Ask The Fellas

[Guest the_wronged</3]

Edit// Ah fail. Went on my friend's account ..lol

[Guest kitty_N]

nada nada nada here

[Guest absotively]

Andreas1: Haha I guess by itself it does seem a bit weird but it was because I told him I had a bit of a crush on him. Then I said I probably shouldn't have told him that though (its a long story) and he responded by saying, "if it means anything, I've had my eye on you for a while."

[Guest Andreas1]

Andreas1: Haha I guess by itself it does seem a bit weird but it was because I told him I had a bit of a crush on him. Then I said I probably shouldn't have told him that though (its a long story) and he responded by saying, "if it means anything, I've had my eye on you for a while."

lol..yea context helps. He's basically saying that he's had an interest in you for some time now. I have no idea how well you know each other so it's hard to say whether he is just going by looks or also personality. You can probably determine that answer pretty easily by analyzing your interaction together so far. Think about if you have had good conversations, shared some laughs etc... if not, then it's probably just physical attraction so far.

[Guest Andreas1]

We've been together for 3 years!!!  Whenever I try to talk about this, it is impossible b/c he doesn't believe anything I say.  It is just very frustrating.  So guys, as a girlfriend what can I do to make my bf feel more secure in himself?  I love him a lot and what attracted me to him in the first place was his confidence!  Funny, I guess he was just really good at faking confidence.  

There is so much more but I'll leave it at this for now, one step at a time.

Instead of mentioning your fantasy guy..just tell your bf that he looks good wearing certain clothes or with glasses or w/e.. totally spontaneous compliments can go a long way. It's gotta sound genuine. If that fails, you can keep attempting to have rational, calm discussions in order to get to the root of the problem together. If he isn't interested in working together to solve your problems logically then I dunno what to tell you. Maybe therapy can help.

[Guest]

hm... I never quite figured this one out.... Why do some guys pretend they don't care about you when they actually do? 

Like, when you tell them, "I missed you..."

They would respond with, "Oh good! .... "

(*silence)

if you are sure he is interested in you, it might not be a bad idea to simply ask him "why do u always act like ur not happy that i like you" etc. dont wait for it to build up and explode like 99% of girls do, just say it right there on the spot casually while it is still a question and not an argument...

What does it mean when a guy says he's had his eye on you? Does it mean he likes you or that he's noticed you and just finds you attractive or something?

out of context it sounds pretty sleezy, but that last post u put makes it seem like he is giving u a runner up prize... which means if nothing better comes along or the girl he is currently intersted in doesnt work out he may look towards you... because if he liked you, u'd have a date by now. so IF he likes u, and he responded in previously stated manner, it must mean he has higher priorities at the moment. possibly work, school, family, another woman, etc.

[Guest kitty_N]

Instead of mentioning your fantasy guy..just tell your bf that he looks good wearing certain clothes or with glasses or w/e.. totally spontaneous compliments can go a long way. It's gotta sound genuine. If that fails, you can keep attempting to have rational, calm discussions in order to get to the root of the problem together. If he isn't interested in working together to solve your problems logically then I dunno what to tell you. Maybe therapy can help.

Thanks Andreas1. I've though about therapy and have even suggested for us to have couples therapy but he is very against any sort of counseling. He doesn't like to talk about our problems to anyone and gets angry at me if I talk to anyone about our problems. Of course I do b/c I need a way to vent and to understand the situation from another pov. Sometimes I feel as though I cannot even speak honestly about my feelings to him anymore b/c he will disregard it or put me down (ex: I just started grad school for my MSW a month ago at SJSU. he basically says social work is easy and anyone can do it as well as SJSU must be super easy. It is as though he cannot let me be proud about something I'm doing. And he will use this against me many times.) I know he has a lot of personal issues that stem from his family and past relationships. I just don't know how to tell him I want him to get counseling. He will definitely blow up. At the same time, I'm just tired and drained from all this. Though I love him, its not enough for him to keep me around...

[Guest Andreas1]

Thanks Andreas1.  I've though about therapy and have even suggested for us to have couples therapy but he is very against any sort of counseling.  He doesn't like to talk about our problems to anyone and gets angry at me if I talk to anyone about our problems.  Of course I do b/c I need a way to vent and to understand the situation from another pov.  Sometimes I feel as though I cannot even speak honestly about my feelings to him anymore b/c he will disregard it or put me down (ex: I just started grad school for my MSW a month ago at SJSU.  he basically says social work is easy and anyone can do it as well as SJSU must be super easy.  It is as though he cannot let me be proud about something I'm doing. And he will use this against me many times.)  I know he has a lot of personal issues that stem from his family and past relationships.  I just don't know how to tell him I want him to get counseling. He will definitely blow up.  At the same time, I'm just tired and drained from all this.  Though I love him, its not enough for him to keep me around...

Well it sounds like you are at a crossroads in your relationship. It is serious since you are obviously not happy.. you have to express to him in a calm manner just how troubled you are feeling and where those feelings stem from. Letting bitterness and resentment fester will just create a miserable existence for you both. The air has to be cleared to move forward. If he doesn't care to work with you on your issues as a couple then you have your answer that maybe it's time to move on.

[Guest hunnietea]

Sooo...I want to confess to this one guy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know who I am. I'm not friends with him or anything. I think he knows that I like him, because my friend told him. TWICE. when I told her not to say anything. But he never did anything, so I'm assuming that he doesn't like me.

I really want to get over him because 

1. my crush on him has been almost a year and a half.

2. I can't help but notice him, and only him in the hallways. very distracting. 

3. he hangs out with a lot of "play boys" or whatever you call them, and I can't help but think he is one too. 

So I told myself I would get over him, but I can't. So I want to confess to him, hear the rejection and get over him. Problem is, I don't how I should confess, face to face? or facebook? or something else? 

Help a girl out?

[Guest xaler]

^ definitely not over facebook. talk to him face to face its more genuine. who knows he might like you too

[Guest HERMIT]

@ Kyouria:

The interesting thing about relationships is that no two are quite exactly the same and the makeup of the people involved in them are equally just as unique.

With that said, it's no surprise then that some couples need to go at their own pace - some just seem to develop faster than others and others conversely 'brew' over a long period of time. So I don't think that it's necessarily productive to really measure one's own relationship relative to another's in terms of how they are progressing. In the end, it ultimately boils down to really being how closely "on the same page" the partners are in their lives and how willing they are with being patient with the other if it turns out that there's actually a great divide. I think this is the particular situation you happen to be in. You are quite frankly "ready" but he is evidently not. And because he is older and a bit unsettled with his life, I think he's just being sincere in allowing you the freedom of choice to spread your wings and experience what's out there because he simply feels that he cannot be everything that he wants to be for you at the moment. He doesn't want you to have to wait indefinitely to get his act together, so to speak. So in reference to if it's safe to continue being patient, that decision is really entirely up to you. Nobody here knows what the true "risk/reward" valuation is that you place on this guy - so it's really only just our own value judgement that we are offering, and it might not necessarily apply. So I think the practical advice here is if you think he is personally worth the wait to you, then yes - be patient with him for however long it takes and however long you can withstand. If it turns out that you just can't wait on him any longer, just be sure that it's because it is due to it being on your own terms rather than, say, comparing it to what others have to say about it or how they are doing it in their own personal experiences. Just go with what your heart says and don't compromise on it. Because if you allow your actions to be influenced on what other people perceive, say, or think about your particular situation then you'll open yourself to potential regrets and feelings of "what if".

[Guest likelovers]

How would you feel if a girl said she was interested in you?

Consider the case that perhaps she didn't really grab your attention in the first place.  You guys know each other, but don't hang out together.

My guyfriend often says he wishes girls would just be straightforward and tell him that they're interested in him, rather than playing games or hinting at it then not doing anything about it.  He said if a girl were that upfront with him, he would give her a chance.

What about you?

[Guest Andreas1]

How would you feel if a girl said she was interested in you?

It mostly depends on whether or not I am attracted to her. If I felt like we could have some chemistry, then yes I would be happy to give it a shot. I am kind of particular about the type of girl I am attracted to, she has to have a degree of cuteness or I just wouldn't be interested personally. Some guys may be less shallow about that and simply go for it based on the girl's forward advance...and some may be taken aback. Different strokes for different folks.

[5880]

My guy friend often says he wishes attractive girls would just be straightforward and tell him that they're interested in him...He said if a[n] attractive girl were that upfront with him, he would give her a chance.

Fixed.

On a realistic basis, most guys wouldn't particularly give a girl a chance simply because she initiated. I mean, if initiative was all it took to get a chance with someone, your guy friend probably wouldn't be complaining about this in the first place.

I would say that, if a girl confesses to a guy, then it's likely that she'll have gained his respect, but a chance? Not unless he was impulsive, ugly, desperate, naive, or a mix of the above.

How would you feel if a girl said she was interested in you?

I'd be flattered at first, but I sure as heck won't "give her a chance" and go out with her, because for one thing, I don't really know her (based on your example). If I feel like there's some attraction, maybe I'll hang out with her a couple times and talk to get to know her. From there, we can determine the basis of whether we should go on a date and so forth.

[Guest efaye926]

if you are sure he is interested in you, it might not be a bad idea to simply ask him "why do u always act like ur not happy that i like you" etc. dont wait for it to build up and explode like 99% of girls do, just say it right there on the spot casually while it is still a question and not an argument...

-edit- Thank you for your advice,  it means a lot to me.

[Guest roar.]

guys, I know that a lot of you are a bit older, but imagine way back in 11th grade. You were living your peaceful life and whatnot, but you notice these two girls - 12th graders, best friends it seems - and whenever they see you in the hallways, they would giggle. Or when you see one of them, you always constantly have eye contact with them. And you notice that they seem to be around you more than usual.

If one day, one or both of these girls go up to you and try to make conversation, casually going up to you while you're alone "hey, what's your name? ^^ I'm ___", would you feel creeped out or would this flatter you?

Reason I'm asking is that there's this boy in grade 11, and idk sure I've seen him last year, but like this year idk why but he looks really cute and I've taken some sort of interest and I wanna be friends with him, get to know him you know? I am not sure if this is safe to do though, I feel like we're kinda creeping him out but it's not like we intend to ): And the fact that we're his seniors, he might feel intimidated. What do you guys think? Is this a good thing to do, or have we already creeped him out that it's almost impossible that we'd get a positive response...? D:

[Wikkichama]

So this is kind of a quick summary of what's up:

My friend tried to set me up with a guy in our seminar/"fun class". We've both met up with him outside of that class twice now for get-togethers with a few other people. I'm really starting to like this guy a lot, but then my friend just told me she does too. I'm not sure if the guy is interested in me, but he started talking to me online after a seminar class last week and then has even begun teasing me openly in class, saying things like, "Oh Ria, weren't YOU going to lead the group through the dialogue today?" whereas before we really began talking, he had rarely, if ever spoken, in class. Don't get me wrong though, he is not a nerd or an unattractive guy by any means, which is why I found his quiet/cool behavior so interesting initially. I think he might be kind of shy or introverted at least, but I'll just continue on and let you guys be the judge of that.

When I first had him come over last week, he really thoroughly scrutinized my shelves to see what kinds of movies, shows, CDs, etc I had and also laughed at my many K-Pop and anime related posters. Since then, he'd been teasing me as an "otaku" and saying that he himself wasn't, even though he clearly knew all the shows that I had watched since we were able to hold conversations about them. When we started letting lose and playing drinking games, we somehow started a "imagery/nomination game" war where we both examined each other and only picked traits unique to me or him. Like, it kind of went like this:

"Who here seems the tallest?"

"3...2...1... *everyone points to someone they think is-- he gets nominated by the majority of the points*"

The "loser" takes a shot and gets to pick the next game, and he decides to play this game again to get back at me, saying something like,

"Who here is wearing a watch??" etc.

This goes on for a few rounds of us each.

Okay, so then we play other games eventually because no one else was getting nominated other than the two of us, and eventually the night passes with all of us falling asleep in my apartment. The next morning before he left, it seemed like he was trying to casually wave to everyone before leaving, but then specifically turned a bit more around to wave again around the place where I stood-- although it was such a quick wave, I could have misinterpreted or hallucinated this.

So, it's only really been 2 weeks since the guy began talking to me more freely, and he's been asking me about my hometown, and then we've gotten into conversations into a variety of things, including our mutual interests in anime and K-Pop-- when I had another get-together just this weekend, I had a bit too much to drink in too short of a time span and kind of just felt sleepy and passed out... onto this guy's lap. He didn't try to move me even though I'm pretty sure it was uncomfortable for him because I think his leg got numb when I eventually got up around half an hour later... The entire time, I felt him lightly stroking my hair with one hand and rubbing/petting my waist with his other hand. He was barely buzzed, so I really don't think it was the alcohol. Throughout the night, he stayed fairly close to me and talked with me until I eventually hit the sack and fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up to him washing my dishes/pans from the previous night, which shocked me because he looked like the type of guy who has never touched dishes or done housework in his life. He seemed to really smile at me and said, "Good morning! Did you sleep well?" And I was genuinely confused because while I was sleeping, I could have sworn I heard my friend flirting with him and heard them chase after each other for each other's cellphones (it's a long and kind of confusing story that I'm not quite sure of myself... somehow this guy also had MY cellphone in his possession and managed to change and freeze my iPhone so that I couldn't use it.. =_=;;; ).

After every get-together at my place, he always posts a thank you kind of note to me on Facebook-- I'm not sure if he's just a very polite guest after teasing/trolling me throughout the whole entire night or whatever... Basically, my main question is, is this guy interested in me? There are a few things I am omitting, but I'm just posting the signs that I've picked up... if they are even any. ;;; It's ><;;;

I don't know if this piece of information helps too, but the guy is 3 years older than me and I'm 19. He's a senior, about to graduate this spring, but he lives around my college-- within 1-2 hours by car or public transportation. I'm currently a sophomore.

Thank you for reading this long-richard simmons post to ><;;;

Ohh and I forgot, online during this one long conversation we had through IM, he told me for the second time that gaining muscle is much harder for tall people (like him) than people who are shorter (like... some K-Pop idols in boybands hahaha) and then he also offered to take me around Seoul when I go and visit there (I'm not Korean and barely read or speak). Not sure if it's something or not but it doesn't hurt to include these bits...

Thanks again~

[odaesan]

guys, I know that a lot of you are a bit older, but imagine way back in 11th grade. You were living your peaceful life and whatnot, but you notice these two girls - 12th graders, best friends it seems - and whenever they see you in the hallways, they would giggle. Or when you see one of them, you always constantly have eye contact with them. And you notice that they seem to be around you more than usual.

If one day, one or both of these girls go up to you and try to make conversation, casually going up to you while you're alone "hey, what's your name? ^^ I'm ___",  would you feel creeped out or would this flatter you?

Reason I'm asking is that there's this boy in grade 11, and idk sure I've seen him last year, but like this year idk why but he looks really cute and I've taken some sort of interest and I wanna be friends with him, get to know him you know? I am not sure if this is safe to do though, I feel like we're kinda creeping him out but it's not like we intend to ): And the fact that we're his seniors, he might feel intimidated. What do you guys think? Is this a good thing to do, or have we already creeped him out that it's almost impossible that we'd get a positive response...? D:

It's not that far for me, so here goes.

I'm a little cautious and not many things flatter me, so I would not feel flattered by it. Intimidated for me? Not so much. For him? Maybe.

If he really was "creeped out" because of it, talking to him could go any way. He might be relieved and flattered at the same time, but I honestly don't know.

[Guest absotively]

Andreas1 and ajlee613: Thanks for the advice guys. I can safely say that he isn't simply just attracted. He's still vague about it, saying he has "a thing for me" now lol but from our conversations, I think we've clicked rather well. The reason why it hasn't progressed any further is because its ..a bit complicated right now. I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see how this all goes.

[Guest Dreaming-sailor]

Posted message