Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[Guest neshpa]

Say you're put into a situation where you like a guy almost immediately (I'm sure we've all been there before), but you don't want to rush into things. How do you just stay/become friends with him despite your emotions?

It might just be me, but I find it hard to act like I don't like someone, especially if I'm not friends with them first.

Second situation: You and a guy both have feelings for each other (this has been established between the both of you), but he wants to just stay friends for reasons that are rational. He says that you are not entitled to continue holding those feelings, nor do you have to wait for him - all he wants is to just be friends so that nothing is rushed because he likes to be friends with girls before continuing into a relationship, and, trust me, it would be best for both of you if you didn't try and pursue the relationship.

How do you stay friends with him despite knowing how you both feel towards each other? Would you try to get over him? Would you let yourself get involved with another guy?

I suppose the above scenarios are really similar ... the only difference is the first you don't know if the guy has feelings for you back, whilst the second one does.

Sorry if I worded things strangely ... if you would like any further elaboration, just holler n__n

[Guest tzstriker324]

Probably because she has more important priorities in her life and you're not one of them. Sad, but true.

Advice for you is to not do anything.

Even though she's someone that I have went out on dates with couple times and seem to have a great time. Do I still wait and not do anything?

[Guest hishari]

Even though she's someone that I have went out on dates with couple times and seem to have a great time. Do I still wait and not do anything?

Don't do anything. The last thing you want is her to think you're getting clingy and annoying.

If you've already asked her if she wants to hang out and she didn't respond, then just drop it. Text her once, max twice, and if she doesn't respond within two days (even that is pushing it), then just forget about her. If she really wanted to let you know, she will. I have no patience for people who are indecisive, flakey roller-coasters, and neither should you.

Even if you've gone on dates, girls are crazy and can change minds about a guy almost as fast as they change their clothes. A week is a long richard simmons time to decide whether you're free or not.

Good luck.

[Guest zoomlo85]

When a girl said she will text/call you later to let you know when she's free. But after a week later, she still haven't called or text,

I'm wondering why girls do that?  And what would you advice the guy to do?

Why don't you call her yourself? dont spam her phone, call just once. If she doesn't call.

Try one last time in a week, if still no reply. MOVE ON

Assume she met another guy she is attracted more than you.

Ahhh, damn. i am not a lady haha... but i couldnt resist answering because so many guys have this problem including me lol.

[inxomnia]

When a girl said she will text/call you later to let you know when she's free. But after a week later, she still haven't called or text,

I'm wondering why girls do that? And what would you advice the guy to do?

Depending on the "desired day" she might still be unsure, or she's forgotten. I can't tell from the 'context' you've given us, but either its unintentional or she didn't really want to go on the date. Depending on how she words it, and whether she brushes you off a lot, then it's probably disinterest; well, for me.

Call/text to remind her.

Say you're put into a situation where you like a guy almost immediately (I'm sure we've all been there before), but you don't want to rush into things. How do you just stay/become friends with him despite your emotions?

It might just be me, but I find it hard to act like I don't like someone, especially if I'm not friends with them first.

Second situation: You and a guy both have feelings for each other (this has been established between the both of you), but he wants to just stay friends for reasons that are rational. He says that you are not entitled to continue holding those feelings, nor do you have to wait for him - all he wants is to just be friends so that nothing is rushed because he likes to be friends with girls before continuing into a relationship, and, trust me, it would be best for both of you if you didn't try and pursue the relationship.

How do you stay friends with him despite knowing how you both feel towards each other? Would you try to get over him? Would you let yourself get involved with another guy?

I suppose the above scenarios are really similar ... the only difference is the first you don't know if the guy has feelings for you back, whilst the second one does.

Sorry if I worded things strangely ... if you would like any further elaboration, just holler n__n

1. If I had feelings for someone and wanted to stay friends only, then I would just go with the flow and act like I currently am. By this I mean, if I wanted to stay friends BEFORE jumping into a relationship. If I wanted to stay friends while trying to kill the feelings, I'd distance myself while being civil.

2. I don't have a problem with the guy saying we should stay friends before jumping into a relationship, I would just stay friends. I would mind though if he said I am not ENTITLED (see bolded) to have feelings for me.. I can have feelings for who I want, yet I would be respectful enough to not force or expect anything more. As above, I'd just act as I am and do me.

Can I ask what your reasons are? Because that might help more? I personally don't really get why people MUST be friends before dating to be honest, because learning about the other person is fun too. If the feelings are there, just go with it.

Even though she's someone that I have went out on dates with couple times and seem to have a great time. Do I still wait and not do anything?

As above, just call her once or twice. As a girl, I don't see the problem with guys calling girls to arrange a date or talk, especially if its the early days and I'm starting to like the guy.

[Guest tzstriker324]

Thanks for all your helps

[Guest neshpa]

1. If I had feelings for someone and wanted to stay friends only, then I would just go with the flow and act like I currently am. By this I mean, if I wanted to stay friends BEFORE jumping into a relationship. If I wanted to stay friends while trying to kill the feelings, I'd distance myself while being civil.

2. I don't have a problem with the guy saying we should stay friends before jumping into a relationship, I would just stay friends. I would mind though if he said I am not ENTITLED (see bolded) to have feelings for me.. I can have feelings for who I want, yet I would be respectful enough to not force or expect anything more. As above, I'd just act as I am and do me.

Can I ask what your reasons are? Because that might help more? I personally don't really get why people MUST be friends before dating to be honest, because learning about the other person is fun too. If the feelings are there, just go with it. 

Thanks for answering

This year is his last year of uni, which I respect because education is very important to the both of us. He's the type of guy who wants to give everything 100% and he would feel really bad if he did anything half-a*sed, and so he told me that since he would be my first boyfriend (I'm 18, he's 20), he'd feel guilty that he would always be too busy with uni and work, and that he wouldn't be able to give me his full attention. I didn't see the point in trying to change his mind so I just agreed because I decided that even if I were to push it, we'd both feel guilty. He'd feel guilty for the aforementioned reasons, and I'd feel guilty for pushing this relationship onto him where I know that he doesn't want it, and I don't want to build a relationship on guilt.

He insists on being friends first because he rushed into the relationship with his last girlfriend, and it ended very badly. I'm sure he's the type of guy who wants to see himself in a long-term relationship with someone, and going from strangers to lovers quickly gives too much opportunity for personalities to show through and clash with each other, resulting in arguments and eventually breaking up.

[inxomnia]

Thanks for answering

This year is his last year of uni, which I respect because education is very important to the both of us. He's the type of guy who wants to give everything 100% and he would feel really bad if he did anything half-a*sed, and so he told me that since he would be my first boyfriend (I'm 18, he's 20), he'd feel guilty that he would always be too busy with uni and work, and that he wouldn't be able to give me his full attention. I didn't see the point in trying to change his mind so I just agreed because I decided that even if I were to push it, we'd both feel guilty. He'd feel guilty for the aforementioned reasons, and I'd feel guilty for pushing this relationship onto him where I know that he doesn't want it, and I don't want to build a relationship on guilt.

He insists on being friends first because he rushed into the relationship with his last girlfriend, and it ended very badly. I'm sure he's the type of guy who wants to see himself in a long-term relationship with someone, and going from strangers to lovers quickly gives too much opportunity for personalities to show through and clash with each other, resulting in arguments and eventually breaking up.

Ahh I get you now. The reason I asked was because sometimes people wait for the sake of waiting, and then things end up not working out anyways. But I do see that you guys actually have a valid reason so to speak. However, you know, with feelings and all, if it's there it's there. Even if you wait, if they're real, they'd still be there. If it doesn't work out, then it means your feelings for each other weren't deep enough to progress smoothly into a relationship anyways. However, it can get confusing because essentially, a relationship should be a friendship, perhaps where there is more commitment and physical intimacy. The care and consideration you guys have for each other is usually the same.

[Guest neshpa]

Ahh I get you now. The reason I asked was because sometimes people wait for the sake of waiting, and then things end up not working out anyways. But I do see that you guys actually have a valid reason so to speak. However, you know, with feelings and all, if it's there it's there. Even if you wait, if they're real, they'd still be there. If it doesn't work out, then it means your feelings for each other weren't deep enough to progress smoothly into a relationship anyways. However, it can get confusing because essentially, a relationship should be a friendship, perhaps where there is more commitment and physical intimacy. The care and consideration you guys have for each other is usually the same.

I know, and that's why I don't feel too cut up about this. Even if we didn't/don't end up together at least I know that I've gained a really good friend. As cheesy as it sounds: I'm just happy to have him in my life. Plus, things will always change and who knows, one day he might end up changing his mind, although I shouldn't and am not counting on it, haha.

Anyway, thanks for listening and sharing with me your opinion ^^ I really appreciate it!

[AiriinxKumori]

Is ok for your bf to keep the girls on his fb that he use to flirt with before he met his gf? and he still keeps them now?

[inxomnia]

Is ok for your bf to keep the girls on his fb that he use to flirt with before he met his gf? and he still keeps them now?

Well, truth is there are many people on our facebook friend's list that we don't even bother talking to really. I think it's a matter of trust, unless he gives you a reason not to trust him. In my opinion though, it's kind of something out of your control isn't it? It's not like you can hack into his account and just delete them without him knowing. So if anything, observe whether he still flirts with them or not. If he doesn't, let it slide. If he does, and it makes you uncomfortable, then talk to him about it.

[Guest o________O]

I'm really curious at the moment.

So I heard that this girl referred to me as an "Uhm chin" (엄친). This is Korean slang which literally means "son/daughter of mothers friend", it refers to those who have good traits such as attractive appearance, academic, rich etc. The type of people who you would get compared against by your mother. Obviously this sounds like a good thing, no doubt. However, would girls generally find this intimidating when pursuing a guy? (Assuming that they don't necessarily have these traits, in their opinion)

[WistfulLove]

I'm really curious at the moment.

So I heard that this girl referred to me as an "Uhm chin" (엄친).  This is Korean slang which literally means "son/daughter of mothers friend", it refers to those who have good traits such as attractive appearance, academic, rich etc.  The type of people who you would get compared against by your mother.  Obviously this sounds like a good thing, no doubt.  However, would girls generally find this intimidating when pursuing a guy? (Assuming that they don't necessarily have these traits, in their opinion)

I know a guy who fits that exact description and my mom compares me to him ALL the darn time! >_>

I used to like him too, but back then i didn't find those traits intimidating. 

I suppose part of it was because they were things that made me attracted to him in the first place?

I think it depends on the girl's personality and self confidence. 

I'm generally a really shy and reserved gal, and my self confidence varies depending on the situations i'm in; however, pursuing my mentioned 엄친 as someone more than just a friend/ acquaintance wasn't intimidating because his personality was very friendly and i was just very close and open with him (: 

That was just my personal experience though ;o

[pervert]

I'm really curious at the moment.

So I heard that this girl referred to me as an "Uhm chin" (엄친). This is Korean slang which literally means "son/daughter of mothers friend", it refers to those who have good traits such as attractive appearance, academic, rich etc. The type of people who you would get compared against by your mother. Obviously this sounds like a good thing, no doubt. However, would girls generally find this intimidating when pursuing a guy? (Assuming that they don't necessarily have these traits, in their opinion)

I personally would find anyone that has all of those qualities intimidating. I don't know about other girls in general though. Like WistfulLove said, it'd help to remove the intimidating factor if you're very friendly.

[Guest o________O]

I personally would find anyone that has all of those qualities intimidating. I don't know about other girls in general though. Like WistfulLove said, it'd help to remove the intimidating factor if you're very friendly.

It doesn't necessarily mean you have all those qualities, but a few.

Guess I'm out of luck "/ I'm not the friendliest chap about.. thank you for the replies!

[Guest HeRo__]

About a week ago my female friend asked me to lunch. So I asked my girlfriend if it's okay. My gf has met her before and said it was fine. Now my friend texted me saying other girls (her friends that I've never met) will join us. And if it's okay if we change it to dinner. It will be 4 other girls, my female friend, and me. Normally I like meeting new people, but there's no point since I'll be moving to another city soon. So I told my friend I can't make it anymore and we'll reschedule another time.

Then tonight I was talking on the phone with my gf and she asked about the lunch. I told her I'm not going anymore because my friend's friends will be there. My gf then said "so you wanted it to be just the two of you?" I just told her because I had dinner plans already and didn't want to meet new people. But she still took it as I wanted alone time with my friend. Little does she know, I turned down dinner with 5 girls..... Anyway why did she agree to let me have dinner 1on1 with my friend in the beginning anyways??

[SunniRise]

About a week ago my female friend asked me to lunch. So I asked my girlfriend if it's okay. My gf has met her before and said it was fine. Now my friend texted me saying other girls (her friends that I've never met) will join us. And if it's okay if we change it to dinner. It will be 4 other girls, my female friend, and me. Normally I like meeting new people, but there's no point since I'll be moving to another city soon. So I told my friend I can't make it anymore and we'll reschedule another time.

Then tonight I was talking on the phone with my gf and she asked about the lunch. I told her I'm not going anymore because my friend's friends will be there. My gf then said "so you wanted it to be just the two of you?" I just told her because I had dinner plans already and didn't want to meet new people. But she still took it as I wanted alone time with my friend. Little does she know, I turned down dinner with 5 girls..... Anyway why did she agree to let me have dinner 1on1 with my friend in the beginning anyways??

Like you said, she probably thinks that you wanted to have just a one on one lunch with your friend. I think that might have sparked a bit of jealousy.

[Ninshark]

How much do girls value a clean room of a guy?

Do they expect it?

[mintcracker]

^ The room, how it's layed out, how you organise your living spaces, your desk, your shelves, your clothes etc says alot about the person. So imo, it matters a great deal. If I were interested in a guy, and I end up finding out his room is a complete mess...or smells like something died in it and the dead body is still part of the room... Total and utter turn off. BIG.

[Guest likelovers]

How much do girls value a clean room of a guy?

Do they expect it?

I don't expect it to be clean, but I am pleasantly surprised when it is.

Reason I don't expect it is because my room is pretty dang messy.  I pretty much know where everything is (I call it "organized chaos"), but to others, it looks crazy haha