I Feel Like Giving Up

[damyoungji]

[Friendship problems]

For the past seven years, I have been on good terms with one of my online friends. Although we were close, I always felt like I was being used. I will stay up to comfort him whenever he was upset. I will give him advice when he has troubles with girls, parents, etc. I met him for the first time last summer. That's when I started realizing he is a completely different in person. At first, I thought it was because his friends were around. However, I don't think that is the case anymore.

About four days ago, I was really upset after a family member of mines told me to go to hell. Mind you, when I am upset, I just want someone to listen to me rant. But rather than listening to me rant, he started questioning me about why I was putting myself down. I obviously had other reasons, but I didn't want to share them since some of them are my inner secrets. He starts getting pissed off that I wouldn't tell him why and he eventually logs off.

I log in the next morning only to come across a bunch of hate messages on his Facebook status. The first one was along the lines of how he lost respect for a friend and that if the person dies, he wouldn't care. Then it changed to violent remarks that include words such as, "cut, play, rip, teeth, dig, eyes, hideous, kill". I have to admit that I shocked by what I saw. The last time people were bashing me on Facebook was by my ex-best friends (long story there, but it happened years ago).

I commented on his first Facebook status and he responded the next night. We both started arguing (yeah, he just had to use the visitors wall - probably to gain sympathy from his trashy girl friends (the type who date behind their boyfriends back)). He started making assumptions like how everything he says is useless. I told him I never said that. I also added that if he was really a good friend, he would have noticed that whenever I'm not in a good mood, I just need someone to listen.. in other words, not someone to jump down my throat and make me feel pathetic.

He replies back about how he was trying to be a better friend already. (A quick flashback) About a week ago, he was apologizing to me about how he hasn't been a dedicated friend. He, himself knows that for the past few years, I have been there for him, but he hasn't been there much for me. He even admits that he will leave me out of nowhere, even when I am upset. He then tries to make it up to me by saying how he will celebrate with me this weekend since our exams are over (my birthday is during the exams). But then the night before he flips out on Facebook, he tells me how he has other parties to go to and in the upcoming week, he is going to hang out with a friend of mines who I introduced him to.

(Back to the present) He then asks me why I can't be a better friend who trusts him. I told him I am willing to try, but it is not that easy to completely open up to someone who hasn't been there much for you. I wanted to go on and on that night, but that night (two nights ago), I was feeling sick. I came down with a fever, stomach flu and virus. For the past two days, I have been sleeping 18-20 hours a day and I have not been online. Even if I signed on, I wouldn't have the energy to argue with him. I wrote about being sick on my Facebook status since I had to cancel some plans with people (since I didn't have the energy to send a message individually to all of them). He knew, but he flips out again. He changes his status to something along the lines of not making any effort to understand because it is pointless.

What the heck, right? There I was, lying in bed with no energy to even get up (mind you, I only ate half a container of congee from those take out places, a quarter of a slice of bread and half a small bun for those two days), and he thinks that I will bounce up and crawl back to him? This is frustrating me so much (as if I don't have other stuff to worry about in life). Is it just me, or is this friendship really not worth it?

Sometimes I think my parents and siblings are right. I do need to find better friends T.T

[Guest binjoo]

Is he strictly your online friend, as in you've never seen him in real life?

If that's the case, you should just give up on him just based on that fact. I've never really seen any point in having close online friends because one, it's online, and two, most people tend to put on this character which is totally different from their real personality. It's fine to have acquaintances, but to have a best friend (or anything of that sort) through the Internet seems odd (not that I'm calling you odd).

If you have met him before and he's acting this way, you should still give up on him. Sure, you can argue on some points, but if you're arguing over what's going on in your personal and he is criticizing the way you are feeling, that, I feel, is unacceptable because it's really none of his business to tell you what to do. And to say mean things about you on top of that when you just want someone to comfort you is terrible. He doesn't sound like a trustworthy and loyal friend.

[Guest KanyeWEST]

LOL

online friend.

you dont need better friends, you need real life friends.

[Guest sodaniechea]

She mentioned that she met him for the first time last summer.

Anyways.. I think you should ignore him. He's being completely immature.

Real friends don't argue when one is down, they comfort them instead.

Real friends don't talk trash about you.

Real friends don't abandon you to go to a different place, they bring you. [well most]

Real friends don't ask for trust but rather try to earn it instead.

HOWEVER if you do choose to ignore him, he'll end up feeling lonely and will be looking for comfort from you. If he's smart he'll realize what he did wrong.

[Guest LittleCabbage]

what a stubborn friend, totally not worth it!

[Guest love*beat]

o____o Wow haha.

I think it's time to let go of him as a friend, unless you know him that well in real life (But you only met him once so.. I don't think that counts)

..In which case, you should still stop being friends with him. XD Gradually.. haha.

But in all honesty, if he is your online friend, it's pretty obvious why he doesn't prioritize you. I mean, it's not as if he HAS to.

Then again, it's kind of unnecessary that he becomes angry now, (probably karma) about why you don't trust him.

All I can say is to just DELETE him off your friends list or whatever and GTFO out of your life (Jk haha but you could )

Unless obcourse he knows where you live or something, which *COUGH* might be likely since he's met you already and knows what you look like.

[Guest JazzyMina]

What you said here

" The first one was along the lines of how he lost respect for a friend and that if the person dies, he wouldn't care. Then it changed to violent remarks that include words such as, "cut, play, rip, teeth, dig, eyes, hideous, kill". I have to admit that I shocked by what I saw. The last time people were bashing me on Facebook was by my ex-best friends (long story there, but it happened years ago). "

No " friend " would do that. He obviously doesnt treat you well so why be friends with somebody like that~?

I would say the guys not worth the trouble. Try and find better friends to count and trust on, not ones that

Good Luck ^^

[Guest juki_love]

I think you already know the answer yourself. He seems like a very moody person by the way... He seems to have some issues if he can even say those things like rip, teeth and kill???? I wouldn't get too involved with this person. I'd rather have no friends than have a friend like that. Then again it's just what I think.

[Guest angels.disguise]

online friendship? uhhh

& the guy? bipolar much?

i think you need to go out and make real friends.

[Guest spixder]

Sorry OP, but i gotta say that ur pretty stupid.

Take a step back and take the perspective of someone who's seeing the both of you, ain't he such a jerk?

I think it's time to tell him to F off if he doesn't pick up his act, u already have 1 assh@le, i don't think u need another one.

[Guest dudeilovefood]

I feel like two-faced person today so her goes two replies.

If he's really your friend he would understand. Not to mention online. What a jerk.

You've always been there fro him, so why not vice versa? He's basically saying, if you don't give me info, no deal!

You've never done that to him, so why? Simple.

He's a jerk.

Screw him. He doesn't know you for real, so back talk him right back. I'm not one of those people who go,

"Don't do that, it makes you as bad as him!"

Well revenge is sweet.

Good luckkkk ;D

[Guest]

my suggestion would be to not be so close to him..it seems that he is using you as a shoulder to lean/cry on...like he's having an emotional relationship with you...but not a physical one..like i feel that you should be more attentive to his needs/emotions if you were his gf..

...or just drop him...if he doesn't see how valuable of a friend you are, then maybe he doesn't deserve it. tough luck for him. feel better.

[Guest fei.er]

if he's your friend, he would understand right away that something was wrong and comfort you instead of pressuring you to tell him everything. i mean, sometimes i tell my friends everything, but there will always be some stuff that i just..don't feel comfortable talking to others about..not matter how long i've known them. it's not because i'm being difficult or that i don't trust them. i don't know.

but ugh. that guy! he's a jerk. obviously, he has some issues if he's saying all those disturbing things. he doesn't deserve you as a friend! you were there for him and when you needed him, he turns into a complete jerk! does that seem fair to you?

don't waste your time on people like him! you deserve better friends