L&R DEBATE: Growing to love someone vs. Falling at first sight

[Guest ReplayMVP]

I feel every holiday was created in appeal to everyone's HOPES & FAITH at the time.

Christmas, Passover, and even Valentine's Day.

St. Valentine provided a hope to young couples whom that which could not get married.

He let them get married in secret and became an outlaw, arrested for it and sent to jail.

He then sent a letter to his lover and died, making the holiday exist.

In modern times, capitalistic endeavors has made it a hallmark holiday.

I'm pretty sure no ones knows the history of the holiday.

All holidays have become commercialized but you know what? That's fine.

The roots of each holiday can never change and, yes, it may be a hallmark holiday now, but when it was first established it was probably the most meaningful thing in the world before money was an issue, haha.

[Guest foxy.]

^Agree with the above poster. 

Though I really think that we're free to interpret the crux of Valentines however we'd like. 

Nonetheless, for me, the spirit of the celebration is not based on spending and much of the snobbery about Valentines Day comes from those who have no-one to spend it with..lol

[Guest savoir vivre]

For me, Valentines isn't only a holiday that exists primarily for commercial purposes, rather, to commemorate a traditionally significant secular event. Sure, Hallmark directly benefits from this occasion with the sales of cards and other gift merchandise. But for what it's worth, a gift doesn't necessarily have to come from a store. Sure, a dozen of love cards would be nice but we have to reflect the reason why we bought those cards anyway. 

[GOOMBA]

New debate question everyone~

[Guest hiswendy]

I think it's both. You have to be loved for everything that you are. But, although love means to accept someone completely, it doesn't mean to turn a blind eye to one's faults. I think you have to love someone wholeheartedly, and be the reason for that person's change -- not because you imposed your ideas and beliefs on that person, but because you become their inspiration to be better.

For instance, if I had a boyfriend, I know I want to be someone he can be proud of. I want him to be able to say that I have a full-time job in the industry of my preference, that I love what I do and that my joy and satisfaction in life shines through every other part of my life, instead of "yeah...she'll find her way someday. Eventually. Hopefully. She's happy right now, relaxing. All the time."

[Guest ReplayMVP]

Anyone ever read The Great Gatsby?

He was once a poor man and although she loved him, the difference in social status caused to her to deny her love for him.

He knew that one day he could make it, but she didn't even wait.

Finally, years later, he becomes a rich & successful man just to prove to Daisy, the woman he loves, the extent that which he would go to achieve his ambition of being with her, which wasn't enough.

Then, he died.

Moral of the story: You die.

[Guest Mentor]

  First of all "love " is a dynamic process. There is not a single thing that you can do and consider it love. Like if I'm trying to prevent a fire I don't just install a smoke alarm and think I'm done with it. No, I have to clear rubbish from the yard, I have to get fire extinguishers, I have to keep on top of any new developments that will happen.
   Have I said I love you for who you are? Of course, based on their past history, their personality, and their attitudes. These are all things that contribute to who they are.
    Have I said I'd love you more if you'd change this way? Yes. Just think of it. When you go to the boss on your annual review for a promotion he/she says well you've done well in this area but you need to improve in these areas before it will warrant a promotion. Love means continually doing the right thing not just sitting back on your past accomplishments.

[Guest Kyosukemox]

This thread does not take into consideration that within a relationship both parties will grow individually and together and also learn to love another for more than what they initially expected from one another. Ultimately, the couple should love their opposites for who they are as the fundamental traits of people usually do not have drastic changes. What I mean to say is even though I grow up, I am and technically will always be the same person; the only difference being that I will have matured a great deal through all my experiences in life (the relationship included).
People that love a person for who they can become are being naive and are going into a relationship with unrealistic expectations that could, if not attained, ruin the relationship between the two individuals. Don't think of your partner as a project, just love him/her and enjoy the times you have together. In the end, everyone grows up and matures that's life.

[Guest okdrawn]

I think people often over think things and often confuse love with being comfortable.  I think if either the guy or the girl is consistently trying to change you or ask you to be a certain way in which you are not, then I think it is better to break up then continue in a relationship that the two will never be satisfied with. Rather than discouraging and lowering the self esteem of someone who obviously is not your ideal mate, I think it is more appropriate to let them go, so that they can be who they are, and find a mate that appreciates them for who they are.  You aren't doing them any favors by sticking with them while consistently complaining about what they are not.  
One of the main reasons people can't let go is because they feel comfortable with their significant other. Especially if the relationship has lasted more than a few months.  People tend to be afraid to start over, find a new love, be in a state of loneliness or depression while they are single, or worry that they will never be able to find another person who can understand them like their current mates do. However, comfort is different from happiness. You can be comfortable yet unhappy and unsatisfied. 
In summary, if the person you are with isn't who you want, let them go, so that they can find someone that appreciates them for who they are.  And you yourself, do some soul searching, take it slow, till you truly find the person that checks everything off your list.  I think it's actually good to have a set of expectations and wants in a potential mate, in fact I would encourage people to actually write it down. By doing this, you won't waste your time or other people's valuable time, jumping in and out of relationships that neither will ever be satisfied with.   

[Guest escapist88]

I think it's both. You have to be loved for everything that you are. But, although love means to accept someone completely, it doesn't mean to turn a blind eye to one's faults. I think you have to love someone wholeheartedly, and be the reason for that person's change -- not because you imposed your ideas and beliefs on that person, but because you become their inspiration to

be

better.

For instance, if I had a boyfriend, I know I want to be someone he can be proud of. I want him to be able to say that I have a full-time job in the industry of my preference, that I love what I do and that my joy and satisfaction in life shines through every other part of my life, instead of "yeah...she'll find her way someday. Eventually. Hopefully. She's happy right now, relaxing. All the time."

[Guest emu.]

Oh gosh, definitely love someone for who he or she is.  Never assume that you can change a person.  That can lead to a lot of misery in the long run.  People don't change so easily.  If you love who you think a person can be, you are loving a fantasy, a false image.  And that can make the person in front of you seem inadequate.

[Guest jammer25]

As people have alluded to, I think love grows as you strive to help your S/O grow as a person.  I think that's often a sticking point for relationships that stagnate - people feel like they're not progressing as an individual.  Too often people focus on the relationship itself rather than the individual (e.g. being together rather than growing together). 

So I think love is largely about caring for the other person through that process, as the person should for your own progress.  If that process becomes stale, so does the relationship.

[Guest rosebanks123]

I wanted to be loved for who I am not for what I have, or what i can become or what I can achieve. 

[Guest isaywow]

love someone for who they are, and know what they can be~~~

[Guest gottagotta]

both, love you for who you are and believe in what you can be

[Pixelated]

That quite a difficult question there... Weeeelll.. In my opinion, I think that people can love you for who you are I mean, these priceless people we can call them true friends or family ! But yeah as for everyone, we need to " belong to a group " so we're not alone. So... we act as we have "Masks" that we can switch whenever we want, to adapt our behaviour to different kind of people to make bounds. Some people would rather being loved when putting their masks. But I don't think it is a good thing. It would meant that we're ashamed of who we are. I think the most important thing is to be yourself and ignore people who aren't just able to apreciate LIFE !

[Guest anoopalex]

Love and Immaterial Doubtsmindmattersindia.com
You are in a relationship, one you really want to take forward. Yet you worry, question yourself, and fuss about various possibilities of which none can be sure bout. Is she/he the one for me? What will I tell my parents? How can I be sure I will be happy with her/him in the future?.... (To continue reading go to - http://mindmattersindia.com/love-and-immaterial-doubts/)

[Guest styleclopedia]

True love isn't simply loving the person for who she/he is, you have to love that person for who she/he is not.

[GOOMBA]

Hi, everyone

New question's up and thank you so much for your constant participation

[Guest ReplayMVP]

Ahh... Love at first sight... Interesting

So here's another story: Romeo & Juliet
Romeo saw Juliet at a party.
He felt something in his pants change and he knew, he was in love.
She started fantasizing about him while he found ways to communicate with his true love but climbing up walls and richard simmons.
They were of rival families and frankly all they did was dirty talk (woo each other) even though they didn't know richard simmons about each other.
Romeo has to leave, so he meets Juliet and effs her.
Romeo hears from an unreliable source that Juliet is dead.
He kills himself with poison.
Juliet finds his body and kills herself.
The families, in remorse, fix the broken bond between both families in result.

Moral of the story: You still die but this time your lover dies with you and all your familial problems are fixed after you die. Well, isn't that great?