Ask The Fellas

[Shuga]

i can't read guys for nuts, so i'm coming here. :|

was just talking a friend when we came on the topic of university. since he comes to our uni a lot (despite it not being his uni), i asked him jokingly if he saw many hotties yet.

me: any hotties in ____(insert uni name here)?!

him: talking to one right now

me: -__-

wthhh

hahahaa rofl

____* IS THIS U

lmao

____*?!

him: rofl

why would it be any1 else

its 8pm

me: hahahaha

iono, pretty sure guys have sleepovers too

*names of friends

and later on in the convo he was like, 'yeah

hotties ive seen are

u, ____, ___' (2 good mutual friends of mine)

so after that, i think he said the earlier statement as a friend, but still it's bugging me because last time someone used the 'oh, i'm talking to a hottie right now' phrase, pretty sure there some romantic interest in the air

[Guest oreoo]

When a guy kind of doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and seems like he has no sense of direction.. is it true that you fellas just kinda need to mature individually for that kind of stuff? Sorry if this is really broad... heh.

[Guest PUNKYjunk]

Alright, long story.

I'm trying to put as much context with out making this a TL;DR post.

I've known this guy since freshmen year. We never really talked, its just we were part of the same program and we're both from the AP/honor kids circle. Anyways, junior year we had a more intimate class setting, but he was dating a close friend so we just had awkward chit-chats and never really got to know each other. They broke up due to race/religion issues, senior year comes she has another boyfriend and we have another class together second year. This time, I only knew him in that class (we were taking a regular course) and we talk a lot. We argue and debate about who's more/less epic and etc. using pseudo-logic and pure bs. After we graduated high school, we kept in contact via texting and facebook. We continued to banter and what-not. More than once he's said things like, "Whenever I need to laugh I just talk to you," "If I need to brighten up, I'll just talk about (insert inside joke)" or "I miss our debates in class". Obviously, I was beginning to think he was interested in me. What he said was a clue, but also he was the only guy to actually (sometimes) text me first and randomly. I shrugged it off, because relationships scare the eff out of me. Btw, I've never had a relationship! Aha. 

Now his ex/my friend is having a birthday coming up. They've finally patched up to friendship level and he is invited. He put he was maybe attending on the facebook invite. I was iffy about going, not really because of him but because she had become really close friends with a guy who liked me and I awkwardly rejected (when he confessed, it was then that I knew I was dead scared of the whole boyfriend thing) and she and I weren't as close before. But Friday, I decided to click attend to her little facebook invite thing since she needed at least 15 people for free food. Within the weekend he texted me beginning another one of our little convo/debates and he also commented on the event wall with a kind of like, "You know what? I'll go!" comment. I don't know what came first, but yea. In the same convo stated above, I casually asked, "So you're going to your ex/my friend name's birthday?" He said yea along with the rest of the other stuff we were talking about, and I replied cool along with blah blah response. Then he said, "And hey, I guess I'll see you at the birthday and stare at you without blinking for hours." to which I replied with a creeper comment. 

Now, first thing, confirm or deny: Is he interested in me?

If not, sigh of relief.

If he is...

How do I go about being unawkward around him?

Since we haven't actually physically talked to each other in a year, I feel its already going to be awkward. Like I said, I'm more charismatic one-on-one (also not face-to-face! Hehe.) Add the pressure of him potentially liking me, I think I'd be a wreck around him? Honestly, I may like him back but the possibility of having a boyfriend is just freaky and unrealistic in my mind. Plus, he is my friend's ex. So yep. Go for it, guys! Thanks! 

[Guest HERMIT]

^

I think it's plausible to think that he's interested in you. There are positive signs there to think so.

But here's the thing, until he tells you so, then don't worry about it. You don't seem too eager to get into a relationship anyway, so from this perspective it works to your advantage. (It's usually the other way around where the girl would welcome the knowledge that there's interest in her.)

So unless he starts obviously pressing or just flat out confesses, then you don't have anything to stress over. So keep that thought in mind and maybe this mindset will give you that psychological edge to not feel so awkward.

So just be your conversational/debating self as you've always been with him. I doubt that there's anything drastic that will happen at this birthday to merit overly-worrying about. If anything, you'll probably get better "clues" as to where this guy's leanings are towards you - and if indeed his interest is confirmed, then just run back to this thread to ask for more advice/points of view.

[Guest originalhype]

When a guy kind of doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and seems like he has no sense of direction.. is it true that you fellas just kinda need to mature individually for that kind of stuff? Sorry if this is really broad... heh.

It's not maturity, it's more of soul searching or experimenting/trying new things to figure out what we want in life.

Hell you can say broadening one's horizon but then again that goes for everybody.

[Guest minicherries]

what does it say about a girl if 2 different guys have told her "any guy would be lucky to have a girl like you " o.o 

[Guest oreoo]

It's not maturity, it's more of soul searching or experimenting/trying new things to figure out what we want in life.

Hell you can say broadening one's horizon but then again that goes for everybody.

Hm.. makes sense, thanks man.

[Guest aeviation.*]

Hey fellas, if a friend has confessed to you a year ago and your reason was that you weren't interested in anyone at the time, would you:

1) still ask her to watch a movie alone whenever you guys are free? And by free, I mean holidays, or school breaks, or post exam periods. You guys don't talk everyday, but are close enough to have discussed past relationships and career goals, etc.

2) be aware that you might be leading her on, or do guys think that girls will have moved on after, say, 6 months? She has continued to give him Christmas and birthday presents that he really liked even after the confession. Doesn't that hint to the guy that she still likes him?

[Guest amberlights]

Hey fellas, if a friend has confessed to you a year ago and your reason was that you weren't interested in anyone at the time, would you:

1) still ask her to watch a movie alone whenever you guys are free? And by free, I mean holidays, or school breaks, or post exam periods. You guys don't talk everyday, but are close enough to have discussed past relationships and career goals, etc.

2) be aware that you might be leading her on, or do guys think that girls will have moved on after, say, 6 months? She has continued to give him Christmas and birthday presents that he really liked even after the confession. Doesn't that hint to the guy that she still likes him?

If we're close enough to have discussed past relationships then I'd probably still ask her to watch a movie together when we're free. I'd have the mindset that she had moved on and having a watching a movie or having coffee together would be okay to me. Giving Christmas and birthday presents can hint to me that she likes me but if she was a really close friend, then its hard to tell. I'm assuming it's a close friend because of her knowledge of what he likes.

[judii]

im getting confused about something....long story short... (okay i realised not really XD)

back in 09 i was meant to be going to a concert with this guy i barely knew and a friend cause they were fans of the singer...but then my friend pulled out so it left me and him. and during that period, he tried to talk to me a lot, say hi, etc but because im extremely awkward with ppl i dont know for a long time i kinda ignored him or didnt really answer back...so we went concert and i spent the time having fun by myself (my sis friends were also there who i was a lot more comfortable with) and talking to other ppl and he was just standing there in the mosh pit area by himself...but i didnt know how to talk to him and even though he had another friend there he wouldnt leave me alone to go sit with his friend T_T but anyways after that i stopped talking to him....like EVER I think I gave off the 'dont want to be friends' impression...

now we kinda hang around the same group and like i was with my friends and he comes up to us and he says hi to them and completely ignores me...every single time. for instance, i accidentally push the door too wide and it bangs against the wall and it was obviously me who did it and he starts making a big deal about it except his saying its my friend who did it but when she says i did it he just shuts up and goes cold again...

and then he randomly talked to me about something i was doing and if i could help him and i say okay and then i said hi to him once and he talked normally but then next time again he completely ignores me again O_o

so the question is, wth is he doing?

[Guest HERMIT]

^

He's probably just acting out after still smarting from the 'cold shoulder' treatment he perceived you to be giving him at the concert. In reading your account about the concert, the thought occurred to me that maybe you were surreptitiously set up by that one friend to end up being on a 'blind date' with this guy you barely knew to this concert. Only thing was, you weren't made aware of it because you probably wouldn't have agreed to it outright - but this guy knew and he probably had different motives. Perhaps this would explain why he wouldn't want to leave you alone despite having other opportunities to do so. Anyway, this is only speculation on my part with just the data given. But if there's any validity to the theory, this might explain some of his later behavior because he might have felt slighted and embarrassed because the night of the concert didn't go the way he liked. Or, a more simple theory is that it wasn't meant to be a blind date - it's just that the guy must have taken an interest in you that night but failed miserably in his mind for not making an impression. As a result, he's just pulling these antics to show you up for seemingly shunning him that night.

[Guest .:dark.moon:.]

hihi

i need ideas for what i can do for my boyfriend~ he likes food but he doesn't have a sweet tooth (i do >_<) so i don't know what i should make him D: any ideas?

[Guest Abyjeet]

I'll ask this one just for you...

QUOTE(RiderKamen @ May 16 2007, 04:08 PM) ←Why the fellas play video games all night?

Why, oh why?!

There we are king of our will.......

[Guest Deje]

hihi

i need ideas for what i can do for my boyfriend~ he likes food but he doesn't have a sweet tooth (i do >_<) so i don't know what i should make him D: any ideas?

I really don't know. I enjoy browsing this site from time to time though, http://www.tastespotting.com

Maybe you'll find some interesting things you could make from that site. I wish somebody would make me everything from that site, ha.

[Guest ilmilione]

I'm really bad at picking up hints from guys... so one of my friends was telling me this thing this guy did was basically him trying to get me to open up to him in a potentially romantic way, but I didn't even notice it at the time. He's generally pretty 'chivalrous' I guess and I'm not a girly girl, I like to kick it with guys like they're my bros, and he knows that but still treats me the way he'd probably be better off treating a girl that expects that. I don't know if he's just trying to be nice or what, but he also insists on paying for me all the time too and he doesn't do this with our other friends (girls included). The other day we had breakfast out and we almost argued over who was paying for me! I had to pretty much grab the check from the waiter (who was annoyingly listening to him over me lol) and tell him I don't let anyone pay for me. He looked a little disappointed for some reason, and one of my friends says it's because I basically just told him I wasn't into him like that?

Is that really what it was? I feel like since that, he's been a little more distant with me, which is annoying. This isn't the first time that's happened this past year alone. What exactly can I do to let a guy know I just want to be buddies, from the get go, so there's none of this?

[Guest yummyO]

what does it mean when a guy smiles to himself everytime you're around?

[Guest Andreas1]

Is that really what it was? I feel like since that, he's been a little more distant with me, which is annoying. This isn't the first time that's happened this past year alone. What exactly can I do to let a guy know I just want to be buddies, from the get go, so there's none of this?

Just work it into conversation early on that you aren't interested in dating and just looking for friends. They should appreciate the honesty, no one likes to waste time on a fruitless endeavor.

what does it mean when a guy smiles to himself everytime you're around?

Probably means that your presence cheers him up.

[Guest HERMIT]

I'm really bad at picking up hints from guys...

Is that really what it was? I feel like since that, he's been a little more distant with me, which is annoying. This isn't the first time that's happened this past year alone. What exactly can I do to let a guy know I just want to be buddies, from the get go, so there's none of this?

I guess the best that you can do is learn from your past experiences and use it to better detect guys' motives the next time around. You mention not being able to pick up hints from guys. By the same token, be conscious of inadvertent hints that you may be giving off to guys as well. Maybe try not to be TOO "buddy buddy" with your bros, so to speak. If a guy offers to treat you, be conscious enough not to accept if you sense that to do so will give him a certain impression and lead you down the wrong path. There are ways that you can subliminally convey that you aren't interested through how you act as well as react to guy's overtures.

what does it mean when a guy smiles to himself everytime you're around?

Gee, that's kind of a loaded question. It all depends upon the context of the situation each time. It could be anywhere from him being smitten with your company to maybe there's something odd about you that he finds amusing. The reasons can wildly range from the positive to the unfortunately unflattering.

[Guest CheeriAi]

I don't get how one minute, a good guy friend will care so much about you- yet the next minute, he'll act like he doesn't give a crap? Especially since I've done nothing wrong... or rather he says I've done nothing yet still acts all cold towards me...

[Guest oreoo]

What's your definition of "playing hard to get"? Is there a difference between a girl who is 'playing' hard to get or simply they 'are' hard to get?