Ask The Fellas

[NoobCakez]

okay.. probably super typical but..

I broke up with my bf like.. what.. three months ago?

And I got over him.. (At least I thought I did)

So i called him one night and was like..

"Can't we be friends?"

and he said "I don't think we should talk until we're over each other.."

and i was like (in my head) WTF IM ALREADY OVER YOU :@

zomg, then like 2 months later.. i was bored one night

and i started talking to my ex. I said:

"Do you think that we can be friends now?"

and he said

"I don't mind as long as you still don't have feelings for me."

and i just blew up. (inside)

WTH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN AS LONG AS YOU dont have feelings for me!?

does it look like i do!!??!?!?! i got so angry that i couldn't sleep.. D:

i just.. now.. i can't stop thinking about him. even though he's an imbecile and he made me so mad..

:S I CANT GET OVER HIM! wth, and i thought i already did. what to do what to do!? talk to him again? explain to him that he was being a butthole? arghh

[chilovesjj]

Someone tell me why, when you have a girlfriend (well, had, for 3 years) and are in love with her and she gives you everything and embraces everything about you (including your video game addiction, haha), you would leave her to date other girls 'to prove to myself that no one else measures up to you and that I'd be an idiot to let you go'. This logic just does not work, it's stupid. How can I mean anything to him if he can just throw me aside and date other people? Ugh, men. :l

[Guest cutemonster]

So.... I really want some dudes' perspectives on this...

Recently I met this guy, and for some reason I think I like him. There's just this chemistry. But a few things are sort of bugging me, and I want to know if this is normal or not from a guy's perspective.

1. He claims he doesn't use facebook/msn. We mostly communicate through text/phone. Now my friend told me it's perfectly normal since this is pretty much how people used to date before 2006. But the last guy that used this BS on me turned out to have a GF.

2. been out on 3 dates so far. we've been pretty much splitting everything 50/50. movie/dinner/coffee. the only thing he paid for is popcorn. now I am not bothered by the fact that he doesn't pay for me. I have a job, I can pay for myself, and I actually enjoy going out with him more than other guys who pay for everything. But I guess there is a little bit of a shock value b/c this is the first time a guy I've gone out with who actually never offered to pay for anything. I think I'm more confused about the gesture than the actual monetary question. Like I've been told that regardless of race/culture, if a guy is interested, he will want to buy a girl dinner on (at least first date). The fact that he doesn't, what is he thinking?

3. he's been perfectly reserved since we've met. never tried anything funny other than mild flirting. is he the type of person that wants to take this slow?

4. I don't know if this is a guy thing. But once we went out near my house, then afterwards at 1pm, I told him that I'm gonna walk home since the my building is like 2 minutes away. now this happened with other guys, but they always insist to walk me/drive me home even though the time I spent walking to their car is longer than me walking home. But this guy just said "okay". no gesture, nothing. Then I thought he just wasn't interested. But then afterwards he still keeps on talking/flirting. I'm just dumbfounded. is he just an inconsiderate person or what?

sorry for the long rant,

[Guest Andreas1]

:S I CANT GET OVER HIM! wth, and i thought i already did. what to do what to do!? talk to him again? explain to him that he was being a butthole? arghh

No.. move on, he's not interested. You will just be hurting yourself to continue going after him.

Someone  tell me why, when you have a girlfriend (well, had, for 3 years) and  are in love with her and she gives you everything and embraces  everything about you (including your video game addiction, haha), you  would leave her to date other girls 'to prove to myself that no one else  measures up to you and that I'd be an idiot to let you go'. This logic  just does not work, it's stupid. How can I mean anything to him if he  can just throw me aside and date other people? Ugh, men. :l

After the 3 year mark is when a lot of long term relationships succumb to loss of interest. The sex isn't as exciting, you've found out everything you cared to find out about your partner and a lot you didn't want to know...etc

This is a time when both people are very susceptible to outside advances also. You said he has a gaming addiction, well it's perfectly possible that he met another girl while playing and is coming up with excuses to you so he can explore this something new. I don't really have a good answer how to solve this problem..it is what it is I guess. Two people really have to work together to get past these relationship hurdles, and if one is unwilling then it is over. I really gotta tip my hat to those who are able to stick together for decades.

So.... I really want some dudes' perspectives on this...

1. I didn't have a facebook or myspace or anything until I met my ex gf and she made me make one lol... but nowadays I do think it's a bit of a red flag.

2. Some people are taught to go Dutch right from the start.. not my style personally, I find it tacky.

3. Either he want's to take it slow or he's very inexperienced/shy.

4. Inconsiderate or shy.

[Guest tinatran_]

It's not wrong at all for you to be protective of your heart, especially since the one you trusted to keep it safe is not handling it properly. If you are certain you want to work things out then I suggest that you both try to rediscover why you fell in love in the first place. Go out on real dates together, take walks, go to the movies etc.. do the things that a couple does when they first meet and see if it feels right. If his head is not there and he doesn't make an effort to give you his full attention then he is not serious. You should be able to tell in your heart when and if it's time to go, trust that instinct and do it. You've had problems with this type of thing before so you need to take a strong stance this time.

I don't think it does you any good and it probably will happen again and it may get worse. It's your choice, so if you think it won't happen again and whatever this is will just go away, then stay.

Thank you both for giving me feedback! It really helps a lot. He says he still loves me and he wants this to work, and I honestly believe him. I think I'll give him a week or two before actually giving him up. Not gonna lie, it's frustrating cause she's been trying to go at my boyfriend for awhile now.. Or, it seems like it at least. All I know for sure is that she likes my boyfriend cause she told my boyfriend and he told me. I honestly want to tell her to buzz off. Any tips to get her to stay away or should I just focus on my own relationship? I'm trying my best, but I really don't know if I can focus on the relationship if she's around. =\

[odaesan]

okay.. probably super typical but..

I broke up with my bf like.. what.. three months ago?

And I got over him.. (At least I thought I did)

So i called him one night and was like..

"Can't we be friends?"

and he said "I don't think we should talk until we're over each other.."

and i was like (in my head) WTF IM ALREADY OVER YOU :@

zomg, then like 2 months later.. i was bored one night

and i started talking to my ex. I said:

"Do you think that we can be friends now?"

and he said

"I don't mind as long as you still don't have feelings for me."

and i just blew up. (inside)

WTH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN AS LONG AS YOU dont have feelings for me!?

does it look like i do!!??!?!?! i got so angry that i couldn't sleep.. D:

i just.. now.. i can't stop thinking about him. even though he's an imbecile and he made me so mad..

:S I CANT GET OVER HIM! wth, and i thought i already did. what to do what to do!? talk to him again? explain to him that he was being a butthole? arghh

Maybe he wasn't over you the first time so he included the two of you and the second time was when he was over you. Ask him how long you need to wait and to not tell you that it's until you're over him. Then you can either tell him or you can just be his friend.

Someone tell me why, when you have a girlfriend (well, had, for 3 years) and are in love with her and she gives you everything and embraces everything about you (including your video game addiction, haha), you would leave her to date other girls 'to prove to myself that no one else measures up to you and that I'd be an idiot to let you go'. This logic just does not work, it's stupid. How can I mean anything to him if he can just throw me aside and date other people? Ugh, men. :l

That's stupid. If he wanted to continue to date other people, he could have just told you he wanted to end the relationship for it. Then he could beg you to go back to him after he's matured and found out how stupid he was. He must be under the impression that you aren't going anywhere so he can do whatever he wants. Don't let that happen with the next guy, but better yet, find yourself a better one.

So.... I really want some dudes' perspectives on this...

Recently I met this guy, and for some reason I think I like him. There's just this chemistry. But a few things are sort of bugging me, and I want to know if this is normal or not from a guy's perspective.

He might be cheap and clueless at the same time. The facebook and MSN thing isn't a big deal, but not offering to do things is.

Thank you both for giving me feedback! It really helps a lot. He says he still loves me and he wants this to work, and I honestly believe him. I think I'll give him a week or two before actually giving him up. Not gonna lie, it's frustrating cause she's been trying to go at my boyfriend for awhile now.. Or, it seems like it at least. All I know for sure is that she likes my boyfriend cause she told my boyfriend and he told me. I honestly want to tell her to buzz off. Any tips to get her to stay away or should I just focus on my own relationship? I'm trying my best, but I really don't know if I can focus on the relationship if she's around. =\

You really can't change people like that. If two people really want to do something together and they know it's possible, it will happen. If you try to get her to go away, she might like the attention and she might like the fact that she seems to be a threat to the relationship. That and if she likes your boyfriend for real makes it more difficult on you. Your boyfriend may also like the attention and even if the girl doesn't like him very much, you fighting for him may give him the impression that she really likes him a lot more than she does and he might think about her more. All I can say is if you really want to give him a chance, care about him less so that this situation doesn't hurt you now and it won't hurt you more if he does leave you. The relationship is between two people and if you want to focus on the relationship, you need to think about yourself. You're thinking about your boyfriend much more than you're thinking about yourself and you're even thinking about the other girl much more than yourself. If you want to focus on the relationship, think about yourself.

[Guest kOoHII]

i was at a birthday party on friday and my guy cousin (whom i'm somewhat close to) brought one of his good guy friends. my cousin's brought this guy friend a few times to family events so we've known of each other for a couple years now.

at the birthday party, best guy friend and i get pretty drunk and end up having a pretty heavy make out session. we're still arm in arm while walking back from the club to the car. the next day (saturday), we all end up hanging out at the beach. we both pretend nothing happened, but he does make particular effort to talk to me. he shows up again at a family luncheon and bbq dinner on sunday, though we don't talk very much. we've caught each other making awkward eye contact a few times throughout the rest of the weekend.

we're not fb friends and he hasn't asked for my number. i'm not sure how to interpret this...was it just a spur of a moment thing? does he keep showing up to ease his guilt and to make sure i'm ok?

edit: (few more possibly relevant details)

i'm moving cross country in august for grad school to the same city as his hometown. i never told him this but he brought it up, so i'm guessing he's been talking with my cousin

he lives about an hour away but he's always in the area visiting my cousin

[Guest Andreas1]

we're not fb friends and he hasn't asked for my number.  i'm not sure how to interpret this...was it just a spur of a moment thing?  does he keep showing up to ease his guilt and to make sure i'm ok?

As far as I can tell by your description it was a spur of the moment thing. I'm trying to understand why you both pretended nothing happened though.  Seems like he's got a girlfriend already or something. There's nothing stopping you from talking to this guy and asking him what's up.

[Guest kOoHII]

As far as I can tell by your description it was a spur of the moment thing. I'm trying to understand why you both pretended nothing happened though.  Seems like he's got a girlfriend already or something. There's nothing stopping you from talking to this guy and asking him what's up.

he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend. i think it's kind of weird how he keeps showing up afterwards. we actually made out a few times throughout the night...i don't want to ask him anything bc i already feel really dumb and regretful about the whole thing. it's something out of my character and i feel like i made myself look easy in front of everyone

[Guest Andreas1]

he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend.  i think it's kind of weird how he keeps showing up afterwards.  we actually made out a few times throughout the night...i don't want to ask him anything bc i already feel really dumb and regretful about the whole thing.  it's something out of my character and i feel like i made myself look easy in front of everyone

Well he could be hoping for another round or genuinely interested in getting to know you better. People do stuff when they've been drinking..I can't be sure what his deal is.  Has he tried to talk to you more? If you like the guy you might have to try and initiate some more dialogue. Otherwise just continue to ignore what happened and see what comes, he might ask your cousin for your number or something.

[Guest kOoHII]

Well he could be hoping for another round or genuinely interested in getting to know you better. People do stuff when they've been drinking..I can't be sure what his deal is.  Has he tried to talk to you more? If you like the guy you might have to try and initiate some more dialogue. Otherwise just continue to ignore what happened and see what comes, he might ask your cousin for your number or something.

he has tried to talk with me more in person, especially on saturday. however on sunday, we didn't really talk much because my parents/grandma/aunts/uncles were around. i guess i'll give it a week; if i don't hear from him, i'll take it as a no go. i don't want to seem desperate so i think i'll just wait and see .

[Guest sunstori]

Hola guys, I would very very much appreciate a few guys perspective on my situation pretty please. [Disclaimer: It's a bit of a read..... >.>]

Last year I met a guy at uni and we've been friends since. We always studied together, helped eachother with hw, made fun of eachother, and have a non-work related catch up every 1 or 2 weeks. I have to admit, I started to like him more and more, and I always felt we had a connection, but it was ambiguous and I couldn't tell whether he liked me more than just a friend or not. I never said anything because I don't want to burden him with unrequited feelings.

Oneday, he opened up to me about some complications. He and some old high school friends (they've all been best friends since they were little) were in a love square (4 people involved lol!). He liked a girl (Leah), she liked him, but her best friend and some other person liked him. But they never went out because they chatted, and he decided he didn't want to hurt the friendship of the other 2 friends who liked him. [he sounds like a girl-magnet but he's actually NOT a "cool" popular guy]

We kinda stopped talking for like 3 months over the summer holidays (which go for a long time where I live lol) and then he texted me to see how I was, and I asked about the girl he liked. He told me he didn't like her anymore coz she "pissed" him off too much.

We recently started catching up again and over lunch yesterday he asked me about any boys I liked and I avoided the question by asking him "Do you like any girl?" and he said no. I asked about Leah and he said he doesn't know what's happening there because he's not sure if she still likes him even though he thinks he might still like her. I told him to make a move before you lose her, and he said there's no rush coz it's not like she's going to leave the country.

Noooow the confusing part.... he also told me yesterday I was a really great girl, that he really enjoyed spending time with me and likes being with me, that he's sorry we don't catch up more often its just that he's so busy with life and he barely even catches up with his high school friends anymore, he said I make him really sad whenever I'm angry with him (I have been angry with him a few times last year and this year coz he sorta ditched me for other friends, which I think is rude), he kept asking me if I was okay when I was sorta spacing out during lunch yesterday, when I told him "its okay you dont have to catch up with me now, you can catch up with [insert name here]" he said "no it's not okay!", he always wants to know who I'm texting and has asked me several times whether I like any guy...

The point is, I'm always so hopeful he likes me because he's so good to me, but if he did, why would he tell me about Leah. I guess my question is: Is this guy leading me on? Do guys tell a girl they like about another girl they like? Or is this guy just incredibly nice?

Bah.

[Guest Bellawings90210]

Hey so a guy I used to hook up with just emailed me asking how I was doing and how we havent talked in forever. I don't want to start hooking up again but I want to respond because I personally hate leaving emails unanswered.. I'm scared his intentions might include hooking up, but sometimes we see each other and I don't want it to be awkward/I still want to be friendly. Should I just not respond or should I? And if I were to respond how do I say I'm good in a way that will end the conversation so that he doesn't reply......

[Guest Andreas1]

The point is, I'm always so hopeful he likes me because he's so good to me, but if he did, why would he tell me about Leah. I guess my question is: Is this guy leading me on? Do guys tell a girl they like about another girl they like? Or is this guy just incredibly nice?

Bah.

Pretty sure he likes you...  I'm also inclined to believe he took liberties with that story to try and impress you.  I might be completely off, but that's what it seems like to me.

Hey  so a guy I used to hook up with just emailed me asking how I was doing  and how we havent talked in forever. I don't want to start hooking up  again but I want to respond because I personally hate leaving emails  unanswered.. I'm scared his intentions might include hooking up, but  sometimes we see each other and I don't want it to be awkward/I still  want to be friendly. Should I just not respond or should I? And if I  were to respond how do I say I'm good in a way that will end the  conversation so that he doesn't reply......

Give a short boring response. Say you've been doing well but are super busy lately with (insert bs excuse), no time to hangout with friends or anything... If he replies trying to further the discussion then you should probably just ignore.

[odaesan]

The point is, I'm always so hopeful he likes me because he's so good to me, but if he did, why would he tell me about Leah. I guess my question is: Is this guy leading me on? Do guys tell a girl they like about another girl they like? Or is this guy just incredibly nice?

Bah.

I think he's a nice guy who thinks of you as a good friend, but I don't personally know him.

[Guest]

--Removed--

Thanks!

[momoko doll*]

Okay here is my dilemma: so the past month I have been dating this guy who is about a decade older than me...

- removed -

[odaesan]

That is one disgusting guy. He probably sleeps with students so they pass the class too.

[Guest Andreas1]

 He is probably just a real gentleman x)

It's possible that he was just trying to be polite but it sounds more like you guys had some good chemistry/flirting going on.

[Guest Andreas1]

It hurts and I don't understand. The reason I fell for him was because he was such a kind mentor to me...I did not expect this of him and part of me still believes in his character. If he thinks I'm beautiful and smart and great company and spends time with me and shares his thoughts/dreams, and paid hundreds for our dates, why doesn't he want to even give me a chance? Am I just not good enough? What are men thinking??

You may have misjudged this fellow. It's his job to be a good mentor to his students and that is attractive to a lot of girls but does not necessarily reflect on his real personality. I actually find it a bit shady that he allowed himself to become involved with you on this level, being your ex professor.

I do have some experience with a relationship age gap similar to this. In my situation though I was the one who was trying to make something more out of it whereas she just wanted me for sex. In hindsight I could see clearly that we had almost nothing in common other than physical attraction.  Both of our situations have nothing to do with whether we were good enough, it's just the fact that we wanted different things from our respective partners.