Joo Won 주원 [Current Drama 2024 - The Midnight Studio/ 야한(夜限) 사진관]

[moonstrike]

4 minutes ago, kittyna said:

I still remember the time when, in the middle of winter, all 7 guys kept on failing the quizzes they needed to win ingredients for dinner - so when it was JW who messed up, he tried to buy everyone a second chance by going into the ice house shirtless for 10 seconds.

Aww... i remember that... he really doesn't like quiz. because he doesn't have confidence to answer that. When the quiz section is coming, he will be look so depressed. The hyung knows it and make a joke about him. Everytime the quiz is come, they know joo won will not be able to answer that and lose. They will say it waste time. Hahaha.. poor Cutie..

 

And in that episode, after he fail to answer the question, he immediately stripped his parker and all of his clothes (except the pants, hihi) without the hyung asking. He knew he should do that for the hyungs. And 10 second in winter is... i can't imagine that. It'll be freezing.. 

 

14 minutes ago, kittyna said:

LOL! Question: Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I think JW looks the best in drag out of all four of them?

Hahaha... his blush on is too much. His cheeks is so red. But he is pretty with that make up and clothes.... i remember in some interview joo won said he is embarrassed wearing that clothes but he said he must do that for the show. Aww.. he is so kind..

[kittyna]

23 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

And in that episode, after he fail to answer the question, he immediately stripped his parker and all of his clothes (except the pants, hihi) without the hyung asking. He knew he should do that for the hyungs. And 10 second in winter is... i can't imagine that. It'll be freezing.. 

 

Yeah - I remember feeling bad for him at first, and now even more so now that I know he hates being cold. But he was a real trooper there, taking one for the team like that.

 

24 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

Hahaha... his blush on is too much. His cheeks is so red. But he is pretty with that make up and clothes.... i remember in some interview joo won said he is embarrassed wearing that clothes but he said he must do that for the show. Aww.. he is so kind..

 

lol - Personally, I have to wonder what he was expecting, since he and Kim Jong Min were the ones who came up with the idea in the first place (a lip sync dance cover of an Orange Caramel song). If you're going to do a lip sync of a girl band song, I think it would have been pretty much inevitable that the staff would make you do it while, well, dressed as a girl.  

 

Of course, even if he knew in advance that that's what would happen, he is still perfectly within his rights to be embarrassed when the moment actually comes. Again, I think he did a good job taking one for the team there: he was playing the "pretty" girl while Kim Jong Min was the "goofy" one.  

 

I think, though, what surprised me even more was how he looked like in just the makeup without the costume. I don't have a video or screenshot to show you, but if you could find Episode 415 (or the one that was broadcast on December 2, 2012), then if you start watching at about the 54-minute mark, you'll see him and his hyungs changing out of their various costumes into the suits they wear for the end. And the camera just so happens to catch him in the exact moment when he takes off the dress, and then later, when he puts on the dress shirt. I was surprised at how well the makeup suited him then - it somehow ended up not looking silly on him at all, once the costume was gone.

 

Then again, JW is a theatre actor, after all - just by that alone, he'd know a thing or two about stage/costume makeup and how to make it work for him. So now, in hindsight, I wonder if he did it himself....

[kittyna]

Okay, so in my eagerness to share some of the new stuff from my collection yesterday, I didn't get around to finishing the thread/theme that I'd been in the middle of: posting the various new behind-the-scenes photos I've found.

 

So first things first this morning: I'm going to finish that, and then we'll see where I go from here.

 

Spoiler

"Level 7 Civil Servant"

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Good Doctor"

 

 

 

 

I don't know the story behind this photo: why the cast and crew are holding a prayer service during filming. If anyone knows, please inform me - thanks!

 

 

 

I don't have all that much new stuff from "Yong Pal", though - probably because those have shown up frequently on my feed to begin with, so they're buried a bit further down in my collection.

[moonstrike]

12 hours ago, kittyna said:

Yeah - I remember feeling bad for him at first, and now even more so now that I know he hates being cold. But he was a real trooper there, taking one for the team like that.

Yeah..because he doesn't like cold, he has a habit to wrap his neck with a scarf... i remember his past photos are reveal on public in happy together... because of that photos, we know that he likes to make his body feel warm and wrap his neck... and he also likes to wear clothes that doesn't reveal to much. 

 

I also remember the other guest said back then, joo won's fashion taste is bad. I laugh so hard that time. Since we know that time he doesn't have much money to buy a fashion items plus he also don't have much interest in fashion. So it makes it worse... but i wonder he has a little bit of interest in fashion now... who knows.

 

By the way... i found this on instagram.. new update guyss...

 

The girl said that joo won has large eyes more than her and has pretty face more than her... 

 

This is so cute tho..

 

I never seen this before... 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited December 8, 2017 by Go Seung Ji
Mod: More than 3 Pictures should be placed in Spoilers

[kittyna]

@moonstrike Thanks for the new pics! Those are adorable - especially the one from filming "Nae Il's Cantabile" (I remember that clip from "Life Log"), and the collage for Beansbins  

 

Quick update on my end: I just came across another person on Pinterest today who's also got a massive JW collection. The funny thing, though, is that as I was going through their stuff...I realized they were sharing a reposting a lot of stuff from my collection.

 

And that makes me so happy, because that's really my goal for doing this: sharing as many pictures as possible so that all JW fans on Pinterest can benefit and have new stuff to look at for the duration of his enlistment  

 

Anyway, the main set of stuff this person has that I don't have already is - you guessed it - even more photos from "My Sassy Girl". Again, as with the weird spike in photos in my feed yesterday, I'm saving these mostly in my hanbok collection, but here are some of my favourites for you guys.

 

I'm a big fan of costume eye-candy, so I've been loving that all these new, high-resolution photos coming in are now giving me a chance to really look at JW's costumes up close. And they're gorgeous - probably not real silk (going by how shiny the fabric is), but I love all the little bits of embroidery, the tone-on-tone patterns, etc. I also notice that JW's costumes tend to have visible, contrasting stitching (e.g. white or red stitches on a blue hanbok) - I don't think that would be historically accurate, but I've seen that that's a detail that's distinctive to his costumes, and no-one else's.

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the way, I'd seen comments about Gyun Woo's super-anachronistic desk lamp before, but this is my first time seeing it. lol - I literally have something similar at my house - we put it on top of the piano to shine down on our sheet music

 

 

On a more random note, this image from "Good Doctor" also showed up on my feed this morning - cute!

 

[moonstrike]

19 minutes ago, kittyna said:

And that makes me so happy, because that's really my goal for doing this: sharing as many pictures as possible so that all JW fans on Pinterest can benefit and have new stuff to look at for the duration of his enlistment  

Wow... thats great.!! I want to look at it too. Since i miss him so much...

 

21 minutes ago, kittyna said:

I'm a big fan of costume eye-candy, so I've been loving that all these new, high-resolution photos coming in are now giving me a chance to really look at JW's costumes up close. And they're gorgeous - probably not real silk (going by how shiny the fabric is), but I love all the little bits of embroidery, the tone-on-tone patterns, etc. I also notice that JW's costumes tend to have visible, contrasting stitching (e.g. white or red stitches on a blue hanbok) - I don't think that would be historically accurate, but I've seen that that's a detail that's distinctive to his costumes, and no-one else's.

Yeah... i heard many people like all dress and clothes from my sassy girl. They said the costumes is so great and detail...they said its the most beautiful clothes in sageuk drama. I'm happy they like it. 

 

And i think like that too.. the clothes have bright and cheerfull colour. The embroidery on their clothes is so detail and it makes them look more gorgeous... 

 

26 minutes ago, kittyna said:

On a more random note, this image from "Good Doctor" also showed up on my feed this morning - cute!

Hahaha... Joo won's blank face is so funny and cute... everytime he make that face, he will looks like a child... even though the scene that they film is so sad... i remember the scene was when shi on is hated by his colleagues and friends because he make a mistake. But doctor cha is there and encourage him... the drama is such a great and pure drama that has a pure love in deficiency between park shi on and cha yoon seo... 

[kittyna]

52 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

Wow... thats great.!! I want to look at it too. Since i miss him so much...

 

Here's the other collection I found: https://www.pinterest.com/senzoe/moon-joo-won/

 

EDIT: I had run off for a bit, but am back. Adding new stuff here rather than in a new post to stick to the One Hour rule.  

 

@moonstrike I don't know if "My Sassy Girl" had the best costumes out of sageuk - mostly because I have yet to see a sageuk that wasn't serious eye candy in some way, shape, or form - but I do know that I like it. I've seen some people say that the costumes looked cheap - and I think we can make a reasonable argument for, say, synthetic fabrics and too-bright colours that might not have been true to the actual Joseon dynasty.

 

But then again, nothing really about "My Sassy Girl" was meant to be all that serious from a historical standpoint - they were literally planting meta jokes about today's Hallyu culture just about everywhere: from the prevalence of social media (broadsides and the public message board), to nods to popular dramas (which they now put as book titles), etc. Plus, the rather laughable excuse for any sort of historical accuracy in the China-based segments in the beginning, which looked like a mish-mash of multiple dynasties.

 

Point is: I never expected "My Sassy Girl" to be historically accurate, so I'm not going to judge its costumes on that front.

 

And just a few more pics so I'm not leaving here empty-handed:

 

Spoiler

 

These next two shots really show the contrasting stitching I was talking about: red-on-yellowish-green in the first one, and white-on-blue/purple in the second.

 

 

 

LOVE the patterned fabrics on this one:

 

 

And I'm including this screenshot, because it's just hilarious  

 

 

[airplanegirl]

3 hours ago, moonstrike said:

By the way... i found this on instagram.. new update guyss...

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BccGO00FFUE/

This is so cute tho..

Translation: "This oppa has the perfect 1:1 ratio face. His eyes were bigger than mine, and was even prettier than me."

 

She hashtagged '#촬영' which means 'at a shoot' which probably means that this pic was taken during the poster shoot for their army festival which was held in October. 

[kittyna]

I don't know which fan did this, but whoever did the Photoshop in this picture...wow. 

 

Such a perfect representation of my hopes and dreams for our JW!

 

(I know it's subtle, but I hope you guys can see what's been done )

 

 

A couple of other new - non-"My Sassy Girl" - items in my collection:

 

1. You know I love me some black-and-white photography  

 

 

2. I love how for a couple of years, his fan meeting/concert "tour" was called "Sweet Smile" - That's so him, and this is a perfect example:

 

 

Finally, it's December, so we're starting to see those year-end retrospective articles, Top 10 lists, etc. cropping up on the Internet. JW was featured on one of them today:

 

Dramafever's 13 Hottest K-drama leading men of 2017

 

Feel free to click the link to read the whole thing, but here's what they had to say specifically about JW:

 

Quote

7. Joo Won (My Sassy Girl)

You have to admit he was the perfect fit for Joseon's national treasure role. It seems the 30-year-old gentleman was born to play scholar Gyeon Woo and give fans joy before his military enlistment. 

 

Note: "30-year-old gentleman" - My thoughts exactly  

[kittyna]

Got a free moment right now, so here are some more miscellaneous new pics from my collection:

 

Spoiler

Blowing soap bubbles...so cute!

 

 

Gorgeous black-and-white photo from the 2015 SBS Drama Awards

 

 

Can't remember if I've already shared this yet, but in case I haven't...."Yong Pal" Behind the Scenes

 

 

I love it when photographers manage to catch the moment when he laughs. I've noticed that his laughs are often on the short side, which makes photos like these even more precious.

 

 

 

Finally, I can't remember off the top of my head which episode of 1N2D this is from, but I think he ends up looking really cool in this screenshot. Personally, I really like it when he grows out his fringe (I'm used to calling them bangs, but I know that's a North American thing) longer like this: whether he then leaves it down or sweeps it back, I always think it looks really cool.  

 

 

[moonstrike]

16 hours ago, kittyna said:

 

I don't know which fan did this, but whoever did the Photoshop in this picture...wow. 

 

Such a perfect representation of my hopes and dreams for our JW!

 

(I know it's subtle, but I hope you guys can see what's been done )

 

I love the wings behind his back... it makes him look like an angel plus he wear a white t-shirt and white pants that makes him more gorgeous. I like when he wear white clothes... so dreamy..❤❤❤

 

16 hours ago, kittyna said:

Note: "30-year-old gentleman" - My thoughts exactly  

Right!!! He absolutely a gentleman... hihihi.

 

1 hour ago, kittyna said:

Gorgeous black-and-white photo from the 2015 SBS Drama Awards

Uwooo... i never seen that photo before.. he looks so handsome in suit plus he receive an award.!! Two award at the same time!! So proud of him..

 

1 hour ago, kittyna said:

I love it when photographers manage to catch the moment when he laughs. I've noticed that his laughs are often on the short side, which makes photos like these even more precious.

Yeah... i like when he smile... his smile makes my day happier than ever... his eye smile is so cute...❤❤

 

1 hour ago, kittyna said:

Finally, I can't remember off the top of my head which episode of 1N2D this is from, but I think he ends up looking really cool in this screenshot. Personally, I really like it when he grows out his fringe (I'm used to calling them bangs, but I know that's a North American thing) longer like this: whether he then leaves it down or sweeps it back, I always think it looks really cool.  

Me too... i don't remember what episode is that.. but in the corner, i see something that say 직진 바캉스 means travel straight... i guess its when the member travel korea but they have to go straight and can't turn right or left...

 

I like the photo tho... his hair is a bit longer back then... and he is like a teenager in that photo.. i was giggling when i first saw that photo thinking the person what i see in the photo was joo won teenager..

 

Here is what i found on instagram...enjoy..

 

When i first saw that post, i thought that is joo won in his house. But its actually someone's son that has same hairstyle as joo won. He looks like joo won with that perfect angle.. just with a little bit angle and some manly outfit, he can be like joo won.. hmm... i was surprised.

 

This is cute as always.. Joo won Wink eye while shooting a gun..

 

Just want to share it because joo won look so good in this post... his cute and innocent face expression... ❤❤

 

Remember when i say that he looks good in suit.... back in 2014 KBS drama award and zigbang cf and also baeksang award...❤❤❤

 

Hearing his voice again❤❤❤ so good...

His smile looks so cute.... he is absolutely not gu majun but our lovely joo won..❤❤❤

 

[kittyna]

1 hour ago, moonstrike said:

I love the wings behind his back... it makes him look like an angel plus he wear a white t-shirt and white pants that makes him more gorgeous. I like when he wear white clothes... so dreamy..❤❤❤

 

Since you like seeing him in white....

 

Spoiler

 

 

I don't really get what's going on with the cutting on this shirt - that's a detail I see more often in women's clothing than men's.  

 

 

It's not just button-down shirts; I think he pulls off the basic T-shirt really well, too.

 

 

2 hours ago, moonstrike said:

Me too... i don't remember what episode is that.. but in the corner, i see something that say 직진 바캉스 means travel straight... i guess its when the member travel korea but they have to go straight and can't turn right or left...

 

I like the photo tho... his hair is a bit longer back then... and he is like a teenager in that photo.. i was giggling when i first saw that photo thinking the person what i see in the photo was joo won teenager..

 

If that's when the photo is from, then my guess is that it's because he grew his hair out for "Gaksital".

 

2 hours ago, moonstrike said:

His smile looks so cute.... he is absolutely not gu majun but our lovely joo won..❤❤❤

 

lol - Yep! I love that we can always see if he's just in costume, or if he's actually in character  

[kittyna]

Today, I did something a little bit random, but definitely a lot of fun: went with some relatives to see a mini-exhibition of props for the upcoming "Star Wars" movie. Now, I know that's not JW-related, like, at all. But it did get me thinking about something that is.

 

Upon entering the exhibit, visitors were invited to pick an allegiance or side on a tablet the staff had ready. And while I didn't do it myself, I did notice that it was a running poll that would keep track of everyone's votes over the duration of the exhibit. Now, to be honest, I was tagging along just out of curiosity and know next to nothing about "Star Wars" - BUT what I do know is the general divide between the Dark Side (i.e. the Sith) and the Light Side (i.e. the Jedi).

 

So let's try something like that for a moment, shall we? I've gone through my collection to find some "dark" and "light" pictures of JW, whether it's in his roles as certain characters, in photo shoots, etc., and now I want to know:

 

Which version of JW do you prefer?

 

The DARK side...?

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or the LIGHT side...?

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

Or, is it a tie? Do you like BOTH?

 

Spoiler

 

I know I've shared this before, but it's perfect for what I'm going for here  

 

[moonstrike]

13 hours ago, kittyna said:

The DARK side...?

Wow... he looks so good in fierce and cool pose.. it makes him more manly.. hihihi... and that's also reminds me of bridal mask... his evil side is very suitable for dark side photo. In the photo where he shouted "GAKSITAAALLLL!!!!" was really shows his bad side... it showing his hate of bridal mask in his heart. Such a good acting...

 

13 hours ago, kittyna said:

Or the LIGHT side...?

And we got the light and cheerful kind of photo... he's very cute with his aegyo pose... He always show that face everywhere... no wonder that all of his partner from drama or movie, noona or dongsaeng, old or young likes him... 

his cheerful face affects everyone.

 

His partner (Jin se Yeon, Kim tae hee, Kim Ah Joong, Choi Kang Hee, and many more) always said that joo won is always makes the set more cheerful and happy because of his smile and his jokes (I heard that joo won is also likes to joke and tease his partner). Because of that, once he come or appears on the set, the atmosphere will change instantly become happier ... it seems like it is the mystical power and charm of joo won. Hihihi...

 

13 hours ago, kittyna said:

Or, is it a tie? Do you like BOTH?

Its awesome that he can change his character so instantly in just a short time... looking at this photo, we can see that showing its just one person before and after he become a character of drama... so different yet amazing... 

Photo corner...❤❤❤

 

This photo is so cute...

 

I never seen this photo... he looks so young.. ❤❤❤

 

This is daebak... his partner from musical.. he look chubby but also so tall amd handsome as always... Look at their height different... i realize his partner from drama or movie is never have heights that pass him or at least same as him... i rarely see his partner has the same height as him...

 

His cute smile...❤❤Love it..

His shy smile from healing camp...

 

[kittyna]

33 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

Wow... he looks so good in fierce and cool pose.. it makes him more manly.. hihihi... and that's also reminds me of bridal mask... his evil side is very suitable for dark side photo. In the photo where he shouted "GAKSITAAALLLL!!!!" was really shows his bad side... it showing his hate of bridal mask in his heart. Such a good acting...

 

Yeah, I couldn't not include the early episodes of "Gaksital" there. At first, I was trying to do some colour-theming as well (dark colours for his "evil" side, and light colours for his "good" side), but that was just a case where it simply wasn't going to work. 

 

And, well, i suppose when it comes to that point in history, there really wasn't much else "darker" than an Imperial Japanese uniform - even if it is pure white  

 

35 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

And we got the light and cheerful kind of photo... he's very cute with his aegyo pose... He always show that face everywhere... no wonder that all of his partner from drama or movie, noona or dongsaeng, old or young likes him... 

his cheerful face affects everyone.

 

Same. I like that this appears to be his real personality - if it was the "dark" side that was real, he'd be pretty messed up 

 

36 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

His partner (Jin se Yeon, Kim tae hee, Kim Ah Joong, Choi Kang Hee, and many more) always said that joo won is always makes the set more cheerful and happy because of his smile and his jokes (I heard that joo won is also likes to joke and tease his partner). Because of that, once he come or appears on the set, the atmosphere will change instantly become happier ... it seems like it is the mystical power and charm of joo won. Hihihi...

 

I've heard that, too. And I've also heard that people who have worked with him will end up paying it forward: Park Ki Woong, for instance, mentioned on "Win Win" that since getting to know JW and seeing how he interacted with the staff on the set of "Gaksital", he made a point of treating people the same way in his next project - the film "Secretly, Greatly". lol - PKW also did joke that a downside of this was that JW would stay happy and energetic even when he was actually really tired, so then everyone else would feel bad for complaining or asking for a break, which led to more long shoots and more tiredness all around  

 

I also know that Oh Yeon Seo had a number of fun stories from the "My Sassy Girl" filming, even if I can't recall right off the top of my head what they were....

 

And thanks for the new photos!  Here's returning the favour with some newcomers to my collection:

 

Spoiler

 

Looks a little like an old-school villain here with the black leather jacket and the clasped hands

 

 

 

I think, going by the card that's shown at the bottom, that this was from a fan meeting in 2013 - Note, again, how he names his fan meetings "Sweet Smile"

 

Whoever ordered the cake, though, seems to have a good sense of humour; is it just me, or does that seriously look like a wedding cake?  

 

 

A couple of composite photos/collages:

 

First as Hwang Tae Hee in "Ojakgyo Brothers"

 

It's crazy how much skinnier he was back then compared to now - I remember UEE saying on their episode of "Happy Together" that she was a bit disappointed once she saw JW in just a tank top  

 

 

Secondly, as Lee Kang To in "Gaksital"

 

 

 

I've talked a lot about how much I liked JW's smile and laugh, but another expression I really like seeing from him is his "meong" (멍) face. The Korean term suggests a blank expression and also implies a certain innocence, but also dumbness (there's a similar-sounding word in Cantonese, too, with the same meaning, although I don't know if that's just coincidence).

 

Now, I've seen a comment here and there that said that JW "looks clueless" sometimes, and I realized that it's because his neutral expression...is a perfect "meong" face. It's not necessarily that he's really staring off into space or is really confused or anything, but it just ends up looking that way (like how some people's neutral face naturally look angry or something).

 

So, I'm referring to an expression like this, for instance.

 

 

Personally, I think it's cute. But I can also see how it's not everybody's thing

 

53 minutes ago, moonstrike said:

This is daebak... his partner from musical.. he look chubby but also so tall amd handsome as always... Look at their height different... i realize his partner from drama or movie is never have heights that pass him or at least same as him... i rarely see his partner has the same height as him...

 

Good observation. I actually think it'd be hard to find an actress who's literally the same height as him (185 cm, or just a bit over 6 feet). But now you're making me curious as to how tall his various female leads have been. Hm...I'll have to look into that.

[kittyna]

4 hours ago, moonstrike said:

i realize his partner from drama or movie is never have heights that pass him or at least same as him... i rarely see his partner has the same height as him...

 

(Re-quoting just to show I'm returning to this point.)

 

I'd said that I would look into how tall JW's various co-stars have been in his dramas, and here's what I've found.

 

Note that celebrities' official heights are usually estimates, so you may have to give or take a few centimetres to know what their actual height is, and sometimes an online search might even reveal several different numbers. So all the numbers here are just the first result I got from Google, but other sources might vary.

 

However, this is still a pretty decent way to approximate how tall the actresses were in comparison with each other, and also with JW.

 

Repeating as a point of reference: JW - officially - is 185 cm (somewhere between 6' and 6'1"). Heights I found were listed in cm, and I used my cell phone converter app to get the equivalent in feet and inches (in case anyone finds that easier to visualize)

 

Eugene ("King of Baking, Kim Tak Gu") - 160 cm (5'3")

UEE ("Ojakgyo Brothers") - 171 cm (around 5'7")

Jin Se Yeon ("Gaksital") - 167 cm (between 5'5" and 5'6")

Choi Kang Hee ("Level 7 Civil Servant") - 163 cm (around 5'4")

Moon Chae Won ("Good Doctor") - 168 cm (around 5'6")

Shim Eun Kyung ("Nae Il's Cantabile") - 164 cm (between 5'4" and 5'5")

Kim Tae Hee ("Yong Pal") - 163 cm (around 5'4")

Oh Yeon Seo ("My Sassy Girl") - 171 cm (around 5'7")

 

Did any of these stats surprise you? I know that they surprised me - because sometimes, it feels like the height differences looked different on screen than in real life. Of course, some people, because of how they're built, how they dress, etc., might look or feel taller or shorter than they actually are (for instance, I definitely think Kim Tae Hee looked taller to me than she actually is in "Yong Pal"), but also, in filming dramas, there are ways that directors might have the actors play around with their height differences.

 

So, for instance, coming back to the KBS Chuseok Special interview for "King of Baking, Kim Tak Gu", there's a bit where the actors talk about their height differences and how they had to compensate for that. (Again, as a point of reference, Yoon Si Yoon is 178 cm, which is around 5'10" - so he's definitely not short by any means, but can definitely come across that way acting alongside JW!)

 

 

By the way, it was watching this video that I first discovered "manner legs" and what they were - and I thought it was funny, and kinda cute as well. Another trick I've since noticed, especially now that I'm watching Eugene in "All About My Mom", is just having shorter actresses wear high heels or wedges all the time.  

[moonstrike]

On 12/10/2017 at 10:49 PM, kittyna said:

I've heard that, too. And I've also heard that people who have worked with him will end up paying it forward: Park Ki Woong, for instance, mentioned on "Win Win" that since getting to know JW and seeing how he interacted with the staff on the set of "Gaksital", he made a point of treating people the same way in his next project - the film "Secretly, Greatly". lol - PKW also did joke that a downside of this was that JW would stay happy and energetic even when he was actually really tired, so then everyone else would feel bad for complaining or asking for a break, which led to more long shoots and more tiredness all around  

Its good to see and know that he is do that even though he just debuted two years back then... since he didn't have much experience about drama set... but he can adapt quickly and become a role model... even his sunbae learn from him, about how he act and his behaviour on set... park.ki woong said that he is so impressed by joo won because even in his young age and his lack experience, he can act like a sunbae (he doesn't show his tired face to others and stay happy and energetic even though we know that he is sleepy and tired) and exemplifies something good for others. seems he already become a teacher just like his dream... I'm sure he can reach his dream someday in the future. Having a happy family and teach his own student..❤

 

On 12/10/2017 at 10:49 PM, kittyna said:

I also know that Oh Yeon Seo had a number of fun stories from the "My Sassy Girl" filming, even if I can't recall right off the top of my head what they were....

I know the story... oh yeon seo said that the director once said that we should record the princess first but he actually recorded joo won first. She said it was a sad experience (she said that while joking). in fact there are many more like when they are filming fighting scene, actually they really hit each other and cause a bruise on their body... 

 

On 12/10/2017 at 10:49 PM, kittyna said:

I've talked a lot about how much I liked JW's smile and laugh, but another expression I really like seeing from him is his "meong" (멍) face. The Korean term suggests a blank expression and also implies a certain innocence, but also dumbness (there's a similar-sounding word in Cantonese, too, with the same meaning, although I don't know if that's just coincidence).

I like that too... when he does that face, he seems like thinking something or when he is hungry... i often see this face on 1N2D. He is so cute... he does that when he is hungry or when he sees the hyung eats delicious food but he can't eat it because he lose in games... 

 

21 hours ago, kittyna said:

Did any of these stats surprise you? I know that they surprised me - because sometimes, it feels like the height differences looked different on screen than in real life. Of course, some people, because of how they're built, how they dress, etc., might look or feel taller or shorter than they actually are (for instance, I definitely think Kim Tae Hee looked taller to me than she actually is in "Yong Pal"), but also, in filming dramas, there are ways that directors might have the actors play around with their height differences.

Yeah i also think that way... when i see kim tae hee in yong pal, i feel she is a bit taller. But when i see her in yongpal press conference (the photo time) i feel she is shorter and the feel is stronger when she stand beside joo won.. 

 

All his co-star is kinda shorter than him... and joo won is also known for his legs manner. He will spread his leg to make their height different more less and also to equalize their height... I remember Eugene said that is funny and difficult when they have to film emotional scene because she saw joo won's pathetic leg...

 

From all co-star that already act with joo won, i just remember sung shi kyung and kim young kwang that pass joo won's height...

 

And for yoon shi yoon... he is so funny because he said everyone is always treat him like a dwarf when he stand beside joo won... and he is also having trouble when he has to look joo won on his eyes because he has to look up since joo won is taller than him.. 

 

Photo corner... ❤❤❤

 

Joo won with suit plus he is holding a bucket of flower... double killer.❤

 

This is cute...

 

Joo won with his puffed cheeks and his "meong " face... hihihi...

 

This is also cute... joo won washing his hair.. just like a kid... ❤❤❤

 

By the way,, can someone translate this for me.. i don't understand..  ( @airplanegirl i need your help)...

 

Part 1

http://m.dcinside.com/view.php?id=joowon&no=317951&page=1

 

Part 2

http://m.dcinside.com/view.php?id=joowon&no=317952&page=1

[kittyna]

I will come back to reply to things properly later. But for now...new fic time!

 

Title: These Cellists' Hands

Drama: "Nae Il's Cantabile"

Characters: Lee Yoon Hoo, Cha Yoo Jin, Seol Nae Il

Premise: They say that God works in mysterious ways for the good of those who believe in him. Lee Yoon Hoo can certainly attest to that.

 

Note: This story covers events from Episodes 8 through 12 of the drama, and may contain spoilers for those who have not yet watched the show.

 

Once again, please do not repost this on any other website without my permission! If you want to share it, just share the URL - thanks!

 

Spoiler

These Cellists’ Hands

 

There’s something that all musicians do, even if we are not always aware of it: whenever we watch each other play, we are always checking each other out. For those of us who play brass or woodwinds, we look at each other’s embouchure, how long we could sustain a single breath before going out of tune. For those of us who, like me, play strings, keyboard or percussion, it’s the hands that catch our eye.

 

Mostly, it’s an unconscious behaviour. No-one ever just sits there and stares intently at someone else’s hands all the time – that would just be creepy. But that doesn’t mean we don’t notice. We note palm width and finger length, flexibility on the piano keys or on the violin’s fingerboard.

 

I’ve been doing it for all these years, but never really paid attention to that until these past few months, as I slip further and further out of touch with myself.

 

It has been months since I haven’t felt pain in my left hand. And if that doesn’t make you notice your own hands – or someone else’s for that matter – I don’t know what will.

 

It’s what I’m doing even now, as I watch Haneum’s star pianist, Cha Yoo Jin, play Grieg’s Piano Concerto in A-minor.

 

I have to say, it’s a piece that suits him: full of bombastic power and energy, held back just so by the trills and chords rapidly moving up and down, back and forth, building up like a winding elastic until the melody explodes into a burst of sound. I wonder if even he knows how much the music parallels his prickly, domineering nature.

 

I tell myself that I’m only tearing up because the music sounds so beautiful and touching: Who knew Cha Yoo Jin actually had a heart – had feelings – that could be expressed like this? 

 

But I know that’s not true. I know that I’m really crying because of his hands. Large with long fingers and a palm just as wide; broad and strong enough to encompass large chords, nimble and agile enough to play intricate trills.

 

What I wouldn’t give to have hands like that.

 

I’m not asking for much, really – in the world of classical music, hands like Cha Yoo Jin’s aren’t all that uncommon. They’re completely normal, in fact.

 

It’s just that my hands…aren’t.

 

Instead, I have to deal with a left hand that is sometimes numb, and sometimes tingling. It tenses and stiffens up whenever I press on my cello’s strings, and if I hold it in that position for long, a spasm of pain shoots across my palm and along my fingers, and I find myself fighting back a cry just to finish.

 

I’m clutching at that hand even now. Although I’m not actually playing anything, it is still cramping up and trembling uncontrollably, mocking me for what I cannot do.

 

This…this can’t be good.

 

~~~~~

 

I could see the disappointment in the doctor’s eyes as soon as I tell him, once again, that I want to have the surgery deferred. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, probably wondering once again how to persuade me not to wait any longer.

 

“Look, Yoon Hoo-yah.”

 

The familiarity in his tone surprises me. Usually, as befitting a doctor and his patient, he addresses me formally: “Lee Yoon Hoo-ssi”. So why try to sound so intimate now?

 

The doctor must have seen my surprise, because he then turns on the monitor on his computer and opens up a series of images on the screen. “This,” he taps a finger on the glass, “is the MRI we did for you the last time you were here, during your previous term break. And this,” he switches the view to another image, “is the one you did two weeks ago.” He moves one over so that both images are now side-by-side on two separate monitors. “You can see here that your situation has significantly deteriorated in the past few months. And as the tumour on this nerve grows and continues to put pressure on the surrounding ones, it will only get worse from here.

 

“As it is,” he continues, “I don’t know how you have lasted this long. You must be in excruciating pain right now – and, as I’ve said, it will only get worse from here.”

 

I know what’s coming next, so I beat him to the punch.

 

“So you’re saying, Doctor, that I should get the surgery right away.”

 

“That would be for the best,” he says slowly. “But, of course, legally, I cannot proceed without your consent.” He pauses for a moment. “Don’t you want to get your hand treated, Yoon Hoo-yah? Don’t you want to be healthy and pain-free again?”

 

“Of course I do,” I say earnestly. “But…”

 

“But what?”

 

This is where I always end up stuck. I know the answer myself, but I’ve never managed to tell the doctor the full thing. And I still can’t this time. Instead, what comes out is the half-truth – not false, but certainly incomplete – that I have used every single time.

 

“Remember, Doctor: I’m a cellist. You had said, when you first diagnosed me, that there was a risk with surgery: that if, in excising this tumour, the surrounding nerves were to become damaged...that I might not be able to play anymore.”

 

The doctor nods in understanding.

 

“Jebal,” I continue, “let’s just go with the old treatment plan. For now, I just want to refill my prescription. We…we can talk about surgery again in the future, but not now.”

 

Grim-faced, the doctor nods and takes out a copy of the form to fill out. “All right, then, if that’s what you want,” he grumbles. “But keep in mind that medicine can only do so much, and I cannot give you anything stronger than what you already have without resorting to narcotics. Sooner or later, the pain will grow worse without any further treatment; I fear that one day, it will be become too much for you to bear –”

 

“I can bear it!”

 

What had I just said? I’m not usually this irritable – and, from the look on the doctor’s face, he knows it, too.

 

“Mianhamnida,” I breathe out, willing myself to calm down before going on. “I can bear it, Doctor. I have to.”

 

“Do you have to?” He leans forward in his chair to look me straight in the eye. “I had thought, when you first told me you had taken a term’s leave from Julliard, that you had decided to proceed with the surgery.”

 

That was indeed my plan at first. I’m not stupid; I knew that it was only a matter of time before my left hand hindered my performance so much that my professor would notice something was wrong. So I had taken a leave of absence for one semester and booked a ticket back home to Korea. I had gone to the music festival to talk to Professor Stresseman and ask for his advice.

 

But that was all before I met Seol Nae Il.

 

Seeing her playing her heart out after hours in the empty piano classroom stirred something in me. Her joy at her own music reminded me of just how much joy the cello had brought me over the years.

 

And, all of a sudden, I wasn’t ready to give that up just yet.

 

And I’m still not.

 

“I will go ahead with the surgery, Doctor. I promise you. I just have one last performance to take care of – once that’s done, we can proceed.”

 

The doctor nods grimly and finally hands me the prescription form. “Fair enough,” he says. “But be careful: the longer we wait, the fewer chances we have of there being no irreparable damage. And if that happens, even with surgery, you can permanently lose some function in your hand; it will affect your daily life, not just your cello. So, this final performance, get it done as soon as possible. We don’t have much time.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Ya! Nae Il-ah! Min Hee-yah! What’s taking you two so long? It’s just a sandwich!”

 

I follow Il Rak’s gaze to the two girls still staring wide-eyed at the vast array of toppings available. “Gwenchana,” I say, “let them have their fun. It’s not every day someone treats them to lunch, after all.”

 

Several minutes later, they return to the table and take the empty seats beside Su Min. Both girls look ready to dig in, but they stop and glance warily at Il Rak first.

 

“Don’t worry,” he says with a laugh. “I won’t steal your food – I’ve already eaten mine, and I’m stuffed!”

 

Identical grins beam on both of their faces then, as they tear off the wrapping paper and, together, take large bites out of their subs.

 

As I pass both girls their drinks, Il Rak peers more closely and whistles. “Ya…who would have thought two tiny little things like you two could eat this much?” Sure enough, both sandwiches are piled high with cold cuts, roast beef, cheese, vegetables…“the works” as my American classmates would have said.

 

Min Hee stops just long enough to level him with a mock-glare. “You try lugging around an instrument that’s twice your size, sunbae – then we’ll talk.”

 

Il Rak grins despite himself. “Good point.”

 

We all sit together in companionable silence for a few minutes as Nae Il and Min Hee keep eating. It’s been a long time since I have felt so happy: just surrounded by friends who accept me, no questions asked. Julliard is nice enough, but perhaps because it’s a school for virtuosos, my classmates and I seldom have time in the midst of all our busy schedules to meet for anything besides practice, and even then, we can’t help spending most of that time sizing each other up.

 

Julliard is great for creating star musicians – but is absolutely toxic for friendships.

 

Once her hunger is satisfied, Nae Il slows down her pace enough to start looking around the restaurant in curiosity. After scanning the room, however, her eyes rest on me.

 

Or, more specifically, my left hand.

 

“Do all cellists’ hands look like that?”

 

Il Rak glances at her in surprise. “Wae? Have you seen something like that before?”

 

She nods. “The guy who saved Yoo Jin-sunbae at the waterpark had hands like this, too.”

 

Has she figured it out? I hadn’t told anyone that I had gone to the waterpark on the way to the music festival – the only one who knew was my mother, and probably just because the chauffeur told her so – but I did immediately recognize both Nae Il and Cha Yoo Jin when I ran into them again at the festival.

 

I had hoped that, somehow, she would put the pieces together and realize that it was me there that day. But I hadn’t thought much of it when she acted like she had just met me for the first time; the scene at the waterpark had been very chaotic, after all, and her immediate concern was – rightly so – for the person who had almost drowned. So I can’t blame her if she didn’t notice me then.

 

Yet maybe, just maybe, she’s starting to realize now?

 

Nae Il stretches out her own left hand and shows it to us. “That guy’s left hand was larger than his right, and his knuckles,” she points to her own, “were a bit bent as well. You know, like that form it takes on after you’ve been practicing strings a lot.”

 

Min Hee and Il Rak, the other two string instrumentalists in our group, nod in understanding.

 

Gently, Nae Il reaches out and takes my left hand in hers. “That guy’s hands were just like Yoon Hoo-sunbae’s hands.”

 

Is this actually happening? Has she figured it out for real?

 

“What?” I manage to stammer out.

 

“Ne,” she says after taking a closer look at my hand, “they were just like sunbae’s hands.”

 

Come on, Nae Il-ah. You’re on the right track….

 

But then she sighs sadly and lets go of my hand. “I never even thanked him for saving Yoo Jin-sunbae’s life.”

 

Wait…so she doesn’t know? She still thinks it was someone else?

 

“I was an idiot. I didn’t thank him – I didn’t even look at his face. If I had seen his face, I could have tried looking for him. But I was so worried for Yoo Jin-sunbae that I had just shoved him aside and –”

 

Bang!

 

Startled, we all look at Il Rak, his hand still pressed where he had slammed it down on the table.

 

“Look, could you- could you not talk about Cha Yoo Jin for a moment? It’s not like he even cares who saved him!”

 

Nae Il blinks in confusion. “Well…that’s just because Yoo Jin-sunbae doesn’t know who saved him, so –”

 

With a jerk, Il Rak stands up and moves to grab his violin case.

 

“If you’re going to keep going on about him, Nae Il, then I’m leaving.”

 

Trying to appease him, Nae Il offers a sheepish smile. “Mianhe, Rak-kun,” she says, using the affectionate nickname she has for him. “I won’t do it again.”

 

He hesitates for a long moment before sitting down again with a huff. In the silence that follows, I sneak a smile of thanks over to Nae Il.

 

It would have been really sad if the mood was ruined after we had just gotten here. And I hope that nothing will come in to mar these new friendships I’m developing here at Haneum.

 

And, maybe, just maybe, Nae Il will come to recognize this cellist’s hands for what they are.

 

~~~~~

 

“Could I talk to you for a second?”

 

At the sound of my voice, Nae Il turns her face away from the window outside towards me. The kind smile she greets me with warms my heart just as much as the two cups I’m holding warm my hands.

 

“Sure, sunbae,” she says, gesturing to the chair across from her.

 

Quickly, I sit down, and then push one cup towards her. “It’s a caffè mocha,” I say when she looks at me in surprise. “Min Hee told me that you liked sweet things.”

 

Nae Il beams again as she picks up the cup and takes a sip. Without even knowing it, as she drinks, she once again turns to look outside, the smile melting away into a more pensive expression.

 

“Nae Il-ah.”

 

She looks back at me. “Ne, sunbae?”

 

For a moment, I hesitate, wondering how best to phrase what I want to say. “Um…I…I noticed, in our theory class this morning, that something seemed to be bothering you. Do you mind telling me what’s wrong? Maybe I could help.”

 

I can tell she wants to say something; for a moment, Nae Il’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out. To reassure her, I give her a gentle smile, and that seems to give her the courage to speak.

 

“Well…it’s like this. Yoo Jin-sunbae won’t let me into his apartment anymore.”

 

Oh? They were already seeing each other?

 

“So there’s no point in living next door now....” She trails off, as though trying to read what I think about all this.

 

I’ve already put together the pieces in my head, but I can tell that there’s more to she wants to say. “So, you two are neighbours?” I ask, hoping that this would prompt more from her.

 

“Mm,” she nods, with a small smile. It’s not much, but it is a good turn, given the frown I had seen earlier today.

 

But there’s something I still don’t get – about Seol Nae Il and Cha Yoo Jin. After all, it’s not like none of us could see how he’s treating her….

 

“Nae Il-ah, what do you like about Cha Yoo Jin?” When she hesitates, I press further. “Is it his looks? His talent?”

 

There’s got to be something that, despite my best efforts, I simply can’t see. Otherwise, why would she put up with a guy like him?

 

She thinks for a moment. “I like his looks…I like that he’s so good at both conducting and playing the piano…”

 

I nod in understanding. Those are traits that I could admire, too – especially the latter.

 

“But now I’m not so sure,” Nae Il says, to my surprise. “Now, I sometimes wish that Yoo Jin-sunbae was ugly and talentless.” She must have noticed my expression, because she then adds, “Is that weird? Wanting something like that?”

 

I shake my head. Of course it’s not strange – because as far as I’m concerned, Nae Il can never be strange. A bit eccentric, perhaps, but what musician isn’t? Besides, I like to think that that’s part of her charm: her no-holds-barred way of just being herself, without apologizing to anyone.

 

“I guess what I’m trying to ask,” I prod, “is: what does Cha Yoo Jin mean to you, Seol Nae Il?”

 

I can’t deny it anymore: the way her smile returns and her eyes light up as soon as I mention his name. It was like this the other day, too, in the sandwich shop.

 

“Yoo Jin-sunbae is just Yoo Jin-sunbae,” she answers with a shrug. “He’s his own person; there’s no-one else like him.”

 

And that’s what still continues to bother me. Because even though she sees him as her everything, I’m not sure if he feels the same.

 

It looks like I’ll have to get straight to the point.

 

“But, what does Seol Nae Il mean to Cha Yoo Jin?”

 

Clearly, this has never crossed her mind before, because she looks up at me with wide eyes before slowly shaking her head. “I’m not sure, sunbae…”

 

Well, speak of the devil. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cha Yoo Jin step into the common room where we’re sitting – and he must have noticed us, too, because he starts coming closer.

 

Nae Il still hasn’t noticed him yet, so I quickly dart my eyes over her shoulder to let her know. “If you’re not sure, why don’t you ask him yourself?” I prompt.

 

She follows my eyes and starts in surprise. Warily she looks back at me.

 

“Are you scared? Do you want me to ask for you?” I offer.

 

“Aniyo, it’s fine. Don’t…don’t ask for me. I can handle this.”

 

 “Ask me about what?”

 

By this time, Cha Yoo Jin is standing right behind Nae Il, glancing back and forth between us. I can tell he isn’t happy to see us sitting together; he looks every inch like a jealous boyfriend.

 

Well, a boyfriend needs to treat his girlfriend better first before he has any right to be jealous.

 

I glance over at Nae Il – should I ask him or not? – and she quickly shakes her head and puts a finger to her lips.

 

I look pointedly at Cha Yoo Jin. “Nothing. It’s Nae Il’s secret.”

 

He looks quizzically at her. “What secret?”

 

She stays silent, squirming in her seat under his gaze.

 

“Aren’t you going to tell me?” he asks again, louder this time.

 

Enough is enough. I can’t just sit here and see him treat her like this – not after knowing how much she cares about him.

 

“Can’t you do something about that tone of yours? Are you born with it, or is it just a habit?”

 

That distracts him enough to draw the attention away from Nae Il.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“If you were born with it, then learn to fix it. If it’s a habit, then stop doing it.”

 

“Well, maybe you should do something about your habit of lecturing people.”

 

Is that a challenge, Cha Yoo Jin? Are those fighting words? I’m only trying to help, and that’s how you respond?

 

No wonder Nae Il is scared of you.

 

Realizing he’s not going to get anything out of me, Cha Yoo Jin turns once again towards Nae Il. “Get up. It’s time to go.” Before she could even move, he begins gathering up her belongings and grabs onto her wrist to lead her away.

 

In an instant, I get up and grab his wrist myself, stopping them both in their tracks.

 

“Mind your manners,” I say, trying hard to keep my voice calm. “That’s no way to treat a woman.”

 

It happens so quickly that it takes me a moment to realize the mistake I made. To be honest, when Cha Yoo Jin doesn’t say anything and just brushes my hand away, he may have done it harder than he needed to due to his anger, but it wouldn’t have been so bad under normal circumstances. It’s just that, in the heat of the moment, I had failed to notice that I had been trying to hold him with my left hand.

 

Well, I realize soon enough, because even just that slight pressure does me in. Pain shoots through my palm, up my wrist to my arm, as well as down towards my fingers. Tears spring up in my eyes as I stumble back into the chair.

 

Oh, God…it hurts.

 

The doctor was right when he’d said things would get worse.

 

It hurts so damned much!

 

In a flash, Nae Il breaks free and rushes over to my side. “Yoon Hoo-sunbae, gwenchanayo? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” She takes my trembling hand in hers, and starts rubbing it, trying her best to soothe the pain. Not that that does much, but I can see she’s trying to help.

 

Her voice must have carried, too, because within seconds, I can hear several others running into the room.

 

“Yoon Hoo-yah! Are you okay?” Il Raks call out behind me, his hand rubbing my back in sympathy. As the others continue to fuss over me – Min Hee asking me if I need to visit the school’s medical centre, Su Min on the verge of hysterics with worry – I hear him march over towards Cha Yoo Jin.

 

Within seconds, another fight breaks out just out of my sight.

 

“What the hell did you do to him?!”

 

“Nothing; I just shook off his hand.”

 

A scoff. “You just shook him off and he’s already like this?”

 

“It’s true, though!”

 

“How can we trust you? You knew the S Orchestra was going to be dissolved, so you left us – how can you expect us to believe you now?”

 

Next thing I know, I hear Nae Il trying to stop Il Rak from going on, trying her best to explain what happened. But he’s clearly not listening to her, so determined is he to think the worst of Cha Yoo Jin right now.

 

This is going too far! I know that Il Rak means well, and I know he’s just saying all this because he’s frustrated about the orchestra, but he’s only going to make things worse.

 

Yes, Cha Yoo Jin was wrong to push me away. But it’s a common pianists’ mistake – not being able to fully gauge one’s strength. And besides, how could he have known what would happen if he did? It’s not like I’ve told anyone about the tumour or how much even the slightest touch could hurt.

 

So for the others to think he was trying to hurt me on purpose? That’s just ridiculous!

 

Fighting through the pain, I try to explain. “It’s…it’s really not…not his fault,” I gasp out.

 

But no-one hears me.

 

And before I can repeat myself, I hear Yoo Jin throw down Nae Il’s belongings and storm away.

 

It’s only later, after the spasm has passed and after I’ve reassured everyone for the umpteenth time that I’ll be fine, when Nae Il and I are finally alone again, that she tells me: Cha Yoo Jin had initially brushed off my reaction for an act, but by the time he left, he looked really shaken up.

 

I’d thought as much too, actually – because somehow, despite my pain, I had heard the quiver in his voice as he tried to defend himself.

 

Could he actually have felt bad for what happened?

 

Maybe there’s a side of Cha Yoo Jin that I don’t know, after all.

 

~~~~~

 

I had missed seeing the look Nae Il described on Cha Yoo Jin’s face last time, but I’m definitely seeing it now.

 

When it comes to him and Nae Il, I can’t exactly say I’m all that lucky – nor do I think they would say that, either. Instead, I would even argue I’m particularly unlucky, since it seems like whenever I stumble upon them, they’re in the middle of an argument of some sort.

 

And this time was no different. I don’t know what they were going on about this time; all I know was that Cha Yoo Jin had grabbed Nae Il’s arm again, and she was, once again, struggling to break free, dropping her doll in the process.

 

I had retrieved the doll and returned it to her, reminding Cha Yoo Jin for what seems like the hundredth time to be nicer to her. He, in turn, told me – again for what feels like the hundredth time – to stay out of his business.

 

Well, how could I when I see him doing stuff like…like that?

 

But it’s what happens next that is different from before. Once again, as usual, Cha Yoo Jin reaches out for Nae Il again – but this time, rather than take his hand, she retreats backward behind me.

 

And that…that’s when I see it.

 

It’s only there for an instant before he schools his expression back into his usual scowl, but I distinctly notice it this time: a brief flash of guilt.

 

I don’t soften my own glare, though. After all, I have no reason to feel bad for him right now.

 

Let him stew for a while; he deserves it.

 

Leaving Cha Yoo Jin standing there in awkward silence, I walk away without giving him a second glance. Still holding onto my arm, Nae Il follows until we find ourselves alone in the woods surrounding the campus.

 

I find a spot on the low wall lining the trail and sit down, patting the stones next to me to invite Nae Il to join me.

 

For a few minutes, we just sit there: I looking around at the autumn foliage around us, and she fiddling with the small rag doll in her hands. I know that she has a lot on her mind, and I really hope that she’ll trust me enough to take me into her confidence.

 

But I’m not Cha Yoo Jin. I won’t push her. If Nae Il wants to talk, she’ll do it on her own.

 

Still, as the silence grows awkwardly long, I find that I can’t just sit there without saying anything. So, in attempts to break the ice, I say, “Autumn in Korea is so beautiful. It’s nice in New York, too, but I’d forgotten how it looks here at home.” When she doesn’t respond, I try again. “Look there – look at the leaves on that tree. So many colours – so many shades of red and orange. It’s gorgeous. What do you think?” I kick at the fallen leaves at our feet. “Can you hear that? The sound of crackling leaves. Doesn’t it remind you of the sound you hear when you bite into a cookie?”

 

Still no response.

 

This is bad. Usually, talk of food will bring Nae Il out of whatever dark mood she’s in. It had worked last time with my offer to buy her a sandwich, and then again with the coffee. But if even food isn’t getting a rise out of her, then whatever’s on her mind must really be bothering her.

 

Finally, after another long silence, she speaks.

 

“Yoo Jin-sunbae must be angry with me right now.” She hesitates before continuing, “It’s my fault. I got angry at him –”

 

“Well, Cha Yoo Jin yells at you a lot, too,” I cut in.

 

Let the fault rest where it should. Why should you blame yourself for Cha Yoo Jin’s attitude? If he’s ticked off at you, that’s his responsibility, not yours!

 

“And if that’s how he treats you,” I continue, “then you have every right to be mad at him and yell at him, too.”

 

Nae Il seems surprised by that, because she suddenly looks up from the ground and meets my eyes.

 

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Good God – what is it with this girl? Cha Yoo Jin doesn’t deserve someone as kind as her!

 

“Geu rae,” I say with a nod. “Because Seol Nae Il loves him, so Seol Nae Il can forgive anything he does.”

 

“Yoo Jin-sunbae wouldn’t…he wouldn’t see me anymore, would he?”

 

Now it’s my turn to be surprised. Why is she still so fixated on what he thinks?

 

“He threw out my stuff. He changed the door code so I couldn’t get in….And then I had to get mad and yell at him, because I didn’t want to take any classes with Professor Do….”

 

Wait. Professor Do? I thought she was Professor Ahn’s student.

 

What have I missed?

 

Nae Il’s voice breaks as she finishes. “Yoo Jin-sunbae must hate me now, right?” Finally unable to hold back her tears anymore, she asks again: “Is it over now – between Yoo Jin-sunbae and I?”

 

What does she expect me to say to that? Yes? No? It hurts me to see Nae Il cry, but when it comes to comforting her at a time like this, I’m at a loss.

 

If I say “Yes,” she might be offended, because I can see just how much she’s still hoping that she has a chance with Cha Yoo Jin.

 

But if I say “No,” would that seriously help her? Call me too exposed to the outside world and too out of touch with the traditional ways, but in New York, someone like Cha Yoo Jin would be considered abusive – and I can’t, in good conscience, let Nae Il go back to someone like that.

 

So rather than say anything, I reach out a hand and gently wipe away her tears.

 

In a flash, Nae Il tenses in surprise, then turns to look at me with wide, pleading eyes. Clearly, she doesn’t just want my comfort; she wants an answer.

 

So I choose the one that I hope is best for her:

 

“I guess it is over between you two, now.”

 

~~~~~

 

I find Nae Il already waiting for me in one of the piano practice rooms when I arrive. She had asked me in our morning theory class to meet her here, saying that there was something she wanted to show me.

 

Sure enough, when I walk in, she immediately greets me with a smile, takes me by the hand and leads me over to the piano.

 

“Listen to this, sunbae – let me know what you think.”

 

I listen intently as she plays a slow, legato tune – a series of broken chords gently climbing up in the bass before soaring beautifully in the treble register. It’s simple, a little bit sad – a perfect musical picture of what must be her state of mind right now.

 

When she finishes, I smile at her in thanks. “It’s beautiful, Nae Il-ah.”

 

She returns my smile with a shy one of her own. “I’m glad you like it, sunbae. Fauré’s Sicilienne – I thought it would be a good piece for our duet.”

 

Wait.

 

Duet? Our duet?

 

I had brought up the idea of doing a duet with her a few nights ago, back when I had invited her and the others to the housewarming party in my new apartment. I had told her just how earnestly I had wanted to play with her, how much it would mean to me if she agreed.

 

I had not, however, told her that we would have very little time to practice.

 

The spasms in my left hand are growing worse by the day, sometimes without even needing any sort of outside force to flare up anymore. The doctor was right: it was only a matter of time before it would be so painful that I would have to stop playing cello altogether.

 

But I hadn’t told Nae Il any of that that night. I hadn’t wanted to put pressure on her. If we played a duet together, it would be on her terms, not mine.

 

Still, it didn’t mean that I hadn’t hoped with all my heart that she would consent. And now it looks like it’s finally happening.

 

For a moment, I can’t bring myself to speak, the words she had just said still not quite able to sink in.

 

Is this happening for real? Is she actually agreeing to do this?

 

“Our…our duet?” I stammer out once I can get my mouth to move properly.

 

She must notice the hesitation in my voice, because her smile grows even wider in response. “I want to try it with you, sunbae; it’ll be fun.”

 

Finally.

 

I think back to when I had first heard her play the piano during the festival, the way her music had stirred up my desire to play the cello again, even if it’s just one last time.

 

One last time.

 

And then it will be over.

 

But I don’t say that now. Instead, all I say is, “Komapda.”

 

It looks like she will accept this cellist after all.

 

~~~~~

 

Perhaps I should give Cha Yoo Jin a second chance. Especially since it seems like everyone else is doing that, too.

 

I have to admit, things have made a lot more sense since the rivalry between the two orchestras was finally settled. In the grand scheme of things, Cha Yoo Jin’s plan is absolutely brilliant: knowing that he was being pressured from above to turn on the S Orchestra in favour of the A Orchestra, he and Dean Song instead dissolved both and decided to start all over again from scratch.

 

A new orchestra, open to all of Haneum’s students, so long as they passed the qualifying audition.

 

My new S Orchestra friends had been wary, of course. They were used to being pushed around and scolded, being belittled both by faculty and the elite instrumentalists from the A Orchestra. But, as it turned out, that had all been a part of Cha Yoo Jin’s plan.

 

He had known that under his guidance, the S Orchestra members had improved enough over their months of working together to be able to pass the audition round in their own right.

 

And they did. Yoo Il Rak, Choi Min Hee, Ma Su Min…all of them.

 

They were no longer Haneum’s rejects – and now everyone knew it.

 

So where they had been cursing Cha Yoo Jin just days before, they were now singing his praises.

 

Il Rak was especially excited to have his old “best friend” back, so at our very first rehearsal as the Rising Star Orchestra, he invited all of us to his father’s restaurant to celebrate. Apparently, that had been how the S Orchestra had started, too, so this was a way to carry on the tradition.

 

Unfortunately, most of the members had been unable to come: most of the former A Orchestra members – and even some S ones – had classes, and while she was technically free, Min Hee had to work the evening shift at the coffee shop.

 

So right now, it’s just Il Rak, Su Min and I, waiting for Nae Il and Yoo Jin to show up. Our party of five is probably much smaller and more subdued than what Il Rak had been hoping for, but I know I don’t mind.

 

I’m not a fan of large crowds, and this would give me a chance to get to know each of these guys better in a more intimate setting.

 

Especially Cha Yoo Jin.

 

I hadn’t thought I would be curious about him at this point, but I am.

 

Everyone else around here seems to wear their hearts on their sleeves – except for the two of us.

 

If he was acting so brusquely towards us in public while secretly fighting to save us in private, what else might he be hiding?

 

Might I see a kinder, more open side to him now? There were signs of that at our first rehearsal, after all. He had looked genuinely surprised and flustered at the enthusiastic welcome we had given him, and although he was still all business, getting us started right away, he didn’t have that sharp edge to his voice that he used to. Instead, he had been gentle, leaning casually against his music stand as he gave us his instructions for the day. He had even cracked a small smile when Il Rak invited him to tonight’s party as well.

 

There is definitely more to this guy than meets the eye…..

 

“And…here he is!”

 

I can’t help grinning as soon as I hear Nae Il’s voice echoing through the restaurant before she even comes into view. But sure enough, seconds later, she bursts into the private room Il Rak had reserved, shoving a flustered and stumbling Cha Yoo Jin in before her. Still babbling excitedly, she guides him to the seat at the head of the table….

 

Oh.

 

Well, this is awkward.

 

She’s pointing at me. Or, more specifically, at my seat.

 

Blood rushing up to my face, I try to get up as quickly as I could without looking as embarrassed as I’m feeling. “Mianhe,” I stammer out. “I…I didn’t know this was Cha Yoo Jin’s spot.”

 

Nae Il is surprisingly quick to recover from her mistake, though, because she immediately backtracks. “Oh, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter who sits where.”

 

Taking his cue from her response, Il Rak waves me back down, too. “Don’t worry about it! It’s no big deal – just sit wherever you want! It’s not like this is supposed to be formal or anything, so who cares about this whole head or foot business?”

 

“Geu rae? Well, if it’s all right with everyone…” I murmur, sitting back down.

 

Oh, God, this is embarrassing. And if I’m embarrassed, I can’t even begin to imagine what Cha Yoo Jin is feeling right now!

 

When I glance over at him still standing there at the foot of the table, I could almost see the walls coming up around him, as his eyes narrow and his lips press into a thin line. But whereas before I would have interpreted this as him being standoffish or arrogant, I now see it for what it really is: a shield. An attempt to save face, to act like he doesn’t care when, really, his feelings have been hurt.

 

First attempt to start over again is clearly a bust.

 

Time for Plan B.

 

“I heard that tonight’s party is to celebrate your return,” I say, trying to act like everything’s just fine.

 

“Yes,” he concedes. “But someone’s not in the mood for celebrating right now.”

 

Could this get any more awkward?

 

Doing my best to recover the situation, I glance around the room wearing what I hope to be an innocent expression. “Who’s not interested?”

 

Cha Yoo Jin shoots me a stern glare: You know who, Lee Yoon Hoo, so shut up.

 

 But I’m not about to give up so easily.

 

“Come on, stop making that face,” I say. “Everyone’s here to celebrate your return.”

 

Bad idea. Instead of smoothing things over, that seems to have struck a nerve for him, because all I get is a sarcastic reply: “Well, you’re a smooth talker.”

 

“Thanks,” I reply, my tone matching his. “They say that how you speak reveals your true character.”

 

Damn. I shouldn’t be letting Cha Yoo Jin get a rise out of me now. But it seems like my mouth has a will of its own, and I just can’t stop.

 

“Maybe you should try it too: speaking to people more nicely. Everyone here would be more comfortable if you did.”

 

I can see Nae Il, Il Rak and Su Min, still seated between us, starting to fidget and squirm uncomfortably in their seats. And Cha Yoo Jin must have noticed it, too, because now he is the one who tries to ease the tension. Turning to Il Rak, he asks after his father, saying that he would like to greet him properly after being away for so long.

 

Before Il Rak could say anything, however, the answer comes bursting out of me. “Mr. Yoo is out right now; he’s at his massage class.”

 

Cha Yoo Jin’s eyes narrow once again, this time in suspicion. “You seem to know him quite well.”

 

Although I smile on the outside, inside I am wracking my brain for some means to smooth this over. I need to sound like everything’s okay, make this just a part of normal, everyday small talk. “He does like me a lot,” I say, forcing my voice to brighten. “He even gave me a discount card for the restaurant.”

 

I must have said the wrong thing again, because he then turns to look quizzically at Nae Il and Il Rak. “So anyone can receive those….”

 

Fortunately, her reaction here is just as quick as it had been with the seating plan. “No, Il Rak doesn’t just give them out to anyone. See, I don’t have one!” She nudges Il Rak with her elbow. “Right? You don’t just give them out, do you? You’ve only given out two…”

 

Come on, Il Rak. Take the hint!

 

Su Min raises his hand. “Actually…”

 

No, don’t say it. Not now! Normally, I love Su Min and his earnest honesty, but if he blurts out that he’s got a coupon as well….

 

But thankfully, before he could get any further, Il Rak finally cuts in. He blurts out just a bit too enthusiastically, “Yes! That’s it! Just two! I’ve only given out two: one to my best friend, Cha Yoo Jin, and the other to my good buddy, Lee Yoon Hoo.”

 

But Cha Yoo Jin is clearly not convinced. In fact, it looks like our desperate attempts to cover for each other have just made him even more confused.

 

“Just two…? Are you sure?”

 

Clearly, this isn’t working. Maybe I should just be upfront.

 

I look him straight in the eye. “Look, everyone’s really happy now that you’re here,” I finally manage to say. Throwing in a smile, I add, “I am, too. So please, don’t overthink things. Let’s just get along now.”

 

“Mianhe, but I have to go.”

 

No one – myself included – is prepared for that to be his response. Il Rak stammers out that the party has just started and that the food hasn’t even arrived yet, while Su Min, his voice filled with worry, asks if he has other plans.

 

Cha Yoo Jin gives a firm nod. “I need to decide tonight what music we will play at our first performance in time for tomorrow’s rehearsal. So I really can’t stay.” With that, he abruptly turns and stalks out of the room.

 

Lucky him. As the conductor, he’s got the perfect excuse, even though we all know he’s just desperate to escape the awkward atmosphere.

 

And it seems like he’s not the only one.

 

In an instant, Nae Il is also out of her seat, scrambling to grab her things. “Wait! Let me go with you, sunbae!” she calls out to his retreating back. Then, after mumbling a quick apology to the three of us still sitting there, she, too, runs out, ignoring Il Rak’s calls for her to come back.

 

Well, clearly I’ve blown whatever chance I had to smooth things over with Cha Yoo Jin here. But there’s still a chance I can make up for it tonight. After all, my new apartment is just on the floor beneath his…..

 

“Mianhe, guys, I have to go, too.”

 

If Il Rak’s jaw could drop any further, it would. “Wait, what? You too? Ya – Lee Yoon Hoo!”

 

“Have fun, you two – I’ll see you tomorrow!” I stammer out as I rush out the door after the others.

 

Sure enough, it doesn’t take me long to catch up with Cha Yoo Jin and Nae Il outside of the restaurant. And while he clearly looks uncomfortable seeing me there, she appears happy enough with the idea of all three of us walking home together.

 

It’s still one of the most awkward walks that I’ve ever been on, though: all three of us just going along in a tense silence so thick you can cut it with a knife. So once again, as the building finally comes into sight, I try to ease things up a little bit.

 

“It’s nice that we all live in the same building. That way, we can all walk home together like this.”

 

Cha Yoo Jin is quick with a retort, as always. “Just because we live in the same building doesn’t mean we have to come and go together.”

 

“But it’d be weird to go home separately.”

 

“Well, if we don’t like each other, wouldn’t it be better if we did go separately?”

 

All this time, Nae Il has been silent in between us, but she moves to intervene now. She glances at Cha Yoo Jin. “It’s only you, sunbae. Yoon Hoo-sunbae doesn’t think so,” she says, giving me a nudge to signal that I should go along.

 

He stops in his tracks and the two of us stop up short beside him. “Ya, Seol Nae Il, are you mocking me now?”

 

“Actually, I don’t like him much either.”

 

Nae Il turns to look at me, her eyes wide with shock.

 

“Sunbae! How could you?”

 

Cha Yoo Jin, on the other hand, looks almost relieved that I had said what I did.

 

“Komapda. At least we’re on the same page: we both dislike each other.”

 

Fine. Fair enough. I’d tried to give him a chance, but all I got was an admission that we would just agree to disagree, and stay out of each other’s business.

 

Well, it’s certainly better than bickering all the time.

 

Still, as I bid them both goodnight and make my way upstairs to my apartment, I can’t help but wonder.

 

Everyone – Il Rak, Su Min, Nae Il, and probably the others as well – want us all to be friends. And I know I want that, too.

 

But if things just simply can’t work out between Cha Yoo Jin and I…is that even possible?

 

And when push comes to shove, who would they choose: him, or me?

 

~~~~~

 

No. Not like this. I don’t want things to just end here.

 

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow…those would be fine.

 

Just not today!

 

I had known, with the increased practice that I have been putting in to prepare for this duet with Nae Il, that my left hand’s condition would rapidly worsen. I knew that between the start of our rehearsals and today, the day of our performance as well as the Rising Star Orchestra’s debut, I would be racing against time.

 

But it was only after I found myself jolting awake last night, just barely managing to bite back a scream, that I knew just how dire my situation was. I had immediately taken a dose of the painkiller the doctor had prescribed, then another one when I woke up this morning.

 

And now, hiding inside an empty classroom on campus where no-one can see me, I swallow a third.

 

I know it’s too soon. I know that I should at least wait the amount of time indicated on the prescription.

 

But I can’t.

 

It’s hurting now, so badly that I can’t even move, let alone play!

 

And the performance is tonight.

 

Please, God. Not now. Not like this. I’ll go to the doctor. I’ll do the surgery. I promise you.

 

Just let me last until tonight.

 

Jebal.

 

~~~~~

 

For a long moment, I can’t seem to understand what it is that I’m hearing. What Cha Yoo Jin is saying to me.

 

The duet has been cancelled? Because Nae Il isn’t feeling well?

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll explain to the school,” I hear him saying, just on the edge of my mind. As he moves to pass me, though, I finally find my voice.

 

“Andwae. I have to do this.”

 

That stops him in his tracks, and he gives me an incredulous sideways glance. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Nae Il’s not ready -”

 

“But still!” I look Cha Yoo Jin straight in the eye. “I have to do this.”

 

Jebal…I can’t explain. It’s taking me all my effort just to keep focused on the task at hand, to not let my hand shake, to not let myself cry out in agony. Please, just try to understand.

 

Yet when I try to step past him in turn, Cha Yoo Jin grabs me by the elbow, keeping me in place. I hear him mutter to himself, something about only telling others to have good manners without being able to follow through. Then, to me, he says, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you get it? I told you already: it’s not happening. Not with Nae Il like this.” His lips curl into a snarl. “What are you going to do: force her?”

 

“And if I do?”

 

Forgive me. I’m usually not like this. You know that, probably more than anyone else here. But I can’t explain. I’m running out of time!

 

“Mwo?”

 

“You don’t understand. I have to perform with Seol Nae Il. Tonight. No matter what happens.”

 

He gives me a long look. Then, with a sigh, he lets go of me and gives a firm nod.

 

“Arasseo. If you can convince her to come out, then go ahead. But you have to do it nicely – or else this whole deal is off.”

 

“Then move.”

 

He blinks in surprise. “Ya, Lee Yoon Hoo – this isn’t like you! You’re usually a better person than this. Why are you acting so strange today?”

 

I meet his eyes, my own starting to tear up. “Is it strange for a musician to want to go on stage?”

 

“Ani. But the way you’re acting is strange. Just do what you usually do: ask her nicely – you’re good at that.”

 

“I don’t have time!”

 

I try to push past Cha Yoo Jin to get through the doorway, but immediately, Cha Yoo Jin grabs me again, this time stopping me by pushing me into the door. It’s an even lighter force than the last time, but the impact of my left hand touching it still triggers a spasm. Or, it would be a spasm, if pain going from an 8 to a 10 counts. Biting back tears, biting back screams, I once again hold my left hand in my right, trying in vain to stop the trembling, to stop the pain from shooting all the way up my arm.

 

Barely, just barely, I hear Cha Yoo Jin gasp in horror.

 

I know for sure he doesn’t think I’m faking this time.

 

“Omo…there’s…there’s something wrong with your left hand, isn’t there?” He moves so that he is now standing right in front of me, trying to peer worriedly into my eyes.

 

“You…you can’t perform like this.”

 

“Shut up! I can do it. Just for today.”

 

Jebal. Just let me. I can take care of myself. Just let me play!

 

“Come with me.”

 

Before I could react, Cha Yoo Jin grabs onto my right hand and pulls me away from the dressing room door, refusing to let go until we have stepped outside of the rehearsal hall altogether. He releases me then, taking several more agitated paces forward before rounding on me again.

 

“What is it? What did the doctors say?” His eyes narrow. “Is it a fracture? A ligament injury?” When I don’t respond, he rushes on. “The nerves then? Have you been taking medication?”

 

“Could you just stop asking me?!” I burst out. “Stop being so nosy!”

 

This was a lot easier when you were your old self. When you didn’t care. When you just left me to my own business.

 

“You can’t play like this, can you? It would only make things worse.”

 

“I can do it!”

 

Cha Yoo Jin gives me the “look”, the one that he gives to the orchestra members when they keep making the same mistake over and over again. He has never looked this way at me.

 

“That’s it: I’m cancelling the duet, whether you like it or not.”

 

“It’s just for one day!” I cry out. “Just one performance. It’s not the end of the world.”

 

 “Look at yourself. If you’re in so much pain even with medicine, then clearly this isn’t working anymore. I can’t let you do this to yourself.” He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I know you’re disappointed, but I really can’t. I’ll explain to the school what’s going on -”

 

This time, I’m the one who grabs him as he walks past, gripping onto his jacket with all my strength.

 

“Stay out of my damn business! I’m going to do it. I’ve spent so much time preparing for this – I can’t just give up now!”

 

In a flash, Cha Yoo Jin also grabs onto my jacket and yanks me closer.

 

Instinctively, even my left hand shoots out and grips tightly onto his jacket, despite the pain that the motion causes me. I see surprise flash on his face when I do that, but then it’s my turn to be surprised as he gently, but firmly, takes hold of my left wrist. His eyes soften as he glances down at it, and he even gives it a little squeeze, as though trying to reassure me that everything would be all right.

 

But will it, though?

 

Blinking back my tears, I let him pry my hands off of his jacket and lower them down by my sides. I stagger a few feet away, still reeling from both of our outbursts; from the corner of my eye, I can see that Cha Yoo Jin is doing the same.

 

There was something about the way he had looked at me, the sympathy with which he had held my hands, that makes me wonder.

 

Could…could he be from “outside”, too? Might he actually understand what I’m going through?

 

Slowly, my mouth struggles to find the right words to express what I want to ask. “When…when did you start playing the piano?”

 

I feel rather than see him turn to look at me, but I do not hear a reply.

 

“I could tell from how you played the Grieg concerto,” I blather on. “You…you must have been playing your whole life, for as long as you could remember. It’s…it’s the same for me.” I pause to gather my thoughts together. “My mother tells me that I started playing the cello when I was three. If so, then it’s been twenty years. All I know is that I literally cannot remember a time when I hadn’t known how to play it.”

 

My voice starts to break. “If…if I were to get the surgery done for my nerves, it’s almost certain that I won’t make a full recovery. And if that happens, then I can never play the cello again. Even if I do – even if, on the off chance, I can save my hand – will I ever be able to play the way I do now?

 

“That’s…that’s why I had to do this. One last time, with the instrument that has been my only friend for the past twenty years. A requiem.”

 

For a long moment, neither of us speak, the weight of my confession slowly sinking in.

 

Will…will he get it? If he’s from “outside”, he will. He’ll know what it’s like: to have music really, truly be his everything.

 

“You sure do talk a lot when you want to.”

 

Those are the first words to come out of Cha Yoo Jin’s mouth. What does that even mean? Is he on my side or not?

 

He whispers something to himself for a moment; I can’t make out what. Then, he turns back to me, unable to hold back a sardonic laugh.

 

“A requiem? Look at yourself. That’s how bad your hand is right now. If I were you, I’d focus on getting it treated, not on some silly requiem! And I’d certainly never do what you’re doing now: working your hand to death when you’re already in so much pain!”

 

Is this how he’s going to react? I thought he would get it!

 

I round on him with the harshest glare I can muster.

 

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do! I’m the one with this problem – not you!”

 

“You seriously think what happens to your hand isn’t my business?”

 

That…that catches me up short.

 

“Whatever you think of me, whether we like each other or not, I’m still the Rising Star Orchestra’s conductor, and you’re still one of its cellists. All the others – even the worst of them – even they know to protect their hands and not do what you’re doing now. Even if they have to work to be able to pay tuition, and many of them do, they would be careful not to take on jobs that could injure their hands. But you? A requiem? You delayed treatment because of something like…like that? If I were you, I’d tell myself to never give up the cello – even if I have to start all over again.”

 

“St- start all over?” I stammer out. “Like when I was three?”

 

“If it’s something I love, then I would do whatever it takes to be able to keep on going, even if it means taking a children’s class. The only reason why you’re not doing that is because you’re afraid. So instead of facing your problems head-on, you’re just running away.

 

“Why? Why? Seol Nae Il, Yoo Il Rak, the S Orchestra – even you – why do you guys always make me worry about you?”

 

With that, Cha Yoo Jin turns and marches back into the building, probably to ask the faculty to cancel my duet with Nae Il. As for me…I stay standing where I am for several minutes, both his and the doctor’s words swirling around in my head.

 

They were both right.

 

I’m being an idiot. Treating my hand like this. Treating a friend such as Nae Il like this.

 

At least cancelling on Nae Il’s behalf will allow me to keep my pride.

 

~~~~~

 

Il Rak is waiting as I slowly stumble back inside the rehearsal hall.

 

“Ya! Yoon Hoo-yah! Where were you?” he calls out as he rushes over.

 

“Mianhe,” I manage to get out, offering a small apologetic smile. “I was just outside: needed some fresh air. But what about you? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your rehearsal?”

 

He shakes his head. “That’s why I was looking for you – you and Seol Nae Il are going first, remember?” Quickly, he moves behind me and starts pushing me down the hall towards my dressing room. “Hurry up – she’s already inside waiting for you.”

 

I stumble to a halt just outside the dressing room door.

 

“What? But…but I thought….”

 

Wasn’t the duet cancelled? Isn’t that what Cha Yoo Jin said he’d do?

 

“Save whatever it was you thought for later, you slowpoke – the longer you guys take, the more our rehearsal will be pushed back.”

 

All I can give is a numb nod in response, and then he’s off, dashing back where he came from to join the other orchestra members. I open the door and step inside the dressing room, heading towards my cello sitting all alone in one corner. But still, I hesitate for a long moment before picking it up.

 

What should I do now?

 

But I can’t keep Seol Nae Il waiting. Whatever it was that had caused her delay before, she’s now ready. And I can’t let her down.

 

To my surprise, she’s not the only one inside the auditorium once I arrive.

 

She’s already seated at the piano, but there, sitting in one of the theatre seats, is Cha Yoo Jin. He must have noticed me when I came in, because he turns his head to give me a knowing look that, surprisingly, doesn’t contain its usual sting.

 

It takes me a moment to realize what’s going on, but once I do, I don’t know whether I should feel relief or dread.

 

He hasn’t cancelled the duet.

 

He’s leaving that choice up to me.

 

Taking a deep breath, I step over to the piano.

 

“Sorry for being late, Nae Il-ah. Did you wait for long?”

 

She glances up from her practice and greets me with a smile.

 

“No, it’s okay. Sunbae, I’m already ready, so let’s get started.”

 

I nod mutely in reply.

 

You’re ready now…but am I?

 

“Also, thank-you for letting me perform this piece.”

 

“Mwo?”

 

“Fauré’s Sicilienne. As I was playing it, I started thinking about what it meant. What it’s saying.

 

“Our performance today,” she continues, “is a new beginning for me.”

 

“Of…of what?”

 

Nae Il shrugs. “Whatever? I’m not sure. I just know that whatever is up ahead, this piece makes me feel like I can do it.” She takes a deep breath, before saying again, “I can do it!”

 

I glance away from her at that moment, staring instead at my own face reflected back at me on the gleaming black surface of the piano.

 

I…I can’t face her like this.

 

And I’m sure Cha Yoo Jin knows it, too.

 

But still, without another word, I move to my place on the stage and set up. Because if this is a new beginning for Seol Nae Il, then she shall have it.

 

As we begin our practice, I find that, despite everything, I am still able to play through the pain in my left hand. Barely, and I’m sure that my own physical and emotional state is making my music sound more funereal than usual, but I’m still playing, staring at the sheet music through sight blurred by unshed tears.

 

I’m still playing, right?

 

I can still do this…right?

 

It takes me a few seconds before I realize that, somehow, my playing has slowed and then stopped. Nae Il seems to have noticed soon afterwards, because I hear her call out from her place at the piano.

 

“Sunbae – is something wrong?”

 

A few more seconds pass before I could find it in me to say the words, although I still can’t bring myself to look her in the eye.

 

“Nae Il-ah…let’s cancel the performance. Mianhe…but I don’t think I can do this.”

 

I hear her stand up and walk over urgently to my side, and that gives me the courage to continue.

 

“I’ve been really selfish. I’ve only been thinking of myself. This is supposed to be a new beginning for you…but I’m making you play a requiem.”

 

I can tell that she’s confused, that she has no clue what I’m babbling on about. But still, now that I’ve started, I can’t stop.

 

“For me, Sicilienne has always been sad; I can’t help but think of the way Fauré used his music to express his grief over his father’s death. So, when you, by chance, happened to suggest this piece…I thought it would be a perfect final piece for my career as a cellist. And I was going into this performance with the same thought: of just pouring out all of my own pain, burning away my talent in a blaze of passion.

 

“But I hadn’t thought that this performance would symbolize a new beginning for you. I’m sorry.”

 

There is a long silence, probably because Nae Il needs time to process what is happening. But then I hear her step closer still, and feel her pat my shoulder in sympathy.

 

“Gwenchanayo, sunbae,” she says gently.

 

Finally, I turn to look over at her, able at last to meet her eyes.

 

“I don’t know everything that’s going on with you right now,” she says, “but Fauré’s Sicilienne will always be about new beginnings for me, no matter what. Perhaps it could be one for you, too, sunbae.”

 

That’s the last that I can take. Feeling the tears that I have held back all day finally beginning to spill out, I hurriedly gather up my sheet music and my cello and walk briskly out of the auditorium. They continue flowing as I pack everything up, as I call for a taxi, as I hurriedly call a fellow cellist friend to take my place in the Rising Star Orchestra tonight, and as – finally – I direct the driver to take me to the hospital.

 

Cha Yoo Jin and Seol Nae Il were both right:

 

One must sometimes tear things down before building them up again. And I have waited far too long for my own new beginning to start.

 

~~~~~

 

Somehow, the prospect of doing the surgery was more terrifying than the actual thing itself.

 

When the doctor told us that it had been a success, that the tumour had been completely excised, eomma was beside herself with relief. But she was also worried, and told me so after the doctor had left. She tried to remind me that even though my left hand was healed, that did not guarantee that I could play the cello again.

 

It’s strange. She believed that I would need reassurance, but it turned out to be the other way around. Instead, I ended up being the one to tell her not to worry: that no matter what, I could get through this. Even if it means starting from scratch – or even playing something other than the cello.

 

So long as there was still music in my life, it no longer mattered to me how it came.

 

And I have Cha Yoo Jin to thank for that.

 

I also have to thank him for being gracious enough not to tell the other orchestra members what had happened. I did, of course, get several voice and text messages from the guys asking after me – it’s impossible for that not to happen when one member suddenly disappears just prior to the performance – but from what they said, I could see that they did not know the full story. Some thought it was a bad flu, others that it was stage fright; there were some who wondered if there was an injury of some sort, but usually something minor.

 

It seemed that the only ones to whom Cha Yoo Jin had told the truth were the faculty – and I can’t blame him for that. If anyone has the right to know why my duet with Nae Il was cancelled, it would be them. I only found out about this because Professor Stresseman came by to see me after the surgery. He hadn’t believed me when I’d said that things would soon go back to normal – evidence that he did know the truth of the matter – but he did tell me that he would be willing to teach me conducting should I ever want an alternate route back into music.

 

But still, it’s only a matter of time before everyone starts wondering once again. I’ve chatted back and forth with a couple of my friends, but they’ve gone from asking if I’m okay to when I would be coming back to Haneum. I can’t tell them how long; that would just make them worry.

 

Fortunately, I have a plan. Because the surgery was done on my hand, there’s nothing stopping me from being up and about, as long as I stay on hospital property. So this morning, wearing a large cardigan to disguise my hospital pajamas, careful to keep my bandaged left hand out of view, I asked a nurse to take a photo of me beside a large wind-chime sculpture I had found in the garden. Along with a joking message that I was enjoying myself with a group of pretty noonas, I sent it out to all of my contacts.

 

It seems to be working, too. Funnily enough, I’m even getting replies asking if I’m back in New York: if somehow my time at Haneum as an exchange student has already come to an end. Scrolling through my friends’ responses as I go down the escalator in the lobby, I nearly collide into someone standing there at the bottom.

 

It can’t be.

 

I glance up and, sure enough, it’s Cha Yoo Jin.

 

“What are you doing here?” I ask in surprise. Then, unable to stop myself from having just a bit of fun, I add, “You’re not here to visit me, are you?”

 

He shakes his head. “Ani. I was here for something else.”

 

Not that I would have thought anything else.

 

“But since I’m already here,” he says, taking out his phone, “since when was I on your Friends list?” He turns the screen towards me, and what would you know? There’s my text message.

 

That’s strange. Since when was he on my contact list? I know for sure I hadn’t added him…..

 

Just then, it hits me.

 

Eomma had told me that someone had called to ask how I was doing while I was still sleeping after the surgery, but that he had hung up before she could get his name. The number hadn’t been on my contacts list before, so she had saved it as “Anonymous Friend”.

 

But surely it couldn’t have been Cha Yoo Jin, could it?

 

“Did you call the hospital the day of the performance, by any chance?”

 

Quickly, I go to my contacts list and look through all the entries there. I find the one I’m looking for and show it to him.

 

“The ‘Anonymous Friend’ – that’s you, isn’t it?”

 

He peers closely at the screen and…God help me, but a laugh bursts out before I could hold it back at the look on his face. His eyes immediately grow wide as saucers before he tears them away from my phone, shifting uncomfortably like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

 

“Ya! It’s not funny!” he snaps irritably at my own reaction.

 

But I just can’t stop. In fact, his consternation makes me laugh even harder, until I find myself doubling over and having to grab the railing for support.

 

Sure it is, you big softie. No wonder Seol Nae Il likes you, if this is what’s lurking beneath that rough exterior of yours.

 

He rolls his eyes at my mirth and turns to leave then, but I raise up my hand to stop him.

 

“Listen, Cha Yoo Jin…if you have a moment, could you stay for a while, please?” I ask, trying to catch my breath as I straighten back up. “There’s something I want to ask you.”

 

Actually, there is a lot I want to ask. He doesn’t know it, but Cha Yoo Jin’s been on my mind a lot lately, especially since the time he tried to stop me from performing.

 

All my life, I’ve been told that I have this way of reading people: that I could listen between the lines of their words and look beneath their actions to see the real self underneath. I don’t know how true that is, but what I do know is that I have an easy knack for getting to know people and making them feel comfortable. And that makes it easy for me to make friends, as I have with so many at Haneum in the space of just a few months.

 

But I’m not one to open myself up to them. I can read them, but they can’t read me.

 

Cha Yoo Jin’s the first person here that has reminded me of, well, myself. He’s been a hard person to crack, and that has made him, for me, uncomfortably unpredictable.

 

But the pieces now seem to be coming together in my head – and I want to test them out.

 

And if I’m right…perhaps even we could be friends, too.

 

Fortunately, he is able to stay for a little bit longer, and that’s how we find ourselves seated on a bench just outside the entrance. Clearly, he’s still embarrassed at having been found out, as he takes a spot as far away from mine as possible.

 

He doesn’t initiate anything, so we end up just sitting there in awkward silence for a moment until I find myself able to ask.

 

“Where was it?”

 

“Hm?” he responds, still staring straight ahead and refusing to look me in the eye.

 

“You’ve been ‘outside’ before. Abroad, that is. Not just for a little bit, either: long enough to make you more of that world than this one here in Korea.”

 

A pause. “How did you know?”

 

Oh, lots of reasons. The way he looks, the way he dresses, the way he carries himself compared to the other students. His exacting teaching and conducting style that hides a genuine concern and desire to see us grow. His passionate love for music that goes beyond test scores and resume padding….

 

But I don’t say any of this. Instead, all that comes out is, “It takes one to know one.”

 

“Ah…” I hear him say, as comprehension starts to sink in. Then, after another pause, he answers.

 

“Salzburg. In Austria.”

 

Austria? I can’t hold back a whistle of admiration. “Impressive.”

 

“Not as good as Juilliard,” he retorts. “Besides, it was a long time ago; I haven’t been back since I was ten.”

 

“But you want to go back.”

 

A grunt of assent is all I get in response.

 

“But something’s stopping you – something that you’re afraid of.”

 

Like I’d said: it takes one to know one. And the degree of concern Cha Yoo Jin had expressed at my unwillingness to face my own fears…it had sounded like he had been trying to persuade himself, too.

 

Of course, the day he admits as much would be the day the sky falls down. And sure enough, true to form, he tries to change the subject now.

 

“Why are you still trying to hide what happened to your hand?”

 

“Well, you’re good at keeping secrets, too,” I retort.

 

He seems to know what secrets I’m referring to, as he then shoots back, “I just don’t see a need to tell them.”

 

“Me neither,” I say, glancing down at my bandaged hand. “I don’t want my friends to know the truth and then despair over me; I only want to show them what I will be like after my new beginning.”

 

I can tell he recognizes the phrase Nae Il had used the day of our botched rehearsal, because his voice is kinder now when he replies.

 

“But just be careful. Keeping such burdens to yourself…it’s tough.” Realizing what he had just revealed, he scrambles to cover it up. “Of course, it’s your own choice to make.”

 

I bite back a laugh. “You’re quite nosy, after all.” I glance over to see him shift uncomfortably in his seat. “But still, komapda – for cancelling the duet performance.”

 

That must have caught Cha Yoo Jin off guard, because he finally turns to look at me.

 

“We’ve paid back each other’s debts now,” I continue on. “So we’re even. We can start all over again: a clean relationship without any lingering debts.”

 

He blinks in confusion. “What are you talking about? I didn’t owe you anything, nor did you owe me anything.” He gets up to leave then, citing an upcoming rehearsal as his excuse.

 

As I watch him leave, my mind casts back to something I heard my church pastor say when he came to visit me the other day: that all things work together for the good of God’s children.

 

I can definitely say that that’s true now.

 

These cellists’ hands once saved someone’s life – and that person has now saved the cellist in turn.

 

Are we friends? Not yet. I wouldn’t say so. But what we do have now, Cha Yoo Jin and I, is someone who understands. Someone else who’s been “outside”. Someone who gets us.

 

There are things I can tell him that I can’t tell anyone else. And perhaps, one day, he will feel the same way about me.

 

Author's Note (in "Hidden Contents" because of spoilers)

 

Spoiler

This story was born in a similar way that my various "Gaksital" stories were: the fact that, in my second viewing of "Nae Il's Cantabile", I wound up focusing more on Lee Yoon Hoo as a character than Cha Yoo Jin.

 

I think it really did take a second viewing for this guy, though, because although we do see some things playing out from his point of view, the majority of his scenes feature him being shown from someone else's (usually Cha Yoo Jin's) perspective - and he is one tough person to read. Yoon Hoo just seems to always know things about people, even though how he does is oftentimes not shown to the audience, and that allowed me to play with the idea of him being a very intuitive person who has a habit of just trying to make sense of everyone around him.

 

We know he's vulnerable - the love-hate relationship he has with the injury/illness in his left hand and his desperate attempts to stay within the circle of friends he develops are both strong clues to that. But I could also see that he tries hard to hide his own weaknesses and fears from others: trying to be there for everyone else, but not necessarily letting others return the favour.

 

Which makes his dynamic with Yoo Jin really intriguing, in my opinion. True, they bicker like enemies at times - and the show even sets them up as rivals and polar opposites in some of the earlier interactions between them. But what we see by the part that ends this fic is something different: I now notice a sort of mutual respect. It's not like they'll ever call each other friends, but I sense that Yoo Jin and Yoon Hoo both feel like the other person gets or understands them in a way that no-one else does.

 

After all, there's got to be a reason why after this point, it's Yoon Hoo that Yoo Jin goes to whenever he has issues keeping the Rising Star Orchestra together, after all. And it's also after this point where I feel like Yoon Hoo stops acting as Yoo Jin's opponent or rival, becoming instead a major catalyst in his journey towards both becoming closer to Nae Il and overcoming his traumas and fears.

 

One thing that had not necessarily been my intention when I started writing fanfics for "Nae Il's Cantabile" but that wound up coming out anyway, is the almost sensual quality the music takes on. You see it in my previous story, where Cha Yoo Jin thinks, in regards to Nae Il's playing, "How can something so wrong feel so right?", and it shows up again in all the discussion about consent versus force in this story. lol - there were some parts of this story that took me several tries to get the way I wanted, because I inadvertently used language that ended up sounding more erotic than was ever my intention as a result.  The point is: I think that music, and the love of music, really permeates all these characters' lives in a way that is almost romantic in its intensity, and that's something that I think Yoon Hoo in particular would have been conscious of, given how close he came to losing all of that.

 

Just a few quick notes about places where I used my own creative licence:

 

1. We never know what exactly is wrong with Lee Yoon Hoo's left hand, but it wouldn't make sense for him not to know for himself. So I did end up making up a diagnosis for him - a benign nerve tumour - based on what we can see of his symptoms as well as the fact that surgery is the only way to treat it. Benign, because if it was malignant (like cancer), there's no way the doctor would give him so much freedom to delay the surgery. And a nerve tumour, because, unlike something like carpal tunnel syndrome (which would probably be far more common among musicians), there aren't any real non-invasive ways to treat it - medicine can cure infections, but not something that's literally growing underneath your skin. Also, most nerve inflammations and infections - again, like carpal tunnel - present numbness or the loss of feeling or mobility as symptoms, and those don't line up with what I see Yoon Hoo feeling. Instead, his escalating pain makes me think of something that is continuously putting pressure on a nerve somewhere - and again, something like swelling or a tumour would do that.

 

2. I do end up making Lee Yoon Hoo a Christian here, as you can probably tell by various small references to God, and even one to a church pastor, throughout this story. There isn't really anything in "Nae Il's Cantabile" to either confirm or disprove this, so I had the freedom to do what I wanted with his personal beliefs. And my choosing Christianity in particular...is a little nod to Park Bo Gum's open religious piety in real life.  

 

Once again, to access the rest of my fanfics, as well as other Hallyu-related writings, please go to the "About Me" tab on my profile page.

 

Enjoy!

[kittyna]

4 hours ago, moonstrike said:

From all co-star that already act with joo won, i just remember sung shi kyung and kim young kwang that pass joo won's height...

 

And for yoon shi yoon... he is so funny because he said everyone is always treat him like a dwarf when he stand beside joo won... and he is also having trouble when he has to look joo won on his eyes because he has to look up since joo won is taller than him.. 

 

I think Sung Si Kyung was really just slightly taller than JW, but he was definitely broader in the shoulder and chest than JW was, so he looked a lot bigger than just their height difference would suggest. So seeing them together really gave off a cute hyung-dongsaeng vibe, because they didn't just act the part, but looked it, too.

 

As for Kim Young Kwang, I remember that JW mentioned on the "Good Doctor" special on "Happy Together" that KYK was the one who had to do the manner legs pose instead of him for once  He was really, really tall, though - 188 cm!

 

Regarding Yoon Si Yoon: exactly. I don't think he's all that short, but filming with JW got difficult because of just those few inches. lol - I will admit that it's funny: playing the hyung - and literally being the hyung (since YSY is older) - but having to look up at your dongsaeng whenever you scold him.  

 

4 hours ago, moonstrike said:

I like that too... when he does that face, he seems like thinking something or when he is hungry... i often see this face on 1N2D. He is so cute... he does that when he is hungry or when he sees the hyung eats delicious food but he can't eat it because he lose in games...

 

More "meong" face photos for you:

 

Spoiler

This moment from 1N2D is a classic example - and he was even watching his hyungs eat as well:

 

 

 

 

And because Park Si On is pretty much the epitome of JW's "meong" face....

 

 

 

He's also a good example of how a blank or clueless expression might not necessarily mean a blank or clueless person; we all know that Park Si On's mind is actually going a mile a minute, but JW still ends up adopting this expression for him more often than not.

 

[airplanegirl]

21 hours ago, moonstrike said:

By the way,, can someone translate this for me.. i don't understand..  ( @airplanegirl i need your help)...

 

Part 1

http://m.dcinside.com/view.php?id=joowon&no=317951&page=1

 

Part 2

http://m.dcinside.com/view.php?id=joowon&no=317952&page=1

None of it is new. It's just them posting old interviews, there are English translations of these interviews floating around.