Short Joke Thread

[Guest Joanne <3]

These made me laugh to myself in front of the computer. No wonder I got strange looks... ^^

-Three guys had one wish each. For the wish to come true they had to jump from a ledge and yell out what they wanted and they would land in it.

The first jumped off yelled gold. He landed in a pile of gold.

The second jumped off and yelled cash. He landed in a pile of cash.

The third ran and was about to jump when he slipped off the ledge... SH*************t.

I've heard this before, but that just made me LOL.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

A little boy jumped into a puddle of mud.

Want to hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the girl next doors.

Hahahahaha, that was a good one. XD

hmmph i've got one too, so

a guy is talking to a long-distance telephone operator.

guy : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAIPEI AND LAS VEGAS ?"

Operator : "JUST A MINUTE..."

guy : "THANK YOU ", and puts down the phone.

Lol! Loser.

A man went fishing and caught a fish in the dam.

When he came home for dinner that night, he said to his wife,

"Please pass the dam fish, honey."

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad! Pass the f***king potatoes."

That was hilarious!

[Guest Jesszic@]

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.” She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to “don't walk.” So she stopped.

wth! xD

Thats a good one. haha.

Why did Trigger look into the toilet

>>becuz he was looking for POOh

teehee. this is ftw! xD

This isn't really a joke but it's too short for a new topic:

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.

Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.

Ugly: You're in them.

damn. that sucks. xD

[Guest aiwae]

"I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, like they're supposed to be."

Psyc joke tehe, from Reader's Digest

[Guest LacedOut]

fdsfdsffds

[Guest iLikeCheese]

haha this one is kinda dirty, well not really

what kind of bee makes milk?

BOO-BEES

[Guest JambaJuice]

Did you see the movie 'Constipation?'

NO! Cause it never came out!

;]

[Guest love_fate&destiny]

Let me tell you how you can tell nice people from mean people.

CROSS THE ROAD.

If they stop to let you cross, then they are nice.

If they run you over, they are not nice.

----------

okay, if you think logically, (cause my LOGICAL sister brought this up )

they HAVE to stop if they don't wanna go to jail...

okay, i know but hey? who cares...this was funny....

and guess what? I made it up. LOL.

[Guest Xiaoba1tu]

"10 commandments of being a teenager:

1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are sleeping (why wait?)

2. Thou shall not do drugs (alcohol lasts longer)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism (destruction has a bigger effect)

5. Thou shall not steal from their parents (everyone knows Grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights (start them)

7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has better food)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex (like Nike says... just do it)

10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street (leave them in the middle)"

--

You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate.

--

Two people are sitting at a bar drinking, one of them turns to the other and says

"You arent irish by any chance are you?"

"Why yes I am",replied the other man

"Fancy that! Where abouts in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin"

"Cor! Me 2"

"Really, where did you graduate?"

"St Marys"

"Me too!! What year?"

"1986"

"Oh my God! So did i!"

The bar man sighed "Its going to be a long night... The O Malley twins are drunk again."

[Guest ephemeral.]

This isn't really a joke but it's too short for a new topic:

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.

Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.

Ugly: You're in them.

LMFAO. EWW.

haha this one is kinda dirty, well not really

what kind of bee makes milk?

BOO-BEES

LOL. I'm so immature.

Did you see the movie 'Constipation?'

NO! Cause it never came out!

;]

ROFL. Good one.

[Guest why.so.serious]

not so much a joke,but my friend saw it on some guy's bumper sticker and we thought it was kinda funny... lol

i suffer from CRS.

cant remember mini cooper

[Guest Xiaoba1tu]

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

--

The brunette asked the blonde why there were bullet holes in the mirror. The blonde replied, "because I tried to commit suicide...it didn't work".

[KTHubbybunch]

A tall man in a crowded elevator was complaining,

"All I can smell is perfume, shampoos, hair tonic, creams, gels & dandruff! It's Terrible!!

A voice from way down below said, "What about me?...... I'm a Midget!"

[Guest photo.ollie]

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

She was trying to make up her mind!

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.” She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to “don't walk.” So she stopped.

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

[Guest Myako]

Why did the New Yorker sleep underneath an oil truck?

So he can wake up oily!

I LOLed so hard when I first heard it.

[KTHubbybunch]

A kid by chance peeps into his parents' bedroom & is shocked at what he sees...

he shouts at his mom:

"AND YOU SCOLD ME FOR JUST SUCKING MY THUMB!?!" >0<

[krstnellne]

A man walked into a bar.

Ouch.

[Guest petiiil]

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

She was trying to make up her mind!

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.” She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to “don't walk.” So she stopped.

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

hahaha i love blonde jokes XD

[Guest ja_kk]

Geography or History?

Once some burglars broke out in the bank, one of them pointing the gun to the cashier said, "Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!"

The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say 'HISTORY.'"

The burglar answered, "Don't change the subject."

Oh my gosh lol I really love that one!

[Guest neville_longbottom10]

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

She was trying to make up her mind!

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.” She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to “don't walk.” So she stopped.

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."

The librarian replies, "This is a library."

So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

for some reason, i was laughing hard at these jokes, even though usually i dont find them funny

[Guest selvaspeedy]

-Three guys had one wish each. For the wish to come true they had to jump from a ledge and yell out what they wanted and they would land in it.

The first jumped off yelled gold. He landed in a pile of gold.

The second jumped off and yelled cash. He landed in a pile of cash.

The third ran and was about to jump when he slipped off the ledge... SH*************t.

ewwwwwwwwwwwww

this one is dirty

Why is a washing machine better than a one night stand?

Because the washing machine never follows you around after you put your load in and leave