Meeting my classmates who was bullied

[sophierai21]

 

So my high classmate called my workplace to ask if there were accepting interns. I work as the HR for the company and naturally, the call was passed to me. He hadn't sent me his resume at that time so I told him to drop me an email with his CV. When I receive the email, I realise it's him (the guy who was bullied in high school). Since his credentials were good, we decided to call him in for an interview. I was sitting in the session (now that I'm thinking about it, I shouldn't have) and he did pretty well. I never mentioned that we were classmates for fear of scaring him away and also because I didn't want my colleagues to look at him from a different light. My company offered him a place as an intern. So all was well, we issued an offer letter and were awaiting his response. 

 

Today, I get a confirmation from him that he will NOT be accepting the internship offer. 

 

Back in high school, I was bullied and I can say for a fact it has shaped me to be the person I am today. I has made me fearful and I'm now realising I have developed some form of abandonment issues.

 

As for my high school classmate, I regret not standing up for him when he was bullied. We aren't even friends but I just felt that since I was bullied, it was my duty to protect people like him from bullies. And just coincidentally, I've had an argument with my family about this. This part of my past makes my heart ache just thinking about it and I get that it is partly due to me not making peace with my past. 

 

My heart feels broken and I don't know what to feel. I know there is a deeper underlying issue than me just feeling bad for him. Has anyone gone through similar situations like this before? Any advice? Also, I do not have any romantic feelings towards him. 

[Lmangla]

On 8/1/2018 at 9:32 AM, sophierai21 said:

My heart feels broken and I don't know what to feel. I know there is a deeper underlying issue than me just feeling bad for him. Has anyone gone through similar situations like this before? Any advice? Also, I do not have any romantic feelings towards him. 

@sophierai21 ~ sometimes, when we have over reactions to something so simple, it can be deeper underlying issues like you said. so may or may not be right, but perhaps, meeting this classmate again dredged up all those feelings you had when you were in school - a sense of helplessness, anger, wanting to do better, sadness.. and in a way, you wanted to fix that past by getting him an internship. now, he made a professional choice to not accept the internship -- he could have found a better offer or the job description may not have felt right for him etc. whatever his reasonings were, it was a professional choice. for you, however, it felt like a lost opportunity to perhaps reshape the past and align it more with the present? to not feel like a failure? some kind of feels like that? ..... sometimes, to let go of the past, we need to forgive ourselves, accept our limitations and move on... 

[CamelKnight]

On 8/1/2018 at 6:02 AM, sophierai21 said:

We aren't even friends but I just felt that since I was bullied, it was my duty to protect people like him from bullies

No. If you were bullied yourself and have problems standing up for yourself, nobody should expect you to stand up for him. What you could've done is inform a teacher so they can take precautions so this doesn't happen again. But you're not responsible for him.

 

Sure, people do need to speak up more to stop bullying. It's not your responsibility to stand up because you were bullied. You should stand up because you're a decent human being and don't want others to get hurt. And in this case, considering your past (or perhaps at that point even your present) it's easy to understand you didn't stand up. You were incapable of doing so. That's not on you, so don't fret about it

[sophierai21]

Thank you @CamelKnight and @Lmangla ! It appreciate your advice. Things have been better - I've stopped thinking about the what ifs. Yes, he took it as a professional decision and I'm happy that he did. 

 

Moving forward, if I'm put in a position to help someone granted I am in a capacity to help, I will.

 

Thank you again for your kind words! Have a great day