Ask The Fellas

[Guest coreancc]

ahh I have a question~~

My friend has a BF who REALLY likes her... like, in an abnormal sort of way actually. He bases his life around her and all his goals like going to school... working hard, making money is so he can have a good future with her and take care of her for life. The thing is.. she likes him, but she's starting to think its unhealthy for him and that he might regret it in the future. The thing is this guy is one of my best friends as well.. and he always the one to be really serious about love, he's told me before that when his GF's break up with him he goes into depression, quits school and sometimes tries to kill himself because his GF alway just use him for a little fun and when they are bored they dump him...:@ So then my friend who's dating him right now is really scared and doesn't know how to end it with him in a way where he won't go hurt himself of jeopardized his future by quitting school.... help? What would be the best way to break up with him?

First, if I knew this friend, I would tell him something like this... it's one thing to take love seriously, but it's another to make it the basis for you life. Being serious about commitment and taking care of your s/o is good, but there are two ways to go about it: 1) you can do it for their sake, or 2) you can do it for your sake (in other words, you are doing all this because of what this person is to you or does for you). Clearly, it's possible to do both at once, but without the majority of your actions being for #1, then you are in trouble. Even if the breakup never happens, you will ultimately become disappointed with this person that you've given everything to - because there is just no way they can satisfy everything you need. You have to be doing it for their sake, for their happiness. That way, if it becomes clear that their best interest is to no longer be with you, then you will ultimately be able to find a place of peace in the fact that you are doing what's best for the one you love by letting them go. Obviously going through a breakup is a very difficult thing, but when someone gets to the point of suicide and otherwise losing touch with reality, it becomes clear that they were driven far more by #2... The difference between #1 and #2 during a break is this: after the natural grieving, a #1 person starts to find comfort in knowing they did what was best for their loved one, while #2 finds themselves staring at the precipice of suicide. The reality is, no one can ever be everything for you. Oh, it may seem that way at first, but over time you will realize that they are imperfect and have their flaws like everyone else in the world. And if you "love" mostly for #2, then it isn't really love at all, but a selfish consumption of that other soul.

Second, maybe the best way is to confront this friend (possibly like the above paragraph). It may be you will turn a friend away from danger and bring him to a place where he himself is willing to step back from the relationship.

[Guest ihigh]

Okay! I want to ask my question^^

Hmm, back months ago a guy liked me, but I didn't repsonse it back, but now months later.. I start to falling in love with him. Everytime I texted him he usually texted really fast back, but now he doesn't even response my message and phone calls anymore.. he even ignored me. So what is he thinking and what should I do?

maybe he's moved on or maybe he's hurt =X so he doesn't wanna go back.

if u like him, then talk to him..maybe tell him u were scared back then =T wonder if he feels the same way.

stuff like this always happens[but seems to happens to the guy more imo]

i talk to this girl and fine out she almost her 30 year old now... when we talk.. she speak mad fast n shiet.. lol.. she say bye to me when we walk out to car...

what the chance me getting date with this girl...

deepnds on the chemistry, on how old u are, how much of an attraction she has towards you...alot of criteria into this...but hey i might be wrong! its been two weeks since ive posted advice ._.;;

[Guest watcher]

Hi Guys!

Have you ever fight with your father? Like giving a punch, how u felt later?

I´m mean, between brothers is normal, but when it comes do parents, is different

u punch ur dad?!

i rarely fight with my parents.

we argue, but i don't say much.

90% of the time, it's just them trying to prove they're right.

[Guest n4n45h1]

Okay! I want to ask my question^^

Hmm, back months ago a guy liked me, but I didn't repsonse it back, but now months later.. I start to falling in love with him. Everytime I texted him he usually texted really fast back, but now he doesn't even response my message and phone calls anymore.. he even ignored me. So what is he thinking and what should I do?

There are probably a few possibilities. He could be really busy right now and not have the time to further pursue a relationship, or he could be trying to avoid a confrontation with you because he is either already going out with another girl or he doesnt have much interest in you. Someone above said that they could be afraid of getting hurt, and thats possible, but to resolve that you should have a honest heart to heart with him.

Hi Guys!

Have you ever fight with your father? Like giving a punch, how u felt later?

I´m mean, between brothers is normal, but when it comes do parents, is different

One time, when i was still in middle school, i came back really late and my dad punched me, but i punched him back. It built up and he threw me onto the table and broke it, but i got on top of him and my mom and brothers pulled us apart. We both went to sleep afterwards. Surprisingly, there wasnt any tension the next day, and life went on. =P

[omgpaulina]

Okay so this is my first question, sorry if you guys already answered =/

1. What do you guys think of shy/quiet girls? D: haha simple question.

[Guest shirotaka]

Okay so this is my first question, sorry if you guys already answered =/

1. What do you guys think of shy/quiet girls? D: haha simple question.

Shy/quiet how? Like you talk and they don't respond, or they just sit in a corner by themselves kind of?

If they talk and don't respond, I'd think they had something go wrong in their life recently or just want to be left alone. If its in a corner by themselves, I'd take the initiative to go over there and talk to her. Maybe she just needs some company but isn't comfortable with getting out there.

[Guest -X-]

Okay so this is my first question, sorry if you guys already answered =/

1. What do you guys think of shy/quiet girls? D: haha simple question.

When a girl is shy and quiet, I tend to think that they are only like that because they need to warm up to a person. Once they are used to that person.. you'll see the fun side of them.

Personally I think that if a girl is shy and quiet, that just means she's not at the right maturity/confidence level. Which pretty much means they wouldn't be compatible to me. I think those type of girls are more compatible with the shy/quiet guy so that maybe they can grow to gain confidence together.

Okay! I want to ask my question^^

Hmm, back months ago a guy liked me, but I didn't repsonse it back, but now months later.. I start to falling in love with him. Everytime I texted him he usually texted really fast back, but now he doesn't even response my message and phone calls anymore.. he even ignored me. So what is he thinking and what should I do?

The biggest problem with this situation is that it was at one phase for too long. It's fun and cute to talk on the phone and message each other a lot, but if you only do that and not hang out really or do any other things together... it's stagnate. In the early parts of the flirting/dating game... stagnate is a terrible thing.

[omgpaulina]

Ohhh~ thanks for the answer xD

Well when I meant shy/quiet I meant she's just quiet & shy when you 1st see her, but around her friends she's crazyy, but that wouldn't make a difference..?

[Guest shirotaka]

Ohhh~ thanks for the answer xD

Well when I meant shy/quiet I meant she's just quiet & shy when you 1st see her, but around her friends she's crazyy, but that wouldn't make a difference..?

Makes a big difference, it can show many things. If the person is like crazy outgoing or sort of friendly like, then it means she hasn't had the confidence to get up and meet new people. It wouldn't mean that she keeps everything to herself.

[Guest rakae]

Sorry for intruding but I've skimmed through a couple of pages and I really think this topic is helpful. So thank you. I actually have a personal problem I sort of want an explanation for:

There was this guy I liked for a really long time and then a few months ago that he confessed saying he liked me all the way back then as well. Even before he confessed, we were always talking on the phone late at nights and he would always text me. We were pretty close as friends. I didn't demand anything from him but I did notice that he sort of put aside partying (he's really party) and hanging out with his friends to phone me early (knowing I was busy with work in the next morning). Then everything went good, our dates went perfectly and everything seemed fine. But then a month in I noticed his calls stopped, text stopped. Being a girl who likes to act slightly indifferent, I didn't do anything about it because I didn't want to impose too much of ME onto his life. Then the text came again. then the day after that he said we needed to talk and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't know if it's just me but when you hear something like "There's nothing wrong with you... I just thought it over and realize I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't want to be unfair to you" I thought it might have been another girl or something wrong with me or his feelings have changed. What does that really mean? All I know is that in the beginning his feelings were a lot stronger than mine. Even a few days after the breakup he heard I got drunk at some party and he texted me asking me what was wrong, if I was feeling better and that he was worried about me. But now we stopped talking.

I don't know what I should do. I still really like him but I don't want to talk to him (because I want to be selfish and I DON'T want to be just friends) but I also want to know what "I'm not ready" could mean. Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

[Guest ANJEE<3]

in general, is it safe to assume that a guy has a gf if when he's on the phone he's talking really softly and is smiling where as other times it's normal tone and not constantly smiling?

cause whenever my guy friends are on the phone with their gf or someone the like they talk more softly and smile more

yes this is completely a generalization and assumption but yeah... cause if i was talking to the guy i like or bf i would talk more softly and smile more too

i'm too scared to ask directly.. i've hinted before but when i mentioned "or if you want me to get you tickets to go with your friends...(slight pause) or GF.. i can help you too" he just kind of looked down and smiled.. which totally just CONFUSED ME EVEN MORE and just made me think that he knew what i was hinting at =P

so yeah.. basically, do GUYS/YOU in general smile and talk more softly to girls they/you like or your gf

cause if most say yes.. then it would be safe to assume that he does have a gf.. i'm aware that doing this doesn't mean anything concrete.. but still.. there is no way i can be direct =P

[Guest rachellee39]

you know how we always use 'pretty, cute, sweet' etc to compliment others?

well I got two unusual compliments recently from 2 guy friends. On 2 different occasions.

One guy friend said that I looked fantastic.

The other compliment was 'you look sleek'.

What do these compliments mean? Are there any connotations to them?

[Guest nonamebrand]

Hmm. It could actually be, quite possibly either: 1.) he likes her, 2.) he was bored & finds those sort of questions interesting. Particularly, "How far have you gone with a guy" leads me to believe that he may have just been asking her any saucy question that came to mind. That said, it's really extremely rude to ask that sort of question to anyone you've not spent a lot of time with. Well, even if you had, it's pretty rude. As dukyato mentioned, he seems to have sex on the mind one way or the other. I wouldn't commit myself to believing that either he likes her or that he doesn't just yet, see how things progress (if they do) from here.

i'm back!!!

ok.. so today was yearbook signing and I saw him at school. I asked him if he was busy later, he hesitaited a bit, smiled, and said most likely he was, but he'll call me later.

Then while i was laughing and joking arund with my guy friend... i saw him again. I was with two friends (guy and girl). I smiled at him..but he just looked at me with a really... stoney face.

After, he was with a friend, someone who i also knew so i went up to the person i knew and said "hi".... AND HE(the one that i like) TURNED AROUND AND JUST FACEDTHE OTHER WAY =_____= and a few minutes later he walks up to this girl that he is supposedly "seeing" and was smiling and talking.

nevertheless, he didn't call.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

should i just give up all hope...

[Guest ShortaznGirl]

what signal is my friend trying to send me? we are really flirty with each other. massaging each other, holding hands, and we just like to suddenly stare at each other and then laugh. i'm not sure if it is just really friendly flirting or if he likes me. what do u think?

[Guest ynxsarang]

theres this guy i like.

it USED TO BE a crush when i didn't know him that well but now we hang out a lot even outside of school which i really didnt think would happen but it did. Thing is, hes a HUUUUUUUUGE flirt, like most of his friends are girls. But, he flirts with me quite a bit more than some of his other girl friends. What can i assume right now?

[Guest rakae]

It could be these things, "I thought it might have been another girl or something wrong with me or his feelings have changed," but I would take him at his word. After a month he probably felt like the dating, calls, etc. was becoming a little too much for him and he got sort of commitment-phobic. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't still like you, ala the phonecall to make sure you were okay, but perhaps he just realized that he wasn't as ready for the things that go along with dating as he thought he was. I'd give him time and see if he has a change of heart.

Lie, thanks for answering . We haven't talked for a couple of weeks now and he's on vacation. Should I send a friendly text as a sign of friendship and that I sort of accept his apology or completely leave him alone?

[Guest misspiggy]

I made a post earlier about my coworker from my college library who asked me out to lunch (and his lab partner was present) to "get to know me better." He asked the general questions about another human being during break and half time (he took me to a sports bar). We never talked, only said "hi" about 2xs since i started working there for ~3 mos now. I also gave him a rabbit shaped stress ball (probably thinks i only gave it to him) as well as my co-workers but took it back when their shifts were over bc it was the wrong one from the inventory. Everyone thought it was stolen next day but when we were the only two outside, he was on the phone but he shouted over that he still had it and even named it (i joked that he should name it). I thought it was weird to lie about a petty object.

Anyway, a week passed and he ignores me. I can be right next to him and he doesn't say hi but seems all into this girl. [i never pinged him bc i think its the guys job] He found out my sn from someone and we can chat, and I know we're both busy but he doesn't ping me or never asked for my number. We coincidentally had lunch today and sat next to each other but I when sat at the end of my chair, you know that back part (the back supporter), yea, he leaned towards me and was resting his left arm on top of the back part. He was mostly talking to the other coworkers and rarley talked to me but when he talked about his life, he looked right into my eyes and more at me. Maybe its bc the other person know his life but the next person didn't. I dunno...so guys, don't you think if you're interested in a girl, you would do anything to get her attention? ask for her number? ping her? try to talk to her more? Any feed back (and lots of it) would be great! ^^ so is this what he wants?

[Guest lananhcali18]

Ok I really need help

If a guy keeps asking a girl out, and she put up excuse after excuse. will he understand on his own that she's not interesting but she's being nice about it...and quit asking?

THis guy kept wanting to take me out but I don't usually turn guy down so I act nice about it and just make up some excuses. Should I tell him straight up? I know it's not right but I really don't know how since he's um...pretty clingy (called me everyday, 2-3 times, days I don't pick up - he called 4-5 times). He asked me out like more than 5 times already.

Diff situation. Another guy asks me to go to the movie but I'm sick right now and i have allergy. I'm not really in a good shape and I like this guy so I want to look good. Should I just tell him about my allergy or just make up some other excuses? ugghh it's frustrating.

[Guest watcher]

Ok I really need help

If a guy keeps asking a girl out, and she put up excuse after excuse. will he understand on his own that she's not interesting but she's being nice about it...and quit asking?

THis guy kept wanting to take me out but I don't usually turn guy down so I act nice about it and just make up some excuses. Should I tell him straight up? I know it's not right but I really don't know how since he's um...pretty clingy (called me everyday, 2-3 times, days I don't pick up - he called 4-5 times). He asked me out like more than 5 times already.

Diff situation. Another guy asks me to go to the movie but I'm sick right now and i have allergy. I'm not really in a good shape and I like this guy so I want to look good. Should I just tell him about my allergy or just make up some other excuses? ugghh it's frustrating.

1. yea, tell him straight up. as long as there is no rejection, he will think he has more of a chance. if he's stubborn he will try even after the rejection, but in most cases, rejection is a signal to him to stop trying. [maybe 2 or 3 times will do]

2. just tell him the truth, and ask if he's willing to go on another day. take your medication and go the following weekend.

[Guest xlaura]

So I have this friend that lately (as in the past few months) I've been talking to more and we hang out on occasion. He calls/texts at least every other day and whenever we hang out he pays for everything. I never really thought much about it since we were just friends before. But since we've been seeing each other more I thought there could be something more? Until recently his friend I was talking to mentioned that my friend has a girlfriend. This was the first time I'd ever heard anything about it. So later I said to my friend, "_____ told me you had a girlfriend~" kind of jokingly and he hesitantly said "....yeeah......."

WWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY in the world would he do that?!? Am I just overreacting or do I have a right to be so angry at the fact that he's had a girlfriend all this time but continues to call/text/hang out with me all the time without EVER mentioning her?

sigh. any input would be great