Ask The Fellas

[Guest watcher]

They broke up over five years ago. Laziness isn't an excuse because he just created the account this April and used ilove[insert ex's name] as the password. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if it was an old account with that password, but this is a recently created account and that password was used. Maybe he was tired of thinking up of new passwords, but knowing him, he's the type to have numerous passwords to begin with.

You're right. He is a habitual liar. What happened was once he started lying, he had to continue lying, but it finally caught up to him. I know I can't change him, but is there anything I can do to reduce his reasons for lying? I just don't want him to feel the need to lie to me, but from the way I take it, he has difficulty telling me the truth because he's afraid.

yea... i'd think the same thing if he made a new account with that password.

as for changing him, i think that's really up to him. [as lie mentioned]. however, i dont think you can really help him. this kind of issue can only be resolved if he can figure out his own self-worth and learn to stand up for himself instead of shying away from conflict. but by having you try to change him and 'fix' him, it will just keep him stuck in this childlike mentality.

[Guest Sweetraindrops]

what would you do and what does this mean if...

-someone see you and pretend that you're not there and go n stand in front n do stuff in front of you...? and what should you do if something like that happen?

-someone walk in the library and see you and decide to sit next to you... then start playing with the freaking hair like mad... when you get up that someone look at you for a couple seconds... NEXT time something like that happen.. what would you do?

work my magic or let that go..? lol... but i dont got no magic.. so.. any TIPZZ...

[myxo]

I respect that you want to help him, but I personally don't think you're going to be able to in terms of the lying. You have to understand that someone who lies habitually is someone who has an unfortunate mix of compulsive behavior & an inability to take responsibility for his own actions. His lying will stop once and only once he reaches a point where he makes the decision that it's time to step up to the responsibility of being a man, and that ultimately he's causing himself more harm than good by lying to & misleading people.

There's not much you can do, really. His lying has virtually nothing to do with you other than the fact that you're one of many people he's probably lying to. When he decides to make a change and take responsibility for his actions, as opposed to lying to you and trying to cover them up, things will change--until then, nothing will.

If I remember your original post, he was lying about going to the strip club right? Has he been lying about other things as well, or just that? If it's just that, and you still feel as fervently as you did before that you don't want him to go to the strip club, then there's nothing you can change or do to give him less reason to lie. He has to decide on his own to stop going to the strip club as you asked, or to go and tell you the truth about going, and then face the consequences of those actions as a man.

Oh the strip club.. that's a memorable one.

Unfortunately he's not just lying about going to strip clubs, but about everything he does when he's not with me. I recently found out that he's been lying to me about everything that's happened recently, and that really upsetted me. He even lied about buying his brother's car, and said that he was being altruistic and wanted to help his family out. I don't really understand the mechanisms behind his lies or his reasons to lie, thus I began to wonder whether it had anything to do with me. I guess you're right, there really isn't much I can do about it, and I can't really be with someone I can't trust. I think I found myself at a dead end. Somehow he managed to convince me that I was the reason for his lies, and I fell for it. Thanks for snapping me back to reality.

Oh, and I have been mulling over this question for the longest time. Let's just generalize this, but is it okay for a guy to go to a club and dance with other girls and not tell his gf about it? Okay regardless of whether he told her or not, is it okay for someone who is taken to dance (closely) with girls they just met at the club?

[Guest Deadalready]

what would you do and what does this mean if...

-someone see you and pretend that you're not there and go n stand in front n do stuff in front of you...? and what should you do if something like that happen?

-someone walk in the library and see you and decide to sit next to you... then start playing with the freaking hair like mad... when you get up that someone look at you for a couple seconds... NEXT time something like that happen.. what would you do?

work my magic or let that go..? lol... but i dont got no magic.. so.. any TIPZZ...

Are these serious questions?

1: I thought that you were a guy

2: If you are a guy then this would be something for the female thread counterpart.

I generally take these as signs of attraction, *especially* situation 2. Other things are the quick fleeting glance, playing with jewellery, adjustment of clothing, figeting, lip licking, neck rubbing, a bright smile (has to show teeth) and sometimes placement of the handbag within your close proximity.

Extremely perceptive will also notice changes in posture, changes in muscle definition, changes in skin colour, voice tonality changes, pupil dialation, lower lip size change, behavioural alterations, skin shine change, breathing changes, pulse rate changes, blinking rate changes and more... It's especially noticable if a person is attracted to you and only just notices you're there, because these changes are quite rapid and well (to me) interesting.

Personally I assess whether they meet my criteria and decide from there. If you want just start talking to them and flirt, be aware a person can be turned off as quickly as they're on. So if all of a sudden their behaviour (hair flicking) dissappears somebody (that being you) did something they didn't like.

Oh, and I have been mulling over this question for the longest time. Let's just generalize this, but is it okay for a guy to go to a club and dance with other girls and not tell his gf about it? Okay regardless of whether he told her or not, is it okay for someone who is taken to dance (closely) with girls they just met at the club?

It really boils down to the relationship and boundaries respected and set. In some relationships it could easily be fine and others deserving of some serious justice. The meaning depends on the individual, it's possible the guy thinks nothing of it and has no actual attraction to the girls. For example he might feel unattractive in his current relationship because that feeling is important to him has to find it elsewhere, other examples are constant flirts who flirt while even in a relationship. Or he could be a jerk and looking to get some action.

Before assigning any meaning to anything, try and see it in his point of view. Personally I believe everything has a higher purpose, finding that and fullfilling that purpose can be quite useful.

[Guest watcher]

Oh the strip club.. that's a memorable one.

Unfortunately he's not just lying about going to strip clubs, but about everything he does when he's not with me. I recently found out that he's been lying to me about everything that's happened recently, and that really upsetted me. He even lied about buying his brother's car, and said that he was being altruistic and wanted to help his family out. I don't really understand the mechanisms behind his lies or his reasons to lie, thus I began to wonder whether it had anything to do with me. I guess you're right, there really isn't much I can do about it, and I can't really be with someone I can't trust. I think I found myself at a dead end. Somehow he managed to convince me that I was the reason for his lies, and I fell for it. Thanks for snapping me back to reality.

Oh, and I have been mulling over this question for the longest time. Let's just generalize this, but is it okay for a guy to go to a club and dance with other girls and not tell his gf about it? Okay regardless of whether he told her or not, is it okay for someone who is taken to dance (closely) with girls they just met at the club?

the thing is... as soon as a guy feels like he has to keep that information secret, that's when he should tell his girlfriend about it. haha... that's how it usually goes.

anyways... sorry to hear about the guy. you'll find someone better. for sure you will.

[Guest starlight24]

Would a guy be weirded out if a girl called him on her vacation to make conversation with him and see how he's doing? Or would he be happy that someone was thinking about him?

[Guest starlight24]

Most guys would definitely like it. It's flattering to be thought of, and for a girl to care about how you're doing.

Thanks for your reply. I'm just worried that it'll be too obvious that I like him, even though I really do. I guess there's a possibility he likes me back as well, but if I'm really nice and show that I care, he'd think more of me, right?

[Guest watcher]

Thanks for your reply. I'm just worried that it'll be too obvious that I like him, even though I really do. I guess there's a possibility he likes me back as well, but if I'm really nice and show that I care, he'd think more of me, right?

i think it's better to make it obvious than to impose on a guy. some guys like being approached, but still don't like when a girl calls the shots. so what girls can do is just make it obvious that she likes him, and let him make the move. it'll feed his ego a little but hey, it gets the job done. just be sure not to fall over every time he tries to make a move though. keep your boundaries and you'll keep him in check. i know it's like a game, and i hate games. if he's a great guy with integrity, you won't need it. but until then, i guess things like this cannot be helped.

anyways... i hope it works out.

on a more personal note, for a second, i sorta wished i had a girl callin me on her vacation, but then i realized i've been avoiding calls lately. perhaps it's just that i can imagine a sweet charming girl when i read your post... instead the temptress that calls me everyday....

[Guest starlight24]

There's nothing at all wrong with making it obvious that you like someone! At least, I think it's much preferable to put yourself out there and get rejected (if they're going to reject you either way), than to wait around unsure for months at a time.

Absolutely, I see no negatives really coming out of letting someone know that you care. Unless they're immature and judgmental, in which case you really don't want to waste your time on them anyway.

Yeah, you are right. I don't want to regret not doing anything!!

Thanks so much for your help!

[Guest starlight24]

i think it's better to make it obvious than to impose on a guy. some guys like being approached, but still don't like when a girl calls the shots. so what girls can do is just make it obvious that she likes him, and let him make the move. it'll feed his ego a little but hey, it gets the job done. just be sure not to fall over every time he tries to make a move though. keep your boundaries and you'll keep him in check. i know it's like a game, and i hate games. if he's a great guy with integrity, you won't need it. but until then, i guess things like this cannot be helped.

anyways... i hope it works out.

on a more personal note, for a second, i sorta wished i had a girl callin me on her vacation, but then i realized i've been avoiding calls lately. perhaps it's just that i can imagine a sweet charming girl when i read your post... instead the temptress that calls me everyday....

Yeah! That was what I was thinking...be friendly with him and show that I'm interested...and he can make the call whether or not he wants to go further on. I think I'd wet myself if I were to ever ask him out... O.O I'm usually very shy around guys I liked, so this is a total change for me. I guess I just realize now that nothing will happen if I don't do anything.

Haha oh I'm sorry that you have a temptress that calls you everyday! Hopefully things will be okay. I hope I come off as sweet and charming when I talk to him...teehee. And not desperate. Because I'm not.

[Guest Sweetraindrops]

Are these serious questions?

1: I thought that you were a guy

2: If you are a guy then this would be something for the female thread counterpart.

I generally take these as signs of attraction, *especially* situation 2. Other things are the quick fleeting glance, playing with jewellery, adjustment of clothing, figeting, lip licking, neck rubbing, a bright smile (has to show teeth) and sometimes placement of the handbag within your close proximity.

Extremely perceptive will also notice changes in posture, changes in muscle definition, changes in skin colour, voice tonality changes, pupil dialation, lower lip size change, behavioural alterations, skin shine change, breathing changes, pulse rate changes, blinking rate changes and more... It's especially noticable if a person is attracted to you and only just notices you're there, because these changes are quite rapid and well (to me) interesting.

Personally I assess whether they meet my criteria and decide from there. If you want just start talking to them and flirt, be aware a person can be turned off as quickly as they're on. So if all of a sudden their behaviour (hair flicking) dissappears somebody (that being you) did something they didn't like.

It really boils down to the relationship and boundaries respected and set. In some relationships it could easily be fine and others deserving of some serious justice. The meaning depends on the individual, it's possible the guy thinks nothing of it and has no actual attraction to the girls. For example he might feel unattractive in his current relationship because that feeling is important to him has to find it elsewhere, other examples are constant flirts who flirt while even in a relationship. Or he could be a jerk and looking to get some action.

Before assigning any meaning to anything, try and see it in his point of view. Personally I believe everything has a higher purpose, finding that and fullfilling that purpose can be quite useful.

YES im the guy... i just see a lot of moving and hair shaping this n that... so damn annoyin... make me wanna play with my hair too.. HAHAHAH...

next time.. i'll PRESS the start button and start working my game... LOOL... :blush:

[Guest needlepeople]

So the other day I went out with a couple friends, including a guy I used to be really good friends with but haven't seen in a while. The entire time, he was very touchy, like he'd hug me out of nowhere, massage my back, touch my hair/head, hit me, tickle me, make me lean my head against his shoulder, and a bunch of other small (kinda weird) things. I was a bit taken aback because we've always had a very casual, hands-off friendship, and it's been that way since we met four years ago, until now...is this a sign of attraction, or is he simply a touchy guy? There was another girl there, and after he tried to massage my back he massaged hers, but otherwise he didn't touch her as much...I'm a bit weirded out, to be honest, because when we were friends before we never so much as hugged since I'm not touchy at all.

[Guest watcher]

So the other day I went out with a couple friends, including a guy I used to be really good friends with but haven't seen in a while. The entire time, he was very touchy, like he'd hug me out of nowhere, massage my back, touch my hair/head, hit me, tickle me, make me lean my head against his shoulder, and a bunch of other small (kinda weird) things. I was a bit taken aback because we've always had a very casual, hands-off friendship, and it's been that way since we met four years ago, until now...is this a sign of attraction, or is he simply a touchy guy? There was another girl there, and after he tried to massage my back he massaged hers, but otherwise he didn't touch her as much...I'm a bit weirded out, to be honest, because when we were friends before we never so much as hugged since I'm not touchy at all.

he either wants to sex, or meaningful sex... either way, he's into you. you gotta determine whether or not he's the type of guy you want to date. personally, i tell my younger female friends to avoid touchy guys. it's a general rule, but better safe than sorry.

[Guest mz.carolyn]

Wow. What an awesome thread idea! I can't believe I JUST found it...=p

Ok, so here's my question/situation. Sorry, it's kinda long.

I gradually became best friends with my guy friend in college. Problem is, he has a girlfriend that he's always talking to me about, about how he loves her, yadda yadda. Before I fell for him too much first semester, I avoided him, so that I could stop it from getting serious, because I respected him & his girlfriend. However, second semester rolled around, and he started calling me all the time for meals. He'd wait for me after class, and he's always text to see if I needed help in chemistry (I suck at it...=p) The thing is, he'd never done these things before, and he was STILL with his girlfriend. As the semester progressed, even my friends were like O_O at dinner when he said some of the stuff. For example, "I'm not responsible for what I do when I'm drunk" and giving me a meaningful look. At that point, I admitted to myself that I still liked him, but tried to avoid him. No such luck. We always ate together, and we always laughed really hard. People on campus constantly thought we were going out. One time, I told him that on AIM (because he's kind of oblivious to gossip) and he was like "oh. I should tell you then..." and 10 seconds later, "nvm." Now, we all know that's a trick to get someone to ask you/beg you for the info. I play the game, and finally get it out of him. He said "If I came to college single and not knowing my girlfriend...you would've already won my heart." I didn't respond for a good 10 minutes...bugging out. WEIRD right?

He's in Taiwan now, with his girlfriend. Ever since that convo, things haven't been awkward, but I still feel awkward now.

Does he like me? If he does...how can he like me AND be in love with his girlfriend?

Thanks in advance~ I'm such a n00b when it comes to guys..gahh

[Guest .oOLimOo.]

So the other day I went out with a couple friends, including a guy I used to be really good friends with but haven't seen in a while. The entire time, he was very touchy, like he'd hug me out of nowhere, massage my back, touch my hair/head, hit me, tickle me, make me lean my head against his shoulder, and a bunch of other small (kinda weird) things. I was a bit taken aback because we've always had a very casual, hands-off friendship, and it's been that way since we met four years ago, until now...is this a sign of attraction, or is he simply a touchy guy? There was another girl there, and after he tried to massage my back he massaged hers, but otherwise he didn't touch her as much...I'm a bit weirded out, to be honest, because when we were friends before we never so much as hugged since I'm not touchy at all.

That happened to me last year. He came out of the closet this year.

[Guest watcher]

Wow. What an awesome thread idea! I can't believe I JUST found it...=p

Ok, so here's my question/situation. Sorry, it's kinda long.

...

Thanks in advance~ I'm such a n00b when it comes to guys..gahh

he's probably the type of guy who wants his girl next to him. when it gets a little empty, he tries to think of his girl, but when he's separated from her, he gets weak and looks for a crutch. if he came out of the blue in the second semester, there must have been something that happened since then. something that made him insecure about his past relationship and wanting to find something new and better.

i'd tell you to avoid it. the more he talks to you and makes slight advances, the more you're going to fall into that trap. if you hook up with him, know that it might blow up later, even if things go quietly now.

[Guest needlepeople]

he either wants to sex, or meaningful sex... either way, he's into you. you gotta determine whether or not he's the type of guy you want to date. personally, i tell my younger female friends to avoid touchy guys. it's a general rule, but better safe than sorry.

It's a sign of attraction. Excessive physical touching is usually a manifestation of feelings & a desire to bring one's self closer to another. If someone touches you occasionally, like patting you on the back, or hugging you when you first meet-up, that's usually just a sign of friendliness. But when they touch you often and to the point of excess as he did, it's a pretty clear sign of wanting to be close to you physically (i.e. a strong physical attraction exhibiting itself).

Thanks, guys I was actually kinda hoping it wasn't attraction since we've been friends for so long lol

.oOLimOo. lol I'm pretty sure he's not gay, but I guess you can never be certain

[Guest heartonmysleeve]

As watcher said, he probably feels that constantly using his phone, and appearing persistently busy gives him an air of popularity and desirability. Everyone wants a bit of his time. ;]

thank you for responding but I have another question to that, he happens to like texting me when his friends are there and calling me if his friends are there. (And I'm pretty sure he knows that I like him...he kept asking my friend if I did anyways) But when he's by himself he kinda replies much slower (text)...I don't get it...is he just trying to show me off?

and would a guy keep asking does she like me to a girl's friend if he didn't like the girl he was asking about?

thanks

[Guest joongielove]

Two quick questions.

1) It's good to be friends with your boyfriend's best friend right? Like not touchy gross ew but just friends. And if he says you're a cool person judging by what said boyfriend told him, that means good right?

2) How would you fellas feel if a girl told you she loves you after you've been together 8 months and you haven't said it first?

^__^Thanks!

[Guest watcher]

Two quick questions.

1) It's good to be friends with your boyfriend's best friend right? Like not touchy gross ew but just friends. And if he says you're a cool person judging by what said boyfriend told him, that means good right?

2) How would you fellas feel if a girl told you she loves you after you've been together 8 months and you haven't said it first?

^__^Thanks!

1. being on good terms with any of his close friends is good.

2. this really depends on the guy/situation. if he feels the same way, he'll be happy. if he doesn't, he'll feel burdened. you don't really know, but in general, if he really does like you and shows it, chances are he will return the same feelings.