[Drama 2018] My Mister, 나의 아저씨 - Best Drama at 2019 (55th) BaekSang Arts Awards

[Unclouded]

On 9/28/2023 at 12:19 AM, sweetroad said:

Thanks for pointing out this pattern in the show. That’s a nice insight. Another scene that follows this approach is when Yoon Hee asks, “The reason you want to stay in this marriage isn’t because you still have affection for me, right?” and Dong Hoon is silent. 
 

Any other scenes you can think of that have this pattern?

 

What does silence mean here? An inability to deny? Confirmation? I think he feels both ways. He does still have affection for her. And he does feel betrayed by her. It's not one or the other. The way he tells her to not talk to Joon Young in episode 3 says volumes.

 

I think one time where DH does deny it is when he says 'I'd do the same if it happened to you' when his coworkers are telling him his concern for JA seems weird. At the time I wasn't totally convinced, but maybe all these other times where he admits things through his silence means that he was truly being honest there. 

[Raymond]

Below a very simple, short, straight forward, yet rare (because it is opposite to so many other reviews online), and up to the point review of MM:

https://vishnugopal.com/2020/11/01/an-ode-to-my-mister/comment-page-1/#comments

Especially like the remark about the wiretap is 'to show, not tell', but in fact this phrase very much applied to the whole drama.

[sweetroad]

@Raymond Thanks for sharing! Hadn't read this review before, and I especially liked his points:

 

"I loved how Dong-hun thought about and reacted to Lee Ji-an’s advances. He obviously isn’t attracted to her, but the deep affection that he slowly develops for her and the comfort that her messages provide him is just wonderful to watch. The slow burn from a casual interest, to concern, to affection, and then love is probably the crux of the show:..."

 

"It’s also a beautiful depiction of how a woman falls in love. Lee Ji-an starts listening in to Dong-hun to seduce, frame and then fire him from his job, but she is initially obviously surprised at his reactions, and his continued understated kindness turns that to near obsession. She is always listening, anxious when she sees him struggling, frantic when she thinks he’s about to commit suicide, and despite her worries over giving herself away, she just can’t stop listening to him. There’s nothing interesting happening at the other end: most of the time, we listen to just a guy huffing and puffing his way through life. His frustrations with his cheating wife, and his closeted despair when his brothers find out are all intense, but most of time, she’s just listening to the most mundane things he does. She shares his joy and his despair, and uses the wiretap to send messages and comfort him at his lowest. The way we can listen to what she is listening to is just a great plot device, almost a concrete distillation of show, not tell. "

 

He doesn't say this explicitly, but the review touches on the fact that Ji An and Dong Hoon were just being themselves under their own particular circumstances, and the other one came to deeply understand and emphathize with them. So lovely.

 

These days I'm more uncomfortable with the wiretapping, but I have to keep reminding myself that that's just what happened in this show. It's not ideal, but it was what Ji An chose to do, and at least good things happened from it.

 

[Raymond]

15 hours ago, sweetroad said:

@Raymond Thanks for sharing! Hadn't read this review before, and I especially liked his points:

 

"I loved how Dong-hun thought about and reacted to Lee Ji-an’s advances. He obviously isn’t attracted to her, but the deep affection that he slowly develops for her and the comfort that her messages provide him is just wonderful to watch. The slow burn from a casual interest, to concern, to affection, and then love is probably the crux of the show:..."

 

"It’s also a beautiful depiction of how a woman falls in love. Lee Ji-an starts listening in to Dong-hun to seduce, frame and then fire him from his job, but she is initially obviously surprised at his reactions, and his continued understated kindness turns that to near obsession. She is always listening, anxious when she sees him struggling, frantic when she thinks he’s about to commit suicide, and despite her worries over giving herself away, she just can’t stop listening to him. There’s nothing interesting happening at the other end: most of the time, we listen to just a guy huffing and puffing his way through life. His frustrations with his cheating wife, and his closeted despair when his brothers find out are all intense, but most of time, she’s just listening to the most mundane things he does. She shares his joy and his despair, and uses the wiretap to send messages and comfort him at his lowest. The way we can listen to what she is listening to is just a great plot device, almost a concrete distillation of show, not tell. "

 

He doesn't say this explicitly, but the review touches on the fact that Ji An and Dong Hoon were just being themselves under their own particular circumstances, and the other one came to deeply understand and emphathize with them. So lovely.

 

These days I'm more uncomfortable with the wiretapping, but I have to keep reminding myself that that's just what happened in this show. It's not ideal, but it was what Ji An chose to do, and at least good things happened from it.

 

I meant 'show not tell' would be best applied to DH's feeling on JA.

Wiretap no question all wrong in real life. It is just used in this drama as a tool to allow JA to fall for DH and equipped her with superwoman power, plus showing how much DH feels for JA as he only sees the good sides of the wiretap while many viewers predicted it would bring the end of their relationship. Adding JA's incredible smartness, MM simply cannot be considered as a real life drama. To judge JA childish, immature given her age and background, that DH cannot fall into love with, against the real life moral standard of Korea (reference E Harris), is not agreeable.

There are many kdramas with stronger healing lines than MM, like It is Okay Not to be Okay, or even What's Wrong with Secretary Kim etc. So without the unique romance line MM won't be such an outstanding drama.

[sweetroad]

On 10/1/2023 at 8:34 PM, Unclouded said:

What does silence mean here? An inability to deny? Confirmation? I think he feels both ways. He does still have affection for her. And he does feel betrayed by her. It's not one or the other. The way he tells her to not talk to Joon Young in episode 3 says volumes.

 

I had thought that he didn't have any more affection for her, as I felt in her immediate reaction (after waiting for him to answer and him remaining silent) a sense of devastation. It seemed to match the conversation we saw later in episode 12, where Yoon Hee told DJY on the rooftop that she had to put up with DH's loathing and they were living in hell right now. One thing that makes me think he might still have affection for her is that he still asks her if she wants anything on the way home, even after he knows about the affair. But that might be for all sorts of reasons. Maybe habit, lingering affection if it's there, maybe because he's still in limbo and doesn't know how long they're going to move forward before getting a divorce...

 

On 10/1/2023 at 8:34 PM, Unclouded said:

I think one time where DH does deny it is when he says 'I'd do the same if it happened to you' when his coworkers are telling him his concern for JA seems weird. At the time I wasn't totally convinced, but maybe all these other times where he admits things through his silence means that he was truly being honest there. 

 

Interesting thought. Did he ever stick up for Team Three folks in the early episodes? Or was it just as he grew as a person and let his "fight" come out that he would have stuck up for them in the later episodes? Eventually he wasn't taking any crap from anyone - so maybe here he was telling the truth, even though we know he treated Ji An special. 

 

21 hours ago, Raymond said:

I meant 'show not tell' would be best applied to DH's feeling on JA.

 

Totally.

 

21 hours ago, Raymond said:

equipped her with superwoman power

 

That's a great way to put it!

 

21 hours ago, Raymond said:

There are many kdramas with stronger healing lines than MM, like It is Okay Not to be Okay, or even What's Wrong with Secretary Kim etc.

 

I couldn't get past episode 4 of What's Wrong with Secretary Kim. So it's a strong healing drama and you liked it? A friend said to just skip to the end and watch the last couple of episodes, now that I know what the set up in the early episodes was like. Haha. Have you seen Healer, with Ji Chang Wook and Park Min Young? It's tied with IOTNBO in 2nd place, for me, and is also a healing drama, although there's a lot more going on in the story.

[Unclouded]

4 hours ago, sweetroad said:

I had thought that he didn't have any more affection for her, as I felt in her immediate reaction (after waiting for him to answer and him remaining silent) a sense of devastation

 

You're right. I think earlier he was more conflicted, and by the point of their confrontation, he was clear about what they had to do. Him asking her about wanting something on the way home seems more like out of habit, I think that would be consistent with her saying that he doesn't know what she wants, since it lacks passion. 

 

On 10/4/2023 at 6:40 PM, Raymond said:

There are many kdramas with stronger healing lines than MM, like It is Okay Not to be Okay, or even What's Wrong with Secretary Kim etc

 

I think the difference here is the approach towards healing, that it's something people need to do on their own, rather than something you get by being in a relationship. Love is important, but it doesn't cure everything, people need to gain the strength to do that themselves. The feeling of psychological growth is so great with PHY dramas. 

 

4 hours ago, sweetroad said:

Have you seen Healer, with Ji Chang Wook and Park Min Young? It's tied with IOTNBO in 2nd place, for me, and is also a healing drama, although there's a lot more going on in the story

 

For me, Healer (especially, it made a huge impact) and IOTNBO were the first two romance dramas that I really liked, they set the bar for me. Though as far as PMY romance dramas go, nowadays I'd say that When the Weather is Fine is my favourite of hers. At least it's single-handedly convinced me that I should join a book club at some point in the future.

 

Recently I've been thinking about what it means when they say in My Mister that something 'isn't a big deal'. A lot of commenters expected the wiretapping to be a big deal, and it wasn't. We expect the adultery to be a big deal, and it is, but it doesn't get confronted for a long time, I think 11 or 12 episodes. The things DH does for YH aren't a big deal to her, but they are to JA. She reacts so differently to the way he expresses care (asking if he should buy things), and his treatment at work. Maybe the lesson is the importance in finding someone who's in line with you about the things that are important in life (i.e. family for DH and JA, affection/passion for YH). Or just someone who's willing to care about those things even if they don't get it immediately. It's not like JA was ever a soccer fan, but she gets what it means to DH as soon as she sees the way everyone comes together at the funeral. It's also important to have people who think what happens to you is a big deal. DH is never assertive, except when it comes to the people he cares about. Even JA, despite being a more brave and active character, is kind of similar - her actions are to either protect her grandmother, or to protect DH. I don't know if we ever really see YH or DJY reliably prioritize others like that. 

 

Another thing I was thinking about is in episode 3. "There was never any temptation. So I don't know if I have a lot of willpower or not". At the time, it makes sense to think about this in the sense of him (not) being tempted to ever have an affair. But another way to think about this is his will to live, to make it through the troubles he has in the future. He picks himself up off the ground in front of the railway tracks, he walks away from the bridge when he's thinking of suicide. And I think that's the more important temptation, the one to give up on life. And it's what PHY wants to say both here and in MLN that people have the strength to overcome. Like DH picks himself up in both those occasions even without knowing he has JA's support. When KH talks about the internal strength that the kids have in the movie 'Nobody Knows', it's the same thing, right? 

[Raymond]

To me asking about wanting something to buy on the way is just a routine duty of DH as a husband, in his household.

I only started watching kdrama in July last year seeing trailers of Iris at Budapest where I visited, on Netflix. It was great until the last 20 minutes which is totally unnecessary and dreadful. So I made sure skipping dramas having sad ending. So next was Suspicious Partner which I liked so much and watched twice before next show. Then Healer which just as enjoyable. Park Min Young is great there in her short hair. After 1 episode in What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim I stopped for many months before resuming again just now. Both leads getting better and better starting mid way with the male lead’s past gradually reviewed which explained his character. and I still get 3 episodes to go. It is not bad, similar to Business Proposal. But I won’t expect too much as most dramas have endings too brief always not leaving much impressions. In romance type dramas somehow I enjoyed dramas where the male lead would do anything for the female lead, even before he knew it, and kind of awkward, secretive type of relationships. There are many dramas like this. And office romance always secretive and awkward anyway.

Back to MM I do think DH only woke up to his feeling for JA during the meeting with his directors describing the typical actions between lovers, and all those past dealings with JA came back to his mind. It is more a review of himself rather than what others would think, which is much less important, I believe.

[Unclouded]

2 hours ago, Raymond said:

It is more a review of himself rather than what others would think, which is much less important, I believe.

 

Yeah, it's his self-acceptance and self-understanding that are the most important. Though I was thinking during my latest re-watch, that maybe the person I want to see JA spend time with the most isn't DH's family, but actually his friend Sang Won, since he seems to understand him the best. 

[Raymond]

On 10/6/2023 at 5:18 PM, Unclouded said:

 

Yeah, it's his self-acceptance and self-understanding that are the most important. Though I was thinking during my latest re-watch, that maybe the person I want to see JA spend time with the most isn't DH's family, but actually his friend Sang Won, since he seems to understand him the best. 

Sang Won is DH’s platonic friend, for sure. His advice to DH is very much based on DH's character, very agreeable. But not sure about conforming of Buddism of no desire to reduce disappointment and suffering.

At the cafe in the last episode, did DH told his friend his son and YH planned to stay till end of college (same as university in US)? Normal graduation age is about 23, and his son is 14 at that time, so they won’t be back for another 9 years?

[Unclouded]

Not sure if it's been posted here before, but I came across a Twitter thread about a Park Hae Young talk. I'm really curious to see what kind of story she writes about next, it feels like MM and MLN form a complete whole. Though I'm planning to start watching Another Miss Oh soon, and maybe that'll change how I think of those two. 

[Raymond]

On 10/5/2023 at 7:08 AM, sweetroad said:

 

"I loved how Dong-hun thought about and reacted to Lee Ji-an’s advances. He obviously isn’t attracted to her, but the deep affection that he slowly develops for her and the comfort that her messages provide him is just wonderful to watch. The slow burn from a casual interest, to concern, to affection, and then love is probably the crux of the show:..."

Really the crux of watching this drama is the ability to see the subtle changes of DH on JA, episode by episode, through everything shown, but not told, by the PD/writer. Believing DH being constant will definitely miss the drama's main story.

[Raymond]

3 hours ago, Unclouded said:

Not sure if it's been posted here before, but I came across a Twitter thread about a Park Hae Young talk. I'm really curious to see what kind of story she writes about next, it feels like MM and MLN form a complete whole. Though I'm planning to start watching Another Miss Oh soon, and maybe that'll change how I think of those two. 

I did see a few ‘encore’ scenes of MM in MLN, and the similarity in hopeful endings (luckily no more tragic heart breaking one). But I think the character in DH is one of the best I ever watched in kdramas, most day to day, believable, kind of man, with ordinary job, simply tried his best in very human manner, with understandable human feelings, and very decent as well. Mr Guo is a bit too rich, and with odd kind of job, to be a day to day kind of man.

[Unclouded]

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

But I think the character in DH is one of the best I ever watched in kdramas, most day to day, believable, kind of man, with ordinary job, simply tried his best in very human manner, with understandable human feelings, and very decent as well. Mr Guo is a bit too rich, and with odd kind of job, to be a day to day kind of man.

 

I completely agree. I felt like there was something missing with Mr. Gu's character, his backstory felt a little flat. But weirdly it didn't even matter because I felt like that story was mostly about Yeom Mi Jeong, who I feel might be the most 'real' character I've ever seen in a k-drama. 

 

I tried watching Another Miss Oh, and finding it hard to continue, there just wasn't anything I found all that interesting in the first couple of episodes. The characters especially aren't anywhere as compelling

[Raymond]

1 hour ago, Unclouded said:

 

I completely agree. I felt like there was something missing with Mr. Gu's character, his backstory felt a little flat. But weirdly it didn't even matter because I felt like that story was mostly about Yeom Mi Jeong, who I feel might be the most 'real' character I've ever seen in a k-drama. 

 

I tried watching Another Miss Oh, and finding it hard to continue, there just wasn't anything I found all that interesting in the first couple of episodes. The characters especially aren't anywhere as compelling

MLN is Kim Ji Won’s best drama, no question (a few other dramas of her didn’t really fully used her full potential, I felt). Yeom MJ is the key character that made MLN interesting. 

[sweetroad]

On 10/5/2023 at 10:14 PM, Unclouded said:

It's also important to have people who think what happens to you is a big deal. DH is never assertive, except when it comes to the people he cares about. Even JA, despite being a more brave and active character, is kind of similar - her actions are to either protect her grandmother, or to protect DH. I don't know if we ever really see YH or DJY reliably prioritize others like that. 

 

Wow, these are all such great points (and the whole paragraph). This is so true - DH and JA both saw that some of the things the other was dealing with were huge deals. YH was willing to let DH be bribed, fired, and divorced, but JA (even though she initially wanted to help get him fired) saw the gravity of the situation and helped him instead. DJY is a selfish jerk from beginning to end, so you're right that he never prioritizes anyone else.

 

Related to what you wrote, on my rewatch of episodes 15 and 16 last week (when will this obsession with MM ever end?!! ), I noticed how much of a big deal it was to Ki Hoon and Sang Hoon that JA had quit her job and was gone. In almost every interaction with DH and in their conversations about Dong Hoon (ie when KH talks to Yu Ra in the van, and when SH and KH talk outside their home), the focus was on JA leaving. Rationally, the huge news was that YH had been cheating on their brother! You'd think they would be dwelling on that. But this time around, I was surprised that once JA disappeared, YH's affair was hardly mentioned again between KH and SH. It was like they knew that the marriage was on the rocks anyway, and that it was incredibly significant instead that DH said JA was the one who helped him breathe. So what you say about having people who think that what happens to you is a big deal rings true here, too - to KH and SH, YH's affair was a big deal for just one night. And JA leaving DH's side was heartbreaking and weighed heavy on them for longer.

 

On 10/5/2023 at 10:14 PM, Unclouded said:

But another way to think about this is his will to live, to make it through the troubles he has in the future. He picks himself up off the ground in front of the railway tracks, he walks away from the bridge when he's thinking of suicide. And I think that's the more important temptation, the one to give up on life. And it's what PHY wants to say both here and in MLN that people have the strength to overcome. Like DH picks himself up in both those occasions even without knowing he has JA's support. When KH talks about the internal strength that the kids have in the movie 'Nobody Knows', it's the same thing, right? 

 

So insightful! I think you're right, that in both MM and MLN, PHY is showing us people who will overcome and fight to survive. And perhaps not only survive, but they grow and eventually even dream to make their lives better. DH and JA, and Mr Gu and Mi-Jeong, all start out just enduring life and wanting to get through it. But eventually they start dreaming of pursuing happiness and liberation, being free from their shackles so to speak. They can imagine a different future than the heavy life they've been living in.

 

On 10/6/2023 at 2:26 AM, Raymond said:

At the cafe in the last episode, did DH told his friend his son and YH planned to stay till end of college (same as university in US)? Normal graduation age is about 23, and his son is 14 at that time, so they won’t be back for another 9 years?

 

That's how I understood it, too - that he really wouldn't be living any kind of daily life with YH and his son for 8 or 9 years. That's probably the saddest part of DH's life, that his son is growing up away from him.

 

On 10/7/2023 at 10:46 PM, Raymond said:

Mr Guo is a bit too rich, and with odd kind of job, to be a day to day kind of man.

 

Haha, so true. Mi-Jeong almost seems like the DH character in MLN, and Mr Gu is like JA, having a checkered background, who comes into the neighborhood and shakes things up. But Mr Gu is even more of a fantasy character than JA, since he's so wealthy (and athletic!), and JA is one of the poorest of the poor since she can't pay back her debt.

 

 

[sweetroad]

@Unclouded I'm reading the Taiwanese article you posted and thought this was interesting:

 

When asked about the difficulties encountered in creation, Park Hae Young mentioned "My Uncle", which won the Baeksang Arts Award for Best Drama. The drama was planned in 2013 and aired in 2018. She revealed: "In 2013, I was rejected by many TV stations because the protagonist was very ordinary. At that time, the male protagonist of Korean dramas had to be very powerful, such as having super powers and coming from an alien planet. But I felt tired of it and wanted to tell stories about people."

 

I didn't know she and MM were rejected back then. Glad MM was finally accepted and made, especially with Kim Won Suk as director.

 

And I've read this before, but it's still so fascinating that she decides on someone's occupation last in the writing process:

 

In past interviews, Park Hae Young mentioned the role of Lee Sun Kyun in 'My Uncle' and decided on his career very late in the writing process. She revealed that when creating a character, the occupation is always the final decision. "If it is set based on occupation, there will be a predetermined impression of that occupation, and there may be conflicts when it comes to the character's personality."

 

[Raymond]

5 hours ago, sweetroad said:

That's how I understood it, too - that he really wouldn't be living any kind of daily life with YH and his son for 8 or 9 years. That's probably the saddest part of DH's life, that his son is growing up away from him.

They might pay each other visit sometimes. But that’s not the point. Simply the living apart of at least 8 or 9 years is another clear fact viewers were told that the marriage is over, in addition to the photos, YH being mentioned as mum of the son etc. The mother of the 3 Park brothers already mentioned DH became a widower (if he doesn’t get married again)

[sweetroad]

14 hours ago, Raymond said:

They might pay each other visit sometimes. But that’s not the point. Simply the living apart of at least 8 or 9 years is another clear fact viewers were told that the marriage is over, in addition to the photos, YH being mentioned as mum of the son etc.

 

Yeah, being apart for that long is definitely another clue that YH and DH are over.

 

If I think about it too much, I do get sad, though, that DH and Ji Seok are living life apart. I know many families do this in the name of education, but for someone like DH who does value and prioritize family, it must be hard for him to be apart from his only child. Wonder if this also plays into the symbolism of him not having enough evacuation stairways? Because JA is gone and even Ji Seok is gone. His brothers, his mother, and the Hugye gang are there for him, but they're all getting older and have their own priorities.

 

14 hours ago, Raymond said:

The mother of the 3 Park brothers already mentioned DH became a widower (if he doesn’t get married again)

 

Do you mean the scene where she tells DH she doesn't think it's right for YH to leave DH alone in Korea, to study in the US? Park omma is so perceptive, even if she doesn't come out and say she knows things. I still laugh every time she laughs at Sang Hoon saying that he likes having money under the floor.

[Raymond]

16 hours ago, sweetroad said:

 

Yeah, being apart for that long is definitely another clue that YH and DH are over.

 

If I think about it too much, I do get sad, though, that DH and Ji Seok are living life apart. I know many families do this in the name of education, but for someone like DH who does value and prioritize family, it must be hard for him to be apart from his only child. Wonder if this also plays into the symbolism of him not having enough evacuation stairways? Because JA is gone and even Ji Seok is gone. His brothers, his mother, and the Hugye gang are there for him, but they're all getting older and have their own priorities.

 

 

The absence of Ji Seok in the home likely contributed to the affair of YH, and eventual breakdown of the family, I believe. Then in rewatch now I also noticed the way YH talks to DH, she is not giving him much respect that actually might be caused by his job with less status, again like his mum suggested.

If DH and JA never meet again, DH will become a totally lonely man, brothers and mum can only do a limited bit to his life. He is also not communicating much with his friends. He is a very closed person. And JA same kind of loner.

16 hours ago, sweetroad said:

Do you mean the scene where she tells DH she doesn't think it's right for YH to leave DH alone in Korea, to study in the US? Park omma is so perceptive, even if she doesn't come out and say she knows things. I still laugh every time she laughs at Sang Hoon saying that he likes having money under the floor.

Yes. She is very observant and a good lovely mum.

in rewatching up to episode 6, I now noticed the very graduate change of DH’s impression of JA. From a child to a woman, because of the way JA acted and the way she responded to his suggestions during their encounters, which a kind of surprise to DH by her maturity way above her age.

[sweetroad]

 

Park Hae-young was invited to the 9th Daishin Creative Forum back in March:

 

 

She spoke about My Mister, Another Oh Hae-young, and My Liberation Notes. Here are some blurbs and blogs about her interview:

 

https://m.blog.naver.com/heisjo/223057378227

 

https://weibo.com/5649231666/Mzlne8qQk?type=repost

 

https://wandoo-ne.tistory.com/entry/9th-대신-크리에이티브-포럼-후기나의-아저씨-박해영-작가

 

(Open in Google Chrome and translate to English, unless you can read the original languages).

 

I found her answer to the direct question, "Were Dong Hoon and Ji An in love?" very interesting, though I can only get the overall gist of it from the three links above. Each link says it similarly-yet-differently, which is reasonable, since a couple of the bloggers are putting PHY's answers in their own words as best as they can recall. Maybe one day we'll find PHY's interview published in verbatim, as it would be insightful to read her answers to all the questions that were asked.