Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[angelxglo]

Okay well, we had a long talk today, and she ended up saying she wants to be with me, without the commitment.

Now, I'm not that stupid, and I know what that leads to, but the killer is that she wants to be single, y'know, go out, party and meet new people, and yet still come home and have me there with her. She said she wants nobody but me, but wants the life of a single person.

Supposedly she promised me that she'll come back to me, that she just needs time to do be single. And just so y'know, I haven't agreed to any of this yet. 'Cause I don't even know if that's possible, to be in a non committed relationship.

I feel that she's still just using me as a happy stick. As long as I'm there, she's happy. That kind of stick. I don't know what's good for me, BECAUSE she DID say she'll come back to me, but I do know if something does happen (she meets someone new, basically), I'm ready for it.

Now my questions are...

(1) How can two be in a non committed relationship that involves everything BUT sex?

(2) What's the difference between a non committed relationship that involves everything BUT sex and a FWB (benefits don't include sex, but everything else) relationship?

lols, this girl got yu wrapped around her finger. yu are whipped.

1) such relationships do happen. this type of relationship usually involves one benefactor and one *i forgot the word for it in english. but in manderine is kai zi, like yu keep giving and giving and recieved nothing. being used is probably a better term for it*

2) there is no non commited relationships. non commited relationship= no relationship at all. its like fwb, but fwb usually include sex. lols.

in yur case, if yu agree to be her.. man, i dunt even noe what yu are to her! do yu noe wat yu are to her?

watever yu are to her, yu get nothing in return other than being her back up.

yu need to snap out of it.

be real. she's playing yu and yur letting her play yu. and yu noe yur being played too. i can tell yu noe.

i dunt even noe why yu stressing.

just confront her.

if yu guys can be friends afterwards then great. maybe someday it'll work out.

if it dunt, o wells. its not like she's worth it anyways.

[Guest onesh0t]

so here's everything in a nutshell...

There's this girl i've known for a few years and i've kinda started talking to her recently again. I USED to like her back in the highschool days, but that was a few years back. I started talking to her recently, due to us just meeting at places. Friend's houses, parties, etc. Then just a little over a week ago, one of my best friends had his bday party and he told everyone to try and bring dates, so i asked her to go with me and she said yeah. It was a formal party and so i talked to her about it and just a few days after asking her, we ended up going out the entire day pretty much. We went shopping for a dress for her and for me to get something similiar to match, since she wanted to match to the party. The party was a blast, sent her home (she has strict parents and she gave her parents my number), etc. As the days passed, we kinda talked and texted each other here and there. A small christmas party happened, and i was late to it. I was being harrassed by friends to come, and eventually she ends up calling me like twice to come since she couldnt stay long. When i got there, i find out that she told her parents that she went out with me and with her strict parents i eventually get a call. After a few games, it was time for her to go and I ended up sending her home. On the way to her house i asked her out to the movies which was suppose to happen this pass saturday, but the next day i canceled on her since i remember that that saturday i was going on a ski trip with my brothers. She said ok, and so we were suppose to go today, but i never called her to go...and at the same time she never called me...hahaha.

but yeah...as for how i feel, I dont have the "lovey-dovey" type feeling that clouds judgement. Im not heads over heels...nothing like that. At the same time, i do enjoy her company. More of a friendly enjoyment. Like the drives with her and the day we went shopping was fun, i definitely enjoyed it a lot.

so as for my questions...

- since i'm not really "in love" with her, should i keep seeing her?

- From that info, you gals have ANY clue to how she "might" feel towards me?

- how long will i be single? T-T (hahahha, i'm just kidding with that one)

[Guest xblush]

^ sureee. keep seeing her. you both enjoy each other's company! even though you're not really "in love" with her, you can still start off as friends. feelings might grow as you get to know each other more. from what you're saying, it seems like she enjoys going out with you. and she's comfortable with you too. I mean, she gave your number to her parents! I wouldn't give a random guy's number to my parents... unless I was totally comfortable with him. and it seems like her parents trust you too. thats good (:

just continue going out as friends, get to know each other, and see where things will lead off to. ^^

[Guest Xiaoba1tu]

^ she seems like she does like you.. or else she would have rejected you by now..

I guess it's up to you and how you feel towards her and when you go out together.. so I think there's nothing wrong with you continuing to 'see' her.. as long as both of you are comfortable with everything and it goes smoothly and slowly. (esp. with the strict parents).

I mean, she gave your number to her parents! I wouldn't give a random guy's number to my parents

Um.. giving out a guy's number to the parents for me, it means just an extra contact number if they can't get through to their daughter.. My mum asks for all of my friends' numbers when I go out.. (girls & guys)

[Guest onesh0t]

thanks ladies.

but yeah, i was surprised as heck too when she told me that she told her parents she went out with me. I mean because i didnt arrive till about an hour later and if her parents called before i got there (which luckily they didnt) i wouldnt of known what to do if they asked for her. So after she told me that, i teased her about it by telling her, "that one day you're gonna get me into trouble."

So yeah, i guess i'll keep seeing her and see if anything developes. Thanks again. =D

[nartmeil]

I really need advice. I'm a male and i've never experienced an intimate relationship with a female. I lack social skills.

<--- short background.

Year 1

So I've met this girl in year 1. She really is an attractive girl and naturally had a boyfriend. So i tried to see her as a person I just know (or little sister). During year 1 I enjoyed her company. I think she enjoyed mine too. She is giving me compliments like: you're really smart, you've a really nice nose in front of her friends , etc and teases me. Sometimes I notice her looking at me with calm and dreamy eyes without saying anything, just staring. It happened that more girls tend to do this to me, but some guys tend to do this to me too . So i usually try to ignore it.

Don't do these things to me. You've a boyfriend for crying oud loud. I still ended liking her just before summer holiday....

Year 2

Summer holiday was over. She broke up with her boyfriend and had a new boyfriend. Her best male friend. I didn't had contcact with her during the holiday. Because i'm still socially retarded. I was quite weirded out and maybe a little bit jealous. She and her boyfriend even asked me if i liked a girl. So mean I still liked you.

I realized there was no reason for me to be jealous. I still enjoyed her presence, meaning she's still doing those things she did in year 1 to me =_______=. The only difference is, I know her boyfriend and he is a nice guy (pretty goodlooking too, many girls liked him).

At some time her boyfriend wanted to hook me up with a friend and roommate of hers. She refused the idea to her boyfriend . They thought i didnt hear the conversation, because i pretendend not to hear it. Did I already mentioned i was weird =___=?

I stopped liking her because i started to notice another girl, (another story). Summer holiday started and as usual i lose contact.

Suddenly she called me out of nowhere to invite me to another's guys birthdayparty. She's paying a lots of attention to me. A lot more than usual. She even handed my coat to me while holding intense eyecontact. I was paralyzed. I didn't knew she already broke up with her boyfriend.

Year 3 is now

It feels like many things are changed. I mean the relationships between their circle of friends,including the boyfriend of year 2. I dont know how to act when i'm with her. Sometimes i try to avoid her and at other times i start t crack random jokes to make her laugh. Maybe subconsciously trying to impress her???? I thought I liked another girl .

At one day she was mad at me, or irritated with me. She told me I ignored her on MSN. OW my god. . Now i'm really acting weird when i'm with her.

So i'm planning to become officially a friend to her. You know, while shaking hands saying: from now on we are officially friends. No more confusion and if there is a problem i dont feel restricted to talk about it.

She never labled me as a brother, she even labled her boyfriend of year 2 a brother in front of me.

All i know is that she (cares a little?) for me of has a small soft spot for me. But does this mean she wants more from me? I mean, we aren't even friends?. What do you people think I should do?

Thnx for reading and pretty please dont mind the bad English.

[Guest c i e l`]

^ I don't know what she is thinking...haha but I guess that you're a big brother to her?

Well don't try to avoid her and all...Just be natural around her, well around everyone just be yourself.

Don't try to hide your opinion too much.

Personnally, I think that she cares about you as a friend or even a very close one? (I actually do that to my guys friend a lot)

If you already talked a lot with her, and know a lot of thing about her then she must think about you as a close friend ^^

Don't think to much about it...^^ let it be hehe

Hope I helped you >< even a little

<3

[nartmeil]

^It helps. She never starts talking to me about her personnel problems and matters. Do I Have to ask watsup? I think It can pretty rude and annoying. We've known eachother for 3 years but still know almost nothing about oneanother =____=. Why can't she be more open? I really like giving advice and solving problems. Even though I'm bad at it . Do i have to start talking about my personnel stuff first? I'm really bad at it and I hate it. I'd rather talk about random things.

[Guest manlytoe]

ok. so i'm a girl too, but i can't seem to understand this so you tell me.. lol...

i have these two friends. one called sushi and one called wasabi. and a guy called rice. (i know funnie names eh? i'm hungry right now) anyways... oh and then there's me.

rice is really good looking dresses freakin fobby looks so korean. sushi is average looking people say she looks japanese-ish and chinese-ish. wasabi is average looking as well, but has big eyes.

and i'm so sorry if it's crazy long!

sushi has a class with rice and both begin to kinda look at each other and say hi.

sushi is thinking if she should tell wasabi, her good friend about rice.

but she knows that wasabi is the type that once you mention about a very good looking guy she will get into him and want to see and know him.

so sushi is like since wasabi and i are good friends i should tell her.

so sushi does. wasabi begins stalking rice, but rice doesn't know and sushi begins to notice that wasabi is stalking rice and sushi confronts wasabi. as sushi is confronting wasabi, rice walks by waves hi and smiles at sushi, then wasabi says "i think he likes you sushi" sushi blushes and says "no, we just have a class together" and as rice walks off, wasabi chases after him jokingly and sushi gets all freaked out. sushi gets this feeling that wasabi likes rice, but wishes that it isn't true. oh and the confronting doesn't happen because rice interrupts with his wonderful wave and smile.

yes, sushi is in denial of liking him and wasabi knows it.

wasabi talks about how rice is so good looking and that she wants rice, but rice matches sushi more so sushi should have him, but sushi is unsure of her feelings and she barely knows rice. wasabi talks about rice everyday and yes, sushi is getting jealous. sushi tells me about her feelings and what to do. days later, wasabi tells me about her feelings too. so what should i do? rice knows nothing of this. and rice only knows sushi. what to do?

we know that both like rice. and rice has no clue about this. but seems like rice likes sushi. you can tell he looks at sushi all the time and smiles at her all the time they both see each other. wasabi is always noticing this and whenever rice looks over to sushi, wasabi looks at rice to make him notice her, but he doesn't.

both sushi and wasabi like rice. but wasabi is kinda creepy in that way that she stalks the guys she likes. should i confront wasabi? or should i not get involved? i don't know what to do because both are my friends and if i get involved i'm afraid i could lose both. what do you think of sushi? wasabi? and rice? i need opinions, ideas and brains.. hahah. thanks!

[Guest pencil_geeks*]

if she has labeled you as a brother than your chances of being with her are all gone.

that's weird going out with someone who you think is like family to you..

there's also the fear of losing that person that's why girls preferably don't chose to go out with their "brothers". ruining the friendship and what not.

that's imo.

but, i really don't know what she's thinking. ever tried telling her what you think of her or telling her how you feel?

[Guest c i e l`]

ok. so i'm a girl too, but i can't seem to understand this so you tell me.. lol...

i have these two friends. one called sushi and one called wasabi. and a guy called rice. (i know funnie names eh? i'm hungry right now) anyways... oh and then there's me.

rice is really good looking dresses freakin fobby looks so korean. sushi is average looking people say she looks japanese-ish and chinese-ish. wasabi is average looking as well, but has big eyes.

and i'm so sorry if it's crazy long!

sushi has a class with rice and both begin to kinda look at each other and say hi.

sushi is thinking if she should tell wasabi, her good friend about rice.

but she knows that wasabi is the type that once you mention about a very good looking guy she will get into him and want to see and know him.

so sushi is like since wasabi and i are good friends i should tell her.

so sushi does. wasabi begins stalking rice, but rice doesn't know and sushi begins to notice that wasabi is stalking rice and sushi confronts wasabi. as sushi is confronting wasabi, rice walks by waves hi and smiles at sushi, then wasabi says "i think he likes you sushi" sushi blushes and says "no, we just have a class together" and as rice walks off, wasabi chases after him jokingly and sushi gets all freaked out. sushi gets this feeling that wasabi likes rice, but wishes that it isn't true. oh and the confronting doesn't happen because rice interrupts with his wonderful wave and smile.

yes, sushi is in denial of liking him and wasabi knows it.

wasabi talks about how rice is so good looking and that she wants rice, but rice matches sushi more so sushi should have him, but sushi is unsure of her feelings and she barely knows rice. wasabi talks about rice everyday and yes, sushi is getting jealous. sushi tells me about her feelings and what to do. days later, wasabi tells me about her feelings too. so what should i do? rice knows nothing of this. and rice only knows sushi. what to do?

we know that both like rice. and rice has no clue about this. but seems like rice likes sushi. you can tell he looks at sushi all the time and smiles at her all the time they both see each other. wasabi is always noticing this and whenever rice looks over to sushi, wasabi looks at rice to make him notice her, but he doesn't.

both sushi and wasabi like rice. but wasabi is kinda creepy in that way that she stalks the guys she likes. should i confront wasabi? or should i not get involved? i don't know what to do because both are my friends and if i get involved i'm afraid i could lose both. what do you think of sushi? wasabi? and rice? i need opinions, ideas and brains.. hahah. thanks!

Well, it isn't that good to be involved in this kind of thing because well there's consequence. If I was you I won't try to help any of them because it's their life. And if anything goes wrong, they'll be very mad at you I think. Even if you want to help them you can't do a lot...just listen to what they tell you and stuff ^^ be there for both of them.

I personally think that wasabi shouldn't be like that. She shouldn't stalk the guys she likes, and if rice really likes sushi or is really interested in her she doesn't have to do anything just give up and forget. It's just going to break their friendship...I don't think anything about rice since he didn't do anything wrong right? And for sushi hm... well if she really likes rice then she shouldn't give up and give it a try ^^

I was in this situation before except that I was sushi...

-------

nartmeil -> Hm well since I think you should try to be like a big brother to her, talk about random things ^^ if she's down comfort her. Maybe you should talk a bit about youself, perhaps she'll talk about her life too and so on ^^

Just talk ^^ it'll help you to be more open. And well maybe she doesn't like to talk about herself much,,, just wait and talk =] be there for her as a friend and I think everything will be alright =D

[nartmeil]

I wish she labled me as a brother. Someone even mentioned to her how good she and her ex (boyfriend year 2) look as a couple. She said bluntly to us: No way, more like brother and sister. She never said it to me. It makes things less complicated if she did. Or if she just get another boyfriend. So I can act accordingly.

I'ts not like I want a relationship with her. I just want everything to be normal. Difficult to explain.

I'm planning to ask her how she views me and after that asking to be an official friends. It makes talking easier. After this i might tell her i how felt and just become a friend from now on.

[Guest &gravity.]

Thanks so much. Would it be a good idea to confront her about this IF I still want to hang out with her? Just straight out ask her, "you're just keeping me around til someone better comes around huh?" (I'm in a kind of a "Reap the benefits before everything goes to hell" thing at this point between the girl and i haha)

Yes, it would be a good idea to just ask her straight out like that. Most girls tend to hate it when guys are straight foward -- but you will never know until you ask. I hope all goes well for you.

[Guest c i e l`]

I wish she labled me as a brother. Someone even mentioned to her how good she and her ex (boyfriend year 2) look as a couple. She said bluntly to us: No way, more like brother and sister. She never said it to me. It makes things less complicated if she did. Or if she just get another boyfriend. So I can act accordingly.

I'ts not like I want a relationship with her. I just want everything to be normal. Difficult to explain.

I'm planning to ask her how she views me and after that asking to be an official friends. It makes talking easier. After this i might tell her i how felt and just become a friend from now on.

That's a good thing ^^ just go for it =]

Hope it will go well for you

Hwaiting ~ ^^

[nartmeil]

Thnx for the advice y'all. Hopefully I get to meet her at friday. I think I'll update till then.

[angelxglo]

ok. so i'm a girl too, but i can't seem to understand this so you tell me.. lol...

i have these two friends. one called sushi and one called wasabi. and a guy called rice. (i know funnie names eh? i'm hungry right now) anyways... oh and then there's me.

rice is really good looking dresses freakin fobby looks so korean. sushi is average looking people say she looks japanese-ish and chinese-ish. wasabi is average looking as well, but has big eyes.

and i'm so sorry if it's crazy long!

sushi has a class with rice and both begin to kinda look at each other and say hi.

sushi is thinking if she should tell wasabi, her good friend about rice.

but she knows that wasabi is the type that once you mention about a very good looking guy she will get into him and want to see and know him.

so sushi is like since wasabi and i are good friends i should tell her.

so sushi does. wasabi begins stalking rice, but rice doesn't know and sushi begins to notice that wasabi is stalking rice and sushi confronts wasabi. as sushi is confronting wasabi, rice walks by waves hi and smiles at sushi, then wasabi says "i think he likes you sushi" sushi blushes and says "no, we just have a class together" and as rice walks off, wasabi chases after him jokingly and sushi gets all freaked out. sushi gets this feeling that wasabi likes rice, but wishes that it isn't true. oh and the confronting doesn't happen because rice interrupts with his wonderful wave and smile.

yes, sushi is in denial of liking him and wasabi knows it.

wasabi talks about how rice is so good looking and that she wants rice, but rice matches sushi more so sushi should have him, but sushi is unsure of her feelings and she barely knows rice. wasabi talks about rice everyday and yes, sushi is getting jealous. sushi tells me about her feelings and what to do. days later, wasabi tells me about her feelings too. so what should i do? rice knows nothing of this. and rice only knows sushi. what to do?

we know that both like rice. and rice has no clue about this. but seems like rice likes sushi. you can tell he looks at sushi all the time and smiles at her all the time they both see each other. wasabi is always noticing this and whenever rice looks over to sushi, wasabi looks at rice to make him notice her, but he doesn't.

both sushi and wasabi like rice. but wasabi is kinda creepy in that way that she stalks the guys she likes. should i confront wasabi? or should i not get involved? i don't know what to do because both are my friends and if i get involved i'm afraid i could lose both. what do you think of sushi? wasabi? and rice? i need opinions, ideas and brains.. hahah. thanks!

in my opinon, wasabi isn't a good friend.

if she noes that sushi likes rice boy from the start then wasabi shouldnt be all up in rice boy in the first place.

and sushi needs to confront wasabi and be like "thats my rice boy! step away."

yu need to just step away cuz its their battle and yu have nothing to do wid it. cuz if yu side wid one person then the other is gonna get mad yu and vise versa.

it seems that rice boy is interested in sushi so sushi should just make a move unless she wants wasabi to take her rice boy.

i will keep a very close eye on wasabi in the future if i was sushi. lols.

[Guest Xiaoba1tu]

^It helps. She never starts talking to me about her personnel problems and matters. Do I Have to ask watsup? I think It can pretty rude and annoying. We've known eachother for 3 years but still know almost nothing about oneanother =____=. Why can't she be more open? I really like giving advice and solving problems. Even though I'm bad at it . Do i have to start talking about my personnel stuff first? I'm really bad at it and I hate it. I'd rather talk about random things.

I think there's no need to talk about your personal things to her.. some girls may take awhile to 'open up' so I guess maybe she's not ready to go that one step further when it comes to being more than friends..

Feel free to talk about random things.. random things still allow you to find out more about each other..

''She never starts talking to me about her personnel problems and matters'' <- I don't think anyone does that unless they are very close and feels like they can trust them..

After 3 years and you still feel like you don't know her..<- that's alright, it takes time..

But maybe after all these mixed signals you've recieved from her were misinterpreted as hints that she likes you in that way, it could be that she sees you as a friend/brother for now..

Take it slow.. it may take you guys more than 3 years to know each other but its worth it right..

Has she told you she likes you more than a friend ??

The worst case that may come by- is probably can be mutual friends... and eventually lose ur obsession over this girl.. there are plenty more and you said you liked another girl too..

And if you're still young.. study first.. !! kidding !! haha

[nartmeil]

^"Has she told you she likes you more than a friend ??"

No. She never even told me that I'm a friend. Yet i know she cares for me a little. She never told me this either.

- She likes helping me. Never complains if i'm asking something. Never says no. But I don't ask a lot.

- She asks me to hang out. I never do. =_________=

- Some dudes were trying to do a prank on me while I was asleep. She was trying to stop them. They still did it though =____=, drawing stuff on my face. I heard she washed my face after. I've never thanked her though X_X.

- Her Ex boyfriend tried to hook me up with her roommate and friend, a nice girl. She seriously refused this idea to her ex boyfriend. Don't know why exactly. Could mean a lots of things. That girl deserves better or I deserve better or we just dont match or she wants me to be single. I always thought girls like to hook up people together.

So... Basically I don't know what I am to this girl. I'm determined to ask this. :tongue2:

[Guest Xiaoba1tu]

She was trying to stop them.

I heard she washed my face after.

I've never thanked her though X_X.

She might just be feeling sorry for you.. and not want you to be made fun of by other guys.. doesn't necessarily mean she likes you..

Well, if you haven't asked her to hang out.. there's no way she will know or get a hint that you like her..

how often do you keep in contact with her ?? cos if its only occasionally (once every few months) she could be getting the idea that you aren't interested.. in that way.

[Guest truexskills]

hey

so ive been having trouble with this one girl..and i was wondering if you guys could offer some advice

so theres this girl and basically shes really pretty and a lot of guys thiknk shes good looking as well

and we've been friends for around 4 years now..and over the past year or so ive been talking to her a lot more than i used to..and i feel like im starting to like her, but im not sure because i dont feel like im getting any interest back..so i keep thinking that it might just be a lost cause...

we talk pretty often, me initiating the conversations more than she does (most of the time actually)..and we joke around with each other..being both mean and nice to each other..and often we're all like "i love you <3" and "haha jk<3" and just play like that..and sometimes i think i mistake it for her actually having some sort of interest in me..

and she says stuff like oh lets chillll and idk..i think its sorta like "im asying lets chill, but not really" but anyway we do end up hanging out seeing each other when we can..i was just at a party with her on new years eve and we hung out, joked with each other, did stuff a couple of our friends saw as "flirting"

but the thing is, i think shes just one of those genuinely joking, nice, flirty girls and that she doesnt actually see anything in me except anything but as a friend..

is it a lost cause...? or if there may be the slightest possibility..how can i really make myself stand out to her?