Boyfriend has an addiction to porn

[Guest aimeelinluvyunhojung]

I know guys watch porn but i think this is reallyyyy bad. He told me 2 weeks ago that he'll try to stop watching porn but I found out he watched it 4 days ago. He admits that he has an addiction to porn and I really dont know what to do.
Keep in mind that we're still a new couple and we've only been going out for a month and half. I am very self conscious about my body (i am a bit chubby, i weigh 119 pounds) and I don't think that our sex life is good at all.
We're serious about each other and want to get married but I cant be with someone who watches porn frequently to the point where they are considered an addict. It just makes me feel like he would really want one of the girls he see's in one of those videos and not me. The thing that bothers me the MOST is that he isnt able to think of me and just do his thing but NO he HAS to look at other girls! Soo frustrating..
Sex is really important to me because of the whole intimacy factor and just the fact that he has an addiction where he's looking at other girls is just really heartbreaking for me.
Oh and he checks out girls on the street all the time as well but he says its cuz hes a people watcher >.> He checks out guys too cuz he might want their body BUT STILL! like wuttheheck =\

What do u guys think?

Also, i read some stuff related to this online and i have to say i am FREAKING OUT. I heard it ruins relationships and even marriages!
And i read online somewhere that it could even lead them to have an affair and bad things like that.

helpp :'(

[Guest dearme]

You are so immature and delusional for your age. I read some of your other threads and honestly I don't think you guys aren't going to get married and well, you guys probably aren't meant to be together. You've only been dating for a month and a half and you're up beating the word marriage already? This relationship of yours is just a load of BS considering he cheated while you guys were still dating but you said it was okay because you "won" him over. I think you are too stupid to see what kind of man he is. I know a man who had a girlfriend yet he cheated on her, yet the girlfriend still stayed with him. Months later, the same man who cheated on his girlfriend starts flirting with me, asking if I have a boyfriend, asking to have dinner together, etc etc. A cheater will always be a cheater. I think that you should just break up with him. This is going to sound so weird but heck, yeah, you deserve a boyfriend that does his thing while thinking about you. You deserve someone so much of your worth and yet you're getting sh!tface by this boyfriend of yours. You're wasting your time with the wrong man.  
But if you insist that he's the one and that he loves you and that you guys are going to get married, by all means continue on with your relationship. From my point of view, I can only see that your relationship is going to be filled with problems and heartbreaks. If you want a better opinion about your boyfriend touching himself while not ABLE to think about you, you should ask the guys over at "Ask the Fellas" Thread. I'm sure they will have a better and detailed opinion.

[Guest HERMIT]

Man, I wish I could type up a detailed and helpful reply at this time but the carpal tunnel in my right wrist is acting up.

[green papaya]

your making a BIG MISTAKE with this guy, only dating for a month and already having sexual relations? thats CRAZY

I can tell you right now he's just using you for sex, he's a player, cheater, womanizer

he is a womanizer - a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them

[mintcracker]

Sex after a month or two is fine but discussing marriage?! That is crazy n delusional. You guys both seem incredibly immature.

[Guest aimeelinluvyunhojung]

i guess i worded it wrong because u guys seem to think that i am some naive young girl who will run away with this guy. I am not head over heels in love with him, i could dump him in a second its just that I do not have a reason to and i dont believe that ppl should just give up something that could be amazing without giving it a chance.
i mentioned the word marriage because we're both looking for something serious and he doesnt want to date as a single man anymore because he realized that hes 28 and wants something more real than just dating around.

I think its unfair for you guys to judge and say that we are immature just because we are serious about making this relationship work. Its just some things like this that make me hold back. I am a strong person and all my life i've had good relationships i've never been hurt minus that fwb thing but i got over that in like 3 days lol because it wasnt even real just some guy who wanted sex.
i just wanted advice because i was freaking out and wanted to get some feedback from the soompi community.

Thanks for your replies

[Guest aimeelinluvyunhojung]

  kimmi. said: You are so immature and delusional for your age. I read some of your other threads and honestly I don't think you guys aren't going to get married and well, you guys probably aren't meant to be together. You've only been dating for a month and a half and you're up beating the word marriage already? This relationship of yours is just a load of BS considering he cheated while you guys were still dating but you said it was okay because you "won" him over. I think you are too stupid to see what kind of man he is. I know a man who had a girlfriend yet he cheated on her, yet the girlfriend still stayed with him. Months later, the same man who cheated on his girlfriend starts flirting with me, asking if I have a boyfriend, asking to have dinner together, etc etc. A cheater will always be a cheater. I think that you should just break up with him. This is going to sound so weird but heck, yeah, you deserve a boyfriend that does his thing while thinking about you. You deserve someone so much of your worth and yet you're getting sh!tface by this boyfriend of yours. You're wasting your time with the wrong man.  
But if you insist that he's the one and that he loves you and that you guys are going to get married, by all means continue on with your relationship. From my point of view, I can only see that your relationship is going to be filled with problems and heartbreaks. If you want a better opinion about your boyfriend touching himself while not ABLE to think about you, you should ask the guys over at "Ask the Fellas" Thread. I'm sure they will have a better and detailed opinion.

[Guest showoff]

Men like seeing women naked; this should not be a surprise.  An addiction is something that will impact his active, daily life such as losing his job due to his addiction, withdraw from family/friends to fuel his addiction, steal to fuel his addiction, etc.  If he likes watching naked women at home on his TV/computer, and that's literally all that is happening, then don't over-react so much.  It's a fantasy to us, not "omfg, I'm going to actually date one of these girls one day!", so don't let yhour ego get too wounded if he likes watching porn.

[AutumnLeaves]

Most, if not all men, like watching porn/naked girls or whatever, it's just the way they're made. Some girlfriends have problems with this, some don't. After all, it's not unatural or wrong, boys will just be boys. Hell, I've seen couples in my work where the girlfriends actually buy adult mags for their boyfriends. As long as they're only looking and not going out and cheating then I suppose that's cool for most girls.

However, what you're describing is that your boyfriend has a serious addiction and it's impacting on your relationship in a big and negative way. I'm sure you've told him how you feel but you need to sit him down and really make it sink into his head how awful and self concious it's making you feel that he even has to think of other girls. The fact that you're self concious anyway coupled with him telling you that can't be making you feel good!

If he wants to be with you and wants to change he'll get help. There's help for every kind of addiction out there and I'm sure his won't be any different. Run it by him and see what he says.

Oh and on the checking out other girls thing, a slap to the face usually does the trick for those wandering eyes. :>

[TeaHouse]

First off. leave the guy alone with his porn. Unless you can dish out something better for him like actual hands on sex instead of his 2-d sex then you taking away his only form of pleasure is just wrong. 
Second Thinking about marriage already and only 1 and a half month into the relationship? If you aren't head over heals about him, how can you two be talking about marriage? talking about breaking up in a heart beat? yeah...that REALLY sounds like you are even thinking of trying to make this SERIOUS relationship work. 
Just because you put an age on something doesn't mean that the maturity just shot up. I know 35 year old's who are acting like they are 12 year old's still...to this day. 
Being in a serious relationship doesn't mean that the marriage talk should come out the first month. There is also no guarantee that this relationship is even going to work out because you just found the first of many flaw about him that you can't seem to get over. Think about all the other hidden flaws to come as the relationship goes on. 

[Guest AoiAi]

[Guest Muso]

To only be with him for a month and a half, you guys aren't that serious to talk about marriage or anything. You're still getting to know each other. And guys watch porn. Something they like to do, same with women.

You say you don't have a reason to leave him and yet him watching porn a lot makes you nervous and uneasy on whAt to do. If you can leave him just like that, then do so so you don't have to worry about his porn addiction.

But if you really want it to work, tell him to go to therapy about it if he really wants to stop watching porn. And if you are that self conscious about your body, change it. And fyi: 119lbs is not chubby.

[TeaHouse]

Mousy-Muso said: And fyi: 119lbs is not chubby.

[Guest aimeelinluvyunhojung]

AoiAi said:

[NPB-XK]

Would you give him a hand whenever he starts watching porn? Then slowly distract him like that and spend the rest of the time fully together. He would probably think you're awesome (if that's what you want to be for him). Otherwise you got the wrong dude.

[_siku_]

If sex is important to you, and you want to do it, then communicate with him. You said your sex life isn't good? Then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 
It's normal for guys to watch porn, maybe he is watching porn more than before just to satisfy himself because your sex life isn't exciting anymore. 

[Guest October.nights]

if it's bothering you so much and you know he won't change, then break up with him. never settle. 

[Guest tifflax]

Have you tried doing things like boudoir photoshoots or maybe make your own special set of photos or videos? This way he can have something to look at, and it's not other girls. I know you have insecurities about your body (what girl doesn't?), but this could help you build confidence in your body too. Good luck!

[Guest hellokatie1618]

Me and my boyfriend both watch it together when we want to spice things up. But I mean, he can "get it up" and feel just as turned on when we don't have any "aids". Watching porn isn't a problem, the fact that his whazoo can't get up just by looking at you means there's no phyical attraction there. Ouch.

[Guest ReplayMVP]

Hey, he's checking out guys, it's a good opportunity to ride a tricycle. I've always wanted to do that...
And maybe you should try something from the videos he watches... I mean, I'm planning to try many of the things I see when I watch my dose of porn. (This isn't a joke by the way)