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Ask The Fellas

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  • ajlee613ajlee613 Bay Area, CaliforniaPosts: 4,760Member

    SUPERSTAR

    lol thanks again. But what if he is just indecisive? 
    Like what if he wants to be friends but gets jealous when I talk or hang out with guy friends? 
    I would get jealous if he hangs out with other girls but I can't do anything if he says he doesn't want a relationship and just can't be bothered to do anything or dedicate time for me. Like I can give up certain things if he is serious but when he is unsure I don't know what to do...
    i can honestly say, i have NEVER heard of a situation where a guy has no romantic interest in a girl, but is still jealous when she hangs out with other guys. this simply does not happen lol... unless he is one of those sick people who have been turamatized in his past due to lack of power, and now tries his best to posses and control things he doesnt even care about. (may sound familiar to lots of ppl, but i assure you this is VERY rare, maybe victims of rape, or helpless witness to loved ones being killed or hurt etc.)

    its safe to assume, he cares. indecisive, maybe. when i was in early high school age, i didnt know if i liked a girl, but was jealous when other guys hit on her, once enough guys showed serious interest i knew, she could pass as a trophy girl, some one other guys would be jealous that i had. and thus proceeded to make her mine.

    a fairly immature thought process? yes, but both guys and girls do this well into their college years... many guys notice they get TONS of girls coming onto them once they are in a public relationship....
    Think about all the things in this life that hurts you... do not do those things.

    ·
  • SaiyuSaiyu Made in Shanghai Posts: 1,879Member

    IDOL

    edited November 2012
    hi >/////<

    I am really confused about a guy friend lately...

    my friend confessed to me even though he knows I have a boyfriend (of 2 years). he said he liked me for over a year now and couldn't keep it secret any longer. he seemed really desperate.....asking me to break up with my boyfriend and be with him. he said things like "I can do better than him" and even tried to kiss me and demanded me to say I have feelings for him too, and it's not just one sided (but I really don't have feelings for anyone but my boyfriend). it was so uncomfortable and I ended up crying..he apologized afterwards through text, but I didn't reply.

    one week later, I heard from a mutual friend that he found a girlfriend. what's with him? if he really liked me for a year, he wouldn't be moving on and dating someone so soon, right? I know it's awful of me to care about it because I would never return his feelings anyway, but I just don't understand how someone can confess and then date someone else a week later.

    it's been a month now and I don't talk to him anymore. he doesn't contact me anymore either. I feel like I lost a friend, and even if we tried talking again it wouldn't ever be like before. is it ever possible to be friends with this guy again? what should I do if I see him? I've been avoiding him (I saw him at the library and ran away.. and I left a restaurant when I realized he was there too). I see this guy around because he lives in the apartment building right beside mine, goes to the same places.. it's so tiring avoiding him


    please help me..thank you so much
    ·
  • lilliumslilliums Michigan.Posts: 1,652Member

    IDOL

    edited November 2012
    I was talking with my male friends, and nearly 100% of them agreed that "the hotter a girl is, the bitchier she's allowed to be." 

    Can anyone please explain their opinion on this? Lol.
    Icon credit to lovemydanger
    ·
  • odaesanodaesan 러브홀릭 Posts: 2,402Member

    IDOL

    @Saiyu that was cheap of him to do. He probably was desperate for a girlfriend and he thought that you would be easy to get because you know each other. He completely disregarded the fact that you have someone else because he thought that there was a high chance that you would think that he was better than your boyfriend. I don't think that he's worth keeping as a friend, but yes, that will be awkward when you see him. You now have the choice to completely break off that friendship or to try to awkwardly salvage it, which can start up the same situation one more time. He probably lunged at the other girl because he had that desperation.

    Real friends don't do things like that. The most one would do is state that he likes you and that he couldn't keep hiding his feelings, but he will continue to be your friend and he won't make things more awkward than that.


    @lilliums I really don't go by that saying. That only is a rule of shallow people. They only think that everything is fine if they have the hottest women. I think that it's stupid.

    Saiyu
    ·
  • alwayssonnyalwayssonny Posts: 11Member
    lilliums said:
    I was talking with my male friends, and nearly 100% of them agreed that "the hotter a girl is, the bitchier she's allowed to be." 

    Can anyone please explain their opinion on this? Lol.
    True. Yet, noone likes a Richard Simmons. So she can be bitchy all by herself.
    ·
  • ajlee613ajlee613 Bay Area, CaliforniaPosts: 4,760Member

    SUPERSTAR

    Saiyu said:
    hi >/////<

    I am really confused about a guy friend lately...

    my friend confessed to me even though he knows I have a boyfriend (of 2 years). he said he liked me for over a year now and couldn't keep it secret any longer. he seemed really desperate.....asking me to break up with my boyfriend and be with him. he said things like "I can do better than him" and even tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away. he even pushed me and demanded me to say I have feelings for him too, and it's not just one sided (but I really don't have feelings for anyone but my boyfriend). it was so uncomfortable and I ended up crying..he apologized afterwards through text, but I didn't reply.

    one week later, I heard from a mutual friend that he found a girlfriend. what's with him? if he really liked me for a year, he wouldn't be moving on and dating someone so soon, right? I know it's awful of me to care about it because I would never return his feelings anyway, but I just don't understand how someone can confess and then date someone else a week later.

    it's been a month now and I don't talk to him anymore. he doesn't contact me anymore either. I feel like I lost a friend, and even if we tried talking again it wouldn't ever be like before. is it ever possible to be friends with this guy again? what should I do if I see him? I've been avoiding him (I saw him at the library and ran away.. and I left a restaurant when I realized he was there too). I see this guy around because he lives in the apartment building right beside mine, goes to the same places.. it's so tiring avoiding him why did he date another girl so quickly?


    please help me..thank you so much
    He tried to kiss you when you refused him and you have a boyfriend, he tried to turn you into a cheater, the scum of the earth, and on top of that trying to do that when u resist is sexual harrassment, if he kept going it would be rape.

    It would be inconsiderate to your current boyfriend, for you to keep hanging out with a guy like this.

    on top of this, if you think about that guy's side, he liked u so much that he tried to rape you, but stopped his manly urges, it would be hurtful to him to approach him and grace him with your great beauty once again, thus tempting him and taunting him with that which he can never have.

    Think about him, and dont let him see you again, become a distant memory,  think about your boyfriend and avoid men who wish ill of your relationship.


    Think about all the things in this life that hurts you... do not do those things.

    ·
  • ajlee613ajlee613 Bay Area, CaliforniaPosts: 4,760Member

    SUPERSTAR

    lilliums said:
    I was talking with my male friends, and nearly 100% of them agreed that "the hotter a girl is, the bitchier she's allowed to be." 

    Can anyone please explain their opinion on this? Lol.
    Psycologically speaking, this is true for human beings in general. Ugly people who are even the slightlest bit "bitchy" are labeled a Richard Simmons pretty much right away. we ignore their good points, attractive people are the opposite.

    of course once u get into extreames, like if the hottest girl in the world acts like a total Richard Simmons, no one is going to respect her or like her.

    physical attractiveness correlates with brain signals that tell a person that it is ok to accept and to trust. when u see a beautiful face, in otherwords, u give the benifit of the doubt. now.. if there IS NO DOUBT, this is overruled, and thus u come to the conclusion "a Richard Simmons is a Richard Simmons" i think what your friend means is in a lesser scale of things.

    think about it this way, have u ever seen a hot girl complain about the heat and tell someone she wants ice cream and str8 up ask like hey can u buy it for me?

    i've seen it, and as a man of principles i always reject girls who ask me things like this no matter how hot they are, but i feel less resentment towards them, than if a really ugly girl complained about the heat and asked me to buy her an ice cream. i would then have a far different feeling.

    if a handsome korean drama status dude came up to u and knew everything about you and his explaination was that he liked you from afar for a long time and that is why he knows so much, it is romantic right? if some UGLY dude does the same thing, he is a stalker, its creepy.

    at the very least, on the subconcious level, ur friend's statement is FACT, to all properly functioning human beings, there is a journal about this somewhere too if u can see if u can find it.
    Think about all the things in this life that hurts you... do not do those things.

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  • SaiyuSaiyu Made in Shanghai Posts: 1,879Member

    IDOL

    odaesan said:
    @Saiyu that was cheap of him to do. He probably was desperate for a girlfriend and he thought that you would be easy to get because you know each other. He completely disregarded the fact that you have someone else because he thought that there was a high chance that you would think that he was better than your boyfriend. I don't think that he's worth keeping as a friend, but yes, that will be awkward when you see him. You now have the choice to completely break off that friendship or to try to awkwardly salvage it, which can start up the same situation one more time. He probably lunged at the other girl because he had that desperation.

    Real friends don't do things like that. The most one would do is state that he likes you and that he couldn't keep hiding his feelings, but he will continue to be your friend and he won't make things more awkward than that.

    I don't really want to be friends with him anymore, everything you said is so true... but do you think I should have a talk with him to clear things up? maybe there's something he should explain... our mutual friend told me that he's been going after that other girl (his current girlfriend) since the summer. does that mean his confession to me was total bullsht?... some friends said it was obvious he liked me, but others said he always had interest in the other girl who he's currently dating and didn't even believe me when I told them about what he said to me. and- I forgot to mention that after I rejected his confession, he asked me to be friends with benefits.. he said "your boyfriend never has to know"...and "you don't have to have feelings for me to sleep with me"... I cringe every time I think about it.....
    I keep seeing him and his new girlfriend at my usual coffee place, the library, around campus... HELP..I don't want to keep dodging around him
    ·
  • ajlee613ajlee613 Bay Area, CaliforniaPosts: 4,760Member

    SUPERSTAR

    Saiyu said:
    odaesan said:
    @Saiyu that was cheap of him to do. He probably was desperate for a girlfriend and he thought that you would be easy to get because you know each other. He completely disregarded the fact that you have someone else because he thought that there was a high chance that you would think that he was better than your boyfriend. I don't think that he's worth keeping as a friend, but yes, that will be awkward when you see him. You now have the choice to completely break off that friendship or to try to awkwardly salvage it, which can start up the same situation one more time. He probably lunged at the other girl because he had that desperation.

    Real friends don't do things like that. The most one would do is state that he likes you and that he couldn't keep hiding his feelings, but he will continue to be your friend and he won't make things more awkward than that.

    I don't really want to be friends with him anymore, everything you said is so true... but do you think I should have a talk with him to clear things up? maybe there's something he should explain... our mutual friend told me that he's been going after that other girl (his current girlfriend) since the summer. does that mean his confession to me was total bullsht?... some friends said it was obvious he liked me, but others said he always had interest in the other girl who he's currently dating and didn't even believe me when I told them about what he said to me. and- I forgot to mention that after I rejected his confession, he asked me to be friends with benefits.. he said "your boyfriend never has to know"...and "you don't have to have feelings for me to sleep with me"... I cringe every time I think about it.....
    I keep seeing him and his new girlfriend at my usual coffee place, the library, around campus... HELP..I don't want to keep dodging around him
    i cant really tell if you are serious at this point lol. come on, have some self respect and consideration to your boyfriend. and cut this dude out of your life.
    Think about all the things in this life that hurts you... do not do those things.

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  • SaiyuSaiyu Made in Shanghai Posts: 1,879Member

    IDOL

    ^ I have been cutting him out of my life. What I'm saying is- I am sick and tired of always avoiding him. What if I see him face to face? Am I supposed to talk to him at all? Or just act as strangers?.....
    ·
  • SaiyuSaiyu Made in Shanghai Posts: 1,879Member

    IDOL

    ajlee613 said:
    think about your boyfriend and avoid men who wish ill of your relationship.


    Amen..
    ·
  • odaesanodaesan 러브홀릭 Posts: 2,402Member

    IDOL

    Saiyu said:
    I don't really want to be friends with him anymore, everything you said is so true... but do you think I should have a talk with him to clear things up? maybe there's something he should explain... our mutual friend told me that he's been going after that other girl (his current girlfriend) since the summer. does that mean his confession to me was total bullsht?... some friends said it was obvious he liked me, but others said he always had interest in the other girl who he's currently dating and didn't even believe me when I told them about what he said to me. and- I forgot to mention that after I rejected his confession, he asked me to be friends with benefits.. he said "your boyfriend never has to know"...and "you don't have to have feelings for me to sleep with me"... I cringe every time I think about it.....
    I keep seeing him and his new girlfriend at my usual coffee place, the library, around campus... HELP..I don't want to keep dodging around him
    The best time would have been right when he said those things. That's the cleanest break. "I can't believe that you would do this. We're not friends anymore. I don't even want to talk to you anymore. Stay away from me," and you're done. I believe that his confession was a lie. You can either quickly tell him (maybe by some other medium and not just by talking to him face-to-face) because he can quickly gain his footing and he can keep you there talking to him longer, which will then make it easier for him to approach you once more later.

    The guy is a total creep. If I knew that someone did that to my girlfriend, then I would beat him with my bare fists and I'm not even violent.

    If he's with his girlfriend, then don't even pay any more attention to him except noticing that she is there with him. You didn't do anything wrong. You were right to reject him. You should be able to walk tall. He should be going elsewhere carrying his shame.

    If he is near you, then don't say anything unless he says something and when he says something, reply fast so that he can go away as soon as possible. If you can get the "we're not friends anymore" line in there, then that's even better.

    Get yourself a pepper spray keychain for the future.

    Good luck. I admire what you did.

    Saiyu
    ·
  • mabuchimabuchi Posts: 78Member, New Member
    Met a guy over a summer internship. I treat him as a friend, but it seemed like he really liked me (he would try to follow me around, sit near me, listen to the things I said, once another guy asked to share a seat with me during lunch because of the lack of chairs, and while I got up to get some utensils he ended up giving his seat to me and sharing the seat with the other guy...we also made plans to hang with some other friends, but when I dropped out, he made up a very random excuse to drop out also, and hung out with me instead). He seemed to do a lot more extra things with me compared to other girls. 
    I told him I liked him (as a friend, but I left that clarification out because the context seemed obvious), and he said he liked me too, but I'm afraid he may have gotten the wrong idea.
    He has a girlfriend of 1.5-2 years though, and once the internship was over, he started talking to me over Skype for at least 2 hours, pretty much every single day (continuous text convos)...It's been at least 3 months since the daily convos have been going on, and I think he's still with his gf, but he's confided that they're having problems. I talk to him as I would a good friend.

    So I'm wondering, can you guys tell what his motives are? It doesn't feel like simple friendship because he's stopped talking to the other people he met over the internship, and he's kind of laid back/quiet, but it also doesn't feel like he wants a relationship because he hasn't made a move/suggested anything much. 

    Would it be homewrecking to ask him about his feelings and what he's looking for? I'm worried because I don't want to invest unnecessary attachment/expectations or emotions into the friendship, nor do I want to meddle/cause problems in his relationship. 

    Thanks so much for any input/opinions... (:
    ·
  • odaesanodaesan 러브홀릭 Posts: 2,402Member

    IDOL

    It's not clear enough by what you posted, so I'll just say that you should just treat him as friend and don't ask him about his feelings toward you possibly being more than just wanting to be friends.

    If you don't want to meddle, then don't give him any wrong ideas. If he doesn't like you that way, then you just made things very awkward for him. If he does like you that way, then he may think that you are interested in the same way and that probably will mean that he will end his other relationship to pursue a new one or he may even try to keep you on the side and that's just because you are curious about it. Either one is bad.

    You can indirectly test him by asking about his girlfriend then you can lead him into a conversation about her and the way that he handles it should be able to show you more about what he is thinking with regard to her.

    Then again, it's just a curiosity thing and you probably can let it go. Just be a good friend.

    ·
  • SaiyuSaiyu Made in Shanghai Posts: 1,879Member

    IDOL

    odaesan thank you so much. your advice is really great :)
    ·
  • EruEru Posts: 274Member

    ROOKIE

    Lie said:
    I'm not a guy but my guy friends have told me it generally means:

    Cute - not just the "innocent/girl next door" physical appearance of the girl that is attractive but also her personality. She's sweet, sometimes clumsy (yet oblivious to her clumsiness at times) but inspires the guy to "protect" her.

    Pretty - mostly the girl's elegant physical appearance. Can be a compliment from a stranger since it doesn't require knowing the girl's personality. But if from a guy of interest/bf, it is said in awe as it inspires him to be more of a gentleman ie open the door for you. 

    Hot - Guys want to bang her. 


    I'd agree with this. Although I'd add that it's possible (though may not seem so) for a girl to be all 3 of those haha.
    It's definitely situational too.  It all depends on how the mood or ambience of the setting is and you should adjust the "adjectives" so that they suit the situation.

    But in the end, I think definitely the word hot can have a more carnal connotation a majority of the time.
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  • yukixoxoyukixoxo SingaporePosts: 43Member
    Hi, so I was talking to this guy and he asked if anyone liked me and i asked him why and he replied. Oh, nothing, just wanted to know if anyone also liked you. Wonder if I'm reading this much into this?
    :-/
    "Of all goodbyes, the kind that hurt the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it's already been said."
    ·
  • odaesanodaesan 러브홀릭 Posts: 2,402Member

    IDOL

    Saiyu said:
    odaesan thank you so much. your advice is really great :)
    I'm glad that you found it useful.
    yukixoxo said:
    Hi, so I was talking to this guy and he asked if anyone liked me and i asked him why and he replied. Oh, nothing, just wanted to know if anyone also liked you. Wonder if I'm reading this much into this?
    :-/
    If anyone also liked you?

    I think that he likes you just with that.

    It's an awkward question, so is he an awkward person?

    ·
  • iilysiumiilysium VirginiaPosts: 414Member

    IDOL

    edited November 2012
    Would a coworker who offers to carpool with you once he found out you lived in the same neighborhood, and asked questions like your religion and say maybe you could go to church with him one day be interested in you? Orrrr is that just being friendly? *anddd only known this coworker for 2 days*
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  • JinaStarJinaStar Posts: 13Member
    hello :>

    I know this guy who's a year older than me (he's a college freshman and I'm a high school senior), who I see weekly at a sports thing. I've liked him for quite a while now- we've gotten closer lately and I text him on an almost daily basis, and we've had dinner together (he likes Korean restaurants, but he says he needs to have a Korean person with him) I was kinda like 'woah, do I actually have a chance?!', coz he's pretty popular. But then he got a girlfriend (about 3 weeks, now?) and he'd liked her for some time, too. He told me that the girl hasn't had a long relationship (never over 2 months, although she's had a lot of boyfriends).

    We've texted constantly until 2AM at which point he told me to go sleep. (Through texting I get the feeling sometimes that him and his girlfriend aren't really that close, though they're 'facebook official') He tries to restart the conversation if he sees that I've seen his text yet hasn't replied, but sometimes he just talks like he doesn't want to carry on the conversation. He told me about his obsession with speed, and his wanting to race, at which point I asked him what his gf thought and he replied 'she doesn't care', but then offered to take me driving with him after the next dinner that we're apparently going to have. Do guys usually have dinner alone with girls when they have a girlfriend? Or is he just really friendly/REALLYWANTSTOGOTOTHESEKOREANRESTAURANTS?

    I've tried to indirectly hint I liked him (SO I'VE LIKED THIS GUY FOR OVER A YEAR BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, after he entered the relationship) he seemed oblivious. (cheered me on... told me to 'DON'T LOSE HOPE')

    Another thing- whenever I see him, I hug him as I leave (always at the sports place, never went anywhere with him before the dinner). He's always tried to avoid the hugs/never responded at all in front of the sports peoples. But at the last dinner, he hugged me back at the bus stop- I don't think I was hanging so long onto him that it woulda seemed prudish not to return the action. I'm overthinking this, right?

    I feel like I'm just overthinking/holding false hope, and I'd appreciate any feedback/opinions about my situation T_T
    ·
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