a guy's point of view on this (two links cuz its just simply too long ) ;

http://forums.soompi.com/discussion/2004234/what-to-do
http://forums.soompi.com/discussion/2005371/on-the-verge-of-a-break-up-or-%E3%80%80%E3%80%80need-advice-on-what-to-do-now 

[Guest xphant0mwing]

Shuga said: hey fellas,
it's this funny crossroads where my 'gut' is saying a guy likes me, but my head is saying no, he doesn't. this guy is one of my closest friends (we can talk about anything BUT my ambiguous feelings for him haha) so i don't want to tell him in case it awkward-ises everything. is there a way to gauge whether he does like me more than a friend, without telling him? thanks..!

[Guest xphant0mwing]

helloolleh said: Hey guys I have a question:My boyfriend have been dating for only a month and the other day he visited me 2 hours away just to give me flowers on a random weekday.  We're planning on getting dinner tonight at a nice place, which I feel like he'll pay for...but since I didn't get him anything for our one month is it okay if I say I want to buy dinner? Or is that rude since he planned it out...?Also, what sorts of small-ish gifts am I supposed to get him for these 1 month, 2 month, 100 days...whatever anniversaries? This is my first relationship where I've done things like this (mainly because he's the first gentleman I've been with, tbh....even though we're in our 20s haha) so I'm really confused as to what gifts are appropriate, or if a girl should even be giving out gifts at all.  Any feedback would be much appreciated!

[Guest xphant0mwing]

babyyheavennn said:

Hey guys! I just want a guy's point of view on this (two links cuz its just simply too long ) ;

http://forums.soompi.com/discussion/2004234/what-to-do
http://forums.soompi.com/discussion/2005371/on-the-verge-of-a-break-up-or-%E3%80%80%E3%80%80need-advice-on-what-to-do-now 

[Guest Banana Peel]

do most guys tell their best friend about a girl he likes? There's this guy who's been giving me clues that he likes me but won't initiate a one on one conversation with me (and neither do I because I find him intimidating to go up to haha). So after awhile, I kind of gave up the thought of him liking me.. but then recently, his best friend (that do not know me) came over while we were in a group of people and when it was my turn to talk (it was a meeting sort of thing), he would look down to smile weirdly (not in a creepy way haha) while nodding at his best friend who was next to him. I know that could really mean anything, but I just felt suspicious at how unsteady and shy he was being all of the sudden. Am I just assuming wrong? Could it be that he told his best friend that I might have a crush on him instead because I kept staring at him? hahahahaha I'm afraid that would be the case...

[Guest showoff]

Guys talk about girls to other guys, just like girls to about guys to other girls.  So yes, that dude has talked to his best friend about you.

[Shuga]

-edited for privacy reasons-

[Guest finexceleration]

Hi guys!

I was chasing this girl I met online through my friends recently through online I'm convos. We really hit it off well online and I could feel we had really good chemistry. I always had this feeling that she was interested in me, and we'd flirt sometimes online. We've met a couple of times in real life, and well we were both shy around each other at first, but things got better. 

Fast forward a couple of days, she suddenly has a boyfriend. This came completely out of nowhere, as apparently they've known each other for two weeks? Now we've talked before about relationships and stuff, like whether or not she'd break a friendship with a guy to pursue a relationship etc., and I always thought she wasn't ready for a relationship.

However, I guess she had some motivation in accepting this new boyfriend because all of her friends seem to be starting relationships as well (perhaps she wants to fit in?), and also she just recently met this guy, so she wouldn't be breaking any friendships.

This crushed me, as soon as she told me she got a boyfriend. I was planning on asking her to hang out when she was about to tell me, however she told me "I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY". 

The above stuff occurred exactly a month ago. I've tried moving past her, however I honestly cannot get her out of my mind. I've messaged her and texted her a couple of times, but she's less responsive to me now than before, however sometimes the fun vibe between us is still there. 

Part of me wants to get over this girl and forget her, but the other part of me still wants her. I've talked to a few friends about this, and one of them told me that I should confess to the girl how I feel to get the feelings off of my chest, and just move on with my life. 

This leads me to my question, should I confess to the girl (online possibly? because we live fairly far away in person) and just get this over with, or should I just completely not talk to her and see what happens then.

Thank you guys so much for your advice!

[Guest jammer25]

@finexceleration

I think you simply lost your chance.  Don't be that guy who tries to force his foot in the door, so to speak.  Also, I think you may have overestimated how your online relationship with the girl in question would translate to real life.  The logistical issue of distance in your case makes it hard to really foster a consistent relationship as well.

I'd say move on.  Don't invest too much in online conversations unless you regularly meet the girl in person so as to confirm the dynamic and all.

[Guest finexceleration]

jammer25 said: @finexceleration

I think you simply lost your chance.  Don't be that guy who tries to force his foot in the door, so to speak.  Also, I think you may have overestimated how your online relationship with the girl in question would translate to real life.  The logistical issue of distance in your case makes it hard to really foster a consistent relationship as well.

I'd say move on.  Don't invest too much in online conversations unless you regularly meet the girl in person so as to confirm the dynamic and all.

[Guest Kyosukemox]

@Banana Peel: Don't waste your time assuming too much. Take a quick moment to see whether you like this dude or not, if you don't then just go about doing your own thing and maybe in the future things might unfold. Otherwise, if you like him (despite him being too shy to even approach you or make a move) then it's your turn to put the pants on and make **** happen!

To be honest, I am a very straight forward guy and prefer to always confront situations head on (not blindly) and avoid beating around the bush. Anyways, hope this helps!

[Guest Kyosukemox]

@babyyheavennn: That's was a huge block of text! There are two things I'd like to say regarding your situation.
1 - Just as much as there are douchebag guys out there, there are as many great guys (they are just hiding! tee hee)
2 - This will be a little longer...
Quoted from your thread (pay attention to the bold):
"B: I don't have as much freetime here as I do in Canada, I have my family here and, unlike you guys, I have a lot of friends here [i have to see]"
"he's just been busy ever since he got back to China; he has to care for his mom and sister & he has his friends in China. REALLY? I mean, you couldn't even take a day to see your own girlfriend out of this whole summer?"

Re-read the bold again. Read it once more.. OK do I have your attention now? I spoke of LDR (long distance relationships before) albeit I don't know how long your time apart will last from your bf.. but the general rule for a LDR to work is for both parties in the relationship need to be able to make the effort to maintain communication and work things out. It takes double, no triple the dedication, trust, effort, love, etc to maintain a LDR compared to a normal one. If hanging out with his larger number of friends is a reason to not see ou at least once during the summer that's just plain stupid. Even if he was taking care of his mother, unless she is very ill or in a state where she requires a caregiver, then she would understand if he wanted to give you one day out of his busy schedule to spend some time with. Babysitting his little sister? Why didn't he bring his little sister along to meet you??? Anyways, he doesn't have a real good reason to have ditch you the way he did.. He either isn't telling you something, lost interest (no longer sees the value in chasing) or he is taking your love for granted and expecting that you will still love him even without his full commitment/effort. Me and many other people are faced with very harsh work schedules and family situations that take up most of our time, but in the end we all manage to give our significant other some of our time. Why? because we love each other. Anyways, you are asking people online that have no relation to you so take every word here with a grain of salt; but for your sake I hope you can figure something out... Don't be one of the many that continue staying in a relationshop based on the mindset of "I'll never find another guy like this again, he's so nice and sincere and genuine loves me", cuz there are tons of guys like that out there and I find that a lot of girls are wasting their time with lingering feelings and only realize that their relationship won't last months or years after.

Anyways good luck!

[Guest babyyheavennn]

@xphont0mwing & @kyosukemox thank you guys for your comments ^^ it's gotten a lot of things in my mind cleared out for me