Is this fair?

[Girl41831]

So my friend has “treated” me to two meals and expects areturn in the future, but is this really fair? The first time we went out toeat, she had a gift card paying for all of us. The thing is, the gift cards shehad were given free by her relatives so it’s not technically money she workedfor. Moreover, she usually gets those gift cards on a daily basis. The 2^ndtime she treated me wasn’t actually her. It was her mom which I don’t think isreally fair for my friend to consider it as a “payment” to her since her mom had offered to pay. Reason for thatis because her mom only came to town to visit since both her parents aredivorced. My friend thinks that since her mom rarely visits and doesn’t pay forchild care or whatever so my friend takes advantage her mom’s money while sheis here.

This irks me because if I were to return the favor and buyher the two meals, the money I spend would actually be out of MY OWN pocketthat I worked for while hers’ were something she received from herparents/relatives. Is it rude of me to think like this even though we're really close friends?

[Guest HERMIT]

The way I look at it, just take the people - whoever they are - out of the picture and merely pay back as a return of the gestures.

Bottom line is, you benefited from getting something for free - and if you want to do the decent thing, you would like to return the favor.

So unless you have it in mind to specifically take the relatives out to dinner for their gift card ... and the mother for her hand in treating your meal - then you may as well just treat the friend out and not worry about splitting hairs. 

But if you want help in trying to justify doing that, then look at it this way:  she may not have directly paid for your free meal, but she was the conduit - or the common denominator - through which you were able to benefit getting a free meal.  Or, another way to look at it is this - would you have benefited from getting a free meal if your friend was nowhere near involved or present in any of these instances?

In the end, I think rather than getting bogged down in the semantics of trying to assess "fairness" on the other side of the equation, I would find it enough to recognize the mere fact on my side of the equation that I essentially got something for nothing.  And if in my way of thinking, it's only the decent thing to want to return the favor and good karma - then I know I'm going to be treating for two meals anyway.  So at this point, it's only a matter of who I ultimately will be able to treat for those meals.  Assuming that inviting those relatives or the mother would be out of the question or impractical for whatever reason, then hey - it may as well be the friend that I will treat anyway.

[MrPower]

Sooo... it wasn't really a "treat" to begin with.

Meh. In the future, don't let somebody like that pay for you. It'll only cause headaches in the future.

Money only unnecessarily complicates friendships anyways!

[Guest Kerriganton]

The 1st time was fair game while the 2nd time was not since like you said her mom offered to pay and not her.

It doesn't matter how she got the gift cards because she still paid for you.

[Guest karyee]

What do you mean she expects? Like she told you that she wants you to return the favour? Just ask your parents for money and pay her back lol, so you don't have to pay out of your own pocket. That's what I would do. But like you said, you guys are really close friends, so does it matter? You shouldn't have let her/her mom pay for you then. 

[Love_Lights]

If you guys really are good friends, then it shouldn't even matter and she willingly offered to pay the first time. I would have just told her that and bought her something the next time we would hang out. But if she insists that you pay her back for both meals, just take her out to a cheap place and a movie to call it even. 

[Guest mabuchi]

I think you could overlook the facts and details and return the favor & gesture she did for you. The money doesn't necessarily have to come directly from you. Or you could pay her back in different ways, maybe a few little gifts or a free ride somewhere (:

[Guest kels.huns]

Maybe she just doesn't have money. She used her gift cards on you. Be happy that a friend would do that.

I'm pretty sure if she had more money, she would spend it on you too.

[Guest dolcedor.]

Did she explicitly tell you that she expected you to treat her back? If she did, that's kind of rude in my opinion. When I treat out my friends, I don't tell them they owe me back. I kind of expect them to just because it's the polite thing to do, and I like to think my friends are polite people. In my opinion, when you treat people, you do it because you want to, not because you expect some form of payment back.

Having said that, I do think you should treat her back, even though she didn't technically earn the money she used to pay for you. She could have used those gift cards for herself, no? And you did get free meals. Similarly, if someone won the lottery and paid for your meals, do you expect to get free rides until they run out of money? The polite thing to do would be to repay them somehow.

Also, it's not her fault her parents spoil her/give her money. At the end of the day, she still paid for your meals.

[Guest My_Hero]

i had a friend who would always think like that, how i would have to repay her in some way, but you are right, it's not right. some times she would get the hint, but other times, she doesn't. if it really bugs you, have a chat with her, she should understand. good luck!

[Guest aphrodisiacal]

well not to analyze if what she is doing is fair or not but think of it this way. you got two meals for free. normally you would have to pay for your own food anyway if no one offered so just pay your friend back. in the end, you still paid for your own meal.