Problem With "forgetful" Girlfriend

[Guest Tried and True]

What should I do?

Warning: long post!

To give a background of my relationship with my girlfriend, I've been with her for a bit longer than a year now. But this year, it has become a long distance relationship because of her entering college out of state. I never believed long distance relationships would work, but I loved her too much to let her go.

So this year she entered college (I'm already in my second year of college) and our relationship seems to be drifting apart day by day. It's not because we have found interests in other people or anything, it's just that she seems too busy for me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not smothering her or asking for all her attention, but I just want a bit of her time so we can talk like we used to. Basically right after her classes, if she isn't hanging out with her friends, she would be studying at the library with her friends usually until 2am. So basically, we don't get much alone time together just to talk for a little while.

Here's one thing that really got to me... in one argument about how she doesn't give an effort to make time for our relationship, she just kept denying it and saying "Well I need to do well in school!" or "I can't hang out with friends?". I never ONCE said she shouldn't do any of those things, in fact I would always encourage her to do well in school.. but that doesn't mean she should just suddenly forget I exist.

During that argument I asked her, "What day is it today?". And what she didn't remember was that it was my birthday... she then apologized and admitted to being a bad girlfriend but asked for one last chance. She said she will spend one entire day with me this Sunday to make up for it, which I would be more than happy with just to spend a day with her. I probably let her off easy for forgetting my birthday, but I didn't want to argue anymore.

So today I asked her if she was doing anything on Sunday, just as a test to see if she remembered. And not surprisingly, she didn't remember and already made other plans. Her excuse was "well I never said I can for sure, I said I most likely would be able to, but there are always exceptions" and she apologized.

So what am I supposed to do? Her excuses always consist of "she is always forgetful", or if she said she would do something she would end up saying the next day "well there are always exceptions" so basically nothing she says is guaranteed. She's always giving me hope to spend more time with her and always disappointing me. I tell her if she really cared, she wouldn't "forget" these things no matter how bad her memory might be, but I don't think she understands that, and I don't know how else to tell her.

This is her first relationship, so I guess I'm cutting her some slack.. but at this point I don't know if it's her lack of experience in relationships or something else...she really is a genuinely nice girl though so I don't know what to do.

[Guest heyitzthatfc]

What's there to do? You sound like you did everything yourself. Go easy on her, like you were, you should understand how fun and exciting college is the first year.

[~ BunnyliciouS ~]

If she really cared and seriously wanted to be your gf, she wouldn't have forgotten about your birthday. It's one important day. A real gf would have planned about how to celebrate, the birthday gift, etc.

She promised to spend time with you, but she just forget about it? If she really loved you, she wouldn't just "forget" and made other plans.

what a beeyatch, she's taking you for granted.

Dump her.

[Guest Tried and True]

What's there to do? You sound like you did everything yourself. Go easy on her, like you were, you should understand how fun and exciting college is the first year.

I do understand she needs time for herself, I've never stopped her from doing something she wanted to do. But when it gets to the point where we barely talk anymore and she not remembering my birthday, then saying she would make it up by doing something and can't even do that, there's a problem..

[Guest jbigdog123]

Even if she had memory problems, as important as it was, noways she could forget plans for upcoming Sunday, which was less than a week. Also, If she really cared, she could have written down plans for that Sunday but obviously, her plans with you weren't important enough because sounds like she didn't give a mini cooper about it.

I'm sorry but if I was in your shoes, I'd kick her richard simmons to the curb, but that's me.

[OMGitzYOU]

ok she didn't remember your BIRTHDAY and then made OTHER plans for her MAKE UP day?!?! come on, is that OTHER plan that important?! Its like saying I'll give you back the $100,000 I owed you tmrw and then show up with a dollar and say "I didn't guarantee it was going to be $100,000 theres exception you know."

That's not forgetting, it's careless.

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Emerald Snow]

What gf forgets her own bf's birthday? That just makes no sense, especially since girls are usually the ones who are super crazy on remembering certain dates. I say you should really seriously start reconsidering your relationship with her. She keeps coming up with all these excuses and I don't think that's very considerate of her.

[Guest eximius]

I concur with every post that has been made so far.

To forget your birthday, then promise to make up for it, then forget about the promise she made? She already had plans with her friends but she sees them all the time, what is it to her if she canceled ONE hang out to spend time with her boyfriend? If her friends have that much of a priority over you... especially on your birthday... it doesn't look too good.

[Guest bbyxwinnie]

she's a horrible girlfriend. dump her.

[Guest WildSevenGirl]

Break up with her.

Yes, it's college, but it's impossible for her to be so busy she has no time for you. But yet she has plenty of time for HER own friends. >_>.

And no one can forget about plans they made for a day that would be coming in less than a week.

And it's near impossible for her to forget your birthday since you guys have been together for a long while.

[Guest 小甜密]

From what I'm getting out of the situation, it seems to me she doesn't to have any more interest in you. Basically, she doesn't give a mini cooper about the relationship. Soo...now which will you choose? Keep the girl but remain hurt or move on and be hurt for a while but happy later?

[Guest Tried and True]

I should mention she did give me a gift 3 months before my birthday (before she went to college), which we agreed would be for my birthday present since she wouldn't have a car in college to find me one. But I don't think that's really an excuse to forget the actual birthday 3 months later (she never once mentioned it). She also told me she forgot her mother's birthday, so it wasn't only me... I'm not sure if that was supposed to make me feel better lol

She does admit to being careless and saying it's just the way she is, and she does admit to being the fault for our relationship drifting apart. But I guess that's where I don't know what to do. I love her for everything but this "carelessness" of hers, and she truly is sad that she keeps disappointing me unintentionally. If she was purposely doing this, I would dump her in an instant.

[Guest eximius]

^ If she knows shes *#&%ing up, then why doesn't she do something about it?

If she really gave a damn then things would be different right now, no?

[Guest Tried and True]

^ If she knows shes *#&%ing up, then why doesn't she do something about it?

If she really gave a damn then things would be different right now, no?

You're right, things should be different if she tried changing. She knows very well she's messing things up, and according to her she really is "trying hard", and that I just can't see it. But I don't know how to tell her to improve, I can't tell her to stop studying (which I obviously don't want to anyway) or tell her to stop hanging out with her friends (she's usually out eating with them and right after heading to the library until late at night on the weekdays). So it's not like she's out partying all the time because she's not the type to do that, but at the same time she's seems too focused on herself.

I have told her all of this before, and she usually deeply apologizes and says she will improve but things would be good for a day or so and eventually revert back to old ways within a few days. I guess that's why it's hard for me to break up with her, because she really doesn't want this to keep happen and she's really sad that she keeps doing it.

But I don't think I can take it anymore, no matter how much she doesn't intend to do it...

Thanks for the advices so far everyone

[Guest Humilious]

Wow. She forgot the day you were born. That's pretty messed up. You are her boyfriend after all.

I say you should dump her. If she's uninterested and you're a last priority, find someone who will actually care about you.

[Guest eximius]

How about telling her that you really don't know if you can stand it anymore?

Maybe THEN it will sink in and she'll fix things up. I think that would be the ultimate test to see if she really gives a crap or not..

[Guest Tried and True]

Wow. She forgot the day you were born. That's pretty messed up. You are her boyfriend after all.

I say you should dump her. If she's uninterested and you're a last priority, find someone who will actually care about you.

I know she still is interested, so that's not really the issue. Nothing about her changed besides the fact that she has developed this "forgetting" problem. Then again would someone who cares a lot always "forget" so easily? And I know she doesn't do it on purpose, because like I said she is really sad she keeps doing it. She also cries every time she seems to disappoint me

How about telling her that you really don't know if you can stand it anymore?

Maybe THEN it will sink in and she'll fix things up. I think that would be the ultimate test to see if she really gives a crap or not..

Yeahhh, I've told her I'm just about at my limit with her. She would then apologize like usual and say she will try not disappointing me all the time. I ask her how she's gonna try and do that, but she doesn't know =/

[myxo]

You're right, things should be different if she tried changing. She knows very well she's messing things up, and according to her she really is "trying hard", and that I just can't see it. But I don't know how to tell her to improve, I can't tell her to stop studying (which I obviously don't want to anyway) or tell her to stop hanging out with her friends (she's usually out eating with them and right after heading to the library until late at night on the weekdays). So it's not like she's out partying all the time because she's not the type to do that, but at the same time she's seems too focused on herself.

I have told her all of this before, and she usually deeply apologizes and says she will improve but things would be good for a day or so and eventually revert back to old ways within a few days. I guess that's why it's hard for me to break up with her, because she really doesn't want this to keep happen and she's really sad that she keeps doing it.

But I don't think I can take it anymore, no matter how much she doesn't intend to do it...

Thanks for the advices so far everyone

That's a bunch of BS. Your gf is the exact replica of my ex. All in the glory of carelessness and birthday forgetfulness. We were long distance on my birthday and he forgot it as well (though he bought me a present a month before when we weren't LDR). Was I as nice and forgiving as you were? No, and especially since he didn't even offer to make anything up for it.

This is an incompatibility issue. Her carelessness isn't going to change. She's the type who will promise whatever just so she can make you happy again only to disappoint you later when she can't fulfill that promise. Then, you confront her about it and she'll apologize, putting the blame on herself though I honestly don't believe she thinks she's at fault. Someone who really believes they're at fault and is wanting to put efforts to make things work will do something to prove it to you (aside from all those empty promises). A person is only as good as their actions. Words are meaningless and a bunch of BS. It's nice you're giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I say you're just blindlessly in love. You wouldn't have given her a second chance if you weren't so in love with her. Give yourself a good slap and maybe that'll wake you up. Or you can just sit through all her empty promises and disappointment, and one day you'll just snap out of it yourself. I learned the hard way.

[Guest DangerousAngel]

She really doesn't deserve you.

I'm with BunnyliciouS on this one!

A real girlfriend would NEVER forget her bf's birthday, especially not when you've been together for so long. Even if she DID already give you a gift. Picking up the phone to give you a call or send you a sweet text msg doesn't take too many minutes.

If she can make time for her friends but not for you, then something is veeeeeeeery wrong.

Trust me, if she truly wanted your relationship to work, she would ditch her friends for you.

Don't be such a nice guy, she ain't treating you right =)