How close should you be with the opposite sex after you're attached?

Would just like some honest opinions here cause I know different people think differently? Like some would think that it's better to not be too close to another person of the opposite sex when you're already attached while some of us are pretty alright with the fact that your partner has really close friends of the opposite sex. Well I'm sure you all kinda know what I'm saying. I think for me I'm 50-50 and sometimes it does get a little contradicting and conflicting cause on one hand I'm not all in for the idea of my partner being too close with his female friends but I too have a few close male friends since they are pretty much my childhood friends . Your thoughts?

I have absolutely zero worries about partners having very close friends of the opposite sex. As long as they are open about it, and there is no room for ambiguity then I see no problems with it. I think two people in a relationships should be 100% open with each other and if they are hiding their best or close friend who is an opposite sex from you... thats weird. 

Let's clear the air first.

Jealousy is not love. Perhaps most think that if you don't mind your partner sleeping with others, then you never loved them.

Just the opposite. If you are jealous from that, you don't love him, you just want to possess him. You want him to be yours. This is not love, but a form of slavery.

We are here, individually, born a lone, and die a lone. We come, and we go.

The "saints" of our times would have us believe there is such a thing as permanency. Permanent love, and that other people are made for other people. But this is a lie.

Nothing here in the world of matter is permanent. Everything goes away. And there is no such thing as men being made for women, and women being made for men. Such a stupid idea when you get down to it.

Why would I be here if I were here for someone? Then I would not be here. I would just be apart of that someone. No autonomy then.

Now we see then, that true love of someone else, means you want them to grow and experience life as much as they can. You want them to be the best as they can be. Sometimes, they experience it with you. You have great moments with your partner...but this will go, and sometimes, you and your partner will wish to be a lone.

In time, you would like variety. Everyone likes variety. Intelligent people love variety. But we are taught to feel ashamed, and guilty to experience the desire for variety for others.

But there will come a time in everyone's growth where they ought to face themselves with a simple question.

Am I really interested in living my life totally and completely and doing all that I can?

Or am I more interested in austerity, restraint, obedience, morals, and the rules of society?

In essence, are you more interested in Life? Or perhaps you are more interested in Death?

@Keion
Very interesting and thought provoking response. Your responses always seem to intrigue me. I think I will have to agree with the first half of your response, the rest is food for thought!

I think it creates a little risk. I would not like my partner to be close to the opposite sex. It can become a slippery slope or merely cause a rift between you and your partner. There's also emotional cheating. You have one bad day and releasse things to your close friend of the opposite sex.

@silent.dragon
hmm I disagree with you there. If you trust your partner 100% (which you should in a relationship) then you shouldn't have any problems regarding close friends of the opposite sex. Your partner doesn't have to tell you every little thing that is going on in his life first, and you just have to remember that before you came along, he / she was probably already BFFL with that person, nothing happened then, so why now?

chindarella said: @silent.dragon
hmm I disagree with you there. If you trust your partner 100% (which you should in a relationship) then you shouldn't have any problems regarding close friends of the opposite sex. Your partner doesn't have to tell you every little thing that is going on in his life first, and you just have to remember that before you came along, he / she was probably already BFFL with that person, nothing happened then, so why now?

@chindarella‌ @ayahuasca yea, I understand where you guys are coming from and I agree with the two of you how there should be trust in a relationship. But on the other hand, I do get where @silent.dragon is coming from. So for me I think some boundaries must be set when you're in a relationship? Oh and btw, how about physical contact? Are hall very open to that as well?

omgitscrystal said: Oh and btw, how about physical contact? Are hall very open to that as well?

@omgitscrystal
I think ultimately it comes down to what works for two people. If both persons in the relationship feel there needs to be some boundaries, then boundary away! But if only one thinks there should be, then maybe each person needs to make some compromise. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way of doing it. 
physical contact with your significant other? Yes, very open

@keion @chindarella‌ As in with your guy friends?

@omgitscrystal 
Physical contact is open with my guy friends. I have nothing to hide, and therefore I don't see the need to feel bad or hide anything.  This is where jennibear01 and me are different because I will kiss my guy friends on the cheek and hug them as a greeting.

My number one rule is no double standards.  So if I was to feel uneasy about my SO being too close as friends to the opposite sex, I have no right to say anything, if and only if, he doesnt mind about me being close to the opposite sex either.  However if he did mind, then he has no right being upset or uneasy about my male friendships. 
Everything has to work two ways.  Relationship is not a one way street.

omgitscrystal said: @keion @chindarella‌ As in with your guy friends?

It really depends on your SO. Do they trust you enough to let you hang with whoever you want? There is a big difference between being a close friend with the opposite sex and then spending more time with them than you would with your current partner. I broke up recently with my ex due to her insecurity and trust issues. I let her hang with all her friends all the time yet me on the other hand was unable to go out to many special occasions and birthdays of close friends. I couldn't even talk / look at girls in public for 1 second otherwise she would get mad lol.

As long as each party is open to the other and straight forward any misunderstandings can be discussed and a consensus reached. This is the important part. A relationship is dependent on consensus and compromise. If one side backs down all the time without the other giving the same sort of ground the imbalance created will cause a rift that is unrecoverable

It depends on you and your partner. If you are both fine with it, then it doesn't matter. If you are both uncomfortable with it, then don't do it. If only one is uncomfortable with it, then there should be a compromise

I'm personally uncomfortable with it. Hanging out with friends after class or grabbing a lunch, stuff like that is fine. But stuff like having him come over to her house or a 1 on 1 dinner date is too much for me


I just believe that when people get into a relationship, they should be a little more distant with the opposite sex. They can still hang out, have fun, study together, skype, etc. But if you stay up til like 4 am skyping with them, reject your bf's plans to go out with your guy friend, etc is when it gets too much.

Depends mostly on if they would get jealous easily and if you spend too much time with them.
Would you rather spend time with your significant other or this friend?
As long as both of you know where the boundary is then it is fine.

If a friend was a huge part of my life before you came into it, they will remain a huge part of my life, male/female /homosexual/ bisexual/ or transgender. It's generally a huge red flag when a man has problems with that. 

This is a tricky one.
So much to consider! I think I would be more worried if his close female friends are single.
Overall, I agree with @silent.dragon, @jennibear01 and @esapele. If they have been friends for ages, I don't find it an issue if they meet up in groups. 
I personally have a rule not to get too close to other guys, especially those I find physically attractive!