Safety Tips for Women

[thistle]

I wanted to start this thread as a discussion topic, mostly because so much of what we see in the media, including in kdramas and movies, may advance the plot, but may mean that women have to act in naive or thoughtless ways which put them in danger so that a hero can come saving them. However, in the real world, women are responsible for trying to keep themselves as safe as possible, because even then bad things can happen, but we might as well try to minimize those risks when we can.

 

Over the years, I've noticed members who have had some good advice in terms of what to do and not to do in situations. I wanted to start this thread off with a post I saw recently which I've copied here with the member's permission.

 

3 hours ago, thistle said:

So, some small things to think about:

 

1.  If you think your apartment has been compromised, do Not enter.  Distance is a safety net.  Get away.  Knock on a neighbor's door.  Go to a location where there are more people.  Shout for help.  Call the police.  Do something but do NOT go inside.  Nothing that you own is worth your life or your personal safety.

 

2.  This is relevant if you have a car.  If you feel that your safety is jeopardized and if you are near your vehicle, hit the panic button on your key fob.  Even if you are in your home, you may be near enough to the car for the panic button to work.  When we are fearful, we may not think clearly so plan ahead on this:  envision yourself hitting the panic button so that the action is natural when it becomes necessary.  Oftentimes, loud noises like this can scare away an attacker--they don't want to be caught doing wrong.  Think about that panic button.  Prepare your mind.

 

3.  Also, on the matter of keys:  keep your keys close by you; put them on your bedside table at night.  Keys can be a defensive weapon in necessary.  Yes, I know you don't want to think about stabbing someone with your keys but if you need to be safe, you can do it.  Again, envision it in advance.  Your mind will help prepare your body to react.

 

4.  When you are out, do NOT put your keys in your purse.  Why?  Well, if someone takes your purse, they will not only have information about where you live but you will have also given them access with your keys.  If you lose your purse with your keys in it, do Not go home.  Call the police and a locksmith first.  Even if it is a big expense, change the locks--your safety is primary.

 

5.  Put ICE on your cell phone.  Possibly you have already done this but if you haven't do it today; do it right now before you forget.  ICE=In Case of Emergency.  This is the person you want to have contacted if you are in trouble.  If you are unconscious, the police or emergency workers will check your phone to see who should act as your guardian--they may have to sort through many contacts.  Help them out by putting the word ICE in front of your emergency contact's name.  It can save precious time in a crisis.

 

6.  Above all, think about the bad stuff that can happen before it does.  Imagine "what if" so that you can avoid trouble and also so that you will be prepared for a time when you may need to act immediately.  

 

 

 

[thistle]

Thanks for bringing my post over.  There are so many small ways that we can protect ourselves.  We don't have to be Women Warriors; we just need to be vigilant about small sensible things that can help to keep us safe.

[thistle]

1 hour ago, stroppyse said:

My apartment was broken into a while ago, and I found out when I got home from work to find my front door open.

 

Oh my goodness!  I am so glad that you are okay and were not badly harmed.  That must have been so scary.  Hugs to you. 

 

Too often it is only when we become victims of crime that we realize that we need to use caution.  I know this for sure because that is when I began to learn about protecting myself, too:  I was the victim of a mugging.  I lost my purse and I got a black eye; thank God that it was no worse than that.  There were ways I could have avoided being a crime victim but I didn't know that until after it happened.

 

What I have come to believe about protection is this:  avoidance and escape are the keys.  It does not matter what you lose (your purse, your car, any belongings) as long as you don't lose your life and as long as you can stay physically safe.  While avoidance is a primary duty, I think that it's perhaps more important to consider the necessity of escape.

 

Fighting back is not the answer for most women, certainly I could not do so.  I believe in what I call the Five Second Rule:  that's the amount of time you need to get away.  It's not much but it can save you from harm.  If you can delay an assailant or an intruder for five seconds, you have a chance to save yourself by hiding, running away, or otherwise finding safety.  While it is important to call emergency services, you need to remember that it will take time for them to arrive; in the meanwhile, you are on your own.  Making a Five Second getaway is vital.  You can do this by making a lot of noise.  You can do this by knocking over trash cans or whatever else might get in someone's way.  You can do this by planning ahead.

 

A couple of years ago, I wrote some editorials for my local newspaper about safety for women.  I'll share one with you.  This is about "passive defense" techniques at home.

 

 

Not long ago, I was helping a woman from my church to move.  She was over 70 years old,  and she would have to live alone for the first time in her life.  She had relied first on her father and then on her husband and her sons; now she was completely on her own and she was very scared.  She told me that she could not afford a security system and did not want a gun.  I told her this, "You don't have to have either of those.  What you really need is Five Seconds."  I said that I'd explain after we decorated her ground-floor apartment.

 

She had the normal brick-a-brack that nearly everyone does, and I collected some of those items together:  small decorative tins, extra wine glasses and tumblers, a collection of odd spoons, jingle bells from Christmas, and some pretty ribbon.

On some of the windows, I arranged an assortment of tins.  On others, I made a display of pretty glass items--we put some cute little things like marbles and old spools of thread in them.  This looked nice and made her happy.   Then I cut lengths of ribbon and tied it onto little bunches of jingle bells.  I did the same with the spoons, making whimsical chimes of them.  And I hung these on the back of every door in the apartment.  She thought this was cheerful and fun.

 

This is when I told her, "Now, you have the Five Seconds that you need."  

 

And I explained to her what this meant:  The simple and common decorations were now an integral part of her defensive system.  If anyone opened a window or a door in her apartment, she would be alerted by noise.  Tins or glass would fall from the windowsills to clatter or shatter; doors would resound with bells or chimes, even if someone only rattled the doorknob.  No one could get inside without making a racket.  Once she heard the noise (even if woken in the middle of the night), she now had a small space in time to get away.  In any case, most intruders will leave when there is a loud noise--they don't want to be caught. 

 

I encouraged her to think ahead about where she could hide outside or barricade herself in easily nearby or where she could run.  It's not something you have to worry about or fear if you are ready and if you have a plan.  I suggested that she keep her keys and a pair of shoes next to the bed with this as a plan:  "Close the bedroom door, and shove the dressing chair under the handle.  Open a window and jump out.  Then run and hide."  She should not think about what she was wearing because embarrassment means nothing when you are in danger.  She should leave everything behind except her keys and her phone but even to leave those if she must.  If she thought this through carefully, she would be prepared if necessity arose.

 

Personal safety is always more important than any possession.  If someone enters your home illegally, you have to get out.  What you need is a Five Seconds warning so that you can react.  Just Five Seconds, and you can do it.  Five Seconds.  It's important.  You don't need a security firm or a gun.  You need Five Seconds.  And you need to think ahead so that you can escape.  You can call the police later; run first.  

 

 

[MayanEcho]

I've noticed that many are so careless with their social media accounts. All sort of personal details are in their about info. Worse, the info are publicly accessible. Their photos and whereabouts can also be seen by anyone at real time.

 

Just because you signed up with FB, IG, Twitter, etc, it doesn't mean that you must fill out details that are asked about you. Why would you just give away information about you as if you're applying for a passport, or security clearances? 

 

If by chance you're being stalked, you've basically handed over to whoever is watching you the keys on how to find and get you.

 

And please, responsible and sensible behaviour online! Remember, whatever you've posted online aren't yours anymore. It can bite you back in the future if you don't take care.

[MayanEcho]

@stroppyse I believe that the barest minimum information should be enough if it's really needed for location tracking.  The user should be prudent on how much info can be shared about her, because there is always a chance that info can be misused when it's in the wrong hands.

 

To be honest, I have had so many facepalm moments when I see shared contents that gives out the exact address. For example, a drone shot video of somebody's new house and yard, and then posted with the name of street and the area. Though I get the person is happy and proud to show how beautiful their new home, I can't help feeling dismayed as well when it's posted publicly; not only friends or family can see now, but even strangers who sees the video would know what's in there, who lives there, and where is it.

[MayanEcho]

1 hour ago, angelangie said:

however honestly i seldom share personal stuff online....my sister complain that my FB is boring cause it is main all on games  

 

Ahahaha!

 

That would be similar to my FB then, only random pics of places visited, interesting qoutes from books, etc, once or twice a year pic of me, and mostly the mini-mes. That too, I make sure that pics of us I post can't be used as IDs, nor do I use those for profile or profile cover.

 

Though I trust the friends and families in my account, I can not control who can see my feed through their accounts. So what I post are still very sanitised. I don't post where am I or what I'm doing. If I ever do, like holidays, I only say something about it when it's over and I'm back.

[MayanEcho]

1 hour ago, angelangie said:

 

i'm a lil less sanatized lols, when im travelling i like to post......since im not home and im somewhere else....just a pictures of the location im visiting.....  

 

cause my sister want that....she couldnt join the trip however she want to see what we are seeing  

 

That is also alright, because we want our closest family members to be updated on our whereabouts.  IMO though, talking about the places and locations visited while still travelling would be better done in private massaging.

[bairama]

thank you for making this thread happen really great idea @stroppyse & @thistle it's very helpful for me that mostly being live alone now,  all the posts are insightful me like it so muchsafety first ladies!

[MayanEcho]

19 minutes ago, angelangie said:

for my twitter sorry no personal all artist stuff and news only ROFL  

 

im not like my cousin whom posted every single thing into her FB....there once i saw her posting her work related stuff into FB unintentionally reveal abit more than she should, i PM-ed her and told her to take it out.....cause she might get into hot soup for doing that....

 

My Twitter has no contents at all, lol. I only have that account to communicate with an airline.

 

Same with you, I've had to PM some friends or relatives over some posts which shouldn't be posted. Though to be honest, it's a bit difficult to tell the elders to take down something from their walls. 

[bairama]

@stroppyse after graduated from high school i was living only with my bro then technically ive been living alone from last year. Yes yes safety comes first

[MayanEcho]

As a kid, I've been taught to be observant of my surroundings, and to note even the small, obscure details. For instance, is that the same car passing at the front street for at least 5 times now within the hour? Is it noticeably slowing down at the same point?

 

When out in the streets, be vigilant. Don't be distracted, don't take calls if they aren't important or expected.  

 

I'd also recommend to memorise the layout of your house, where the furnitures are placed, and to make a habit of "sweep" while walking through. You should know if there's something out of place - for instance, that magazine or throw pillow shouldn't be on the floor or somewhere else if you left your things in order.

 

If by misfortune you have to leave at once in case of emergencies, you should know your way around to get to safety even in the darkness. You can only do this well if you were keen enough to observe how many steps it usually takes before you turn without bumping to anything, or to reach the door.

[celebrianna]

10 minutes ago, MayanEcho said:

As a kid, I've been taught to be observant of my surroundings, and to note even the small, obscure details. For instance, is that the same car passing at the front street for at least 5 times now within the hour? Is it noticeably slowing down at the same point?

 

When out in the streets, be vigilant. Don't be distracted, don't take calls if they aren't important or expected.  

I live by these rules purely because I watched a lot of crime shows over the years. Here are some of the things I do:
 

If I get home after it gets dark and someone is walking down the same sidewalk as me, I cross to the other side. I always have my keys easily accessible to me so that I can open the door as soon as possible. I’m also very much alert to my surroundings before I open the door as well. 
 

On sidewalks in the city, I’m also aware. There was an incident years ago where a homeless man struck a young woman in her head with a rock while she was waiting to cross the street in broad daylight in the city. Always be vigilant.
 

I keep my bag close to my body and never behind me. In the trains too, it’s best to hug your handbag close to your body and preferably in front of your body.

 

When working late at the office, I make sure if I go outside and come back inside that the door is firmly secured before I go back to my desk. If I go to the ladies room after hours, it must be in one of those that are secured with a passcode or key. Even so, having my cell phone with me is also important to call assistance if necessary.

 

For those who use Uber, during certain hours they have a pin service that offers added protection or peace of mind. If memory serves me well, Uber sends you a PIN number and before you enter the car the driver is supposed to give you the PIN number to confirm that the driver is who Uber actually sent to pick you up. 

[MayanEcho]

11 minutes ago, celebrianna said:

 

I keep my bag close to my body and never behind me. In the trains too, it’s best to hug your handbag close to your body and preferably in front of your body.

 

Very useful pointers @celebrianna 

 

I'd like to add to the qouted tip, to keep your bag or your purse at the left side of your body or pocket while at the roadside. Most pickpockets are right-handed. It will be some deterrent to them if your things would require them to use their non-dominant hand.

[celebrianna]

@stroppyse, the Uber pin service was recently launched coinciding with the COVID shutdown. Users just need to sign up for it. The pin service is for evening hours. 
 

New York made the mace spray illegal so I don’t have one. If it wasn’t illegal I would definitely purchase one. My aunt had given me a device that would make a siren noise in emergency but I have never used it. I don’t really know if it’s a good idea to use something like that in any case. 
 

EDIT to add Uber Pin email message text.

Now you can opt in to verify your ride with a PIN Because your safety is important to us, we created a PINverification feature to help you make sure you’re getting into the right car with the right driver. You can choose to opt in to this feature for added peace of mind on every ride. See how it works

How to opt in: Update your Uber app to the latest version. Open the app, go to Settings, and tap Verify your rides. Tap to toggle on Use PIN to verify rides and then select Every ride or Only at night. Tap Done.

[bairama]

i think im gonna add this also for reminding: safety that more concern in the cause of yourself forget/careless

 

- if youre in country that using motorcycle much, or if youre bycycling for transporting, then please use your helmet & wear it correctly. Dont mind abt your hairstyle/hijab would be crushed by the helmet or your face will not look good when wear it bcs it pressed your face, safe your head from crushed if there is accident first.

Tips to make it look good: wear mask so its only your eyes could see-able from others lol, do hairstyling after you arriving or use some a little spray just a little then roll your hair when using helmet (it'll come out as quick random wavy style), for someone who use hijab, do have spray a bit on the tip of your forehead to have the shape stayed.

 

- use safety belt if youre going with car even its so lazy, who knows even youre not the cause, other still can hit your car

 

- if youre conscious enough that youre falling from height/long stairs while youre falling try to cover your head. Doc said head is kinda like 90% that caused the accident becomes critical when youre fallen. For long stairs, if its possible, make your body like rolling pose instead 'free' bcs freefall made you bumped to many sides to sides of the stair

 

- when you still conscious after having fall accident, dont move spontaneously, stay calm for a while. Stay in your position even it hurts so bad, just raise your voice/make a sound for help. Moving spontaneously may cause more harm since you dont already know what breaks on you, you kinda feel numb because the sudden surprise/attack/panic. If there is nobody, stay calm first & do feel what parts is ok, or thankfully if youre sure all ok, then try to move

 

- always make sure when youre leaving your home that your stove is off, heating stuff is off (like toaster, electric heater, etc)

 

 

[singlebilingual]

I thought of this when I was alone in San Francisco (although I was never in danger while being there):

 

If you live in an apartment, don't turn on your lights soon after you enter your home. A stalker (or an assassin if you're an important person) could find out which room you live in even if you live above the third floor.

 

This is my theory (not confirmed):

 

Walk fast. Jog if you want to. I think thugs are less inclined to attack a fit person because it's more risky, requires more effort, and you can run away for help and gain attention. The thug would rather wait for a weak victim.

 

I thought of this while watching the UFC fights:

 

If you think someone is about to punch you, prepare to block the punch. If you want to fight back, keep moving your head (hence, move your entire body or just above your waist) to make it a difficult target for your opponent. The trick is to hit your target while moving your head.

 

And this is what Mike Tyson said on television:

 

When you punch, think of punching past your opponent's head, don't stop at the face. Of course, you wouldn't make a hole. It would just make you hit harder.

 

But if a robber is pointing a gun at you, then don't fight back (unless you have really fast reflexes and is close enough to grab the gun).

[bairama]

ooh im very glad about ur friend story @stroppyse! Note that

 

2 hours ago, stroppyse said:

Good points you've made, though I think if someone is about to punch you, rather than blocking, you look to hit/kick them somewhere to buy you time to run. It's hard against a determined opponent anyway, and women may have a strength disadvantage to an assailant.

5 seconds rule as @thistle said.. Hopefully we got the strength

 

2 hours ago, stroppyse said:

But, otherwise, I would think that keeping them talking may be the strategy to use to try to defuse the situation? 

this might be worth trying as i see some from movies/dramas scene.. Is this proven, im not really sure, but it makes sense from psych side, the point is to distract them..

[Lmangla]

ooh interesting discussion; so I am going to give a bit of a cultural view  -- am not sure if this is useful elsewhere but maybe it will be? one of the things that I always eye roll here is that women as well as men walk out of their offices and educational institutions with their name/ID tags on. this is dangerous in many ways -- the tag will have the person's name as well as other department info and bad people can easily use this info to track the person's personal details. despite the police doing education spots in many news channels, people continue to do this without a thought. so chingus, wear your ID tags only inside the office and not outside.

 

this is both cultural and safety thinking but we always keep a light on in one room of the house (always the main hall and some times one bedroom) if we know that we are coming back only in evening. yes, it is a little extra on the electricity bill but this way, you don't walk into a dark room and get scared. there is also the cultural view - my mom says that leaving the house dark is invitation for bad spirits to enter and a house should always have light. so even when we go on holiday, we leave one light on in the house to dispel the darkness. 

 

be nice to stray animals like dogs. people sometimes think of them as pests but if you don't bother them, they don't bother you either and can actually act like guard/patrol dogs. we had a pack of stray dogs that used to sleep in front of our gate. these dogs knew who lived on their street and who didn't.

 

always keep a torch light by your bedside and a small key torch in your handbag -- useful in any situation like a sudden power outage.

[MayanEcho]

12 hours ago, singlebilingual said:

 

But if a robber is pointing a gun at you, then don't fight back (unless you have really fast reflexes and is close enough to grab the gun).

 

From what we have been advised during a training, do not resist the robbers. Follow their orders, and hand over the cash and valuables. If they wanted to open the vaults and safes, give the keys and combination. Agitating them further can potentially lead to more problems, and worse, lives. Money can always be recovered, whereas a life that was lost is forever lost.

[Lmangla]

1 hour ago, stroppyse said:

All of your points are interesting and useful, but the company ID is one that I've never considered. Now that company ID cards are also keys to access doors and elevators, it's a matter of convenience to wear them on a lanyard around your neck or on your belt. And, when I leave work, I frequently forget to put it away until I'm already at home. But there are even enough kdramas where ID's are stolen for various purposes, so it really should be stowed away when not at work.

this was from news channel where local police were giving their view -- wearing your ID tag is easy way for stalkers to find your name and other details. so they see your name, find you on some social media or ask about you in office like they know you and find out other details. people can easily get fooled into revealing more as the stalker is giving details like name and department. other instances are corporate theft. the possibilities are literally like from a movie or drama. there were also instances where bad people used the lanyard to try choke the victim. so police said that it is like giving a weapon to bad people. even though I watched that report years ago, this safety tip is something I remember -- so I always put on the tag only when I enter the office and immediately take it off and put it in my handbag once I exit.