Love and Relationships

[WeLoveSoompi]

 

Love and Relationships

Credit : Thought Catalog

 

Unmistakable Signs That You Are In Love With The Right Someone

 You miss them no matter how long it’s been. Even if it’s a week or a day, you miss hearing them laugh and seeing their face.

 You love their flaws. Their imperfections are what makes them perfect for you. Without their flaws and scars, they wouldn’t be the same person that you know and love.

 You would move to a different city or country to be with them. No matter what, you know you would move across the world to be with them. No questions asked.

  Their ugly laugh is your favorite sound. Before, you hated loud and obnoxious laughs. But their laugh? It sounds like a choir to you.

    You feel lighter and more at ease in their presence. Whenever you are in your significant other’s presence, you feel comfortable. You feel at home. And that’s all anyone could ask for.

   They are the first person you call with good news and bad news. No matter the kind of news you need to share, they are the first person that you tell. It has become almost second nature for you to let them know what is happening and vice versa.  

  You both make sacrifices for one another without expecting anything in return. When ever you give a a lot to this person or make a certain sacrifice, you don’t and wouldn’t ever expect them to do the same or give you something to call it ‘even’. You would do anything to make them feel loved.

 When your significant other is upset or sad, you feel that way too. To see them hurt, hurts you immensely and it tears you apart inside to see them in so much pain.

 You can’t stay mad at them for long. You have arguments, sure. But, you never stay angry at this person for too long because they never fail to do something to make you laugh or smile shortly after. They know how to push your buttons, but they also know how to make you happy.

 When you picture your future in your head, you see them standing next to you. Whenever anyone asks you if you see yourself with this person in the next five years or the next fifty years, you always say yes. There isn’t a single doubt in your mind.

 You support one another’s goals and dreams. You never tear each other’s goals apart and constantly encourage one another to keep trying and to never give up.

 Even if you are suffering or in deep pain, knowing you have this person, keeps you smiling. No matter the circumstance, you know in your heart you will always have this person. Even that little bit of hope lights up your world in a way no one else could.

 They aren’t perfect and your relationship isn’t either. But they are your kind of perfect. You know you are whole on your own. You know you can live without them. But you don’t want to live without them. And you don’t want to be on your own. Because this person is the best thing to have ever happened to you.

 

Ways To Avoid The Trap Of Dating A Narcissist

 

 In initial conversations make sure you ask them as many questions as they ask you.

Wait for an answer. If they say that they like something, ask a more specific question.

Why This Is Important

Narcissists actually probe you for information so that they can learn as much about you as possible. By asking them questions, you force them to tell you about themselves. This slows down the process of them collecting data and allows you an opportunity to determine if they are lying.

For example, you say, “I love dancing the Macarena” They reply, “I do too!” You can ask, “Where do you usually go dancing?” This next direct question forces them to be more specific. The first set of lies is very simple, but the more detailed the questions the more likely you will catch them in a lie. Also, it can put them off balance and make them less attracted to you.

It is important in any relationship that there be reciprocity, so asking someone about themselves as much as they ask you, is a good thing.

 Never reveal personal or private information early.

The rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t tell everyone at work, it is not something to share in the first couple of weeks of a relationship.

Why This Is Important

Sharing personal information has two effects. The first is that it gives you a sense of intimacy with this person. Exchanging private information is one of the ways that we get close to someone. Narcissists use this method to get close fast. Getting really close to someone before you know them is never a good thing. The second problem is that sensitive material can be used against you and if the person turns out to be a narcissist you will regret sharing things that you did not want everyone to know.

Realize we all crave intimacy.

There is a strong urge to reveal things to the same level as someone else.

It is good to base any relationship on trust and intimacy and these things take time. There will be time in the future to share these details if this is the right person.

 Don’t fight for the relationship right at the beginning.

If someone that you are just starting to date tells you that their friends or family would not approve of your relationship or if they let you know that they are leaving town or that they are worried about you breaking up with them right away it is a warning sign. They are looking for assurances, way before it is reasonable, for you to say that you would not leave. If for any reason, the relationship seems to have opposition or an expiry date, see it as a red flag. Statements like, “This is just a summer fling” are a warning sign.

Why This Is Important

Think of dating a narcissist as a job interview. They want someone that will be there for the long haul. They want to know that you will go the extra mile to make the relationship work. All of these things are desirable in a good, long-term relationship, but they show you are desperate in the short term. Narcissists are attracted to someone that is too desperate to easily leave any relationship, even a bad one.

If their friends or family wouldn’t approve, why would you want to be with someone when you would be an outcast or disliked? If the person you just started dating may have to leave town for a job or to go back to school, recognize that it is too early to make that kind of commitment and don’t. These situations can also be a ploy. If you move to another town with them early in the relationship they have you trapped because you are relying on them for everything and none of your friends or family are around.

If early on you get the impression that there might be opposition to your relationship or an expiry date you are being pressured to make a commitment prematurely.

 Maintain your private time.

If you are being flooded with attention it may initially feel like you are loved. This is not the case. A narcissist will flood you with attention as a way of controlling you. You get used to this level of attention and then you expect it, long after it is taken away. Try to not respond to the multiple texts, messages and calls. Don’t respond until it is convenient. Constantly interrupting your time with other people is one of the ways that narcissists distance you from your friends.

Why This Is Important

Narcissists need constant nourishment from others. They are trying to figure out if you are the one that is going to give it to them. By not giving it to them, you are less likely to be pursued.

A person that actually loves you, respects your right to privacy, time with your friends and your need to have time to yourself.

 Keep seeing your friends, doing your hobbies and pursuing your interests.

If your new dating partner insists on seeing you every minute, it as a sign of pathology not adoration. The beginning of a relationship is too early to be spending most of your time with someone.

It is one thing to say, “I’m going to the movies with friends.” But if someone you have just started dating digs for more detail: which friends, which theatre, which movie, are you going out afterwards? It is best to not give it. “Hiding” information from a narcissist will drive them crazy and they will not want to date you.

Why This Is Important

The ultimate goal of a narcissist is to have you all to themselves. This is part of the control that they have over their partners because the narcissist manages to eliminate everyone else from your life as much as possible. Having only one person in your life makes you very dependent on this person.

Realize you may want to be “good” and not realize that you are wired to “obey” when someone asks you to do something.

In a healthy relationship your partner will want you to be happy and having friends, hobbies and interests is a large part of that.

 Maintain your private space.

Agreeing to have someone move in right away, or suddenly noticing that one “sleep over” has resulted in the person never leaving is a major red flag. You should make other plans and tell them that you want to go out with your friends and that they can’t stay at your place.

Why This Is Important

This is just one element of how a narcissist moves in and takes control of your life. Suddenly, you will realize that they are living at your place full time. The longer they are there before you stand your ground the more difficult it becomes to maintain your space. Having someone move in right away does not allow time for you to balance this new relationship with the other priorities in your life.

Realize you are fighting biology here.

We instinctively want others around. It feels good to have company.

Quality relationships are not based on spending as much time together as quickly as possible. They are based on mutual respect for each other’s lives and priorities.

 Resist the urge to “take care of someone” you just met.

If someone tells you early in a relationship that they have come upon bad times at work, in health, a tragedy, ask yourself why you want to take care of them and why there is no one else in their lives to fulfill this role.

Why This Is Important

This is one of the tactics that narcissists use to get close to you. Examples are, “I’ve just lost my job and have no money”. “I was living with my last lover and I ended it, so I have no place to live”. “I just moved into town and have been living on a friend’s sofa but I’ve outstayed my welcome”. If they say that they just got out of a bad relationship with an awful person, insist that you don’t want to be their rebound person and move away quickly.

Realize that you are fighting instincts here.

We all want to pick up the fallen bird and nurse it back to health.

Healthy relationships are between two self-sufficient individuals. If this person cannot support themselves now, they are unlikely to take care of their half of the responsibility in a relationship.

 We all like to dream and plan, but the beginning of a relationship is a bad time to be planning to be together forever.

Try the phrase, “I think we are getting ahead of ourselves”. This allows you to be honest and can be used like this: “Yes, I would love to move to New York City with you and pursue my comedy career, but I think we are getting ahead of ourselves.”

Why This Is Important

One of the tactics narcissists use to keep you from leaving is to point out that you “agreed” to this relationship and wanted this relationship from the beginning. Now you are a “quitter” or “selfish” or “mean” if you are just abandoning this dream. Often, the dream was premature.

It is good to have dreams and long term plans together but these should be based on a solid relationship, not an elusive goal that is agreed upon before all of the facts are in.

 Pay attention to how your date treats others.

Ask yourself if you want to be treated that way.

Why This Is Important

Narcissists often think that they are justified belittling those around them. They think that they are superior and therefore they can treat others badly. In any relationship, how your partner treats others can be how they will treat you — eventually.

A nice person has respect for others and respect for you and treats people accordingly.

 Focus on reciprocity.

If they compliment you, compliment them back. If they ask about you, ask about them. If they do something for you, do it for them.

Why This Is Important

Ideally, we all want good relationships. Keeping things in balance is a good starting point for a relationship based on mutual support. By treating them exactly how they treat you, you will become aware of whether or not it “feels normal.” For instance, if they buy you several gifts and it feels abnormal to buy someone you just met that many gifts, you realize that this is a red flag. This method helps you see past the joy you felt in receiving the gifts and puts them in context. If you feel like you are being disingenuous complimenting them repeatedly, realize that their level of compliments may be abnormal and this is certainly a red flag.

It is easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship and suddenly realize that your whole world has changed. With a narcissist it is important to be very aware at the beginning and not let this happen.

This is kinda a good news, bad news type of post.

The good news is that this information will help you side step a relationship with a narcissist, someone that can wreak havoc on your life for decades.

The bad news is that your next new relationship might not work out.

Keep in mind you don’t always want relationships to “work out”; some of them can be bad for you.

 

 

Things You Should Never Do On Dating Sites If You’re Searching For Something Real

 

 

1. Don’t be cliche. If your list of interests include drinking coffee, watching Netflix, and eating pizza, then you’re just like every other girl on the site. Set yourself apart by mentioning something unique.

2. Don’t act like you’re okay with a casual relationship. Unless you want to be used for sex, then tell your matches what you’re looking for from the get-go. There are two types of people on dating sites. The type that want sex and the type that want love. Being honest will push the wrong people away and draw the right ones in.

3. Don’t accidentally end the conversation by saying “lol” or using a GIF that he has no clue how to respond to. If the conversation is dying, come up with a new topic.

4. Don’t talk dirty. I don’t care how well you’re hitting it off. You can flirt and exchange dirty jokes all you want, but there’s no reason to sext before meeting him in person. If you do, he’ll assume you’re game for a hookup.

5. Don’t hesitate to start the conversation. If they matched with you, then they want to talk to you. There’s nothing to worry about. So start typing.

6. Don’t start off with a boring conversation. Don’t ask him what he does for a living or how his day was. Ask him about a show he mentioned in his bio or the dog in his photo. Talk about something that won’t bore you both to tears before you even get to know each other.

7. Don’t agree to meet him at his apartment. If he wants to hang out alone, he only wants sex. Besides, you don’t know if you’re getting catfished yet, so it’s safer to meet in a public place.

8. Don’t continue talking over the app. Once you find someone you really click with, give him your number. That way, you won’t have to log onto Tinder or Bumble or OkCupid to have a conversation with him.

9. Don’t feel bad for ending a conversation. A super “sweet” guy might try to guilt trip you when you stop responding to him, but you don’t owe him anything. If you don’t like him, you don’t have to respond to him. He’ll get over it.

10. Don’t try to come across as cooler than you actually are. Don’t use the only photo you have from the gym as your profile picture if you hate hiking and biking and moving from the couch. You don’t want to attract the wrong type of guy.

11. Don’t judge other people based off of their photos alone. Their bio exists for a reason, and it matters way more than their pictures do. I know it’s easy to be shallow over social media, but don’t you value personality over appearance?

12. Don’t swipe right on every profile you see. It’ll be a confidence boost when you match with thirty people per day, but it isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re not looking for a million strangers to validate you. You’re looking for one person you can truly connect with, so swipe sparingly.

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

By : Holly Riosdan

 

 

Questions To Ask A Guy If You Want To Know If He’s For Real

In a world of fakes, it can be hard to know who is “for real” or not. While I might not rattle off this entire list on a first date, these are some questions that have helped me determine whether a man I was interested in had compassion, love, depth, and self-reflection.

 

1. What’s something you’ve learned at your job / school?

2. What’s something you regret?

3. Where do you see yourself in a year?

4. What about in five?

5. What’s your biggest goal right now?

6. What things do you value in a friend?

7. What about in a significant other?

8. What’s one important thing you learned from your mother?

9. What kind of relationship do you have with your mom?

10. What is something you hope to learn in the next year?

11. What is one time that you’ve made a mistake?

12. Where’s somewhere you’d like to travel?

13. And why?

14. What is something they look for in a significant other?

15. What are the deal breakers in their relationships?

16. What’s a quality they really admire in someone else?

17. Who is a public figure that you really admire?

18. Why?

19. What does “family” meant to you?

20. Do you have a best friend?

21. How did they become your best friend?

22. What is a political issue that you care about?

23. What is your opinion on the current election?

24. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

25. What is the accomplishment you are most proud of?

26. What does a long term relationship look like to you?

27. What are you looking for right now?

28. What do you think commitment looks like?

29. What’s one thing you’ve learned from a past relationship?

30. What are the best times to talk to you?

31. How do you best communicate? (text, phone, in-person)

32. How do you resolve problems?

33. What would your friends say your best quality is?

34. Do you believe in “love”?

35. Have you been in love? How many times?

36. What’s your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

37. What’s your favorite non-physical attribute in other people?

38. What’s a time that you were really proud of yourself?

39. How do you best support your friends and family?

40. What do you think the most important quality is to relationships that last?

 

 

 

Deep Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Tonight That Will Immediately Bring You Two Closer

 

1. What did you think when you first met me?

2. What do you remember most about the night/day we first met?

3. What about our relationship makes you really happy?

4. How long did you think our relationship would last when we first started dating?

5. If you had one word to describe our relationship what would it be?

6. If you had one word to describe our love what would it be?

7. What’s your biggest fear for this relationship?

8. Do you believe there’s one person you’re ‘meant’ to be with?

9. Do you believe in fate? destiny?

10. What’s one difference between us that you absolutely love?

11. What’s one similarity between us that you absolutely love?

12. What about me made you fall in love?

13. Is love something that scares you?

14. What about love scares you?

15. What’s your favorite memory of us?

16. What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?

17. If something happened where I had to move very far away, would you attempt long-distance? Or go our separate ways?

18. Where is your favorite place to be with me?

19. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask me, but really want to know the answer to?

20. What’s one thing you feel our relationship is lacking?

21. What’s your favorite non-physical quality about me?

22. What’s your favorite physical quality about me?

23. If our relationship ended, what’s the one thing about it you’d miss the most?

24. Do you think you’ve been vulnerable in our relationship?

25. What do you think was your most vulnerable moment in our relationship?

26. Do you think I’ve been vulnerable in our relationship?

27. What do you think has been the hands-down funniest moment since we started dating?

28. What’s one quality about me that I see as a flaw that you absolutely love?

29. What’s one secret you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?

30. Do you think there’s such thing as the ‘right’ person for you?

31. Do you think I’m the ‘right’ person for you? (If yes) What about me makes me the ‘right’ person?

32. If I said you could date other people, would you?

33. What do you think I’d say is your most attractive quality?

34. What’s your favorite way to show affection?

35. What’s your favorite way to receive affection?

36. What’s one thing you think makes our relationship unique from everyone else’s?

37. If you could change one thing about our relationship what would it be?

38. If we could go anywhere together right now, where would you want to go?

39. What do you think is your biggest strength in this relationship?

40. What’s your biggest weakness in this relationship?

41. Who do you think is the most affectionate in our relationship?

42. How do you think we both have changed since we first started dating?

43. What about us both is exactly the same since we first started dating?

44. What’s one thing I do that makes you feel good, that you wish I did more?

45. What’s one thing about your life you would never change for someone else, including me?

46. What about us do you think works well together? How do we balance each other out?

47. What’s one thing you hope happens in the future of our relationship?

48. What does love mean to you?

49. What do I mean to you?

50. What does this relationship mean to you?

 

 

[ellehall]

There are times when you will upset me and cause me unwanted anger, but no matter what, “I will always love you.”

[singlebilingual]

 

[CamelKnight]

Welcome @jorje123456  Hope you have a fun time here!

[cattrobertson]

Oh, I loved the videos above! 

Although the tips are quite general. 

[patriciawilson]

Nice post!

[saaara]

Love is exhausting.

[ojusvee06]

Hello friends, My name is Ojusvee. I am in a relationship but from sometime my relationship situation is going worst. I love him but he doesn't trust me. What to do? please give your opinions.

[CamelKnight]

On 6/28/2018 at 10:06 AM, ojusvee06 said:

Hello friends, My name is Ojusvee. I am in a relationship but from sometime my relationship situation is going worst. I love him but he doesn't trust me. What to do? please give your opinions.

Hi Ojusvee,

 

we're happy to help, but we'll need a bit more explanation to give you advice!

What's your relationship like? What's the problem? Why do you think he doesn't trust you? How long have you been together? 

Give us some background and we'll hit you up with some advice  

[longlostlove]

Love and Friendships are very important part of life. After an ongoing separation, I wound up thinking about why it is that a companionship appears to require such a great deal less 'work', and cause less tension, than an adoration organization; and whether the best sort of relationship would really be a sort of submitted 'companions with advantages' which could offer the best of both. I've reasoned that in actuality there are principal contrasts between the two, which it's great to be clear about, to get the best out of each and evade any false impressions.