Ask The Fellas

[nn_nn]

NinSharks

I know he can do better than how he is acting right now though, but he keep disappointed me. At first I thought it was because I "demands too much" or "is too high maintenance" by asking him to talk to me, text me, if he's busy then let me know so I won't have to wait and etc. However now not only he takes forever to text me back (half a day) he doesn't even call me and stuff when I asked him too. I have been patience and have been telling him what I don't like (but I don't want to always point out I don't like this, that about u Coz when I got into a relationship o like everything about him, not trying to change anything about him just want to encourage him to be a better version of himself) it will make him feel disappointed and be bored thinking I'm trying to change him. 

I don't want to keep on telling him what I don't like or like anymore. How can I get that message across to him to make both happy to stay in this relationship coz I feel like giving up on it right now??

[Guest Tofu_Cloud]

^if they are the same girl, then it really doesnt matter? but on time factor alone. the 25 yr old. thats an extra 10 years to spend time with!

​No cuz it;s different versions and areas, and problems. And you're 30... so it's not 10 extra years... and if anything women on average live 6-7 yrs more than men.

So for you, you age plays a factor, in this case you prefer younger girls even if their body isnt as nice as lets say the older person.

[Ninshark]

NinSharks

I know he can do better than how he is acting right now though, but he keep disappointed me. At first I thought it was because I "demands too much" or "is too high maintenance" by asking him to talk to me, text me, if he's busy then let me know so I won't have to wait and etc. However now not only he takes forever to text me back (half a day) he doesn't even call me and stuff when I asked him too. I have been patience and have been telling him what I don't like (but I don't want to always point out I don't like this, that about u Coz when I got into a relationship o like everything about him, not trying to change anything about him just want to encourage him to be a better version of himself) it will make him feel disappointed and be bored thinking I'm trying to change him. 

I don't want to keep on telling him what I don't like or like anymore. How can I get that message across to him to make both happy to stay in this relationship coz I feel like giving up on it right now??

​like I said, that's just his personality. He just is the type of person that doesn't take initiative to talk to anyone. Are there other people he hits up all the time instead of you? I'm pretty sure he's just like this, and it's just unfortunate that the person you fell in love with is not whom you wished he were. I know what you're thinking, you're wondering why he wouldn't talk to you if he cares about you or loves you. why would he not text you back immediately because supposedly he is thinking of you all the time. truth may be that he just doesn't do that, not everyone has to stay in constant contact why still caring about the other person. It may seem inexplicable, but you're only projecting your own fantasies and idealistic image onto your bf, who doesn't reflect who you would have wanted to be your perfect bf. (basically you found someone, he's not your type but you don't notice at first, then when you notice and find out he's not whom you were looking for, you still try in hopes he can be who you were looking for, and it doesn't work) That's why people date before getting married, to find out and try to work out all the incompatible parts that don't match what you had envisioned. It's just bad luck, that you ended up with him, and ended up falling in love as well, until you find out that this is the way he is, and he probably won't change because it's his personality.

I know it's frustrating though, because it seems so straightforward to you, he should be wanting to text you all the time and stuff, but he doesn't. If you ask him whether he should or not, of course he'll say yes because that's logical, it's the obvious thing to do. but in practice, he still fails, because he doesn't notice the times that he should be talking to you and before he realizes, the time passes and you're left disappointed again. It seems weird how he keeps getting obvious things wrong, but I always just think about math and how so many people are bad at it. all computational math up until linear algebra is totally straightforward, obvious, and really just common sense. it really is linking up concepts A to B then C. and do it fast. but why are people so bad at this? boggles my mind, but w/e, I have come to terms that people's brains (although they have the capacity) are just usually much too slow that even an obvious answer passes them by. is this what we call stupid? then in that case, your bf is stupid. You'll have to just get used to that if you want to keep him around.

[GiaGia]

So it was me and this other guy I know (but not that well) in the room with some other people. He started making some sounds like moaning?? Maybe he's laughing?? Do some guys have moaning laugh? What is this? I just thought it was funny.

[Sommelier]

I find it so annoying once a guy starts to tell me about what he does and well I just get bored really fast. Why are some guys so keen on talking about themselves especially about their job??

 

​Because there's a belief that girls care about this. Once people start getting out of college age, into their late twenties, thirties people start spending a lot of time at work - it becomes a part of their identity sometimes.  

I mean, it's not just a mere coincidence that the listed jobs women tend to find most attractive also on average are the high paying ones, right?

  

 

 

 

 

Edited May 23, 2015 by Sommelier

[odaesan]

So it was me and this other guy I know (but not that well) in the room with some other people. He started making some sounds like moaning?? Maybe he's laughing?? Do some guys have moaning laugh? What is this? I just thought it was funny.

​lol

I don't think that's right.

[zantac_2]

​No cuz it;s different versions and areas, and problems. And you're 30... so it's not 10 extra years... and if anything women on average live 6-7 yrs more than men.

So for you, you age plays a factor, in this case you prefer younger girls even if their body isnt as nice as lets say the older person.

​hmm...i mustve interpreted your question wrong then. as youve interpreted my response wrong.

[Guest severus]

​Because there's a belief that girls care about this. Once people start getting out of college age, into their late twenties, thirties people start spending a lot of time at work - it becomes a part of their identity sometimes.  

I mean, it's not just a mere coincidence that the listed jobs women tend to find most attractive also on average are the high paying ones, right?

  

 

 

 

 

​

1. Those poor engineers.

2. Chances are, less than 1/3 of your matches will like you, even if you're a doctor.

3. Might be the way people with different careers present themselves rather than their salaries... some engineers might make more than some guys in marketing or government or finance, but they might not be as conscious about appearance, which puts engineers at a disadvantage when it comes to dating. People in marketing or banking or politics know how to sell themselves like they're selling a deal or political agenda. 

4. Doctors would probably be just as attractive if they made as much as teachers. Being a doctor is like magically gaining four inches in height and two in length, 'cause you know, all those lives they save. 

[Guest HERMIT]

 

 

 

 

​

I had no idea that me being a HERMIT Recluse was even considered a "job".
Sure it ranks dead last at 15%, but I'm just surprised that I even registered on an attractiveness scale of any kind at all.

 

[Guest x0ny]

Oh good, chef isnt on that list. Keeps more from joining the herd and taking my game away.

[odaesan]

​Being a doctor is like magically gaining four inches in height and two in length

​Visceral fatness?

 

If you ever see the restrooms in an engineering college building, you'd walk away every time a guy says he's an engineer.

 

I had to run up to the computer science floor because it wasn't nearly as bad as the others.

[Sommelier]

 

​

I find it so annoying once a guy starts to tell me about what he does and well I just get bored really fast. Why are some guys so keen on talking about themselves especially about their job??

 

 

Severus,

Do you think that super awkward Chinese pop-star would be dating Vancouver Mayor Robertson, if Mayor Robertson was a 50+ year-old plumber or bus driver banking $60,000 a year?  

Edited May 26, 2015 by Sommelier

[Sommelier]

​

I find it so annoying once a guy starts to tell me about what he does and well I just get bored really fast. Why are some guys so keen on talking about themselves especially about their job??

 

​

Severus,

Do you think that super awkward Chinese pop-star would be dating Vancouver Mayor Robertson, if Mayor Robertson was a 50+ year-old plumber or bus driver banking $60,000 a year?  

[nn_nn]

Ninsharks

I understand that is his personality/ characteristics, but I am looking more into the effort (actions) rather than words.. Anyone can say anything to the other person, but if their consistency action shows otherwise then what they said are meaningless ...And by his actions, I can judge his words. He keep saying he misses me, wants to see me, loves me, should not do this or wants to take things slow but his actions is the complete opposite. I do like him, and I am not judging/based my decisions on the things I discover about him that I don't like. However I feel like he abused the fact that I am giving him chances to change. 

When we were at the "getting to know each other" stage, I learned a lot about him that I don't like but I am willing to stick around to motivate him to be a better version of himself. I like that he listens and the willingness to change, but certain stuff like matching his words with his actions is what I havnt seen improvement on. Lately it gotten worse, and we are only in it for slightly over a month. It suppose to be on the honeymoon stage, the happiest stage of the relationship, but i am not completely happy. At first I thought it was because I am too selfish or asking too much but is it wrong for me to ask for THAT much

[Ninshark]

Ninsharks

I understand that is his personality/ characteristics, but I am looking more into the effort (actions) rather than words.. Anyone can say anything to the other person, but if their consistency action shows otherwise then what they said are meaningless ...And by his actions, I can judge his words. He keep saying he misses me, wants to see me, loves me, should not do this or wants to take things slow but his actions is the complete opposite. I do like him, and I am not judging/based my decisions on the things I discover about him that I don't like. However I feel like he abused the fact that I am giving him chances to change. 

When we were at the "getting to know each other" stage, I learned a lot about him that I don't like but I am willing to stick around to motivate him to be a better version of himself. I like that he listens and the willingness to change, but certain stuff like matching his words with his actions is what I havnt seen improvement on. Lately it gotten worse, and we are only in it for slightly over a month. It suppose to be on the honeymoon stage, the happiest stage of the relationship, but i am not completely happy. At first I thought it was because I am too selfish or asking too much but is it wrong for me to ask for THAT much

​What I was trying to say that it's his personality not to do those actions. it's not in his personality to keep up those actions, worse yet, he probably doesn't even know how, or notice that he's not doing what you'd like him to do (until you tell him). and even if you keep reminding him, he might still not get it, because it's like telling a monkey to do math, the monkey knows you want him to do the problems, but he doesn't know how. maybe you can tell him straightforward that you want him to text you more, or ask him to check up on you a few times a day. Start with small steps and maybe he'll finally make that a habit. yeah, lame, I know, but can't really do much. As long as you have faith, you can keep hoping he'll change and keep trying to get him to change, but he probably won't, and if you ever get too tired, then it's time to break up.

I don't think you're selfish, I just think you guys are a bit incompatible and you guys both have very different expectations for each other and due to that, it's difficult to fulfill. I honestly don't think he's taking care of your needs, and you are noticing this. but instead of finding someone who will satisfy you, you like him so you stick around in hopes you two can make things right. Keep trying until you don't want to anymore.

[Sommelier]

Oh good, chef isnt on that list. Keeps more from joining the herd and taking my game away.

 

​The restaurant game be dirrty.  I worked at a restaurant in college.  Lots of in-dating, especially if it's a trendy, big one where the chefs/cooks are good and the waitresses hot.  

Makes sense.  You're with each other on weekends, working odd hours.  

Edited June 2, 2015 by Sommelier

[ReckLESS_]

What are the reasons to the guy not wanting to hookup after he says he's done with you?

[GiaGia]

@reckLESS_ I think he got bored and move on to another girl

[Guest x0ny]

1. found something new

2. bored of you/youre too much work

3. found something new

[GiaGia]

Do all guys just want easy girls when they're not thinking of settling down???