Ask The Fellas

[CamelKnight]

10 hours ago, halfmoonsmile said:

If a guy really likes a girl, how often would he text her?

You've nailed it! That's the same question men are asking themselves since before the invention of texting! Back then the question was "how often do we write a letter" though.

The problem is that we, men, have no idea how many texts would be too much. Would one more be too pushy or be too laid back? What do I write her? If I ask this, would the conversation grind to a halt? Things like these questions are always on a man's mind when conversing with a girl, no matter the communication method.

Besides that, there's the personal preference. Does he like to text at all? Does he shut down when talking to any girl or just the girl he really really likes? Does he know what to say, ask, reply?

I'm afraid you've asked a question I cannot answer  Sorry!

[halfmoonsmile]

1 hour ago, CamelKnight said:

You've nailed it! That's the same question men are asking themselves since before the invention of texting! Back then the question was "how often do we write a letter" though.

The problem is that we, men, have no idea how many texts would be too much. Would one more be too pushy or be too laid back? What do I write her? If I ask this, would the conversation grind to a halt? Things like these questions are always on a man's mind when conversing with a girl, no matter the communication method.

Besides that, there's the personal preference. Does he like to text at all? Does he shut down when talking to any girl or just the girl he really really likes? Does he know what to say, ask, reply?

I'm afraid you've asked a question I cannot answer  Sorry!

Okay here's the situation I went out with him on Saturday and he told me that he would text me. I was told by people that if he didn't text me to initiate conversation or text me frequently then it means he might not like me. I foolishly texted him the next day. Now I'm thinking that I may seem desperate but I really like him. I'm afraid he doesn't like me though. He's responded to my texts but I think it's because he himself said that he's a nice guy and he doesn't like ignoring people. Somebody else told me that I should wait for him to ask me out despite me asking him out first.

Thanks a lot for answering my questions. My one guy friend is so useless at answering my questions.

[CamelKnight]

@halfmoonsmile No problem at all, happy to help

In your situation, age is an important thing as it tells us how much of a grown up we're dealing with here, or not at all.

Let's get some stuff out of the way first:
- it doesn't matter who initiaties the texts first. As long as there's texting going on.
- Him sending first means just as much as having meatloaf on Tuesday instead of Monday. Nothing.
- If you're sending first, it simply means that you broke earlier while he was still going strong. However, that doesn't mean he's not interested. He could very well be busy with other stuff. Just like girls, guys do tend to go to school, have friends, play games, do sports and whatever you seem to fill your day with. We (mostly) just don't do make-up, but we worry just as much as you about what clothes to wear to school and if our hair looks good.

Now we've got that cleared up, let's analyse what we've got here. So you sent him a text first. No biggie there. The problem would be if he didn't reply. He did though. The fact that he said he's a nice guy doesn't change that. HE responded to YOU. Just like he said yes when you asked him out.

How was your date? What did you do? Did you enjoy yourself? Did he? How long did the date last and did he actually had to go or did he seem to run off? Did he stick around for as long as he could? Have you both already said you wanted a second date?

Those are the questions you need to be asking yourself as it will tell you a whole lot more about his feelings for you than a couple of texts.

[halfmoonsmile]

@CamelKnight

I'm 28. He's 30. I asked so many friends, mostly women (some who's never dated or are as inexperienced as me) and they tell me conflicting things.

"If he doesn't actively ask questions about you or text first then he's not interested." 

"Maybe he's busy. Maybe he's just shy." 

The problem is that he has told me that he, like me, has hemmed and hawed when it comes to people we like. I don't know if this is the case or I'm just friendzoned. Some people told me to possibly move on but I'm kinda sick of looking. 

[CamelKnight]

@halfmoonsmile Considering your age, he's not toying around with you. He's at an age where he's ready to settle down with some cute girl he likes. He's too old to go clubbing each week and he's too mature to play the "whoever sends a text first loses"-game. At that age, your friends giving you that kind of advice really should be smacked. I'm serious. If you still play around like that at 20 or older, you seriously need to get your priorities straight. Stop playing games already.

Ugh.

Back to you though. You already took the first step in asking him out. Why lose the momentum you've already got going? If you're unsure of how he feels for you, ask him. Yes, it will put you in a vulnerable position as you're going to have to confess how you feel about him first, but if you don't.... how long are you going to wait? If he doesn't take action, you need to or you'll both die of old age (and me out of frustration  ).

Let's be honest: what have you got to lose? You've got no boyfriend now to put it bluntly so it's not like it's going to cost you one. Sure, your feelings may get hurt a bit, but that's only towards him if he says no and the outcome will not be any different if you keep waiting. Actually, by stepping up to him, if he does friendzone you, it will only be easier for you to get over it since you did everything you could to get him to like you. You took control. There'll be a lot less of the "if only I had..."-reasoning.

And if he does like you, you'll know right *NOW* instead of waiting for it for another month and wasting more of your precious youth (well.. as far as 28 still counts as being youthfull ) .

[zantac_2]

i rarely if ever initiate first text of the day if im interested in someone. also i rarely ask questions. i try to write in a way where my thoughts can be extend upon, which at the same time would answer questions that i want to ask. sometimes you have to look beyond the text to get a better understanding on people.

having said that, when im totally infatuated with someone, ill always initiate and spam my messages. go figure lol.

[CamelKnight]

15 hours ago, zantac_2 said:

having said that, when im totally infatuated with someone, ill always initiate and spam my messages. go figure lol.

You also start to drool like an idiot and can't pronounce a coherent sentence, right? Right? Just like me, right? Please?

[zantac_2]

^cant say that happens to me since im already incoherent and drool when i speak normally

[Guest knockblock]

On 10/19/2016 at 1:08 PM, halfmoonsmile said:

Some people told me to possibly move on but I'm kinda sick of looking. 

 

Right. You could be on that search forever. You don't want to keep being on the search.

I concur with CamelKnight. In the late 20s and going into your 30s, it's more vital to get things done. The sense of adventure won't be the same as when you were in your early and even mid 20s. These guessing games are a hindrance.

[Lmangla]

On 10/20/2016 at 1:38 AM, halfmoonsmile said:

@CamelKnight

I'm 28. He's 30. I asked so many friends, mostly women (some who's never dated or are as inexperienced as me) and they tell me conflicting things.

"If he doesn't actively ask questions about you or text first then he's not interested." 

"Maybe he's busy. Maybe he's just shy." 

The problem is that he has told me that he, like me, has hemmed and hawed when it comes to people we like. I don't know if this is the case or I'm just friendzoned. Some people told me to possibly move on but I'm kinda sick of looking. 

so this section is called "ask the fellas" but (even though I am a woman) I wanted to post something on behalf of your friends . so the reason you are getting conflicting opinions from your woman friends is because there are 2 camps. so there is group 1 who like to be courted and group 2 for whom, it is not as important. generally, group 2 are the kind of girls who are used to getting guys attention when they walk into a room and so for them, they don't need that kind of affirmation. they are good at reading the signals and playing the game so to speak. now, group 1 is not as experienced and probably not the kind to turn heads the moment they walk into a room. so wanting to be courted is something they would like and why not? thats why we enjoy watching romance dramas right? who wants to watch a drama where the guy makes no moves? .. .. anyway, so that is kind of the crux of the issue -- modern courtship now involves texting and so we end up dissecting who texts first and the kind of text because we want to know the basic question -- "is this guy interested in me?" "is he courting me?".. so, my point is don't be so hard on your friends -- they want to be courted and so they are judging this guy on that.

so the real question that you should ask @halfmoonsmile is whether you wish to be courted and whether you need to be courted. there is a difference. if you wish to be courted but he doesn't, then you are going to be okay with yourself making the moves till he gains enough courage to reciprocate. if you need to be courted and he doesn't, it is going to frustrate you and leave you feeling like he doesn't really care and you are just humiliating yourself. again, there is nothing wrong with wanting or needing to be courted. so, if he is not making the moves, then like @CamelKnight says, let him know. you can do it subtly if you don't want to be direct -- mention your favourite movie or drama and mention how the guy in that courts the girl and what you liked about it or something.. the guy should get the hint, hopefully?! hahhahah.... what do you think @CamelKnight -- would a guy understand such a hint?

[CamelKnight]

10 hours ago, Lmangla said:

what do you think @CamelKnight -- would a guy understand such a hint?

That's difficult to say. I know a couple of guys who were out with a girl, not a date according to them, where the girl dropped hints like "oh, I'd love to be swept of my feet like that guy did to that girl in that movie". And they had no comeback nor did they get the hint. This is because of two things (since we seem to be doing things in two's these days  ).
1) The guys are stupid and they don't get a hint. At all.
2) The guys think the girl is out of their league and so any hint dropped for them, is obviously not for them because how on Earth would that girl be interested in them?

You see, men tend to place the girl they adore on a pedestal. No girl is cuter, nicer, prettier, dresses better. smells better or... whatever-better than the girl they fell for. So the girl is virtually a goddess and they adore everything she does. Unfortunately, men without a bit of confidence will often think that they aren't attractive enough for this girl (sound familiar, ladies?) and so these guys will never pick up on a hint.

Sometimes, men need hints slapped in their face with the actual words "I Like You!" before they get it. And even then they have trouble believing. We men are simpler than women. Sometimes too simple  

[Lmangla]

9 hours ago, CamelKnight said:

That's difficult to say. I know a couple of guys who were out with a girl, not a date according to them, where the girl dropped hints like "oh, I'd love to be swept of my feet like that guy did to that girl in that movie". And they had no comeback nor did they get the hint.

oh dear! LOL....... well, I will leave you fellas to give the advice here on the thread. kekekekke.... just wanted to post something on behalf of those friends, thats all.

[halfmoonsmile]

Thanks for the advice, everybody. It seems like we'll be friends...maybe. I stopped talking to him on Sunday. I guess he doesn't like me as much I liked him.

[Guest aok]

What does friend zone really mean?

I was friend zone and he says we're friends but he doesn't seem to treat me as one nor do I feel like I'm even considered one to him. Here are some examples; I figured we can be friends and thought hey we can hang out sometimes. He doesn't asks to hangout, but I do though and he does show up everytime. There are times when I'm just hanging out by myself or want to hangout by myself and he'll invite himself to join me. When we're in a group of people he talks with everyone else but me. He acts like I'm not there or like he doesn't even know who i am. When the others starts talking about me, he then acts like he knows who i am and start talking about me. When we're not surrounded by people and it's just the two of us he's all smiley, teasing and talkative. He initiates the texting once a week or every two weeks asking how I am or that it's been awhile since we talked. I rarely text him first since being friend zone. I mean I'm cool with it but how he considers me after friend zoning me is making want to distant myself from him in a way that I won't cut him out of my life completely but just... Idk maybe I'm just overthinking.

Here's something else. He said he didn't want to lose me as a friend because he likes me too much for that to happen. But then a few months later he says that it wouldn't sit well with him if I got myself a boyfriend. I asked why and he said because then we wouldn't be able to do the things we're doing already. The thing is is that we don't do anything anyways unless i ask to do something and all we do is eat out like once a month or two.

[CamelKnight]

8 hours ago, aok said:

What does friend zone really mean?

I was friend zone and he says we're friends but he doesn't seem to treat me as one nor do I feel like I'm even considered one to him. Here are some examples; I figured we can be friends and thought hey we can hang out sometimes. He doesn't asks to hangout, but I do though and he does show up everytime. There are times when I'm just hanging out by myself or want to hangout by myself and he'll invite himself to join me. When we're in a group of people he talks with everyone else but me. He acts like I'm not there or like he doesn't even know who i am. When the others starts talking about me, he then acts like he knows who i am and start talking about me. When we're not surrounded by people and it's just the two of us he's all smiley, teasing and talkative. He initiates the texting once a week or every two weeks asking how I am or that it's been awhile since we talked. I rarely text him first since being friend zone. I mean I'm cool with it but how he considers me after friend zoning me is making want to distant myself from him in a way that I won't cut him out of my life completely but just... Idk maybe I'm just overthinking.

Here's something else. He said he didn't want to lose me as a friend because he likes me too much for that to happen. But then a few months later he says that it wouldn't sit well with him if I got myself a boyfriend. I asked why and he said because then we wouldn't be able to do the things we're doing already. The thing is is that we don't do anything anyways unless i ask to do something and all we do is eat out like once a month or two.

Drop him like a ton of bricks. He's only using you. 

I don't know what happened between the two of you, what kind of past you had or why he's friendzoned you. To be friendzoned means he doesn't want to date you, but only wants you as a friend. Or at least, that's the meaning many people give their situation. In fact, it simply means that someone isn't interested in you. It happens to everyone in life. But for some reason, we, the people, decided to label it to "friendzone" in our most recent years. Considering we've also invented the selfiestick, I guess this is an improvement.

The situation you're in is complicated. On one hand he's trying to show his friends he doesn't know you, almost seems embarrassed to know you at times. On the other hand he's all sweet and clingy when he's with you alone. I'm having trouble reading him. He's either interested by too shy to say or act on it (hence the jealous reaction with him saying you shouldn;t have a boyfriend), or he really doesn't like you as a girl but sticks close to you cus he doesn't want to lose a friend. Perhaps he's even hoping to keep you around to be his friend with benefits in time.

Personally, I would get away from him, unless you really like him. If you don't, move on towards the next guy who's not so shady and unpredictable.

 

[Guest aok]

@CamelKnight: Yes, I can't read him either but I've always had the feeling that he keeps me around so he wouldn't be so "lonely." Makes me upset to feel that way.

Thanks for the explanation and advice. I think I will drop him like a ton of bricks. 

Would it be rude or offending to tell him the reasons why I wouldn't want to keep in touch with him anymore? Or should I leave quietly?

[CamelKnight]

21 hours ago, aok said:

Would it be rude or offending to tell him the reasons why I wouldn't want to keep in touch with him anymore?

I guess that depends on how rude and offending you think his actions are towards you. And, ofcourse, how honest you want to be with him.

I personally would tell him. Just to get the load of my chest and to let him know he just lost his game. Hopefully he wont do it again,, but there's no guarantee. 

Don't forget: you don't want to see him anymore so there's no reason to go easy on him. He earned what he's got coming if you ask me.

[Guest severus]

On 2016-10-23 at 3:14 PM, halfmoonsmile said:

Thanks for the advice, everybody. It seems like we'll be friends...maybe. I stopped talking to him on Sunday. I guess he doesn't like me as much I liked him.

 

I wouldn't throw in the towel so quickly, you've only met up once. It's too early to be thinking "he doesn't like me as much as I like him". You're never going to meet someone where the interest is perfectly balanced right off the bat. 

What's so bad about being the one putting in a little more effort and being more straightforward about your intentions if you're interested in this person? I would muchhhh rather be straight out rejected than not have tried. 

[fashioncriminalxo]

So my boyfriend of 2 Years broke up with me and said the following to me:

1. I made him realise there were more things in life that he wanted. Therefore, he wanted to find himself.

2. He wants to have that crave for me again

3. If we were meant to be then we will find a way back to each other again

4. "Break up" doesn't mean break up (implying it's a break?)

He said these things over the phone but when I saw him in person to tell him other things (studying next year/moving overseas for work), he was crying =/

He said he does see a future with me and loves me. I'm unsure if he said it because I was "leaving to go far from him" or because he genuinely does feel that way. However, at the end of it all, he still wanted to be a man of his words and "find himself again".

Its been a month and he still has our photos on his Facebook and so do I. He checks my snap stories on snapchat more frequently than he did previously (one of the first few to view it within an hr of posting my snaps).

A couple of months leading up to our breakup, I caught him Facebook calling one of his ex's niece quite frequently. He said it was nothing to worry about and that he will never date her because he dated the aunty in the past. I've seen two group pictures of him out clubbing and she was in them (standing next to her). They're on Facebook at the same time and even offline for similar length of time (5mins apart). Her friend messaged me asking if we were still together.

What are this guy's intentions?

 

 

 

 

 

[CamelKnight]

On 1-11-2016 at 3:34 PM, fashioncriminalxo said:

What are this guy's intentions?

Not something you want to be a part of. Trust me.

What he wants is a safe and comfy home to come back to once he got rid of the other stuff bugging him. He wants a spare, and he thinks you're going to be that spare.

Remove him from your facebook pictures, unfollow him on Snapchat and move on. There are plenty of men outthere who appreciated you for you. Don't waste your time on this guy. He's not worth it and you're worth more than that.