Ask The Fellas

[AiriinxKumori]

ok i posted this in another thread but to get male perspective...
"I feel frustrated. how do i approach my boyfriend that he's being a bit self-centered. I get he's stressed from work, school and such. I'm in same position as he is. But it just frustrates me that I can be there to cheer him up and he can't do the same. he says to be independent and stop being weak. T.T like wth...i just had a long day and wanted some cheering up. thats it. jeez whats with the 3rd degree. and then when we're debating movies for movie nights. he just shoots down all the movies i suggested and picks his own movie and assumes that i'll be alright with it too without any consideration. it seems petty situations  but i'm just like venting right now and peeved."

[Guest Kyosukemox]

AiriinxKumori said: ok i posted this in another thread but to get male perspective...
"I feel frustrated. how do i approach my boyfriend that he's being a bit self-centered. I get he's stressed from work, school and such. I'm in same position as he is. But it just frustrates me that I can be there to cheer him up and he can't do the same. he says to be independent and stop being weak. T.T like wth...i just had a long day and wanted some cheering up. thats it. jeez whats with the 3rd degree. and then when we're debating movies for movie nights. he just shoots down all the movies i suggested and picks his own movie and assumes that i'll be alright with it too without any consideration. it seems petty situations  but i'm just like venting right now and peeved."

[Guest showoff]

@chloe_addict

This is quite common and something that pops up regularly.  Although I don't know the nuances and details of your relationship with this guy, I'm almost positive that he is craving female companionship, and since he can't get it from his gf, he's using you to get it.  Put it this way, if his gf was there with him, do you think he'd still do/say all of the things to you that he currently does?  Probably not.  He's interested, but only because his gf isn't there to give him what he desires (attention, companionship, etc).  Don't fall for this guy.

[Guest joongielove]

There is this PERFECT guy, and he is everything I'm looking for. Problem is, I feel next to zero attraction. Do I see if feelings develop or just cut ties? 

[Guest]

joongielove said: There is this PERFECT guy, and he is everything I'm looking for. Problem is, I feel next to zero attraction. Do I see if feelings develop or just cut ties? 

[Guest]

AiriinxKumori said: ok i posted this in another thread but to get male perspective...
"I feel frustrated. how do i approach my boyfriend that he's being a bit self-centered. I get he's stressed from work, school and such. I'm in same position as he is. But it just frustrates me that I can be there to cheer him up and he can't do the same. he says to be independent and stop being weak. T.T like wth...i just had a long day and wanted some cheering up. thats it. jeez whats with the 3rd degree. and then when we're debating movies for movie nights. he just shoots down all the movies i suggested and picks his own movie and assumes that i'll be alright with it too without any consideration. it seems petty situations  but i'm just like venting right now and peeved."

[Guest joongielove]

ajlee613 said: joongielove said: There is this PERFECT guy, and he is everything I'm looking for. Problem is, I feel next to zero attraction. Do I see if feelings develop or just cut ties? 

[Guest]

uh if u read, my only advice was to stick with it because feelings come and go all the time, and lasting relationships NEED that capability to surpass simple emotion and work through hard times, dull times, lustless times etc.
if u have no intention to follow my advice which was for you to take one of the two options u gave out, why did you ask this question? 
dont be offended by the word animal instinct, everyone in the world is in struggle between what should be done, and what they want to be done. it is part of being human. this is especially true when it comes to things like sex, love, anger, sadness etc. etc. things that push our buttons.

[jaykidding]

question answeeerreeeddd

[Guest xphant0mwing]

jaykidding said: Guys, when you guys ask a girl for her number at a club, do you guys actually call her back?  Would you guys think the girl was desperate if she attempted to contact you first?

[Guest chloe_addict]

chloe_addict

said: Question: Can a guy develop feelings for a girl even though he currently has a girlfriend? And if so, nothing can be done, correct? 

My situation: Since I've started grad school, I've become good friends with one of my classmates who happen to live right down the road from me. Every evening when he will walk his dog, he'll text me and we'll walk his dog together. During our walks, we'll have some meaningful conversation about school, family, and life in general. Yesterday, several people on our street joined our walk so we didn't get a chance to talk much. So today, he suggested that we walk a different route so that we could avoid them and just talk like we usually do. We mentioned to each other how we look forward to this walk everyday after our (stressful) classes. And he told me that he feels he can tell me things that he normally wouldn't tell other people. Whenever I'm around him, it's not just a silly crush I have for him. I feel a sense of peace and I feel my face light up whenever I see him. But I also feel a sense of sadness when I'm with him because I know that we can never date because he has a girlfriend back home. They've been dating for the past 1.5 years. He mentioned to me (telling me that he hasn't told anyone this before...) that he's worried that they won't make it because when (or if) she moves down here with him, she might not understand that he has to spend a lot of time studying. 

Sometimes I wish he wouldn't treat me so "nicely" because it makes it harder for me to break away my feelings (of more than a friend) for him. He'll always compliment me with"You look nice today!" and I'll (playfully) tell him that we're close enough friends that he doesn't need to always compliment me. 

So is his behavior normal guy behavior? Or is he somewhat interested in me? (Not that I would do anything about it since he has a girlfriend...) Should I distance myself from him so that I don't develop any more feelings for him? Argh, it's so frustrating how everytime I like a guy, he's always in a relationship, and I never know how to act in that situation...Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!  

[Guest nana544]

Are guys insecure about their looks, when they compared themselves to other good-looking guys? Just wondering???

[jaykidding]

Thank you for the helpful advice guys, especially ajlee613.  Wasn't expecting something serious, but it's nice to know what to expect, haha

[Guest xFloOwuffBB]

What happens when a guy falls in like/love with a girl who isn't really their type? and also, what keeps a guy so dedicated to their girl, when there are always others better than her?
I hope you guys are able to understand the phrasing of my questions. c:

[Guest LilcyKo]

Okay, so there's a guy that I've liked for a while now but I can't tell if he's interested in me or just thinks of me as a friend. He's really quiet and shy so I always have to initiate texts/messages but once we get the conversation started, we can talk for a long time. I asked him out on a few coffee dates but they always end up longer (dinner, walks on the beach, movies, etc). He's even walked me to class all the way across campus when I know that he's going to be late for his class. 
But I feel like he's giving me mixed signals. He never really is the first to initiate so I feel like I'm always the one bugging him (I usually send a message once a week to say hi/let's hang out) and he's just hanging out with me to be nice.  
And then he does something that a boyfriend would do and confuses me all over again! For example, he went to Asia for a few months and when he came back, he told me he had a present for me. During this time, we only chatted on FB a few times the entire summer. He got me a cute phone case and keychain plus some makeup stuff I asked for him to buy. 
I don't understand this guy. Should I just let things be or should I just have a DTR (Determine The Relationship) talk with him? I really like him but I'm sick of wondering if he likes me back. 

[Guest taesumandu]

What actions will you guys take towards a girl you like? And also, I've been told pretty girls don't get asked out as often. I'm wondering why that is?

[Ninshark]

@LilcyKo

definitely mixed signals, but not malicious. I can't tell myself. I will try to help you reach your decision though...even if he likes you- he doesn't sound committed, and 1-sided commitment is no good. so maybe he does, but he just isn't ready right now, doesn't want to disappoint you either. plus he's quiet/shy, shouldn't you expect this inaction from him? and maybe he's hoping you like him, because he's too shy. definitely thinks about you though. if he doesn't like you, and the confession fails, then it will be awkward for sure in this case- shy guy, he's too afraid of asking for forgiveness, even less inclined to talk to you because he'll feel like he disappointed you.

If I were you, but a guy (and your interest there is a girl instead), I would take initiative to ask out because your friend is definitely receptive (albeit not very responsive). Because for me, a receptive girl is all I need to go forth with it. the dynamics may be diff since you're the attacking party. I would go with the DTR, but I'm a guy interested in a girl, while you're a girl interested in a guy <- if you think this gender role matters then use your own discretion, if it doesn't matter to you, go ahead and talk to him about it

@taesumanda

towards a girl we like(as in actually like, and/or crush), we will get her phone number, try to hang out as often as possible trying different excuses (dinner date, study buddy), walk with them everywhere (to class, to home, to car), pay for her, compliment her shyly. a lot of this may be done shyly as a matter of fact...

secret stuff: try hard not to reveal the secret, look at your pictures on facebook, plan out ways to ask you out, talk about you with friends, ditch friends for her <-- pretty sappy stuff I do agree.

pretty girls... are off-limits because they are out of average guys' leagues. they don't get asked out as often because of fear of rejection, and it's more embarrassing if it's a fine girl, because others will cite the failure as a consequence of the guy's looks/status. because of this forbidden love, when the guys all talk to each other about this, they convince themselves instead that they shouldn't ask out the pretty girl because she is probably stuck-up or cares too much about her looks (obviously false, but we need to justify our chicken behavior) => negative feedback and even less chance the guy will ask her out. sometimes we're afraid of what other people think, even in relationship, just because the girl agrees doesn't automatically increase the guy's status, same guy still, and the cool guys will be jealous- stems from constant fear that we won't be good enough. plus we have a notion that they are probably taken, merely by virtue of her beauty. so in short, it's not worth it. probability seems (not necessarily is) too low, and consequences are too great.
If it ends up being a crush though, then all that secret stuff will come alive and it'll get creepy. but if he's at least a decent guy who has enough confidence and can keep secrets, then all the pretty girl mumbo jumbo goes out the door and he'll exhibit the crush behaviors as listed first above.

[Guest Kyosukemox]

xFloOwuffBB said: What happens when a guy falls in like/love with a girl who isn't really their type? and also, what keeps a guy so dedicated to their girl, when there are always others better than her?
I hope you guys are able to understand the phrasing of my questions. c:

[Guest]

taesumandu said: What actions will you guys take towards a girl you like? And also, I've been told pretty girls don't get asked out as often. I'm wondering why that is?

[Guest xFloOwuffBB]

Kyosukemox said: xFloOwuffBB said: What happens when a guy falls in like/love with a girl who isn't really their type? and also, what keeps a guy so dedicated to their girl, when there are always others better than her?
I hope you guys are able to understand the phrasing of my questions. c: