Ask The Fellas

[Guest jaymuney]

hey guys,

recently i have noticed that my girlfriend is obsessed with my past relationships. She always asks about my ex, and sometimes she even try to look through my phone to find pictures of my ex's. is this normal? has it happen to any of the guys on here? if so, how did you guys deal with it?

[Guest jaymuney]

Hello guys >o<

So my school received yearbooks last Friday, and I didn't get a chance to sign anyone's yearbooks. However, this one guy (he's a year older than me and he just broke up with his gf a few weeks ago) wanted to sign mine. I was like, okay. So he wrote in my yearbook, "Dear ____. Had a great time getting to know you, especially in badminton and good luck on your bio. Let's hang this summer, give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxx."

In my friend's yearbook, he only wrote, "Hey, you're a good badminton player. Have a good summer!" Does this message mean he's interested in me?

I've only talked to this guy for the last 2 weeks because we've been stuck as badminton players in PE class. There was the one time I walked by his locker, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his brother nudge him and point to me. Then the guy said bye when I passed him.

And now I'm not sure what to write in his >__<

[Guest maymadeleine]

What if a girl you didn't like confessed to you in a note? How would you feel/respond?

[Guest maymadeleine]

hello guys,

is it possible to make a guy who doesn't like me, like me? there's this guy at work whom i have a huge crush on but have a lot of trouble talking to and he doesn't bother talking to me unless he has to. i always have to initiate a conversation or he wouldn't bother talking to me at all. everyday i wish he would at least say hi. but he doesn't. because he's obviously not interested.

i know i should just go and talk to him more often but i would have to deliberately go to his place and it could be a bit awkward esp if he's busy. i am def not physically attractive so..maybe that's why?

anyway, do advice.

[Guest HERMIT]

hello guys,

is it possible to make a guy who doesn't like me, like me? there's this guy at work whom i have a huge crush on but have a lot of trouble talking to and he doesn't bother talking to me unless he has to. i always have to initiate a conversation or he wouldn't bother talking to me at all. everyday i wish he would at least say hi. but he doesn't. because he's obviously not interested.

i know i should just go and talk to him more often but i would have to deliberately go to his place and it could be a bit awkward esp if he's busy. i am def not physically attractive so..maybe that's why?

anyway, do advice.

[Guest maymadeleine]

I'm afraid that if he's

obviously

not interested, it's just an uphill climb for you.  And to complicate matters, this i a guy at work - and trying to flirt/establish something in the workplace is always a dicey situation.  If you're only able to interact with him in the workplace, any methods that you might try and consider would be seriously compromised due to proper workplace etiquette and protocols.  One major consideration is that you don't want to come on too strong and in such a way that it could be interpreted as harassment on his part.  If you already get the sense that he isn't interested, then my gut feeling is to not focus too much in trying to force things.  If anything, you might have to go the "long" route and hope something develops in that way.

As you said, as far as workplace interactions go, your best bet is just optimizing your 'face time' with him.  But don't be blatantly obvious by coming up with contrived scenarios just to get to see him.  You'll have to be patient and meticulous.  For lack of a better term, "stalk" him.  But in a bad way as the term connotes - but simply observe his work habits as best you can and then work on timing.  One obvious tactic is to go to lunch at the same time as him - and maybe also time your breaks around the same time he takes his as well.  The lunch/break room is probably the most inconspicuous place where you can actually approach him socially in the workplace.  Other surreptitious methods would be to also figure out when he comes into and leaves work.  If you can manage to arrive and leave the same time as he does, that just further optimizes your ability to create 'face time' with him.  All in all, rather than forcing situations in trying to talk to him - which he might find off-putting - just try to make the most out of the few situations where workplace interactions with him are warranted/plausible.  Of course, this is only the first hurdle that you have to face.  The next is just coming up with appropriate conversation to spark his interest.  But if he isn't interested, he just isn't interested.

Of course the best opportunity to get to know him better is

outside

of the workplace.  Hopefully, there are social outings that maybe you and your coworkers occasionally partake in.  If so, I would rather recommend trying to give yourself more exposure and getting his attention in this setting rather than at the workplace.

* Note - I do realize that my reply was predicated that you work in an office environment.  If you don't, probably the strategies presented don't work as well - but the overall advice on being careful with what you do at work still applies.

[Guest cluel3ss]

Hiii please comment and give feedback as I am very confused.
I met a guy about a month ago, we talked everyday and it never gets annoying or tiring. Talking to him became a part of my life. He would always make me laugh and stay up talking to me until we both go to sleep most of the time. (Thru text msgs and sometimes phone). He would always ask me if I misses him and tells me that he misses me and when I say no he would make a sad face or crying face. In my life time, I have encountered a number of cheap guys who would scrape for you to pay for them and that's not gentlemen like. I can pay for myself perfectly fine but don't make me pay for you. This guy offered to pay for me a few times but I refused because it's so foreign to me. He was kind of mad but accepted. (This is a plus for me which shows that he's not cheap and won't make a girl pay.) I know it might sound very childish but I have ignored him a few times for days and he would message non stop until I talked to him. All of this aside, I believe the feeling is mutual... please correct me if I am wrong.
Last week he told me he was leaving the country because waiting for the doctor to diagnose him was taking forever here so he decided to go back to Asia to get a faster service. He told me he was leaving the next day but didn't tell me the specific time. When the next day came by, he didn't message me or anything. I found out that he left via a social network update. What I don't get was why he didn't bother texting me to tell me that he was leaving. Okay, he's sick, but mind you the wait time at the airport is very long he could've texted then. Even if he was sick, he had time to update his social network? I know I am not his gf and he doesn't need to report to me but even as friends, it's pretty rude of him to have left without letting me know. Aside from that, it's been a week and I don't know what's going on; no emails or whatever. I feel like crap right now because I am left hanging. If you didn't want to talk to me any more then be straight forward and tell me. Why leave me hanging like this? This may all sound okay if I was still in my teens but we are both in our early 20s so why play mind games? 

[Guest HERMIT]

@cluel3ss:  Well you said he told you he was "leaving the next day" - which means he told you just only the day before.  Isn't that sufficient enough?  I mean, on the actual day of a trip, it does entail a bit of work and maintaining a timetable - a timetable that you don't even know.  If fact, it may have been a timetable that he suddenly found hard-pressed to keep and so he was continuously rushed through the process.  So that may have explained his inability to contact you.  He just had a lot going on that was probably of pressing importance.  As far as his date of departure is concerned, you can't seriously be unforgiving that he couldn't get to talk to you.  As for the the time to update the social network, he may have done that ahead of time before he rushed off - and when he had internet access, let's say.  In any event, you say that you are not his girlfriend, but what you seem to be asking for is to reply back to you as if you were one.  Again, he had just told you he was leaving the day before.  Shouldn't that be enough just as a friend?

As for the week that he hasn't contacted you, maybe where he is at does not have internet access.  Another thing to consider is that cell phone frequencies in Asia are different than they are in the US.  When traveling outside of the US, you need a phone that operates under a GSM system that is not compatible with US-based phones.  In short, his cell phone is probably dead in the water at whatever Asian country he is currently in.  Now, even if he did have some sort of coverage, the long distance cost of usage would probably be exorbitant and he may simply avoiding using his phone altogether just to avoid those costs.  I mean, there could be a plethora of reasons for his inability to not contact you.  Maybe he's hospitalized and the facility doesn't allow cell phone usage in the rooms.  He simply just hasn't found an internet cafe.  Or, maybe he doesn't even have the time to stop and be on a computer as he's simply enjoying other things while he's addressing his medical issues.  What has he posted so far on his social network since he left?  Maybe that will be a clue as to his accessibility to the internet.  If he hasn't said much on that site, then maybe you shouldn't take it so personally as well.  But in any event, why would he feel obligated in contacting you when you aren't really BF-GF?  That just simply could be be the explanation right there.  It may not just be you.  He's probably not kept in touch with other friends as well. 

What have you done, for your part, in trying to bridge the gap?  I'm presuming you've already tried calling him / texting him / emailing him / posting on his page on his social network site?

[Guest CornPOPSat2PM]

Hi,

My ex boyfriend of 2 months and a half broke up with me 3.5 weeks ago. We would pass by each other and say hi and stuff but it was always a bit awkward. However, a week ago, I thought it was getting better because when we passed by each other, smiled and greeted each other normally. Today, I passed by him and attempted to make a conversation, he seemed like almost his normal self. I was really happy with that. Anyways, after that I went to check on his facebook and found out that he deleted me off his friend list. LOL. My first reaction was........wtf? Why would he delete an ex 3.5 weeks later rather than RIGHT after? Also, do you think this is an immaturity problem?

I've put effort in trying to end things on good terms with him... If we couldn't be good friends then at least just friends...... He was the one that said we could be ... yet he does things like these.

[hsieying]

i have a question. 
why does a guy break up with the gf because of the reason " i dont know what i want" and each time when the gf ask for a solid answer, the guy just answered differently. as if he doesnt know why?  
It's actually from my close female fren's situation. Her 3 yr relationship with her ex ended 4 months ago. 

[Guest Arlania]

am i doing something wrong? 'cuz this is like my 2nd time posting and no one ever answer me or giive me comments on my situation =/ 

[Voegele]

@Arlania Don't take it personally. This thread is a bit packed and I think certain posts easily, but accidentally, get overlooked.

I did take a look at your post just now, however, and I'm a bit confused. He kisses your neck? And, kisses other girls? And, everyone is just on a mutual friend basis? I'm not entirely certain how you two (or him and anyone else for that matter) end up in a position where he's kissing your neck and you're thinking nothing of it.

Maybe you can elaborate more on your post to help clarify things. But, I don't know. If he's kissing other girls whether it's on the neck or elsewhere, I can't imagine what explanation could possibly make it okay. I don't think he's genuinely into you.

And, feel free to make a thread of your own if you ever find Ask The Fellas section a bit too crowded.

[Guest Arlania]

@Arlania Don't take it personally. This thread is a bit packed and I think certain posts easily, but accidentally, get overlooked.

I did take a look at your post just now, however, and I'm a bit confused. He kisses your neck? And, kisses other girls? And, everyone is just on a mutual friend basis? I'm not entirely certain how you two (or him and anyone else for that matter) end up in a position where he's kissing your neck and you're thinking nothing of it.

Maybe you can elaborate more on your post to help clarify things. But, I don't know. If he's kissing other girls whether it's on the neck or elsewhere, I can't imagine what explanation could possibly make it okay. I don't think he's genuinely into you.

And, feel free to make a thread of your own if you ever find Ask The Fellas section a bit too crowded.

[Voegele]

@Arlania You mentioned he spoke in French earlier. Are you from France? Maybe we're not accustomed to the same ways of showing affection. Haha. It's not normal for friends to kiss each other's neck around in the U.S. Is that normal in France? If it is, I don't think I'd be of much help considering I can't distinguish this guy's actions as normal French affection or him liking you as more than a friend.

[Guest Arlania]

@goook yes but no we are not french haha. Let's say just we are in a french school and believe me this is no way "a friend affection". well it would be if he was my best friend, here i would understand it. But it's just that we not evn that cloose to each other (or so i believe), but soemtimes he acts like we are. 
What i think in this story is that he is not in lov with me, but then i can't help getting confused and wonder if maybe i'm wrong... 
But still the way he acts towards me is a way to say im interested right? iam really confused, i tried sending him signs too but weell he just don't catch them so i asume that he is not interested in me and just think of me as aa great friend... make sense?  

[Guest Lauvable]

@CornPOPSat2PM Maybe he never got around to it until now? You don't have to be facebook friends to be friends in real life, he might just not want to be constantly reminded of you whenever he goes on fb or something like that.

@hsieying Well for a relationship of 3 years, they should be able to talk it over. The guy might legitimately not know what he wants in regards to the relationship or maybe he doesn't see her as a gf anymore.

[Guest]

I'm dealing with what might be the most confusing guy in the world. We signed yearbooks yesterday and I'm pretty sure he wrote at least a few sentences for everyone - except for mine. He just signed his name and wrote his number under it (which I already had). He's also flirty towards a lot of other girls who I think he actually wrote stuff for. And it's weird, he's kind of been distancing me for a while now. Whenever we hang out or see each other and I ask to take a picture with him he'll say "nope" and try to get away. But he'll literally take pictures with everyone else like it's no problem. If I text him he doesn't answer back (I've stopped texting him). AND he completely ignores me on social networking sites (facebook and instagram). Like it seems like he'll like everything EXCEPT the things I post. BUT he'll come up to me and hug me really hard? WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN

[Guest Shellymelly]

Hi boys,
There's a guy I've been talking to and at first I messaged him at night after work because I couldn't fall asleep. We ended up talking for a few hours, until around 4 am. The next night we talked again, but this time he initiated and said that he could chat with me if I wanted. I got him to call me somehow and we talked for more than 2 hours on the phone. For the next few nights we would talk until really late, until one of us had to sleep. He was staying up just to talk to me, even though he had school the next morning (although he says he doesn't care about school). He asked me if I liked him but he made it sound like he was just joking around/teasing, so I joked back and asked him if he liked me. He didn't give me an answer, but I could tell he wasn't sure, just like me. I told him that he could just stop talking to me or hang up on the phone, but he didn't do that, so I said that maybe he likes me. Another thing is that he seemed really interested in my love life, what kind of guy I like, etc. It makes me feel like he's kinda playing around, so I'm not too sure about him. We didn't really talk much for a day, and I'm not sure when he will contact me again. What do you think I should do in this situation? Thanks.

[Guest HERMIT]

I'm dealing with what might be the most confusing guy in the world. We signed yearbooks yesterday and I'm pretty sure he wrote at least a few sentences for everyone - except for mine. He just signed his name and wrote his number under it (which I already had). He's also flirty towards a lot of other girls who I think he actually wrote stuff for. 

And it's weird, he's kind of been distancing me for a while now. Whenever we hang out or see each other and I ask to take a picture with him he'll say "nope" and try to get away. But he'll literally take pictures with everyone else like it's no problem. If I text him he doesn't answer back (I've stopped texting him). AND he completely ignores me on social networking sites (facebook and instagram). Like it seems like he'll like everything EXCEPT the things I post. BUT he'll come up to me and hug me really hard? WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN

[Guest ketchup?]

I have a somewhat "shallow" question. I've been dating the same guy for about two years now and I've done a lot for him with little in return. I let him stay over at my apartment with the exception that he'd have to help me clean and buy groceries so he wouldn't have to commute to our university and waste gas. Generally, he'd do a half-assed job at cleaning and I'd end up constantly arguing with him about picking up after himself. Now that it's summer, he's attending a community college near my house (which is 45 minutes away from his house). His mom actually works in the same city as me (about 10 minutes from my house), so he hitches a ride to his mom's workplace and I pick him up from there. I drop him off at school, I pick him up from school, and I take him back to his mom's work at night. Honestly, I don't even think it's something I even need to do for him, but since I'm free all day, I do it because I care. I wouldn't take money for gas (not that he even offers). In addition, I like to be thoughtful and surprise him with little cheap finds such as clothes on sale or a good deal with shoes. I never buy myself anything, just him.

Now, considering all of the above, I don't really get anything in return. He gets a hefty paycheck every week and takes himself shopping. He'll buy himself shirts, shorts, you name it. Me? Not a single thing. Oftentimes he'll come brag to me about all the things he got that day while I'm just thinking... What about me? Sometimes when we go shopping (aka he drags me along to look for clothes for himself), I'll hint that something as simple as an $8 shirt is really nice. He usually just says "Cool. Oh hey what do you think about this shirt on me?!" The other day he asked me to go to the movies with him and his two sisters and to bring my little brother. I told him I just got done paying bills so I'm gonna sit out on this one. Of course he starts whining about how I never want to do anything with his sisters so he ends up ambushing my house and picking up my brother and I. In any case, I ended up paying for my food and my brother's food and two expensive richard simmons movie tickets. Then called it a date. Wow.

So finally when he took me to the mall to spend "quality time" with his sisters, he ended up blowing his paycheck on 6 shirts and 3 shorts + 3 movie tickets for his sisters. Finally I just said "Hey, why is it that I'm always trying to get you little things here and there even though I actually have to pay my own bills, and you have everything paid for, and yet you can't possibly get me one thing?" And he goes, "You wouldn't like what I'd get you so I don't get you anything." Then he just continues on shopping.

For my last birthday, I got a bra (wtf.. even though I'd been hinting that a pair of sandals I found on sale were really nice). For our anniversary a month later (still hinting for the sandals), I got a build-a-bear (no fancy shirts on it or anything, just a big bear). For Christmas, I got an eyeshadow palette consisting of mainly blue eyeshadows. When I made it into nursing school, he drew me a picture.

Honestly, I'm not a materialistic person. I don't go shopping because I'm always trying to pay for my phone bill, insurance, car payment, and gas. I'm never able to get myself anything. Sometimes it'd be nice to get surprised with something...ANYTHING. His surprises consist of lotion he steals from his workplace, random bracelets he makes out of strings lying around, and "cool" rocks he finds. No matter how many times I've tried to bring this up to him, he always says it's because I'm too shallow. No I'm not! I've done so much, I deserve SOMETHING in return!

Sorry for the super long rant but I feel selfishly angry and offended. What do I do? How do I get him to invest in me the least bit? Or at least appreciate the things I do for him? I'm going crazy!