Resolved =)

[_siku_]

-Deleted-

[mintcracker]

It IS slightly iffy that he has pics of the girl, but I wouldn't say it's a huge red flag or anything? What kind of photos are they? Like single person ones of her or her with other people?

Though imo the relationship is going nowhere:

1. You've only been together for half a year and already had a 'break'

2. You don't trust him (good reason too cos he betrayed your trust)

No trust. No relationship.

He's probably lying and isn't being completely forthcoming imo so probably good idea to break up. The emotional cheating (or what you suspect as such) is wrong and you deserve more than that. Your trust in him won't really ever improve bc he's already broken it, so I'd cut my losses and find sb who's honest.

[_siku_]

^ It was mainly single person of her and one with her friends in a club.

The emotional cheating came from when he was flirting with her for a few days before he asked for a break. Although he kept telling me it wasn't, but for me it still is.

And you are right, I was hoping it would get better and I will be able to trust him again. But seeing how this happened, I'm confused whether I really trust him or not... =/ and I don't know if I was wrong to even bring this up in the first place.

[mintcracker]

^ Yeah flirting is not cool imo. I mean there's nothing wrong with some playfulness, but when you're in a relationship I think it's a good idea for both people to lay off blatant flirting with other people.

=/ This guy doesn't seem that great... I know it's easier said than done breaking up and all... But he's not completely honest. And he's flirty, and he seems to lie.

Don't think he's going to change. So it's really your decision.

Normally I'd suggest sitting him down and talking about it, but when you realise a guy is not completely transparent and has the tendency to lie... Probably best to see those red flags and drop them.

[NaughtyDog]

It sounds to me like the pictures are the least of your problems at the moment...

This girl has a boyfriend, right? Did she have a boyfriend before he started liking her or after? Not to be a downer, but it just seems like she led him on for whatever reason and either chose another guy over him or ultimately chose to stay with her boyfriend in the end and he's come crawling back to you with his tail between his legs. If that's the case, then he's basically settling with you because he couldn't get the girl that was the cause of the initial break between you two.

That being said, I definitely wouldn't be comfortable if my boyfriend had pictures of someone he liked in his phone, but let's give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and pretend he really did forget to delete the pictures. He reacted in such a defensive way that makes me feel like he's either not fully over her or he's not 100% sure he wants to be with you. Someone who is sure of those things would more likely reassure you and tell you that they're sorry they forgot to delete those pictures than become defensive and say "See? This is why I don't want to be with you sometimes."

I'd think really hard before considering whether to stay with him or not because he's already been fickle with his feelings and it's obviously something that's going to be on your mind for a while.

Also just curious, how did your boyfriend "prove through his actions" that he's over this girl? That's a hard thing to prove to be honest.

[Guest HERMIT]

Also just curious, how did your boyfriend "prove through his actions" that he's over this girl? That's a hard thing to prove to be honest.

Exactly.

But by the same token, let's say this hypothetical situation happened:  He whipped out his phone, showed you all his pictures, and some of them happened to be pictures of that girl.  Then he demonstrably deletes each and every picture that you deem offensive.  Are you now happy?  Does that instantly resolve everything for you?

Now think hard for yourself:  What next?  Would you now just move on to something else of his or about him that you will scrutinize?  Be honest with yourself here.  What will inevitably constitute as being "enough" in your perspective?

@rea makes a valid point in saying that this is possibly the least of your problems. 

You said clinginess was an issue for you before.  Are you sure you are over that?

In the end a picture is just a picture.  It's only circumstantial evidence in the grand scheme of things.

In your mind, you think he's not over her.  But on the flip side, the argument can be made that if he didn't want to be with you he simply would not have taken you back either and given it a second shot.  Yet, he did - and here you guys are, back together.

So in the end, does the former hold more weight in your mind than the latter?

What might this say about how you yourself have grown and learned coming out of the break?

Mind you, I'm only playing devil's advocate here.

[Emerald Snow]

Perhaps the next time you guys have a conversation, don't have it at 3 AM. It's an ungodly hour...people are bound to be sleepy and cranky.

[Guest writersblockcjhsu]

Trust is the first thing in a relationship. Yo know, my girlfriend talks about her ex a lot, not in a sexy way, just in a reminiscent way. She has pictures of old girlfriends, but it really doesn't matter, because we trust each other. And since yal had a break, I wouldn't trust him. A break is another word for break up.

If you want a mature relationship, you gotta trust. Otherwise you can't hope to be in a relationship. Or, just give yourself a few years. Both of yal may grow out of it. Good luck!

[_siku_]

It sounds to me like the pictures are the least of your problems at the moment...

This girl has a boyfriend, right? Did she have a boyfriend before he started liking her or after? Not to be a downer, but it just seems like she led him on for whatever reason and either chose another guy over him or ultimately chose to stay with her boyfriend in the end and he's come crawling back to you with his tail between his legs. If that's the case, then he's basically settling with you because he couldn't get the girl that was the cause of the initial break between you two.

That being said, I definitely wouldn't be comfortable if my boyfriend had pictures of someone he liked in his phone, but let's give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and pretend he really did forget to delete the pictures. He reacted in such a defensive way that makes me feel like he's either not fully over her or he's not 100% sure he wants to be with you. Someone who is sure of those things would more likely reassure you and tell you that they're sorry they forgot to delete those pictures than become defensive and say "See? This is why I don't want to be with you sometimes."

I'd think really hard before considering whether to stay with him or not because he's already been fickle with his feelings and it's obviously something that's going to be on your mind for a while.

Also just curious, how did your boyfriend "prove through his actions" that he's over this girl? That's a hard thing to prove to be honest.

Honestly I didn't even know she has a bf, but I heard from his friend that she got a bf after my bf ignored and stopped talking to her. 

And to answer your question, I'm not so sure how to describe it. I feel as if we understand each other more..? Lately he's been trying to surprise me with little gifts (like chocolate when I did so well on my final exams), or bring me to places that had meanings to him, then we would spend hours talking about it. At the same time, he would never mention about the girl anymore, and be more open to me about his feelings, etc. Maybe I'm being naive.. but to me, all the things he does showed to me that he has feelings and still want to be with me. Because he told me before that he can just be other guys, cheat on me, but he would never do that, since he got cheated on in the past and he knows how it feels, he can't do that to me. 

Exactly.

But by the same token, let's say this hypothetical situation happened:  He whipped out his phone, showed you all his pictures, and some of them happened to be pictures of that girl.  Then he demonstrably deletes each and every picture that you deem offensive.  Are you now happy?  Does that instantly resolve everything for you?

Now think hard for yourself:  What next?  Would you now just move on to something else of his or about him that you will scrutinize?  Be honest with yourself here.  What will inevitably constitute as being "enough" in your perspective?

@rea makes a valid point in saying that this is possibly the least of your problems.  

You said clinginess was an issue for you before.  Are you sure you are over that?

In the end a picture is just a picture.  It's only circumstantial evidence in the grand scheme of things.

In your mind, you think he's not over her.  But on the flip side, the argument can be made that if he didn't want to be with you he simply would not have taken you back either and given it a second shot.  Yet, he did - and here you guys are, back together.

So in the end, does the former hold more weight in your mind than the latter? 

What might this say about how you yourself have grown and learned coming out of the break?

Mind you, I'm only playing devil's advocate here.

Yea I thought about it, what I ultimately want to know is why did he have pictures of her in his phone? If he forgot about it, then he can just say "I'm sorry, I forgot about it." For me, that's enough. I want that answer, than him telling me he didn't have, then tried to twist things up and shift the blame to me. I honestly don't mind whether he deletes them or not, as they were only single shots of her. Now if he took pictures with her, then yea, things would be different. I really believed that he's over her, but when he started to be defensive and twist things up, that's when I started to think why he has to react that way?

^ Yeah flirting is not cool imo. I mean there's nothing wrong with some playfulness, but when you're in a relationship I think it's a good idea for both people to lay off blatant flirting with other people.

=/ This guy doesn't seem that great... I know it's easier said than done breaking up and all... But he's not completely honest. And he's flirty, and he seems to lie.

Don't think he's going to change. So it's really your decision.

Normally I'd suggest sitting him down and talking about it, but when you realise a guy is not completely transparent and has the tendency to lie... Probably best to see those red flags and drop them.

Yea =(. I decided to sit him down and talk about it though.. I told him that it's either he's be completely honest with me, as I always do, and stop treating me as a kid, then I will stay with him. If not, I will leave. 

Perhaps the next time you guys have a conversation, don't have it at 3 AM.  It's an ungodly hour...people are bound to be sleepy and cranky.

ahahaha yea...only after I hanged up on him, I realized that I really picked up a bad time to have a conversation >_>. 

Trust is the first thing in a relationship. Yo know, my girlfriend talks about her ex a lot, not in a sexy way, just in a reminiscent way. She has pictures of old girlfriends, but it really doesn't matter, because we trust each other. And since yal had a break, I wouldn't trust him. A break is another word for break up. 

If you want a mature relationship, you gotta trust. Otherwise you can't hope to be in a relationship. Or, just give yourself a few years. Both of yal may grow out of it. Good luck!

Thanks =). That's why I was confused, if I don't fully trust him, then what will happen in the future, as trust is the most important thing in a relationship =/.

So he called me this morning before work so we can talk after he's done. We sat down and talk about what happened. He apologized for yelling at me, and said that he was frustrated when I called him so late to talk, when he has work early the next day, hence the reason why he yelled. I asked why he became so defensive when I asked about it, he said it's because he doesn't want to talk or even hear her name. He said because of her, she broke our relationship, then broke the friendship between him and his bestfriend (I know him and his bff aren't friends anymore, since his bff called/texted me to lash out at me before lolol but I won't go into details). Finally, I told him how I felt and what I wanted (like I told Hermit), he said he understands then deleted her photos in front of me. 

I think I will go with the flow and see how it goes. Right now, I still believe that he's over her, and I take that he was being defensive because I called him at 3am, and he doesn't want to ever hear her name again. Thanks everyone for the advice =). I really appreciate it! 

I +1 everyone btw =D

[Guest hishari]

Just remember, people can never fully change. They can only temporarily do something that's out of the ordinary and eventually revert back to their original selves.

I doubt you'd want to go through this kind of nonsense once every six months.

[hoshino45]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SNAP SON.

[_siku_]

Just remember, people can never fully change. They can only temporarily do something that's out of the ordinary and eventually revert back to their original selves.

I doubt you'd want to go through this kind of nonsense once every six months.

Yup. Thanks =) I will keep that in mind. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SNAP SON.

Be quiet! *hit head*