Ask The Fellas

[Guest itrayya]

my cousin gave my phone# to one of his friends.

the friend and i texted and chatted for about 3 weeks.

i recently told the friend that i don't want to talk to him anymore.

1) it has only been 3 months since him and his ex broke up.

2) his ex and him dated for 3 years and were bout to marry twice.

serious relationship, right?

DOESN'T THAT MAKE ME THE REBOUND!!?!?!?!???

he said that she was not good to him so he lost feelings towards the end of their relationship.

and that he doesn't miss or think about her anymore.

he said he just dated her because people encouraged him to.

he just wanted to talk to me as a friend.

BUT! the way he talks is like... he eventually wants to date me.

honestly, i was rather angry because i felt like he didn't even know his own feelings.

i felt like he is blinded by an idea of what he thinks can happen between us.

i feel like his words were not sincere or serious.

this why i kinda hate guys, errrrr.

well, maybe 'hate' is too big here, but like i posted waaay back,

that's one reason why i'm so standoffish when it comes to guys.

am i wrong for questioning his 'feelings'??

or do i just think toooo much?

i'm protective of my heart and i don't want to give it to some unsincere, unserious dude

[Guest AsianEGG]

Sooooooooo there's this guy in my summer school class.

I've made three eye contacts with him! Except my eyes

look somewhere else when he looks at me.. It's just

something I can't control. I just wonder "what if he stares

back and never looks away?" I really want to get his attention

but making eye contact just simply doesn't do anything?

[Guest HERMIT]

^

Well, it sounds like you are at least capable of making eye contact with the guy.

But don't feel compelled to think that holding his gaze alone will get his attention.

Sometimes the way you turn away when he looks at you can just as much be attention-getting.

Since you're timid at possibly trying to hold his stare, look at him just long enough for him to know you've noticed him and then turn away with a playful smirk and then look in some other direction with that grin still in place. Make sure he can see that you are smiling. Then glance back at him for just a quick moment as if you've thought he's looked away and slightly turn away again with still a grin on your face if you notice he's still looking. Basically, you'd be engaging him in a little game of 'peekaboo' , so to speak. Without holding his stare, you pretty much still get the message across - as well as get his curiosity stirring.

[Guest __CHINA.DOLL]

So this guy and I have been talking for a long time now.. and we talk online until we just start falling asleep by the keyboard at 3 am in the morning..he messaged me today at 1am asking me how school was and then all of a sudden he would say this :

him:

i'm going to have to stop talking to you

me:

eh?

him:

sorry

me:

O__o

what?

him:

i need to freaken sleep one of these days

me:

hahah what does that have to do with me?

him:

because it does

me:

... uhh haha huh?

him:

you should just go to bed early

me:

i really don't get it can you explain

him:

no

i really do not understand what's going on O___o

[Guest]

^Looks like he wanted to sleep~ but maybe was kept up by you. 

I think some guys like to stay up to talk to their friends (or girls they like); others, put their bodies as a higher priority and will sleep or just drop by to say 'Hi' then go offline (even if they like the person). By 'Offline' - it could be texting, IM, phone-calls, etc. This is from a girl's perspective though~!

[Silf]

Staying up late at night just to talk AND then pointing out that if it weren't for you he wouldn't have. Unless you're really good friends living in different countries, the guy definitely has some interest in you. Well, at least, that's my opinion.

Question is : are you interested in him?

[Guest __CHINA.DOLL]

Staying up late at night just to talk AND then pointing out that if it weren't for you he wouldn't have. Unless you're really good friends living in different countries, the guy definitely has some interest in you. Well, at least, that's my opinion.

Question is : are you interested in him?

Kyouria: Oh no thanks for your opinion! It's okay if im getting girl's opinions as well! heh

Silf: Oh yeah.. we're not friends from different countries..

he's just being super confusing.. he was away and then suddenly comes on, and asks me how school was today... and then suddenly would say that stuff and then wouldnt explain to me after what he meant by it :/ bleh haha.

[Silf]

It would help to have a little more information. How do you know each other? Same school? Known each other for a long time?

Anyway, if he's anything like I was (still am a bit), he probably has some feelings, don't know how to act on it, hopes that you like him back, fear to confess and doesn't have the guts to ask you to hang out. That is his hint to express his interest (to which I don't know how you could possibly react).

Well, I guess if you're interested in him as well, I'd say ask if he wants to hang out some time and see how it goes.

If not, then you should probably refrain from talking that much to him.

Also, facing him instead of just talking online would help know what he's up to (maybe he just wants to be friends after all). Online he can always elude your questions.

Anyone to confirm or infirm my view on this? (I'm so bad at giving advice...)

[Guest __CHINA.DOLL]

It would help to have a little more information. How do you know each other? Same school? Known each other for a long time?

Anyway, if he's anything like I was (still am a bit), he probably has some feelings, don't know how to act on it, hopes that you like him back, fear to confess and doesn't have the guts to ask you to hang out. That is his hint to express his interest (to which I don't know how you could possibly react).

Well, I guess if you're interested in him as well, I'd say ask if he wants to hang out some time and see how it goes.

If not, then you should probably refrain from talking that much to him.

Also, facing him instead of just talking online would help know what he's up to (maybe he just wants to be friends after all). Online he can always elude your questions.

Anyone to confirm or infirm my view on this? (I'm so bad at giving advice...)

hahah uhmm we're friends? we go to the same schoool.. we've known each other for almost a year now

i cant believe you got all that just by the " i haven't been able to sleep ...because of you" thing" hahah

[Silf]

hahah uhmm we're friends? we go to the same schoool.. we've known each other for almost a year now

i cant believe you got all that just by the " i haven't been able to sleep ...because of you" thing" hahah

Yeah well, I usually don't post (see the post count? now look at registration date) but I figured that this one feel so close to my personal experience that if I don't say anything now, never will I have a chance to post again.

[Guest atomato]

Does this sound like the guy is interested? Or is he just being friendly? (these are from tweets)

him: i don't know why i'm not texting you instead.. but are you done with school ?!

him: tell me when you're free pleaseeee

him: haha yes sooon!

I asked him if he was interested in her but he said no. But all my friends are telling me that it does sound like he's interested. So I'm confused. Thanks!

[Guest HERMIT]

^ He's not interested.

You know how I know?

Because HE SAID NO.

When in doubt, go with the actual source - not the peanut gallery.

[Guest chloe_addict]

Hi! I have a random question about why guys like to hit on less attractive girls:

Last night, my girlfriends and I went out for dinner + drinks. At the restaurant, the cute waiter was especially attentive to one of my gfs. Later, several guys smiled at the same gf when we walked by. Now, my gf isn't "ugly", but she isn't the attractive one amoingst our crowd and is overweight. Even though we girls hate it when "creeps" hit on us, my "ego" felt a tad bruised when I was being ignored, especially since I was previously told that I was "pretty" (not to sound arrogant) and I was fashionably dressed in a classic/stylish way (where girls would do a double take at my outfit). Plus, I was laughing and smiling with my gfs so I wasn't being stand-offish.

So I just wanted to tap into your minds to figure out why guys hit on less attractive girls. That way I'll know it wasn't something "wrong" with me per se...

Thanks in advance!

[Guest Andreas1]

So I just wanted to tap into your minds to figure out why guys hit on less attractive girls. That way I'll know it wasn't something "wrong" with me per se...

Thanks in advance!

It's pretty simple.. rejection hurts. Most guys weigh their chances of success before putting their ego on the line. Every so often a brave or delusional guy will give it a shot with someone out of their league, but that isn't the norm. As a result, the average looking girl gets hit on by a much wider spectrum of men than the above average girl. I couldn't understand what was going on for a long time, but eventually figured it out and learned to take advantage of it. As an average(maybe slightly above average ;p) looking guy I've had much more success with girls that were out of my league than ones I considered on par.

[Guest kiss_bunny]

When you guys say that someone is out of your league...what usually makes them out of your league?? Looks?

[Guest odddodo]

Hi! I have a random question about why guys like to hit on less attractive girls:

Last night, my girlfriends and I went out for dinner + drinks. At the restaurant, the cute waiter was especially attentive to one of my gfs. Later, several guys smiled at the same gf when we walked by. Now, my gf isn't "ugly", but she isn't the attractive one amoingst our crowd and is overweight. Even though we girls hate it when "creeps" hit on us, my "ego" felt a tad bruised when I was being ignored, especially since I was previously told that I was "pretty" (not to sound arrogant) and I was fashionably dressed in a classic/stylish way (where girls would do a double take at my outfit). Plus, I was laughing and smiling with my gfs so I wasn't being stand-offish.

So I just wanted to tap into your minds to figure out why guys hit on less attractive girls. That way I'll know it wasn't something "wrong" with me per se...

Thanks in advance!

What Andreas1 said. Guys will sometimes be intimidated by a girl they perceive as "out of their league" (whether you believe in leagues or not) and will avoid/ignore her assuming rejection. This is why dressing yourself up too much can be counterproductive unless you already have the guy; the only ones who will make moves on you are those who have nothing to lose (creeps/old guys) and those with high confidence/arrogance, which leads to high odds that it's going to be a jerk who asks you out. Guys tend to like girls who they can connect with, and overdressing yourself is a great way to put yourself on a pedestal where everyone can admire you but no one will approach you.

[Guest cindy--rox]

I'll be quick with this, I think I went on a date but I'm not sure. He didn't like really ask formally but it was more of a suggestion to go see Harry Potter.

I didn't think it was a date until my friends told me that we were flirting (via texts) and that he tried to look nice for me that night. Then he tells me he didn't invite anyone else and that it'd just be us. I was a little caught off guard cuz we've never been out just the two of us, we've always been with others. And his reason for not inviting others was kinda lame (apparently not a lot of his friends like HP). When we get to the theater, we decided that he'd pay for the tickets and I'd paid for the food but the tickets were so much more expensive than I originally thought and when we went to get food, all he got was popcorn and candy and the total for food was nothing compared to the tickets. Through the movie we didn't talk much. The movie got out at 11:45pm and when he realized that I could tell he wanted to go home so I told him he could go while I waited for my ride. After making sure I'd be okay alone he left but my friends showed up like seconds after, but still they were pissed that he left me unaccompanied that late. I didn't think much of it cuz I told him he could go but my friends kept telling me it was wrong of him to just leave me. He hasn't texted me since then. Was it a date?

[Guest Andreas1]

When you guys say that someone is out of your league...what usually makes them out of your league?? Looks?

When dealing with first impressions of a stranger, yes.

[5880]

Usually it's looks, where the guy exaggerates the girl's physical aspects and uses it as an excuse to not do anything. However, it can also be your lifestyle and how you carry yourself. A lot of guys assume the pace of a girl by whether they see her getting out BMWs, Audis, Benz, etc or if she's regularly wearing designer goods. Once they adopt the perspective of you as a trendy/chic/upscale woman, they'll be less likely to interact with you in order to save face from appearing poor or ill-cultured.

It sounds like a botched date. What he did initially was sneaky, inviting you out and then it just "happens" to be just you two. It's an old tactic to get a girl to come out alone under the assumption of going as a group, while it's actually in the form of a date.

Don't feel bad that you guys didn't say much during the movie, it's a movie after all.

It is a bit odd that he'd leave you to wait like that late at night. Unless it was something urgent like an emergency with family or a friend, it's not exactly right to leave your date standing there waiting when you could take her home yourself. I mean, unless you came off as, "UH NUH UH, NOT GOING HOME WITH YOU," he should have insisted on taking you back.

Also, it's only been 2 days since the premiere, don't think too much about the fact that he hasn't contacted you.

Finally, to answer your question, it was a psuedo-date. Looks like he wanted to see how things would go with you and to be honest it's hard to say how it went. If anything, it sounded bland; watched a movie, left, didn't even go home together and talk on the way back :|

[Guest chloe_addict]

When you guys say that someone is out of your league...what usually makes them out of your league?? Looks?

I'm glad you asked this question because I was about to ask too!

Thanks guys for the responses!

Most guys weigh their chances of success before putting their ego on the line.

Guys will sometimes be intimidated by a girl they perceive as "out of their league" (whether you believe in leagues or not) and will avoid/ignore her assuming rejection. This is why dressing yourself up too much can be counterproductive unless you already have the guy;

That is an interesting point about dressing yourself up too much. What if I'm "dressed up" (and this isn't decked out in designer goods but having a way to put pieces together) because I'm into fashion and not because I'm trying to impress a guy. Do I need to take it down a notch if I want to seem "approachable" to guys? If I do this, wouldn't I be changing myself for others?