Ask The Fellas

[halfmoonsmile]

How can I tell if a customer is interested in me? I work part time at a supermarket as a cashier. Yesterday I had a customer that I was speaking to amicably and smiling at. He had a clumsy moment where his chopsticks was upside down and it fell. I said "You might wanna get a new one" with a smile. But it's part of the job to smile at the customer so I wasn't really flirting per se.
Then he went off after a bit of the light banter that customers has with cashiers sometimes. 
After lunch break I came back to my register, thinking that he was handsome and that I would never see him again. I went back upstairs and he went to my register holding biscotti and his money. I rang up his order and decided to ask a question (when I'm bored at work, I do that with customers.) I asked him "how old are you?" He looked at me and told me to guess. 
I said: "18. Fresh out of high school." 
Although he dressed like he works for a big company.
He said: "fresh out of college." 
"No, fresh out of high school." I thought he didn't hear me well. Happens a lot.
"No, fresh out of college. I'm actually pursuing my masters." At this point I couldn't hear him well though I heard him say "blah blah blah masters." In all probability, he says he's pursuing his masters.
He asked me why I asked him that right after he said " You're the only one who guessed right the first time." 
I just said "You look so young." 

Although my real answer was 'you're so good looking.' This is my work place though. I have to be professional. Plus co workers were right there and they gossip.
I usually let guys go out of my life and lament on how I could never be with them. I decided to ask if he usually come around here. By which I really meant 'will I ever see you in this store again?' He responded than he got transferred from Cambridge to here. Really hoping he'll come back.
But I had to stop our conversation because I didn't wanna get fired and said the usual 'have a nice day!'
 

[CamelKnight]

1 hour ago, Hanulsky82 said:

 

He blocked me after I stop going to his church. I sort of wish he didn't block me.

Not much you can do about it. He already cut off all communication. You can try looking him up or calling, but when he made this move because of you not going to his church anymore, it's unlikely he'll pick up the convo.

26 minutes ago, halfmoonsmile said:

How can I tell if a customer is interested in me? I work part time at a supermarket as a cashier. Yesterday I had a customer that I was speaking to amicably and smiling at. He had a clumsy moment where his chopsticks was upside down and it fell. I said "You might wanna get a new one" with a smile. But it's part of the job to smile at the customer so I wasn't really flirting per se.
Then he went off after a bit of the light banter that customers has with cashiers sometimes. 
After lunch break I came back to my register, thinking that he was handsome and that I would never see him again. I went back upstairs and he went to my register holding biscotti and his money. I rang up his order and decided to ask a question (when I'm bored at work, I do that with customers.) I asked him "how old are you?" He looked at me and told me to guess. 
I said: "18. Fresh out of high school." 
Although he dressed like he works for a big company.
He said: "fresh out of college." 
"No, fresh out of high school." I thought he didn't hear me well. Happens a lot.
"No, fresh out of college. I'm actually pursuing my masters." At this point I couldn't hear him well though I heard him say "blah blah blah masters." In all probability, he says he's pursuing his masters.
He asked me why I asked him that right after he said " You're the only one who guessed right the first time." 
I just said "You look so young." 

Although my real answer was 'you're so good looking.' This is my work place though. I have to be professional. Plus co workers were right there and they gossip.
I usually let guys go out of my life and lament on how I could never be with them. I decided to ask if he usually come around here. By which I really meant 'will I ever see you in this store again?' He responded than he got transferred from Cambridge to here. Really hoping he'll come back.
But I had to stop our conversation because I didn't wanna get fired and said the usual 'have a nice day!'
 

Wait for him to come back. If he does, check if he only goes to your cash register or to others as well. If he only goes to you and strikes up a conversation every time, he's interested. If he goes to others as well, he's most likely just a handsome guy who you can drool over but not much else  

[halfmoonsmile]

20 minutes ago, CamelKnight said:

 

Wait for him to come back. If he does, check if he only goes to your cash register or to others as well. If he only goes to you and strikes up a conversation every time, he's interested. If he goes to others as well, he's most likely just a handsome guy who you can drool over but not much else  

Thanks. Although he has to go to someone else if there is a line and somebody is already at my register. Haha 

Based on our interaction, did he think I was flirting with him? Like when he asked me why I asked him his age. Stupid question, sorry!

[CamelKnight]

10 hours ago, halfmoonsmile said:

Based on our interaction, did he think I was flirting with him? Like when he asked me why I asked him his age.

The question was a bit odd to say the least. The only time I got asked for my age was when I bought alcohol. You might be lucky, he might have found the question so weird you're stuck in his mind now

If he thinks you're flirting? Perhaps. It's difficult to say tbh. But I do think you have crossed his mind even when he was out of the store  

[halfmoonsmile]

Edit: Never mind.

[CamelKnight]

19 hours ago, halfmoonsmile said:

Edit: Never mind.

We wont. Although the sheer thought of what you were trying to tell us, will linger in our minds forever!

[Guest aok]

So I've known this guy for a few years and he'll ask me to hangout with him at his place to watch a movie every now and then. I ask him if he's sure he wants to do that and he says yes so I tell him yeah I'm fine with it but then when I get to his place he says, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I go because I want to and because I like hanging out with him but when he says that to me I just don't know how to answer him or what to do. I usually just end up staying and watching the movie then leave afterwards but if he says that the next time, should I stay? Should I leave?

[CamelKnight]

2 hours ago, aok said:

So I've known this guy for a few years and he'll ask me to hangout with him at his place to watch a movie every now and then. I ask him if he's sure he wants to do that and he says yes so I tell him yeah I'm fine with it but then when I get to his place he says, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to." I go because I want to and because I like hanging out with him but when he says that to me I just don't know how to answer him or what to do. I usually just end up staying and watching the movie then leave afterwards but if he says that the next time, should I stay? Should I leave?

Just stay. He doesn't seem to be looking for more (at least, that's not the vibe I'm getting from your story) but he doesn't want to pressure you in staying. Go as soon as it becomes awkward/you guys have nothing to talk about aymore/he starts yawning/you start yawning. Look for the classic signs of boredom  

[Guest aok]

When a guy says he's bored should I leave him alone or try to find something else to do with him? I always just leave quietly without letting him know of what I may suggest we can do.

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, aok said:

When a guy says he's bored should I leave him alone or try to find something else to do with him? I always just leave quietly without letting him know of what I may suggest we can do.

When we say we're bored, most of the time, we are just bored. That isn't a code for "I want to be alone". We are pretty simple-minded. If you have a good idea or suggestion to fight the boredom, it's very appreciated. If we don't like it, we say it. Don't worry, we don't value it. If it gets rejected, you can leave like always and nothing ever happened, if he likes it, congratz, you earned some points in his favor.

[halfmoonsmile]

This is going to sound stupid. I want to give a co-worker something on Valentine's Day without him thinking I like him. How do I achieve this in a grocery store witout my colleagues gossiping afterwards? 

[CamelKnight]

15 hours ago, halfmoonsmile said:

This is going to sound stupid. I want to give a co-worker something on Valentine's Day without him thinking I like him. How do I achieve this in a grocery store witout my colleagues gossiping afterwards? 

So many questions!

- Do you like him but don't want him to know or don't you like him "that way"?
- How big is the grocery store (as in number of employees)?
- What DO you want it to say?
- What's your relationship to the guy?
- What are your objectives/what do you hope to gain?
- Do you want him to know it's you?

[halfmoonsmile]

@CamelKnight

I don't know if I just think he's cute or actually like him. It's a supermarket so there's quite a lot of employees. However we're all friendly with each other and a lot of them gossip. I don't actually want him to know that I'm giving it to him LOL. He's sort of one of my superiors. I honestly just want him to enjoy it. I don't expect us to start dating. I don't know if there is a no-dating policy but I definitely do not want anything awkward between us.

 

 

 

[CamelKnight]

@halfmoonsmile if he's your superior it's doubtful he will date you as long as you work there. Others might think he's paying you extra attention or giving you easier shifts if the relationship comes to light. Lots of difficulties there that should be avoided IMHO.

It seems to me you're not sure about your feelings for him just yet. If you don't, try to let them go and find a better subject to get interested in. The boss-thing is a problem, the gossip is an even bigger problem. People will start to talk, trust me. I've worked for a couple of big companies where relationships in the same department developed. It almost always turned out nasty in the end. Only a few manage to get it right, but most of the time that's because one of the two moves to a different job.

It can work, sure. But if you're still in the phase where you can decide not to like him, please let him go. It will save you from a world of hurt.

[abni01]

I suppose I have a relationship advice question. 

My boyfriend of almost 4 years left me over a year ago. Soon after, he was with someone else and they were expecting a baby. I guess I should mention his motive for leaving me was to be with this girl. Fast forward to now, he is still with her and they have had their child. The child was born before they were even together for an entire year. Mind you, we are what is to be considered young I would say. We are not teenagers, however I don't think the typical person plans to have a family at our age. All of his family is still friends with me on social media and for a while I often hung out with his cousin (whom is more like a sister to him, as his mother raised her), his family likes my photos, and they sometimes reach out to me. Anyhow, throughout the entire past year and up until currently he searches me on his Facebook account. Yes, I log into his account as he still has the same general information. I get that I am wrong for that, but sometimes it overcomes me. Anyway, it was less frequent before.. maybe once a month or every other month.. Recently it's been about every 2 weeks or more. Does this mean he is not yet over me, missing me, regretting his decision, or am I just over reacting and he is curious? I feel as though it must mean more than just curiosity..

 I understand that my best decision is to let go, so in no offense, please spare me that. I have really done my best.. and I truly am doing alright. I have lost 60 pounds since we have been apart and even gotten a really good job as well as I am trying to enroll back into school. I just miss him and really do think we let our young and dumb ways get the best of our relationship. I in no way have any intentions of messing with his family, I am not a home wrecker and do not plan to be. I wish no harm on his current girlfriend at all. I do miss him and hope that maybe our paths cross again in the future, however I understand that may not be in the cards. It is just bugging me incredibly so that I need to know what's running through his mind when he searches me. 

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, abni01 said:

I suppose I have a relationship advice question. 

My boyfriend of almost 4 years left me over a year ago. Soon after, he was with someone else and they were expecting a baby. I guess I should mention his motive for leaving me was to be with this girl. Fast forward to now, he is still with her and they have had their child. The child was born before they were even together for an entire year. Mind you, we are what is to be considered young I would say. We are not teenagers, however I don't think the typical person plans to have a family at our age. All of his family is still friends with me on social media and for a while I often hung out with his cousin (whom is more like a sister to him, as his mother raised her), his family likes my photos, and they sometimes reach out to me. Anyhow, throughout the entire past year and up until currently he searches me on his Facebook account. Yes, I log into his account as he still has the same general information.

. Anyway, it was less frequent before.. maybe once a month or every other month.. Recently it's been about every 2 weeks or more. Does this mean he is not yet over me, missing me, regretting his decision, or am I just over reacting and he is curious? I feel as though it must mean more than just curiosity..

 I understand that my best decision is to let go, so in no offense, please spare me that. I have really done my best.. and I truly am doing alright. I have lost 60 pounds since we have been apart and even gotten a really good job as well as I am trying to enroll back into school. I just miss him and really do think we let our young and dumb ways get the best of our relationship. I in no way have any intentions of messing with his family, I am not a home wrecker and do not plan to be. I wish no harm on his current girlfriend at all. I do miss him and hope that maybe our paths cross again in the future, however I understand that may not be in the cards. It is just bugging me incredibly so that I need to know what's running through his mind when he searches me. 

 

Because he's curious. That's pretty common among us men. I do that myself on a regular basis, too. He just wants to know what you did after he broke up with you. You were a part of his life after all for 4 years, it's only natural for him to think about you despite you're not physically in his life anymore. He's curious about if you are in a relationship, if you're seeing some. We man have the stupid habit to compare us to other men. He would compare himself to this potential 'new' guy and ask himself if you replaced him with something better.   This doesn't mean that he still has interest in you or regret his decision (that COULD be the case, but I wouldn't take it for granted).

If I read it correctly, you wish that it means more than just curiosity. But I wouldn't assume that. If he really would feel this way, he would make the first step, but it would bring him in a very critical situation. Both of you. And trust me, you don't want someone who changes his mind or woman like other their underpants.

[halfmoonsmile]

Let's say that a girl takes at least 2 hours to send you a message. What would a guy think? Would he care she's taking a while?

[CamelKnight]

On 19-2-2017 at 10:53 PM, halfmoonsmile said:

Let's say that a girl takes at least 2 hours to send you a message. What would a guy think? Would he care she's taking a while?

Depends on his feelings for her. Any second longer is a century too long if he likes her. But just like women, men start rambling why she hasn't replied yet. Is she dead? Is she serious? Does she even know who I am? She did smile at me didn't she? Or was she looking at dude X behind me? But he's ugly, right? I know he is, he's never had a girlfriend. But neither have I. Oh god. Does she not like me back? Why did I send that? What did I send (recheck text for the n-th time)? Did she think I meant something different? Oh god, she thinks I insulted her? I could die right now. Oh god, what if she's sending her brother over here? Do her friends even like me? etc.

And all he sent was "Do we have homework for tomorrow's chemistry class?"

[fashioncriminalxo]

Do guys talk about their feelings to the girl they like, whether they're dating or not? If they so, is it a big deal for the guys?

Do they show their actions more than they speak about their feelings?

[CamelKnight]

@fashioncriminalxo Some guys do, some don't. Men used to not be "allowed" to talk about their feelings as it wasn't manly. That notion has changed the last decade or 2 but it's still difficult for men to talk about what they really feel. It makes them feel weak and unprotected while they feel their role is to secure the family and make sure nobody gets hurt. It's a difficult duality as women tend to ask more and more to share feelings.

So yes, if they do share, provided they're honest about it, it means a lot.