My Mom is basically making me depressed

[Guest Amaltje]

I am so sorry for u , but stay positive and try to ignore your mother and just let her talk and yell..

she must be very unhappy why else would she treat you like this , somehow people from our parents generation dont know how to talk about their feelings -.-, and they will always denie all things they do wrong ( not all but alot )

My aunt is like your mother but 1000 times worse , i can't even tell what she did this woman is just pure evil , anyway she ruines her daughters life , and that made her daughters so weak and depressed , they are both almost 30 and still living with her ! they have some strange kind of loyalty to her , they are afraid of her , she still makes them cry , she prevented them from marriage and all nice and good and normal things in life , so my advice is don't get weak from your mothers bullying , don't let her ruine your life try to handle it differently by ignoring and handle it like an adult ( i know your young but it may surprise your mother if you stop caring about the negative things she says ) and remember it is not your fault you can't rly choose your parents and just think you won't live with them forever( thank god ).

sorry for my crappy english.

[Guest missaque]

Hey, I know how you feel.

My mom was a huge factor in the causes for my depression. Our situations differ a bit, but I used to cry everyday because of her and the arguments we had.

I think you need to let her know how you feel, and yeah, that might include yelling at her back.

When she nags at you for doing something that's not your fault, do you stand up for yourself?

When your mom does this to you, you have to be strong. I know it's hard, and I know you're scared of what might happen, but just try it

[STAR_x.]

i can't really defend you when it came to what happened in may. she gave you money to get a SHORT haircut. if you did not want short hair, you shouldnt have cut it at all. why did you get a haircut that your mother did not want with HER money?

regardless, i think your mom is pretty mean. if she sees that you cry everytime she scolds you, the only logical reason as for why she continues to do so is because she enjoys your misery. try to toughen it up and ignore her cause i think she somehow enjoys seeing you suffer.

SHINEjaejoong - i don't think one should call another's mother a pinkberry. while the OP might be unhappy, it sounds like she still loves her mom, so let's respect that.

[Guest bombb_]

youre graduating.

youre the youngest.

her baby.

her age is probably up there (id assume somewhere at least mid 40s?).

her attitude is going to be explosive.

"all my children are leaving my nest" syndrome (or whatever it's called, it's like nest syndrome or something)

mothers/fathers get moody and more upset when their children start leaving for college or whatnot.

i mean, imagine if your baby that youve had for 18 years is leaving.

right?

and its worse for the eldest and the youngest kids.

or maybe she's having a midlife crisis.

or maybe shes have bothD:

[Guest star. DiNI]

That seems a bit harsh. It seems like she blows up at small things. Are you close to your siblings? I would try talking to them and see if they can try talking to your mom about the way she's been acting towards you. When I have a fight with my mom I usually wait until she's in bed ready to go to sleep to go in and talk to her. I don't know if that helps. I wish I could give you a hug. v.v I know what it feels like to be constantly nagged/yelled at for small things because my mom used to do that to me in high school (but I deserved it). Try talking to her. Ask her why she is so angry with you all the time. If she starts to get angry then tell her you just want to talk and you don't want to fight.

[taebins_luver]

tell your mom to shove it where the sun don't shine and the rain don't fall.

i don't know if you can emancipate yourself in Canada, but look up your laws where you live.

see what applies for you and what can be done for you in that kinda situation.

that or call Dr. Phil.

[Guest B L o T T - ii]

has she treated u like this ur whole life?

if yes, then boy, u need to stand up for urself. U can't keep taking this in. If that means yelling back at her, then so what? Perhaps she needs to get some retaliation.

if not, then u need to find out why she's treating you like this now. Find out what happened. As hard as it may be, u & ur mum need to sit down together and have a long chat. Communication is key.

are u able to talk to ur friends about ur problem? Even if they just listen, it's quite nice to let it all out.

And ur nearly 18, which means if all else fails, just move out.

[Guest PeasNut]

maybe she's going through a stage where she feels she's lonely in the world (after all, her children are growing up and she almost never sees her husband) and she takes it all out on you.

please note - even though it may seem hard to do, you should try to look through her eyes so you can understand what she's trying to do.

sometimes i feel this way with some of my family members.. this loss of hope because of depression. it also sounds like you're a sensitive person with a low self-esteem. don't let yourself cry over what your mom says because there are many people in the world who has it worse than you do.. even though it may not seem like it now. suicide is never the answer, no matter what state of mind you are currently in.

you just have to be strong, keep your head up and walk off. tune out anything she says that hurts you, or, even wear ear plugs and cover your hair with them when you get home everyday so you don't have to hear her yell at you.

it hurts you because you love your mom inside and when she yells at you, you automatically feel lost and can't understand why she's being so cruel.

anyway, good luck with all of this and if there is open slot to escape, i suggest you go for it.

[Guest XangelXtranX]

I'm sorry to hear that, maybe your mom is having a hard time without your dad around so she got pissed and pour everything on you since you seem like an easy target. You NEEDA STOP CRYING! You have such low-esteem that you even cry when it's not even your fault, (last sentence).

When life gives you lemon, take it and make it into lemonade, I guess what I'm saying is just ignore your mom, every times you want to cry, just take a walk, go outside, listen to music instead of staying in your room and cry.

My mom is very strict when it comes to money too, I remember buying a $30 bag for grade 9, and a backpack for my brother so that he has something to wear in grade 7 and my mom went ballistic..I even bought it with my own money, it was the most humiliating moment ever. I cried so hard I mean, I had like literally no bag, nothing, we were living in the basement of someone else's home because the 3 of us couldn't afford an apartment. I kinda understand why she reacted like that but still, I still get angry whenever I think about it. It just reminds me of how poor we are but yea...random. Just stay strong and don't cry, I feel so...blah when I see people crying.

Cheer! you're nearly 18 seek elsewhere to live.

[Guest pink-pearl]

My god you don't deserve this. You are so strong for not talking back to her. Just hold up until you graduate, you sound like a strong person despite your desire for suicide.

[Guest Eun_neptune_Him]

I think you need to let her know how you feel, and yeah, that might include yelling at her back.

When she nags at you for doing something that's not your fault, do you stand up for yourself?

I'm the type of person who doesn't give up in arguments. Heck, people at school say i should be a lawyer. But when it's between me and my Mom i don't say anything anymore. If I do... she goes even deeper to nag at me. She usually says "YOU ARE SO MISERABLE! 24/7!" or she says some other things too.

has she treated u like this ur whole life?

No. Near February, when she came back from India she started doing this.

[Guest iPhets]

^now thats weird.

that reminds me of when i was still living in my birth country and i used to love my mom so much.

then we decided to move where i live now (another country) and she got new friends and such, doing new things..and she just changed to be worse =S she started forcing me to stuff i didnt want to go to and she just stopped "listening" if you know what i mean. i figured that she was influenced by her new friends...

maybe something happened to her in india that made her change? maybe you could try to get her to sit down with you and have a talk calmly. find out if anything happened. i know it would be hard but things like these are better solved after a nice long talk instead of running away from it. i did that to my mom and now theres less tension between us. she still forces me to things, but its less frequent so im not as annoyed =/

if she says something that might hurt you again, do.not.cry. stand up for yourself and tell her what YOU think. she seems like the type that doesn't get the point easily, so you must toughen up and not back down when she lashes back. get your point across.

[Guest mechant-lapin]

The broomstick has many uses!

[Guest soompier1]

Is she going through menopause? Mothers go insane when they go through menopause. They're like teenagers again.

Now I'm just depressed that I have a limited option of what to my hair because of her.

That's just petty. It's just hair, you need to get over it. She needs to chill but I think you are just as much an overreactor.

People yell, it's not something that should send you to tears each time. If you actually have depression or suicidal thoughts then you need to see a doctor and either get therapy or pills to control the mood swings.

[Guest waysa]

People who bully others and take their anger out on others have unresolved issues. Whatever your mom's issue is, tt's time to stop crying and defend yourself. If someone is being disrespectful to you (regardless of whether it's a family member, friend or stranger), you treat him/her the same way. My mom has a tendency to criticize my weight and crack jokes all the time. For a certain time period, she wouldn't stop teasing me about my moderate acne. I had just about enough and went ballistic on her. Now, she's careful of what she says cause she knows I'm not one to just take it all in.

[Guest Eun_neptune_Him]

Is she going through menopause? Mothers go insane when they go through menopause. They're like teenagers again.

That's just petty. It's just hair, you need to get over it. She needs to chill but I think you are just as much an overreactor.

People yell, it's not something that should send you to tears each time. If you actually have depression or suicidal thoughts then you need to see a doctor and either get therapy or pills to control the mood swings.

I know it's "just hair," but when you decide to leave your hair long and go into a car and have your mom yelling at you that you have a terrible haircut and should cut it short even though she told me NOT TO CUT IT SHORT when i told i was getting a haircut? She went balloistic about it and said it everytime i was infront of her in the house or in the car so i wanted her to just shut up.

[Guest meiming8_1]

I think you need to defend yourself. My mom acts like that a lot. One time, I got some chocolates from my boyfriend. My family ate all of them last time, so I told them not to eat any this time. My brother kept eating them, I told him not to, I got screamed at by my mom for 3 hours. She went ballistic at me. I know exactly what you're going through. My mom was extremely controlling and temperamental when I was younger, and still is now. She made me extremely insecure, shy and depressed. The only thing you can do is defend yourself or just zone out. My family is quite unstable, there are a lot of fights and my mother and brother are the most judgemental people you'll ever meet. But I just zone them out, because I know when I go to university, I'll have my own freedom and I can do what I want.

I can't remember what age you said you were, but you're approaching university age. Get some perspective on this situation. You need to work hard so you can get out of the house. If you don't try, you'll never go anywhere in life, won't afford to move out, and you'll be stuck at home. Study hard, work hard, move out, get some freedom. You can't go on being depressed and unable to work like this, so you either confront her or ignore her. They are the only two options. Avoid her as much as possible. When she's yelling at her, try not to cry and get emotional, because she's getting a rise from you. Just tell her coolly, 'you're distracting me, please stop' or, say, in terms of your haircut, 'I heard your opinion, you don't need to repeat yourself.' Initially it'll probably make her even more mad, but if you stay calm and collected, she won't have anything to rage against. Chances are she'll probably respect you more for it. How do your brother and sister treat her when she rages at them?

[Guest muhreeahh]

I'm not saying this because I'm taking sides.. but just to be unbiased.

Of course everyone on here will take your side because they've only heard your story. But throughout the whole story I never read anything that took your mother's feelings into consideration. You make your mom to be some ballistic bully but your mom has feelings too, you aren't the only one. Different people have different ways of venting out their stress. For you it might be crying, for your mom yelling. Judging from the story, you aren't the only one with stress. A mother taking care of three children by herself is a huge stress factor. (I come from the same situation, btw)

My mom always had to calculate everything she spent on the house, food, car insurance because my dad's income wasn't enough to support our family. If I can recall correctly, my mom hasn't spent a dollar on material things for herself in the last 5 years.

Your mom is worried about you and cares for you a lot. She wants you to learn how to take care of yourself (making your own lunch, getting to school yourself..etc) These were all things I had to learn and I'm sure you will too.

My advice, the next time she screams at you say "Mom, I want you to stop yelling and tell me what's bothering you in YOUR life right now." It's the best way to find out the problem and bond while you're at it. I used to be in your situation but now that I live 100 miles away from my parents and I miss them and appreciate them so much more!

BE STRONG! WE ALL BELIEVE IN YOU!

Wow.. my first LONG post.. thanks for considering.

[Guest doofus9]

save up as much money as possible and gtfo of there. that kind of environment is not healthy

[Guest hAppynote]

First of all, short hair can be cute too.

if you want a tutorial on really cute short hair. I guess it's too late to do this for prom, but at least your hair has grown out a bit? And you'll be ready for hot weather!

Your mother may be going through something difficult in her life right now like financial issues that she doesn't want to talk about, or hormonal changes/menopause, so she picks on you to release her anger. So don't let her words or actions hurt you, she probably doesn't realize how much she's hurting you. Force her to come meet your counselor if your counselor wants to talk to her. If you want help, your counselor will be much more dynamic person to help you rather than the internet.

What you should do right now, is grow your sense of self worth. You are worthy. You don't deserve the backlash. You deserve love and care. Don't succumb to your mother's negativity and take your life away, or wish your life is taken. Don't let her words or actions hurt you. I'll say this again, take her to your counselor as soon as you can. Your counselor spent years in college studying to help people -- you need help, so go talk to her with your mother.

And no, you're not pathetic. Don't think negatively of yourself, don't let your mother's negative attitude rub off onto you. You don't deserve that curse.

Lmk how everything goes. PM me if you need support or if you just want someone to talk to.