Was this my fault?

[ParappaRappa]

Or did I do the right thing..

Sorry, I've been making lots of topics lately...>_<

I joined into this new group of friends when I entered college. That group was originally like, 4 guys. But all around the same time, they all got girlfriends. The couple that was together the longest (not that long though, 3 months)....It was my fault they ended up finalizing their breakup.

The guy was apparently starting to act different with his girlfriend. More distant and less interested in her. She felt something was wrong and it bothered her. She flipped out one day and abruptly broke up with him, but her reason was to see if he would fight for her. But he just said, "okay." So the girl was really hurt. I talked to the guy about it before I heard anything from the girl yet. From his side of the story, she just tripped out over nothing and broke up with him out of nowhere. I asked him a couple of times if he would consider getting back with her if she apologized and all. He kept telling me that there was no way he was getting back with her, he was done with it. He also kept saying how he could honestly find girls so much better. He started talking to me and one of the other guys about this one girl he met through his ex-gf long time ago and he was interested in her. He told me "I kept talking with her after I met her but _(ex-gf)_ didn't know." That sounded quite shady enough lol. She was interested in him too. They've been talking/flirting and he was telling her that we were the group she was going to hang out with when she comes back down here. He kept saying, "She's cute right??" This was the day him and his ex-gf broke up.

I couldn't help but feel this all sounded so messed up...Later, I found out that the ex-gf was talking with the guy again and apologizing and wanting to get back together with him. He told her to try and win him back. So she said okay and began to try her hardest to win him back and treat him really well. It got to a point where she really thought that they were going to get back together and she was so happy. Then she saw his phone and his texts to that other girl. She just saw that he sent her a row of hearts "<3<3<3<3<3<3<3" She looked at his favorites (on contact list) and what used to be her, his family, the rest of the group, changed to the new girl, his family, rest of the group. So she flipped out and was like "Are you cheating on me?!" He kept saying no, she was just a good friend to him. (I guess technically he wasn't cheating on her because they weren't technically back together...) So she asked to see the texts. He kept hiding his phone from her and saying "There's nothing to show so no."

After this happened she texted my boyfriend and me and was like "why didn't you tell me he was cheating on me?! i thought you guys said you were my friends too. i cannot believe this." I kept feeling like I had to tell her the things he said and stuff but I didn't know when or how or what to do...But I guess I found this the right time to tell her what he's told me and just what I know.

She told me she was grateful I told her. Because she was starting to believe him saying that the girl was really nothing to him and still get back together with him. But after what she heard, she decided there was no way. She was pissed off about how he'd never just apologize and admit to it but he kept denying and trying to blame it back on her or something. She was starting to believe it until I told her what I knew. She's with someone new now though and she's happy.

He hates me now because I screwed him over. But if I had let her get back with him and not telling her what I knew, I couldn't help but feel like I'd be screwing her over....

After that, I lost that group of friends.

So...That was long...Was it wrong of me to tell her what I knew? Was I being nosy and should I have stayed out of it? I would always feel really guilty seeing them together while knowing about all that...Something she also didn't know is that every time they got into a fight when they were still together, he'd always say, "I can seriously find girls so much better than her." And it just seemed so disrespectful towards her to always be saying that...

So...Should I have kept my mouth shut and let things just go with the flow? Should I apologize to the guy or something...

[Guest x3Jae]

Hmmmm.. I would say, if you just went up to her and told her everything you knew, then yes that would be a bad move from you. But. because she asked you, you told the truth to her so no I dont think it was your fault. A relationship like that wouldntve gone well anyways. The guy sounds like a richard simmons (no offence to you) for telling the girl to make him go back to her. That's just leading her feelings on. Either you get back together, or you don't.

All in all, I dont think it was your fault and that you actually helped the girl get back on her two feet

[_siku_]

It's not your fault. 

The guy sounded like a richard simmons. Don't apologize and just forget about it. 

From the beginning, their relationship problems were already none of your business, so you should have stayed out of it though. Too much drama imo. 

[Guest happybubble]

You shouldn't apologize, it's not your fault. You were just being a good friend to both of them. 

[Guest Paladine]

You already know it was your fault. Thats why you made this post. Their relationship had nothing to do with you. You let it become part of your life. Now you feel the impact of your meddling ways. They might have worked it out. Or they might have split up. It was none of your business. You no longer have that group of friends. Congratulations.

Next time stay out of other peoples relationships.

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest KeroKai]

In the future it's best to stay out of the drama between two friends.

Technically he wasn't cheating on her but his heart isn't really in the right place to be in a relationship.

You might have screwed over his relationship if he didn't have any intentions of getting with the new girl. These are old posts that the girlfriend discovered right? So technically they're old news unless he's continuing with the contact.

Eitherway, neither really should be together. As soon as I saw "fight for the relationship" I just stopped thinking that they should be together. Mind-games are just silly.

[inxomnia]

If you feel that you are wrong and want to be friends with these people, apologise and admit your wrongs. If you felt that your actions are justified, but want to be their friends, talk it out or move on. If the whole fiasco made you feel uncomfortable what you've learnt is that perhaps getting involved in other people's relationships bring excess drama that you may not want to deal with.

[ParappaRappa]

I felt like one way or another I'd have either the girl or the boy mad at me. Before I fessed up and told the girl what I knew was the truth, she was mad at me for not telling her and having her back. But then after I told, the guy was mad at me for telling and screwing up his relationship. And in the end, I preferred staying on good terms with the girl. I really liked her and she was a good person, where as the guy had done things that made me question his morals and if he ever really respected her. I always felt bad for her, and at first I did stay out of it and didn't even speak of it because I wasn't even supposed to really know most of the stuff I knew. You could tell he didn't respect what she wanted from the start because she didn't want a relationship at first. She told me she was practically forced into it because he wouldn't back down even though she'd explain she doesn't want to be in one. While they were together, he asked another girl if she'd leave her boyfriend for him because he'd leave his girlfriend for her. The other girl obviously said no. And while his girlfriend was not around, he'd be so flirty with other girls. Especially with my friend that I brought into the group. She told me she felt super uncomfortable because of the difference of how he acted with her when his girlfriend was around and wasn't. But when it got to a point where I did know stuff and I felt like I had to say something, I did...

I understand that I messed up by saying something. And that it was my fault I lost them as friends. It's true, if I had stayed out of it, it would have gotten solved somehow. Whether they broke up and both got hurt, or worked out somehow in the end.

But I just didn't want to see the girl go further in and get more hurt. Of course, in the end, I lost my group so yeah, I'm feeling the consequences of my actions. At least I'm happy to see she found someone better for her and how much happier she is when I see her now.

I see what I did wrong...Thank you for the replies

[inxomnia]

^ From that post, I'm sure it's a lesson learnt for you. Congrats on that

[Guest mrskwonahn]

I mean there could have a better way to deal with that situation? But if they wouldn't talk to you after that, maybe it's better off that way. Did she corner you into answering the questions for her? But yeah, you shouldn't have told her directly like that, it's always better to stay out of meddling the relationships for these sort of things. Haha, hopefully you can find better friends.

[SunniRise]

Its not your responsibility... And its better if you don't interfere with anyone's relationship.

A relationship is between two people, not three.

[Guest Stevent]

How does this guy think you screwed him over? He was trying to juggle two girls at one time; keeping his ex-gf as a safety net and his ex-gf's friend as his primary interest. He screwed himself over when he couldn't decide on who he wants to be with. That fall he took must've hurt without a safety net catching him on the way down.

If you were in her same position, wouldn't you want to be informed of the situation? Personally, I would. I wouldn't want to try to waste my time going through hoops and bounds to try to win someone over when that person has someone else in mind, when said person is technically keeping me as a backup/option. I really wouldn't put the blame upon yourself because if you look at the bigger picture, this wouldn't have happened if he placed himself in that situation.

[Guest hunterheart]

The way I look at it she asked you what you knew and you just chose not to lie to her. The guy shouldn't be mad if anything you said wasn't true or there were things that he isn't ashamed of. It wasn't like you involved yourself, she involved you because you are part of that group and she felt she could confide in you.

[ParappaRappa]

These are old posts that the girlfriend discovered right? So technically they're old news unless he's continuing with the contact.

Nah, they weren't old texts. They were recent texts at that time. That's how she saw it, because it was the most recent thing done on his phone and was the default page on the iPhone when it was switched on.

How does this guy think you screwed him over? He was trying to juggle two girls at one time; keeping his ex-gf as a safety net and his ex-gf's friend as his primary interest. He screwed himself over when he couldn't decide on who he wants to be with. That fall he took must've hurt without a safety net catching him on the way down.

If you were in her same position, wouldn't you want to be informed of the situation? Personally, I would. I wouldn't want to try to waste my time going through hoops and bounds to try to win someone over when that person has someone else in mind, when said person is technically keeping me as a backup/option. I really wouldn't put the blame upon yourself because if you look at the bigger picture, this wouldn't have happened if he placed himself in that situation.

Yeah, if I was in her position I honestly would want to be informed of this if someone knows for a fact what's going on behind my back. That way I wouldn't go deeper in and get more hurt in the end. Thank you, your post makes me a feel a bit less guilty over my actions...I kind of knew what to expect from telling her but I did it anyway so she wouldn't get hurt...But perhaps it's still my fault because there was the chance they could've worked out. But from the looks of things, this guy didn't treat her right...

[Guest Stevent]

Yeah, if I was in her position I honestly would want to be informed of this if someone knows for a fact what's going on behind my back. That way I wouldn't go deeper in and get more hurt in the end. Thank you, your post makes me a feel a bit less guilty over my actions...I kind of knew what to expect from telling her but I did it anyway so she wouldn't get hurt...But perhaps it's still my fault because there was the chance they could've worked out. But from the looks of things, this guy didn't treat her right...

They could've worked out or could not have worked out, who knows. From the looks of it, the guy doesn't sound like he wants her back anyways. He wouldn't put in anything less than 100% if he was all in into making the relationship work. I for one think you did the right thing. I think it's starting to become somewhat the norm nowadays to just mind your business, but I don't agree with that. Don't be another one of those bystanders and just do nothing. But most people will argue that they don't want drama and what not, it doesn't matter. You want to associate with people who reflects your character.

[Guest Mentor]

Sorry, I've been making lots of topics lately...>_<

I joined into this new group of friends when I entered college. That group was originally like, 4 guys. But all around the same time, they all got girlfriends. The couple that was together the longest (not that long though, 3 months)....It was my fault they ended up finalizing their breakup.

The guy was apparently starting to act different with his girlfriend. More distant and less interested in her. She felt something was wrong and it bothered her. She flipped out one day and abruptly broke up with him, but her reason was to see if he would fight for her. But he just said, "okay." So the girl was really hurt. I talked to the guy about it before I heard anything from the girl yet. From his side of the story, she just tripped out over nothing and broke up with him out of nowhere. I asked him a couple of times if he would consider getting back with her if she apologized and all. He kept telling me that there was no way he was getting back with her, he was done with it. He also kept saying how he could honestly find girls so much better. He started talking to me and one of the other guys about this one girl he met through his ex-gf long time ago and he was interested in her. He told me "I kept talking with her after I met her but _(ex-gf)_ didn't know." That sounded quite shady enough lol. She was interested in him too. They've been talking/flirting and he was telling her that we were the group she was going to hang out with when she comes back down here. He kept saying, "She's cute right??" This was the day him and his ex-gf broke up.

I couldn't help but feel this all sounded so messed up...Later, I found out that the ex-gf was talking with the guy again and apologizing and wanting to get back together with him. He told her to try and win him back. So she said okay and began to try her hardest to win him back and treat him really well. It got to a point where she really thought that they were going to get back together and she was so happy. Then she saw his phone and his texts to that other girl. She just saw that he sent her a row of hearts "<3<3<3<3<3<3<3" She looked at his favorites (on contact list) and what used to be her, his family, the rest of the group, changed to the new girl, his family, rest of the group. So she flipped out and was like "Are you cheating on me?!" He kept saying no, she was just a good friend to him. (I guess technically he wasn't cheating on her because they weren't technically back together...) So she asked to see the texts. He kept hiding his phone from her and saying "There's nothing to show so no."

After this happened she texted my boyfriend and me and was like "why didn't you tell me he was cheating on me?! i thought you guys said you were my friends too. i cannot believe this." I kept feeling like I had to tell her the things he said and stuff but I didn't know when or how or what to do...But I guess I found this the right time to tell her what he's told me and just what I know.

She told me she was grateful I told her. Because she was starting to believe him saying that the girl was really nothing to him and still get back together with him. But after what she heard, she decided there was no way. She was pissed off about how he'd never just apologize and admit to it but he kept denying and trying to blame it back on her or something. She was starting to believe it until I told her what I knew. She's with someone new now though and she's happy.

He hates me now because I screwed him over. But if I had let her get back with him and not telling her what I knew, I couldn't help but feel like I'd be screwing her over....

After that, I lost that group of friends.

So...That was long...Was it wrong of me to tell her what I knew? Was I being nosy and should I have stayed out of it? I would always feel really guilty seeing them together while knowing about all that...Something she also didn't know is that every time they got into a fight when they were still together, he'd always say, "I can seriously find girls so much better than her." And it just seemed so disrespectful towards her to always be saying that...

So...Should I have kept my mouth shut and let things just go with the flow? Should I apologize to the guy or something...

   You were right for what you did. She asked you what you knew about him and you told her the truth. It's not your problem what goes on between them. If she and the rest of your friends want to act like children them let them. You're not their parents.

[Guest x-serendipity-x]

In my honest opinion, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Don't feel guilty about it. Sometimes you have to take a stance, like the situation you were in. You know both the guy and the girl a lot better than we do, so I'm sure you made the right decision. By not saying anything to the girl when she asked you, you would have been helping the guy. And he sounded like a jerk.

[Guest <3StrawberryPocky<3]

They could've worked out or could not have worked out, who knows. From the looks of it, the guy doesn't sound like he wants her back anyways. He wouldn't put in anything less than 100% if he was all in into making the relationship work. I for one think you did the right thing. I think it's starting to become somewhat the norm nowadays to just mind your business, but I don't agree with that. Don't be another one of those bystanders and just do nothing. But most people will argue that they don't want drama and what not, it doesn't matter. You want to associate with people who reflects your character.

Agree with this completely. To be honest when some soompiers said it wasn't your business to interfere, I could see where they were coming from, but I don't think it applied to a situation like this where honestly the girl DESERVED to know the truth. Letting someone suffer in a relationship when you know the other partner doesn't care nor respect her is like letting someone crash and burn on purpose knowing you could have done something to have prevented it. She found someone much better that she truly deserves, and hey maybe I'm nosy, but I support people who know what it means to empathize and treat others how they want to be treated. And if your friends left you over that pathetic reason, they're not even friends worth staying in contact with. Leave their sorry asses behind in the dust for losing someone like you in their friend group and find another one where you don't have to doubt or question your friends' morals.

[Guest aphrodisiacal]

i don't think you did anything wrong and nothing is your fault. seriously, should he be angry you told her the truth or should he be angry that what you said WAS the truth?

you were stuck in the middle and obviously that sucks. either way you would've been screwed but they should've understood why you did what you did. anyways, i say girl power!

a girl depends on her girlfriends to support her. you did the 100% right thing IMO.