I cheated on my girlfriend

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest moo_lah]

Well, if she does realise she's clueless and blinded by what we like to call "love".

[Guest nexuswin]

Firstly, I commend you for being so open about this on a public website. Many people wouldn't mention such personal issues.

You're definitely in a tough spot, and while it is entirely your fault for having that stand with your ex when you are dating someone else, you did learn something from these events. You realize that, although appearance shouldn't be everything, it does play some part in your mental capabilities to love. No one should judge you based on your opinions, and I won't either. If you feel that you are good looking and cannot adapt to someone who you consider average, you should assess whether you are making her life better with her; and more importantly, whether you are happy with her. She definitely sounds like the clingy type, but that may be because, as you suggested, she is insecure about her looks and her beliefs that you are out of her league.

It seems that this is not a single issue but two, one with the cheating, and two about the actual relationship with your gf regardless of whether the cheating happened. Perhaps the ex reappearing in your life is making you more conscious about looks than before. But this is something you have to understand, and you should choose what's best for you and her. Do you really love her, or do looks matter too much for you to recover from someone you perceive as "average"? Hopefully this helps.

[Guest meiming8_1]

Actually, nevermind. I did not tell my girlfriend and we're still in a relationship.

If you have any respect at all for your girlfriend, you should end it. It was unfair of you to cheat on her in the first place, and it's even more unfair of you now to continue the relationship. If you really loved her you shouldn't have cheated, and if you had any respect for her, you should have ended the relationship after you cheated.

[Guest p1nchmycheeks]

Personally, I'm not offended by a little flirting. Flirting would definitely not drive me to controlling behavior. As a girl, I would dump a guy before I would bother trying to control and manipulate him with clingy behavior.

Having dated men that placed a strong emphasis on appearances, it never drove me to manipulative behavior; it drove me to work harder on myself rather than trying to hold the other person back. If I felt my relationship was in jeopardy, the LAST thing I would do would be to continue and worsen the behavior that was pissing my partner off (and pushing him away) to begin with.

Just sayin'.

No one said she deserved to be cheated on. I don't think anyone argued that his cheating on her was not wrong, because it was. I'm saying that there are actions and consequences and if flirtatious behavior was something she could not deal with, she shouldn't have dated a flirt and then all of a sudden expect that behavior to stop. She got in the box what was on the label, no more, no less and her actions exacerbated the situation.

It seems to me that you defend him too much. My bf was a flirt type and when he's ready to settle down, he stops and I also expect him to do so. He expects the same thing from me as well. Who would want to go out with you bf complimenting your friend when you're sitting right there. Maybe you're the type that's open about your bf doing that, but I find most of the girls don't.

Effort should come from both ends, instead of only the girl working hard on herself alone. If both are serious with each other, they will try to overcome by talk and discussion.

I don't blame his gf for being clingy. She can be blamed if he's totally caring and loving only her. I would be suspicious too if my bf acts like a playboy when he's in a relationship with me.

I will have respect for the OP if he didn't include his last paragraph about how his gf looks compared to his friend's. If you care too much about looks like that, you should not be with her in the first place

[Guest angels.disguise]

Actually, nevermind. 

I did not tell my girlfriend and we're still in a relationship.

You sir, are a giant prick.

[BingBong_514]

Enough with the verbal lashings of abuse.

OP, I hope you're not with her purely out of guilt/shame/pity.

Because if that's the reason why you're still with her then just get the John Tesh out of the relationship, even if you don't end up telling her the truth.

What's going to hurt her more?

Being with her because you feel guilty/ashamed, pity her or because you've cheated on her and wants to break up with her?

[Guest jess555]

break up with her or if you've sorted out your feelings and feel that you truly love her, come clean with her about your one night stand. regardless of the consequences i think your girlfriend deserves as much. i personally dislike clingy people, so i understand where you are coming from but everyone deserves the truth.

and from what i am reading, it seems you have an unstable relationship. of course no relationship is smooth-sailing but to the point where you sleep with another woman and not coming clean about it? not to mention her insecurity and constant breakup threats. one, it shows how unsatisfied you are with this relationship. two, it shows that the lack of trust both of you have in each other and three, obviously there is no positive communication going on. these are the fundamental elements of a sustainable and happy relationship. sure, love is not science, one cant say this plus this makes a great relationship but surely you know that this unhealthy cycle will only make you both more and more unhappy. the longer you drag the lie and relationship, the more painful it will be.

understand that i am in no way trying to bash you for cheating, im just giving you an opinion and some advice. whichever way your relationship goes, i hope everything turns out for the best. good luck!

[MiDnite89]

What I've noticed between guys and girls, is that girls can forgive cheating when it comes to sex - so long as it was just a one night stand and you aren't in love with the girl. So even if he does tell her, with her being far more into him, than he is into her, she will probably forgive him "so long as he doesn't do it again" (Really, just something to save her some face for taking him back, she swears if he does it again, she'll leave. Of course, she won't) 

[Guest hippiehop]

Rather than assume he's a horrible person, maybe take into account that her being clingy is pushing him away.

I completely agree with you.

Even if she is clingy, it's probably because she likes him a lot. A so-called "clingy" person does not deserve what he did to her. And cheaters in my book are horrible people, sorry - Maybe not for you.

Liking someone a lot of no excuse to be clingy. Clingy is the worst, most annoying quality I think anyone could have. I'm surprised you didn't just break up with her before.

With that said, I think you NEED TO BREAK UP WITH HER. I just saw your post about how you are still together. You're an idiot if you think that this is going to ever work out. 1) You CHEATED ON HER 2) She's unbelievably insecure and clingy 3) You guys both are not in your ideal situations 4) You can't even talk to a girl while she is sitting there next to you. This is john teshing idiotic.

[Guest asianmix]

Ummm. Well this is all in my view. You should tell your gf the truth. If I was your girlfriend and I found out what you did I would more likely punch you in the face or kick you where the sun don't shine, you have all the right to feel guilty because it is your fault. Just tell her the truth, there's two ways she'll react either, 1) she'll be happy you told her the truth and forgive you Or worst case scenario 2) break up with you and maybe hit you. It would hurt her more that you didn't tell her the truth.

[Guest vanillax33]

Actually, nevermind. 

I did not tell my girlfriend and we're still in a relationship.

[Guest ZeroX3]

sounds really bad lol, next time she wants to break up i think you should just walk away and never contact her again

[Guest hellokatie1618]

I have to agree with hapless child on this one. People will be people no matter how much you victimize the girl or the cheatee. I became a cheater when my ex boyfriend would not take the time to come out and see me so I could break up with him in person. Gave him three months and he wouldn't even give me the time of day. So another guy came along during the waiting period and I became a cheater. I ended up having to do a phone breakup, awful, but he still wouldn't come see me. Ideals are pretty much happy sunshine rainbows covered in invisible s. h. I. T. Be a realist here. I am not encouraging cheating and I can understand why it happened in this situation. This girlfriend relied on him for all of her social needs and this is wrong and creepy and clingy. He was also honest about his narcissistic tendencies and about how self consciousness is about looks. At least he can understand his flaws. Once a cheater, always a cheater is something I do not believe in. I Have the love of a man named Steve now and have stayed with him ever since. But then again, break up th the harpie.

[Guest bonta_kun_4eva]

You should have mention to your ex that you were unavailable, that way you wouldn't have ended up in this situation. If you don't think that she'll be the one you end up with, then stop dragging this relationship on, keep your happy memories as memories. 

[Guest pixieoncrack]

and u dont deserve your girlfriend. face the music and accept the punishment. 

[Guest elleella]

You already answered the question as to if she's the one. You cheated. Now you feel overwhelmed as if you're babysitting. So stop wasting each other's time and move on.

[Guest happygal2011]

Your Galfrez is clingy becoz she doesn't mingle around much with either her frez or simply she build her world around you.

I suggest you have a heart to heart talk with her and share with her about what you feel uncomfortable with. Everyone needs to have their personal space and if such space is not given it will be tough for both of you to continue in future.

You cheated on her was not becoz you don't like her but rather you're tired of her behavior + fights on the smallest issues but that doesn't mean what you did is correct. Respect and communication are elements most essential for a relationship to last

[Guest sujinh23]

You should be responsible and admit to what you did. You wouldn't want your gf to hide that from you either. There is always a chance of her finding out no matter what you think.
She will probably break up with you when you tell her. 

[KeHAEa]

... Your girlfriend sounds really insecure. I think you're right about it on the most part, that she feels as if she cannot trust you, which is what is making her jealous and insecure. Obviously, she has good reason not to trust you, no?
I don't think you guys are right for each other too... if she were with someone else, maybe she wouldn't be so insecure.