Guy just wanted to be friends before and now we're giving it a shot

[babygirrll]

So I've liked this guy all summer and he hooked up with someone else.. I sorta ran away and hated him.. but in the end i accepted him because he was just a friend.. Recently we've been hanging out a lot and I developed stronger feelings. But I still told him we're just friends and tried to control my emotions.. He sorta began to develop romantic feelings.. But from the beginning he told me he's looking for something casual.. so I never really considered him and thought we'll go no where. We hanged out a lot with him and his friends. I talk to his best friend everyday and it's good. He started being affectionate but still hand boundaries because he isn't ready for a relationship.. He even asked if it's okay we hold hands.. So we went to the movies.. and we held hands.. and i kissed his cheek.. he kissed my cheek.. in the car.. we broke all boundaries.. he kissed me on the lips.. then we started making out.. and i asked if we can go to the back seat.. .  and we went full on making out.. at first i couldn't believe i'm kissing the guy i've been liking so much.. then i saw a fuuuuckboy side of him... sorta evil.. and i looked into his eyes... and when we were done.. he was really an ordinary sorta dumb and ignorant guy.. i told him i want him to be with me.. maybe cause of the passion.. maybe i couldn't lose him.. but i felt like i forced him.. to be with me.. maybe i'm over thinking things.. i was hoping maybe one day.. he can really love me.. and just cherish me.. he told me he needs to think about it.. and i gave him a look.. then he said i already made my decision.. and he said we'll give it a shot.. and he can do what i wanted him to do.. not see anyone else.. 

 

a part of me is scared.. because my sister asked me.. does he deserve me.. do my parts belong to him.. 

we get a long fine as a friends..  but i don't know if i move on.. and disappear from him.. will things be better or am i really walking away from someone that could have been love.. 

[CamelKnight]

@babygirrll is this the same dude?

 

Anyway, do whatever you want girl. It's your life  Just be careful! Make sure he's only there for you. For the rest I'd say, good for you and hope you live happily with him for a long time!  

[mouse007]

@babygirll how does he make you feel? Do you feel loved, respected, cherished, appreciated? Passion is good but it's not enough to make a relationship work. I know it's nice to be liked by someone you like. But it's even better when the person you like reciprocates your feelings at the same level. If he is #1 for you, then you should also be #1 for him and not just an option. 

 

Like @CamelKnight said, it's your life and your decision. Just be careful, think about it and try not to let your emotions get the best of you. The heart isn't always right.. it can be treacherous too. 

 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well. And if this isn't the guy for you, you'll meet the guy you deserve eventually.

[babygirrll]

@mouse007 he makes me feel insecure.. because he's not happy about what we do.. says we don't have hobbies.. all we do is drink and watch movies.. the thing is.. my ultimate goal is weight loss and he already has a great body.. he also talks to his exgf a lot and she still posts photos of them together.. at first i was sad.. and i think he's cheating.. i told him i will leave him if he cheats on me.. and he says that won't happen.. he also told me.. he used to hit her and she used to beat him.. they were in a violent relationship.. this used to bother me.. sorta like my ex.. if he gets angry.. there's no control..  i'm leaving anyways and i want to go somewhere new.. the stuff he says isn't healthy for me.. i love him being there for me and i feel great such an amazing and funny man is with me.. but i do feel still a lone.. i still feel very a lone.. and going in a scary path.. i am scared to get cheated on.. he knows that.. i told him many times

 

@camelknight i love being friends with him.. wish we remained friends..   

[mouse007]

@babygirrll if he makes you feel insecure and alone, then it's not a healthy relationship. Sure, he might be saying he won't cheat on you but if he knows it bothers you that he talks to his ex girlfriend a lot, then he should be doing something about it. Trust me, when a man really and truly loves a woman, he will go the extra mile for her, he will put in the effort, he will make sure he is doing what he can to keep her, and he will do his best to make her happy. I know this sounds cliche but it's the truth. A healthy relationship is a two-way street, both parties should be giving and getting what they need from the relationship to make it grow. It should be healthy for both of you. 

 

Some relationships are better maintained as friends and some are there only for a time. Learn from it and move on if that's what you think is better for you. 

[Ernie]

I’m just reading .. eh

[babygirrll]

@mouse007 things have changed and he told me.. he loves me more everytime he sees me.. and he thinks i'll burn him somehow.. i told him i'll never burn him.. i feel like i do love my bf.. when he told me i'm his babe.. it's so nice.. it's a different type of love.. not the whole i'll sacrifice or intimate relation sort of love.. it's like him being here in my life and i respect him as my bf sort of love.. i am travelling soon and i am leaving him for a while.. i do want to build on myself.. and get my events better.. get my horizons higher.. i am scared what if i find someone else while i travel... or he finds someone else.. i feel like it's too much stuff with being faithful and finances. before i met my bf.. i met someone else and i feel more free with that person.. maybe he has his life together.. and he can bring me to a different world.. whereas my bf.. i know i have to work hard.... he's a great person.. just he doesn't have much money.. and he jokes about hitting on girls.. 

[fluffydeath]

Start from one place. You need to Love yourself and take care of yourself. Only by loving yourself and taking care of yourself can you be in a position to truly love and take care of someone else.

Think of yourself as a little flame. If you surround yourself with people that hurt you, exhaust you, sap your energy. It's no different than snuffing out your own flame. Love yourself by surrounding yourself with people and things that add fuel and oxygen to your flame, and your flame can grow bigger.

It does not matter how much wood you throw on a fire, if the flame is not big enough, with enough heat and life to ignite it. Love yourself so your flame is healthy. In theory, if your flame is healthy enough you could even burn damp moldy wood, but takes a lot of heat from the flame, and makes the fire less healthy. Good, dry wood, burns easier with less energy consumed, and produces a warmer healthier flame.

Love yourself! You ultimately need to decide what is best for your life, health and joy. Does any of the pleasure you feel being with him translate into true joy, and make up for the feelings of insecurity and loneliness, or fear at the potential violence?

 

[babygirrll]

I went to see a PH. D worker for psychology advice about the relationship. She told me he cheated on me and her. He was saying we're friends in a convenient way to see two people. Because I won't accept it if he says he has a gf. She told me when you like someone and they like you. You start a relationship. So he was seeing me and seeing her.. He got away with it because we were just friends. She told me he is just waiting for someone else to come a long. She said he cheats. But he won't think it's cheating because those are not his values. I don't think I can get past with what this counselor said. He told me it's because someone so easily.. I can listen to.. Then he told me he should have stayed polygamorous from time to time and he was right. I told him.. Thats what hurt and made me insecure for a long time. He told me he tried to give me everything i wanted. I really do like him. But in the sametime.. It's like walking on eggshells. Back of my mind.. I get scared.. Always scared..... 

 

He tells me he doesn't like someone who asks for help and can't make her own decisions. In my mind.. I have a lot of things to go through. I can use all the help I can get. If he can't tell me he only wants to be with me... If he's seeing someone else the next few days and leave me.. Then let it be... I am dying right now... But maybe it's a blessing if he leaves me... so I can go to Asia.. Find a man that won't give me so much richard simmons and insecurities.. I do like him... but this isn't a good relationship for me if i can't have faith on my partner 

[mouse007]

@babygirrll The fact that there are already doubts in this relationship means it will probably be difficult to maintain if you were to go overseas. Personally, I find long distance relationships difficult and there has to be a solid foundation and a lot of commitment on both parties for it to survive. The two of you would have to really put in the effort to make it work.

 

At the end of the day, it sounds to me like you don't trust him and trust is fundamental to any relationship. There is obviously a history there where he's given you a reason to distrust him. So the question you have to ask yourself is this - "Can you get over what has happened in the past, trust him completely and move on?" Because if not, then the relationship is doomed because you're constantly going to be questioning everything he does and whether he is sincere. And because you don't trust him, you can't commit to it 100% which is also frustrating on his end. 

[babygirrll]

The counselor asked me why did I agree when he asked me out to be his girlfriend. I said because I like him. Why else He hurts me when he says he was right to stay polygamarous. It sickens me. I hate people who do that. 

[mouse007]

@babygirrll why does he say that? What does he want from you? From your relationship? 

[raymondc27]

Hey girl you've been on this fourm ranting for years. Shouldn't you start questioning those you love ? Maybe try a different type of men ? Or get your eyes check 

[babygirrll]

I haven't been questioning those I love and you are right @raymondc27 I should. I did try a different type of men and they were nice to me. Just I wasn't attracted to them. I suppose I didn't find them funny or attractive. 

My first boyfriend who I love so much because he protected me but he was always talking to other girls and I ended things with him. I felt I wasn't good enough. Then I started doing crazy things to get over him. All of this was wrong. We were young and thought we were going to get married but didn't. I always wanted to see the world and come back to him when I finished university. It was one sided.

My second boyfriend was a loser. He was bullied and everyone hated him for being a wimp. He begged his friend to drive him home on his knees. The whole thing was just sex and perhaps being there when we needed comfort.. cause we were lonely. I kissed other people cause I felt he was a loser. In the end he cheated. I wanted to leave him but ultimately he cheated and I left. 

My third boyfriend was also a loser. He was a drop out of university.  I cheated because I felt insecure and he was always talking about his exgf. At one point I cried and went to the bathroom. He was nasty. Worst decision to meet this one from the bar then online. Never do online. 

My fourth boyfriend was also a loser and liked to bully me. I was super nice to him and he was awful to me. Told me I looked like richard simmons without make up and I was fat.

My fifth boyfriend.. was also a loser.. he dropped out of college and had no job. crazy health problems. he was also biisexual and cheated on me.. i suppose he gave me a lot of love and showed me materialistic things.. but i didn't return the love.. cause i didn't love him in the end.. took me three years to get over it.. until i met an incredible man and no that isn't my current bf

 

My sixth boyfriend.. my current one.. i felt he was fresh and fun.. like eyecandy when i first met him. he also sets the tone when he walks in the room.. in the beginning i was talking to him to get over the incredible man i met. then quickly i knew we can only be friends because he was a fuuckboy and he's angry. i think he loves his exgf and another girl that betrayed him. all of the people he was with.. were polyamory.. they liked multiple people at the sametime and used people. bc of all of this fuuucked relationships. I told him lets go to the clinic and get tested together. he agreed so we did. I still won't do anything with him until I'm married. 

 

 

[mouse007]

@babygirrll I'm sorry you've had one bad relationship after another. Maybe it would be better for you if you took a break from being in any relationship. It sounds like all these relationships you've had are unhealthy and they've made you feel either more lonely or robbed you of your self-esteem. So it might be a good idea to take a step back and just be yourself for a while. A partner is supposed to complement you, not make you complete. You shouldn't feel the need to be validated by another person. You need to love yourself first. Otherwise you're going to keep feeling disappointed. 

[cenching]

I am agree with @fluffydeath that in order to be love and respect by other people we need to love and respect ourselves first....If we love ourselves and have self respect, we won't put ourselves in a situation or involves with people that will put harms on ourselves. Life and happiness are simple, we are the ones who made it hard ourselves sometimes.....

[ceriseoh]

Some red flags. If you wanted a long-term relationship with someone, don't you think you would be sure from the start, or have stronger feelings? He still needs time to gather his thoughts, and you do as well. Whether his previous thing was "no strings attached", or if it was something that could've broken his heart, it doesn't look too good: the former, he could easily only want the same with you; and if the latter, he might take you on as only a rebound relationship. Give it some time, and just be there to listen to him if you want to find something that will last (for anybody). It will weed out the bad ones. Explore your own feelings, flaws, and ways to solve them in the meantime. Learning to be secure in yourself, you'll develop higher standards and know what to look out for. 

[babygirrll]

My bf wants to have intimacy with me. I told him. I don't want to do it unless I'm married. So I feel we're together. He's always so into peer pressure. His guy friends are laughing at him.. saying he's not getting any thing. I never knew it was an issue for him. I told him.. You knew you weren't going to get it.. Unless we married. I told you from day one. He's like you think it's making me stay. It's making me go. In the end.. if he leaves.. I'll be sad but I won't die.. not because I don't love him... Bc I feel like I'm so nice to him.. I want to be married. He's like how can we be married we only dated for a month. And he's saying most guys.. thinks these are red flags.. and would run already. 

[Josh Desu]

On 11/2/2018 at 4:08 AM, Sejabin said:

If you can still think about find someone else when travel, then this guy is not the one..

I mean.. used to be when I had a relationship with a guy, and we both in a long distance relationship for more than 7 years I never thought about I will find someone else because for me was, it was just him. That’s how serious I was.. even when I thought that he will find someone else, I didn’t care LOL. For me it was will be another case. Hahahaha but if he didn’t want me then it’s ok.. feelings and love is a prerogative things.. mmmm.. 

But if we can still think that we will meet another person then it’s mean we are not ready yet for a serious relationship 

this is just my thought.. xixixixixi 

Great mindset. You're a gem.

[babygirrll]

As time passes by I like him more and more. I feel I should control my tongue and do more. Give more love to him like what the bible says.