Ask The Fellas

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@aztecgold
Honestly, i would say that he is just as confused as you are.. and since he did kiss you, i will assume he is attracted to you.
I dont know what type of guy he is, but the thing is, you should probably figure out if you do or dont like him....
as for bringing it up...
here's a sample of what you can say?
"hey *his name here*, sooo ever since a couple days ago, theres something that has been on my mind and i wanted to talk to you about it"

him "what is it?"

you " well, you know how we sort of kissed.. i was wondering if that meant anything to you"

blah blah blah, you get it right?
haha hope it goes well, i cant script the entire convo for you sorry

[honeyboo]

xphant0mwing said: @honeyboo
Whoa there..that is a pretty complicated issue,
Anyhow, how old is this guy anyways? If he is like 19-20.. i dont know what he was thinking about marrying that girl. and first love and what not.. But, either way.. i would be really careful with this guy simply because he said he was trying to get over his ex girlfriend. That is basically a red flag for, rebound..
When youre rebounding, you say all sorts of things.. I know how hard it may be, but uh, i think the best way is to talk it out with him. Letting each other know how you guys feel about each other would probably be the simplest way of finding out what you are to each other.
This being said, it could completely end the relationship and what not. But, if it does end because of a little talk, then that means it wasnt meant to be in the first place. Good luck! i wish you the best.

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@honeyboo
hm, he's a little young to be thinking about marriage.. and judging with what you're saying.. he definitely is not ready for a relationship. If you are patient enough and think you can handle it, then i would say, be patient and basically be by his side. More than anything though, he needs to fix him self up. In order to be happy in a relationship, you need to be happy with yourself first. It does not seem like he is any of that.
I know exactly how you feel, but, chin up! if this doesnt work out, just be patient, someone else will be right for you.. as we all know, patience is a virtue

[honeyboo]

xphant0mwing said: @honeyboo
hm, he's a little young to be thinking about marriage.. and judging with what you're saying.. he definitely is not ready for a relationship. If you are patient enough and think you can handle it, then i would say, be patient and basically be by his side. More than anything though, he needs to fix him self up. In order to be happy in a relationship, you need to be happy with yourself first. It does not seem like he is any of that.
I know exactly how you feel, but, chin up! if this doesnt work out, just be patient, someone else will be right for you.. as we all know, patience is a virtue

[Guest vivdrkblm]

Thank you!

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@vivdrkbim
haha, you're thinking too much into this. In a guys point of view, if he says that he wants to get to know you better, that sorta means that he really wants to get to know you. Essentially, in a way he is trying to see if this set up is going to work.. Think of it as a blind date, except you guys know what you guys look like, so he wants to know your personality and what not. And if you guys dont click, you guys will either just become friends.. or nothing at all.. sad to say. It depends on his personality though..
Good luck!

[raymondc27]

aztecgold said: This guy I've known for about nearly 4 months. We talk nearly everyday cus he's my neighbour and we usually see each other in our back garden (its shared) and we talk about serious things and jokey things too. We flirt a lot and he sometimes used to touch my arm or my hand while talking. The other night we were messin around and I told him about something stupid i did over the weekend that i was really embarrased about and he was laughing at me so i got playfully mad and so he hugged me. When i kind of pulled back he kept his arms around me and then we sorta kissed. but after i kissed him i got sorta embarrassed and made an excuse to go back into my house. I do sort of like him but im not sure what I want. anyway i've seen him twice since then and things have been normal but he never bought  up the kiss and neither did i. should i bring it up or wait for him to? or should i pretend like it never happened? and if i was to bring it up what would i say?! so confused!

[raymondc27]

honeyboo said: First of all, damn. I haven't been on soompi in like 4 years. Things have sure changed!
Advance apology for my long richard simmons entry ): I'LL TRY TO KEEP IT KINDA SHORT...
I've been talking to this guy since November. We were complete strangers before but thanks to my cousin we clicked. After a week or two of talking he formally asked me out on my first real date (I'm 18 going on 19). I have never been in a serious relationship and he's the long-term relationship type of guy. My cousin knows him really well and when he's interested in a girl, he's interested. I'm lucky that I even got him hooked, she says. Flattering. So the date went well, it was cute. We think the same about relationships and all that, it's nice to know someone understands. Anyways, time went on, still talking and flirting and stuuuffffff. The thing about him is that he's still trying to get over his ex. It was his first REAL love. He was going to marry her and all that. So he's... depressed. And I'm not just saying that to over exaggerate his sadness, he really is. 
There were a couple of times when he picked me up from school and we would just hang out and he would help me with school. During these times he was still interested in me, and the way he would show it was noticeable. At that time we never did anything like cuddle. We were never 'touchy' because we both knew what each other wanted and I just feel like we're holding ourselves back with respect as being one of our important values. Like there's this line between us that I can't cross and he can't either because he doesn't want to hurt me and I can't cross it because he's still hurt. (I got real hurt from my last 'thing'. Gave him my all and put up with this guy for a year but ended up screwing me over. hard. went through depression as well.) So yeah. AND THEN, this one day before he was about to move back to his normal home (he stayed at his grandmas. family issues), we hung out. And here... we cuddled. And kissed. And i have never had this moment happen to me before LOL, it was heaty. I mean, I've kissed but not like this. In the end I had to stop it because I knew it was wrong. We aren't in a relationship and we're both just confused about how we feel and I know this is his outlet. We just sat in silence after. I knew he felt horrible for doing that because it wasn't supposed to happen. And of course I was sorry too for going along with it. Ever since that night, it just wasn't the same. And he got worse with his depression (school, family, heartbreak)
And just this month he told me that he just doesn't want to deal with girls and he doesn't trust them. And it makes me feel kind of butthurt because I've been there for him and I think that i can be a better girl for what i went through. We both have flaws, so we can be flawless together right? He doesn't even trust me with his feelings, and I understand where he's coming from 100% because I went through that. 
But what about the date? He wouldn't have asked me out if he didn't think I was 'the one' because that's who he's looking for. And I am too. He was so interested and now he's just pushing himself away from the feeling where here I am, liking him more everyday because his struggle is what makes me like him. I find him amazing, he really is. His ambitions and values... they're attractive. He knows that I'm still interested and that I'm just trying really hard not to fall for him. I'm not gonna give my all when the other person isn't willing to catch me. And I know that he's scared to fall for me because I'm the type of girl that he wants to be with his, his 'ideal'. And it's messing him up. 
BOTTOM LINE IS... if you were scared to fall for a girl because everything about her is 'real' and she could potentially be 'the one' after getting your heart broken, are you waiting for her to just spill her feelings out to be able to get you started? I just don't want to come off like that when he's not willing. His walls are so high up now, do i just leave it? 

[raymondc27]

vivdrkblm said: I just want to understand this guy's pov and understand. I know that any answers is subjective. We were introduced by my best friend who thought we would look good together. So, we didn't meet as friends. He asked me if we wanted to meet tomorrow and just get to know each other. I'm oblivious to what he thinks of this...relationship??acquaintance??. As for me, we're not friends but I would like us to be..not that I'm friendzoning because I don't like him. I just don't want us to meet each other and then not talk again forever. 

[Guest L]

Hey guys, 
Recently I've been chatting to a acquaintance turned friend whom I've gotten a lot closer to. Prior to this we had seen each other out, stared until finally a mutual friend introduced us properly. He initiated contact right after we became fb friends. It was a sucession of fb messages until he made complaints about me 'killing his 3g' so he gave me my number and i gave him mine.He usually talks to me every day (all day + good night texts before we fall asleep) but sometimes he'd leave a msg unanswered at which point I'll text him something out of the blue some time later and we'd talk all day again. 

I find our conversations really light hearted but we have talked about family issues, childhoods, anything either of us has a vested interest in. I'm not too sure if he's either really friendly or he has some interest but he says 'you're really unique, one of a kind' and emphasises that a lot. He calls me cutie and other various nicknames. We've hung out one on one once before which he suggested and he made heaps of eyecontact it was almost nerve wracking to look at him for longer than 4 seconds. Being my flaky self I ended up showing up late.. but we talked for ages at a cafe (5-6 hours) and he walked me to my car too before giving me an awkward hug before leaving. I am attracted to him more or less. Last night he was travelling interestate and told me to bid him adieu at the bus stop before hopping on. I was busy hence no show. He was pretty dissapointed but he mentions we should hang out when both our schedules don't conflict. Anywhom I don't really want to smother this guy or stroke his ego for good measure so fellas, is there any possibility he might be interested too? Do you boys really bother getting to know a girl on an intrinsic level just platonic-ally? I also would like to see him again soon.. How do i go about that? 

[raymondc27]

L said:

Hey guys, 
Recently I've been chatting to a acquaintance turned friend whom I've gotten a lot closer to. Prior to this we had seen each other out, stared until finally a mutual friend introduced us properly. He initiated contact right after we became fb friends. It was a sucession of fb messages until he made complaints about me 'killing his 3g' so he gave me my number and i gave him mine.He usually talks to me every day (all day + good night texts before we fall asleep) but sometimes he'd leave a msg unanswered at which point I'll text him something out of the blue some time later and we'd talk all day again. 

I find our conversations really light hearted but we have talked about family issues, childhoods, anything either of us has a vested interest in. I'm not too sure if he's either really friendly or he has some interest but he says 'you're really unique, one of a kind' and emphasises that a lot. He calls me cutie and other various nicknames. We've hung out one on one once before which he suggested and he made heaps of eyecontact it was almost nerve wracking to look at him for longer than 4 seconds. Being my flaky self I ended up showing up late.. but we talked for ages at a cafe (5-6 hours) and he walked me to my car too before giving me an awkward hug before leaving. I am attracted to him more or less. Last night he was travelling interestate and told me to bid him adieu at the bus stop before hopping on. I was busy hence no show. He was pretty dissapointed but he mentions we should hang out when both our schedules don't conflict. Anywhom I don't really want to smother this guy or stroke his ego for good measure so fellas, is there any possibility he might be interested too? Do you boys really bother getting to know a girl on an intrinsic level just platonic-ally? I also would like to see him again soon.. How do i go about that? 

[Guest orchid85]

I need u guys insight on this. I've recently befriended my crush. We started talking here and there. At first I thought we got along very well, he told me bout his personal problems and he felt very grateful toward me by being there for him. To make the story short...then after we went out twice. I've the feeling that he does like me, but then he keeps on giving me all this mixed signals. The reason is that im always the one who initiate the texting. If i don't text him he can go days without texting me. When I texted him he will always replies back to my text. He told me that he doesn't mind me bothering him and I can call or text him whenever. Until recently he hasn't reply to the last text that i send him. So...is he playing hard to get cuz he knows that i like him? Or it's because i took it the wrong way all this time?

[raymondc27]

orchid85 said: I need u guys insight on this. I've recently befriended my crush. We started talking here and there. At first I thought we got along very well, he told me bout his personal problems and he felt very grateful toward me by being there for him. To make the story short...then after we went out twice. I've the feeling that he does like me, but then he keeps on giving me all this mixed signals. The reason is that im always the one who initiate the texting. If i don't text him he can go days without texting me. When I texted him he will always replies back to my text. He told me that he doesn't mind me bothering him and I can call or text him whenever. Until recently he hasn't reply to the last text that i send him. So...is he playing hard to get cuz he knows that i like him? Or it's because i took it the wrong way all this time?

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@L
Honestly this sounds like he is very interested. Let me let you in on a secret, If guys do the whole text all day+gnight texts, it usually means that they are interested. On top of that, he calls you a cutie, i am pretty sure that is his way flirting lol.
A simple way of of bringing out to go out on a date or w.e is basically just ask if he's busy, when you arent busy, and then ask if he wants to hang out/play. But make sure that you dont back out on him if you set up the date. I think he is waiting for when you arent busy, cause the last time your schedules clashed...
Good luck! have fun on the date!

@orchid85
He really is playing hard to get.. The fact that he chooses not to text you in a period of days, and when you text him, he answers back when you text him. well that is before he stopped replying to you..
Here is the thing though, because he stopped replying, it could mean that he lost interest? It honestly depends on his personality. There is a lot of different ways where this can go... You have to be the judge of whether he is a type of guy that would play with a girls heart. Hope this helped!

[oooroosay]

thank you to the men who contribute to this thread and keep us women informed on how the male brain works. 
now onto my question. 
i dated a guy who once thought that every single girl was in love with him. he used to flirt with a lot of my friends and would try to get a bunch of girls to pay attention to him so that i would get jealous. one day he took it too far so i broke it off with him. 
i can give you an example.  
one time i was talking to him about my friend who was interested in applying for a position in his division at work. out of nowhere, he asks me if she is cute. i tell him i thinks she's okay and then he says "wow i hope she doesn't fall in love with me or something."
was he delusional or just very insecure? in addition, are there many men who behave this way? or was this just a rare case. the reason i ask is because i never want to be with someone like this again. 

[Guest L]

Thanks for the input guys C:really appreciate it!

[raymondc27]

oooroosay said: thank you to the men who contribute to this thread and keep us women informed on how the male brain works. 
now onto my question. 
i dated a guy who once thought that every single girl was in love with him. he used to flirt with a lot of my friends and would try to get a bunch of girls to pay attention to him so that i would get jealous. one day he took it too far so i broke it off with him. 
i can give you an example.  
one time i was talking to him about my friend who was interested in applying for a position in his division at work. out of nowhere, he asks me if she is cute. i tell him i thinks she's okay and then he says "wow i hope she doesn't fall in love with me or something."
was he delusional or just very insecure? in addition, are there many men who behave this way? or was this just a rare case. the reason i ask is because i never want to be with someone like this again. 

[raymondc27]

L said: Thanks for the input guys C:really appreciate it!

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@oooroosay
Instead of insecure, i would say that he is more of an attention richard simmons. I am sorta suprised that a guy like him would end up having a girlfriend. Guys like that are really stupid for thinking that they can get any girl just because they already have a girl.. it goes something like that.
Honestly I personally never heard of someone saying, " i hope she never falls in love with me.." or something along those lines, but, i have heard of guys that think picking up girls is a game.. which is completely horrible. Sad to say i have a friend like that. That being said, to answer your question, yes. there are tons of males in this world that are like that..

[oooroosay]

hmmm... that sucks.... =[ 
hope i can meet a better guy in the future.