Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[AiriinxKumori]

Is it bad i feel weird that i may be graduating before my s/o whose stuck in community college? [can't decided what major to go for to transfer]

[SunniRise]

Is it bad i feel weird that i may be graduating before my s/o whose stuck in community college? [can't decided what major to go for to transfer]

It's not bad... why do you feel weird?

I'm confused as to what you are feeling exactly.

[belle_kd1413]

Whenever we have small fights, it's always me who has to apologize in the end, even if I did nothing wrong. :'( And I don't even get an apology so... :| 

What do I do? I'm not very good at snubbing him when I want an apology. Also, when he gets mad, he never tells me why. He starts telling all his friends why and whenever I talk to him about it, he gets all tongue-tied and tells me nothing. In the end, I have to talk for the both of us. Because if I do not, (and I've asked him about this) - he won't talk to me until I get it right. What do I do? 

[inxomnia]

Is it bad i feel weird that i may be graduating before my s/o whose stuck in community college? [can't decided what major to go for to transfer]

By any chance is it because you'll be entering the real world of work when he's still kind of confused and figuring out where he wants to head with his life? I wouldn't say it's bad perse, but it might drive a wedge into the relationship when you truly do start working and meeting "successful" or intelligent men and maybe hoping your boyfriend had more ambition and drive/motivation. I think because women find men that are ambitious and intelligent to be very attractive.

Whenever we have small fights, it's always me who has to apologize in the end, even if I did nothing wrong. :'( And I don't even get an apology so... :| 

What do I do? I'm not very good at snubbing him when I want an apology. Also, when he gets mad, he never tells me why. He starts telling all his friends why and whenever I talk to him about it, he gets all tongue-tied and tells me nothing. In the end, I have to talk for the both of us. Because if I do not, (and I've asked him about this) - he won't talk to me until I get it right. What do I do? 

Sweetie, you need to figure out whether he doesn't want to talk because he's just not a talker, or whether he doesn't want to talk to you about the relationship. Maybe continue to encourage him to open up to you and not get upset when he does tell you his problems or his annoyances with you.

[Guest o________O]

If you're at the arcade or playing video games with a girl friend, are you supposed to let them win?

[Guest Happiidayy]

If you're at the arcade or playing video games with a girl friend, are you supposed to let them win?

depends on some girls. If you know she's an active gamer then I think she wouldn't like that but if she's new to the game let her win lol

[Guest lightangel]

Ladies, would you be ok with your bf going to a strip club? Do you prefer to come with your bf to a strip club or do you prefer let your bf go alone with his male friend?

[Guest SoulAce2]

[EDIT] Blah blah blah. Delete. Sorry.

[Nikky]

Ladies, would you be ok with your bf going to a strip club? Do you prefer to come with your bf to a strip club or do you prefer let your bf go alone with his male friend?

haha. I've been to two of them with a group of friends. I don't see them as any big deal. You can't touch anyway. It's like a giant tease show. But I really don't care and my guy knows this. He also knows a friend of mine bought me a lap dance just so he could watch it. If my guy ever wanted to go, then all to him. If he wanted me to go with him, then ok we'll make a night of it. He doesn't need my permission or have to tell me. It's the same as if he goes anywhere else. He can do what he wants, with whomever he wants. The only issue we'll have is if he lays hands on another woman, and honestly that can happen anywhere. At least in a strip club they'll literally throw you out the back door if you do so.

[inxomnia]

Ladies, would you be ok with your bf going to a strip club? Do you prefer to come with your bf to a strip club or do you prefer let your bf go alone with his male friend?

Hmm, it depends on the occasion? I can understand if it's a bucks night, birthday etc, but otherwise I'd find it kind of lame if he just likes hanging at strip clubs... Like, doesn't he have any other hobbies? But on the whole issue of trust etc, it'd be fine by me since I would hope that I'm with him and trust him enough... if not, it'll be tiring worrying every second that he goes out.

[MrPower]

Would you rather chase, or be chased?

Why? Why not?

What enables, or prevents you from choosing to do one over another?

[Nikky]

Would you rather chase, or be chased?

Why? Why not?

What enables, or prevents you from choosing to do one over another?

mmmmmm, I'm more the 'cat and mouse' kind of girl. If I have interest in a guy, I'll show it. If he doesn't reciprocate, then I'll back down and leave him be. I don't chase someone who doesn't want me. But if he does show interest, then it's more of very playfulness flirtatiousness. I'm also getting to know the guy, how his personality is, his moods, if he keeps to his word, I'm learning what kind of man he really is. So sometimes I pull back just to get a better examination of everything. Sometimes it's necessary to find out how someone's mind works so you understand their actions. Plus a man fighting for you, going out of his way to make time for you is always nice. As I am sure a man likes when a woman goes out of her way for him. So sometimes I like to go after my guy, sometimes I like him to go after me. But then again, I've always seen relationships as two way streets. You both do the work to make it work. Together we make 100%. I'm not the 'normal' kind of girl. I know this. But I make it work oh so well

[Guest kakashiwife]

How much do girls value a clean room of a guy?

Do they expect it?

a messy bed, studying table is okay. my ex had the dirtiest place i've ever seen i was pretty grossed out by the end.

At the beginning, it was always clean, some old dishes after it was just plain gross, the kitchen stank, clothes, underwear on the floor, the worst bathroom with dirty kleenex on the counter and god knows what were in those, water all around the sink. i feel queasy just reminiscing,

just keep it clean, girls like to see that guys put some effort into their lives, not just how they look when they step out on the streets/to school

I would dig a guy that loves to clean/cook =)

[Guest pasdechat]

Would you rather chase, or be chased?

Why? Why not?

What enables, or prevents you from choosing to do one over another?

Ah, well, with my current boyfriend? (the one I've started a topic over, lol), I initiated our relationship. We had no common friends, nor did we take the same classes or have any common ground that would unite two strangers together. I just saw him smoking in a courtyard, talking to his friend, and I approached him, saying "Hi! I've seen you around a lot..." and it worked. Mainly because he had already noticed me around too and had thought that I was pretty and attractive... he actually thanked me for introducing myself to him. Ah, he's quite shy around girls, apparently. And I guess the cold approach can work! Outside of a bar/club too Although after I initiated the introduction, he took over from that point and courted me

If I like a guy, I have no problem showing interest in him. I don't like to live in regrets. So I might as well try and see if he likes me back...if not, oh well. At least I know, and won't have to wonder later. If yes, great! Success! I don't mind risking a little embarrassment. And I usually don't like close male friends...I usually like people outside of my social circle, so I'll probably never see them again if it doesn't work.

[Guest x33chiinkiee]

Would you rather chase, or be chased?

Why? Why not?

What enables, or prevents you from choosing to do one over another?

Can I get a mixture of both? Because I think about it this way: I get chased, then when guy finally gets me, his mindset is all "Hey, finally got her; no use in trying anymore." & I also wanna do a little bit of chasing because I don't think it's fair for the guy haha.

[Guest dtranQ]

I'm not sure whether I'm getting chased or whether I'm supposed to be chasing, or what is happening.

I met this girl the other day and we really hit it off, but I wasn't looking for a gf so I didn't go any further. A few days later though I met her at Starbucks for a quick drink which ended up turning into a 3 hour stay. We talked the whole time and she showed HEAPS of interest in everything I said, even though it was just stupid stuff like talking about my pets.

At the end of that, because it was getting late, I suggested we go home, but she was visibly disappointed so I agreed to go have dinner with her. 

When we got home from that dinner I got the "thanks for today I had heaps of fun!" message you usually expect from a date, not dinner between 2 new friends. She also invited me to this dinner a few days later where it would be a married couple, her and me.

At that dinner though, the girl didn't show any interest at first, though. She didn't even say hi to me when she arrived. When a random mutual friend walked in on the 4 of us having dinner together, though, he asked if I was the girl's bf and she didn't say anything. I said no really quickly because I was afraid it was going to get awkward if we both paused and there was an awkward silence.

When I walked her to her bus stop after dinner, as I done every other time we had met, she found her bus really quickly and obviously wanted to get out of there really quickly. When I messaged her to see if she had any time to meet up later in that week, though, she said that she was busy and we wouldn't be able to meet up at all. Short and abrupt.

It was really short in between our second meeting where i think she was really interested in me and our 3rd meeting where she seemed to want to avoid me, and nothing happened in that time, so I don't understand the mood change at all. If she's trying to get me to chase her though, wouldn't it make more sense to leave open an opportunity to meet again soonish?

[Guest Tun_tun]

I actually posted this in the let's talk about exes thread, but I'm kind of curious about more replies. I'm just wondering what went wrong, and maybe you ladies have an explanation of what happened? Obviously, you won't know for sure, but some possibilities of what might've went wrong would help =\

If it counts for anything, I'm in high school.

I've been having an odd time trying to get over my ex-gf as well. 

She was my first girlfriend, so I really don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling.

For all of last year, the two of us had been flirting back and forth with each other, and we were pretty close. Best friends, actually. All of our friends were doing that thing where they said that we would make a good couple, but for some reason, despite all the signs, I was to freaking scared to ask her out because I was scared of getting rejected.

Looking back, that was a pretty stupid thought 

So anyways, she ended up going out with a guy a year older near the end of the year, and I was pretty upset over it. Then, one day, I was talking with her, and I had brought up the fact that she was dating someone because she was complaining to me about another guy that was hitting on her. She then told me that she had actually broken up with him. At this time, I was also talking with my (and her) best friend, and my friend was telling me to ask her out. Eventually, we had told each other that we did like each other, and ended up going out that weekend, and I asked her to be my girlfriend.

Problem was, I was a nervous asking her now, because I knew I would be gone all summer on vacation, and wouldn't see her again until September; I had asked her to be my girlfriend a week before my trip, because we were both hoping (and thinking) that we would make it through.

So then, I go on vacation, and all goes well; we would skype with each other when we could and send e-mails to each other daily, but in the few weeks before I was supposed to go back, she stopped talking to me, and whenever we did happen to talk, she didn't seem to make an effort at all to hold up a decent conversation, using one-word responses.

Eventually, I came back, but when I went to hang out with her, and some friends, but it didn't go too well, because she would barely talk to me whenever I tried. Even back at school, I tried to keep it together, but I knew it was a lost cause. So, at the end of the month, one night, I saw that she had 'married' someone else on Facebook. It was at that point that I realized that our relationship meant very little to her, so I texted her telling her I wanted to talk. For some reason, she exploded on me saying, "You weren't there when I needed you," and to this day, I have no idea what she was talking about, especially since she knew I would be leaving, and that I told her that I'd be there to talk to her if she ever needed me. So the next day, we broke up, but somehow as friends.

It was hard to talk to her like normal again for a few months, but eventually, after the second semester,  we were close friends again, but still not quite the same.

I had recently talked to my best friend, who happens to be my ex's best friend as well, and I told her what I was feeling, and what went wrong. She told me that in her opinion, my ex is a little emotionally unstable in the fact that she hides her problems from everyone, and if it's to her close friends, she'll tell them something's wrong, but not say what it is. When she dated that other guy, this friend had told her, "What about (me)?", and the friend figured that she dated him just to cope with the fact that I wasn't doing anything.

So.. Yeah. A long story to read through, but I needed to get that out. It's been 6 months still then, and I still feel odd about her. I mean, we're good friends, but whenever I see her, I feel like she's one of the people I can have lots of fun with, but also one of those people that can richard simmons me off or make me sad just as easily. Obviously, I don't show the latter; that'd be ridiculous. Ever since then, I've never really looked at a girl and felt any sort of feeling like I would want to date her. Thing is, I'm over my ex, but I just miss the feeling of chasing after a girl, and the small moments we enjoyed together. I'm not sure if I'm just bored with my life, or if I'm lonely, but I want something to change.  

For anyone who bothered to even so as much as read this, thank you 

[Nikky]

You have a long post so I just edited it to your name. But anywho, I'm kinda like your ex as in I don't really open up to people about what's going on. From my own perspective, something did happen, she needed you, wanted you to call, but she didn't want to 'pester or bother you', so she never let you know. She maybe even wanted to be strong enough to handle it on her own, but obviously really couldn't. She was just hurting and that's why she broke things off with you. A part of the 'healing process' is grief, sadness, anger, yada yada. I think she hit the anger part and that's when she tossed you away.

You can, obviously, try to talk to her, get her to tell you what had happened. Let her know that it's still hurting you because you still care so much for her and you hate the fact that you weren't there for her. But don't have high hopes. In my own experience, it's still something that I'm working on and only those who are extremely close to me I tell things to, but it's difficult. Sometimes I have to sit there for a few minutes until I have the strength to do so. So have a lot of patience, but don't pressure her. And try to get your own closure.

[Guest Milica]

I'm not sure whether I'm getting chased or whether I'm supposed to be chasing, or what is happening.

I met this girl the other day and we really hit it off, but I wasn't looking for a gf so I didn't go any further. A few days later though I met her at Starbucks for a quick drink which ended up turning into a 3 hour stay. We talked the whole time and she showed HEAPS of interest in everything I said, even though it was just stupid stuff like talking about my pets.

At the end of that, because it was getting late, I suggested we go home, but she was visibly disappointed so I agreed to go have dinner with her. 

When we got home from that dinner I got the "thanks for today I had heaps of fun!" message you usually expect from a date, not dinner between 2 new friends. She also invited me to this dinner a few days later where it would be a married couple, her and me.

At that dinner though, the girl didn't show any interest at first, though. She didn't even say hi to me when she arrived. When a random mutual friend walked in on the 4 of us having dinner together, though, he asked if I was the girl's bf and she didn't say anything. I said no really quickly because I was afraid it was going to get awkward if we both paused and there was an awkward silence.

When I walked her to her bus stop after dinner, as I done every other time we had met, she found her bus really quickly and obviously wanted to get out of there really quickly. When I messaged her to see if she had any time to meet up later in that week, though, she said that she was busy and we wouldn't be able to meet up at all. Short and abrupt.

It was really short in between our second meeting where i think she was really interested in me and our 3rd meeting where she seemed to want to avoid me, and nothing happened in that time, so I don't understand the mood change at all. If she's trying to get me to chase her though, wouldn't it make more sense to leave open an opportunity to meet again soonish?

Well, if this girl is anything like me, she probably realized that she liked you and started to feel shy. I get like this all the time. I have no trouble talking to some guys and as soon as I realize I like them, I just clamp up and feel nervous because I'm afraid I'll say something stupid and ruin my changes. Sometimes it's better to talk one-on-one so there's no one else to talk to, so I force myself to talk to the guy I like.

[Guest GeeDragon]

I couldn't find the male thread so I'll try asking here. I'm a girl first of all lol. So my crush asked me to prom and we started texting and stuff. I didn't really talk to him before so it made it a bit difficult for me to text him since we didn't know each other well. I thought it would be okay to text him if he could help out my friend, because she wanted to go to prom with one of his friends. Now I feel like I really annoyed him and probably made him think of reconsidering or having him regret his decision. He responded to everything I said, but I really feel that I annoyed him especially when this is the first time I texted him. I get nervous at these things and panicked so I asked him about his friend. How should I fix it? What do you guys think? Should he be mad? and also because I only just started talking to him, how should I approach him tomorrow since I have a class with him?