BF/GF hanging out with the opposite sex on their own?

[Guest Charlene_0201]

Would you 'let' them?

So, my friends and I had a discussion about this particular topic and a few of them had said that they would be extremely uncomfortable if their boyfriend hung out with a girl on their own. To them it was just completely inappropriate and they see no reason as to why their boyfriend would need to hang out with a girl on their own.

Some of my friends said that they would be uncomfortable but wouldn't necessarily forbid their boyfriend from hanging out with girls on their own. They would need to set boundaries and make sure the girls know of them and they know the girls (they don't have to be friends but just meeting the once).

And then there are others who feel that it is okay for them to hang out with guys on their own but their boyfriend can't hang out with girls on their own.

As for me, I'm a little bit undecided. I tried not to get too involved with the discussion as it became pretty heated haha. I have to admit that I would feel a little bit uncomfortable if my boyfriend wanted to hang out with a girl on his own often. I think once in a while is okay (provided they're not hanging out at a secluded place or each other's house) and I would probably ask to be introduced at some point. I don't hang out with guys on my own as I find it uncomfortable and inappropriate (personally). I don't really feel the need to hang out with a guy one-on-one.

What about the rest of you?

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest writerstale]

I always find myself being that guy that the girl hangs out with. I find it interesting how in more than a few occasions the girl never tells her bf where she's at. I was out with one friend, her bf called, and she's blatantly lying to him about her location while eating food off my plate. Lol. I wasn't trying to wreck anything with their relationship. I was starting to accept the friends thing. Went out with another girl who was having problems in their relationship because the guy wasn't making an effort to spend time with her. I swear the whole vibe of us bowling felt like a date. When I asked her what's going on the next day she went running back to her bf like us hanging out never happened.

[Guest hkukaudition]

I think it depends. If hes having dinner with her one on one at a nice restaurant or going bowling with her just the 2 of them then id be a bit iffy. Thats kinda the stuff you do on a date.

However, if its just like lunch or something then i dont think id mind. I hang out with guys myself but i wouldnt hang out with one that i have had history with or anything like that because i think that would be weird.

[Guest Malice_Kaiser]

Depends on the context and the situation. Over the past summer when me and my boyfriend were long distance, he hung out one-on-one with one of his female friends who I had never even HEARD of before, much less met. I freaked out because he had told me about all his friends, including all his female friends, or at least I thought he did. Apparently not, cause all of the sudden he brings up this random girl who's back in town and they want to hang out. -___- I mean I trust him but that just weirded me out, and at the worst time (long distance).

Well I met the girl, turns out she has a boyfriend too, so we went on a double date and everything was cool. Since then he has had lunch with her one-on-one once (he happened upon her in the school food court, it wasn't a planned "date" or anything) and I was fine with them hanging out on that occasion.

Point being: If I know her and know that we can all hang out as friends TOGETHER for the most part, it's cool. Hanging out one-on-one is alright every once in a while then. But if he does that more often than he hangs out in groups with her, I'm not gonna like it.

[Guest kitty_N]

If I know who this girl is, I would be fine with it. Actually, I use to be very against this. But lately I have been trying to get my bf to hang out with his girl-friends, the cool ones at least

[Guest C4Y --Crazy 4 YeongSaeng--]

I think it really depends on the girl.

I'm not really a jealous person, so I don't have a problem with it. So as long as the guy tells me he's meeting up with the girl ahead of time, I'm cool with it. But if the girl is a huge flirt, and I know she's in love with him, I would tell him I feel uncomfortable, but wouldn't restrain him from seeing her.

[tinasweetheart]

i think it's mainly depends on the girl herself AND the relationship between the two. i mean, if the girl is someone i'm closed to and know well about then i wouldn't mind if she's just eating lunch with him just as friends. and if my boyfriend were to be just a normal friend to her, if the two used to has some sort of history or if i know that he used to has a crush on her (vice versa) then i would feel uncomfortable letting them both hanging out together. but if they were just having regular lunch or studying session together then it's fine with me.

[damyoungji]

I would be uncomfortable, but I would not forbid him to hang out with the opposite gender on their own - UNLESS it is someone who is clearly interested in him (assuming that I am aware of it) and he is aware of it. Okay, there is no way I can forbid him because I like my own personal space, too, but I would at least express my thoughts and feelings about it if he was to hang out one-on-one with a girl who is interested in him. I know trust is important, but we are all human beings who make mistakes, and even if I trust him enough that he will not initiate anything, I cannot trust the one he is seeing. To me, if it gets to the point where I do not care at all, it means that the spark is not there anymore. After all, I think it is normal for anyone who loves another person to be worried that they might lose them at any point in time. It is not about being pessimistic, but more about being careful.

[Nikky]

Oh no no no no no. See. This is really, a huge HUGE thing. You do NOT control your significant other. Not their choices. Their jobs. Their friends. Their favorite ice cream. You are with an individual who has a personality, their own thoughts, their own opinions, their own likes and dislikes. Who their friends are is NONE of your business. You do NOT make decisions for them.

Now they can introduce you to their friends. But it is THEIR choice if they do so. And you are not required to like their friends. You will not get along with every single individual that your significant other knows. But because you like your boyfriend/girlfriend, you can still treat their friends with respect, even if you don't particularly care for them. Unless they try to like, kill someone, then there are sudden lines. But the gender of their friends doesn't matter. A friend is a friend. If your s/o cares for you, respects you, treats you well and you know how each other feels and what kind of person you are dating, then the gender of their friends doesn't matter. Period.

[Guest Ricki1430281275]

I trust my bf but it depends on who the other person is and context I guess. Like if she's his best friend from elementary school I'm not really going to care, but if she's just a friend and I knew that she had feelings for him or something then I'd probably be a bit uncomfortable. I wouldn't tell him to stop hanging out with her though, because I know how much I would hate it if he tried to control me like that. I'd just tell him if I was uncomfortable because I know that there's not really that much I can do to stop them from seeing each other if he really wanted to. I'm not a jealous type so I guess only situations where they were hanging out alone allll the time would bother me. It basically all comes down to trust.

[Guest blush]

Oh no no no no no. See. This is really, a huge HUGE thing. You do NOT control your significant other. Not their choices. Their jobs. Their friends. Their favorite ice cream. You are with an individual who has a personality, their own thoughts, their own opinions, their own likes and dislikes. Who their friends are is NONE of your business. You do NOT make decisions for them.

Now they can introduce you to their friends. But it is THEIR choice if they do so. And you are not required to like their friends. You will not get along with every single individual that your significant other knows. But because you like your boyfriend/girlfriend, you can still treat their friends with respect, even if you don't particularly care for them. Unless they try to like, kill someone, then there are sudden lines. But the gender of their friends doesn't matter. A friend is a friend. If your s/o cares for you, respects you, treats you well and you know how each other feels and what kind of person you are dating, then the gender of their friends doesn't matter. Period.

I agree that controlling your s/o is a big no-no. However, I disagree completely that gender doesn't matter.

A friend is a friend, but if I don't know what that friend's intention may be when they are hanging out one-on-one. As much as I trust my boyfriend, given a situation like this, I'd feel uncomfortable knowing that he is hanging out by himself with a girl. If it was a guy, I definitely wouldn't worry as much. I've come across many homewreckers who seemed to be trustworthy, and I've seen my friend's s/o's cheat on them by taking advantage of their trust and using the "good friend" cover.

In any case, to answer the OP, I'd never control my boyfriend by telling him that he can't hang out with a girl one-on-one but that doesn't mean I won't feel uncomfortable about it. Given the circumstances though, if it was say, a lunch at school, that's something I'd be relaxed about. But @hkukaudition said, bowling or dinner together? Ahhh, that's worrisome. And hmm, maybe the childhood friend scenario is understandable as well.

My boyfriend has only ever hung out with one girl one-on-one. Actually, she's a friend of mine who I have known since I was baby, grew up with her, and she actually introduced my bf and I. So the level of trust on both of them is stable. After all, without her, we wouldn't even be together lol. Otherwise, if I didn't know her or barely know her, definitely not cool. Luckily my boyfriend only ever hangs out with females in groups... as of now. ahah.

[GOOMBA]

...You can't choose to "let" someone do things. I personally wouldn't be too overjoyed about my s/o hanging out with another girl alone, but if I let him know how I feel about it, he can do one of two things: respect my feelings and make compromise of the situation, or feel compelled to go behind my back and see her. I don't know about you, but I've come to believe the more rules you set, the more they try to break them. Just voice your opinion and if s/he doesn't care about how you feel or won't bother to help you get over your insecurities, they're not worth it, but you can't put a leash on someone. :mellow:

[Guest machii]

Honestly, I believe that I'm the type that gets jealous really easily

I don't think I would mind if I have already been introduced to the girl & that I trust her- meaning I know forsure that she has no intentions of anything with my bf. But if it's somebody that I haven't met, I wouldn't be too happy with it. It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, it's just really hard for me to trust girls since most of the girls that I've met have turned out to be really shady /:

[Guest mrskwonahn]

I don't care, I want to hang out with my friends be it guy or girl without my bf sometimes so it would be ironic if I say he can't ^_^

[Guest antarcticheart]

hmmm. this is an interesting topic.

i'm definitely a protective girlfriend. as in, when we're at school or at the mall

or downtown and i see a girl staring at him, i'll do something affectionate. if

we're already holding hands, i'll kiss his cheek or something. if we aren't, i'll

rub the back of his neck. if the girl doesn't stop staring, i stare right back at her.

I'M A GIRL WHO MARKS HER TERRITORY. sounds scary but luckily, he enjoys it.

ANYWAY. i have no problem with my boyfriend hanging out with girls so long

as i know they aren't outrageously close. if they're like, casual friends, then he

can go do whatever he wants. but if i know that they're close, or if i perceive her

as a threat - outrageously pretty, same personality as me, or anything else - i'll

speak up and voice my concerns about it. jk. i just get really moody. but he knows

when i'm upset. despite how jealous i am, though, my mindset is that i'm not his

mother. it isn't my job to tell him what he can and cannot do or to restrict his

friendships just because of my insecurity. if he's smart, he won't do anything

to break my trust. and if she's smart, she'll keep her paws to herself.

[Nikky]

I agree that controlling your s/o is a big no-no. However, I disagree completely that gender doesn't matter.

A friend is a friend, but if I don't know what that friend's intention may be when they are hanging out one-on-one. As much as I trust my boyfriend, given a situation like this, I'd feel uncomfortable knowing that he is hanging out by himself with a girl. If it was a guy, I definitely wouldn't worry as much. I've come across many homewreckers who seemed to be trustworthy, and I've seen my friend's s/o's cheat on them by taking advantage of their trust and using the "good friend" cover.

In any case, to answer the OP, I'd never control my boyfriend by telling him that he can't hang out with a girl one-on-one but that doesn't mean I won't feel uncomfortable about it. Given the circumstances though, if it was say, a lunch at school, that's something I'd be relaxed about. But @hkukaudition said, bowling or dinner together? Ahhh, that's worrisome. And hmm, maybe the childhood friend scenario is understandable as well.

My boyfriend has only ever hung out with one girl one-on-one. Actually, she's a friend of mine who I have known since I was baby, grew up with her, and she actually introduced my bf and I. So the level of trust on both of them is stable. After all, without her, we wouldn't even be together lol. Otherwise, if I didn't know her or barely know her, definitely not cool. Luckily my boyfriend only ever hangs out with females in groups... as of now. ahah.

Just because you have witnessed other couples break up because of a cheating male, doesn't mean that your guy is the same. More men are worried with losing their girl to one of her male friends than the other way around. Naturally, males 'claim' their woman by being with her in public and showing physical attention to her to let others know that she is taken. By holding her hand, having their arm around her, it's their way of saying "This woman is MINE" in 'guy speech'. So for a male to not be able to do be there, and do that, let a guy know that you are their woman and you are claimed, takes more for a man than for a woman.

But once again, it dwindles down to maturity and trust. Being open and honest, communicating, instead of playing games like being moody, not talking to him, or picking small fights just to get back at him; just because they went out with a female friend. If you have to monitor who your boyfriend hangs out with because you "don't like the situation" or don't trust your boyfriend, you two have serious problems. Even if a woman hits on him or 'throws herself at him', he should know how to deal with it and he should deal with it respectively. You are not his babysitter, you are not there to monitor his reactions and others reactions to him and handle it how you see fit. Your boyfriend should be mature enough and smart enough to handle the situation, and then return to you, explain what happened and talk to you about what they are going to do next; to give the girl a second chance or to not see them again.

We all have friends. You are taking two lives and trying to form them to one. If a friend has done you no wrong, no one has any right to tell you to give up that friend. Especially if their reason is "I just don't like it". You get over it. It's your thing to get past, not theirs. You're only inflicting harm because you're insecure. And that is no way to treat someone that you claim that you care for. Life is all about becoming better, smarter and wiser. And you do that along side your significant other.

[Guest blush]

Just because you have witnessed other couples break up because of a cheating male, doesn't mean that your guy is the same. More men are worried with losing their girl to one of her male friends than the other way around. Naturally, males 'claim' their woman by being with her in public and showing physical attention to her to let others know that she is taken. By holding her hand, having their arm around her, it's their way of saying "This woman is MINE" in 'guy speech'. So for a male to not be able to do be there, and do that, let a guy know that you are their woman and you are claimed, takes more for a man than for a woman.

But once again, it dwindles down to maturity and trust. Being open and honest, communicating, instead of playing games like being moody, not talking to him, or picking small fights just to get back at him; just because they went out with a female friend. If you have to monitor who your boyfriend hangs out with because you "don't like the situation" or don't trust your boyfriend, you two have serious problems. Even if a woman hits on him or 'throws herself at him', he should know how to deal with it and he should deal with it respectively. You are not his babysitter, you are not there to monitor his reactions and others reactions to him and handle it how you see fit. Your boyfriend should be mature enough and smart enough to handle the situation, and then return to you, explain what happened and talk to you about what they are going to do next; to give the girl a second chance or to not see them again.

We all have friends. You are taking two lives and trying to form them to one. If a friend has done you no wrong, no one has any right to tell you to give up that friend. Especially if their reason is "I just don't like it". You get over it. It's your thing to get past, not theirs. You're only inflicting harm because you're insecure. And that is no way to treat someone that you claim that you care for. Life is all about becoming better, smarter and wiser. And you do that along side your significant other.

I have witnessed couples break up because of a cheating s/o (and no, I wasn't specifically targeting men), but I was just using that as an example. If you don't trust your s/o and what they do, that in itself is a pretty big problem.

What I meant specifically was that I don't necessarily trust the girls my boyfriend hangs out with. Don't get me wrong, I trust him, and I have faith that he will make the right decisions, but if you have never ever met a girl and your boyfriend is with her, alone, I can't help but worry if she'll try to make a move on him. I have no idea who she is and what she is like. As I've said before, I trust my boyfriend and his judgements. I trust that he will come home and tell me if the girl tried to kiss him or if they just talked about the next exam in biology. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be worried about what will be happening during their time alone. That's all. Restricting anyone from who they can or can't hang out with is a little too controlling for my taste, so telling him to give up a friend would never be in my dictionary. I'll leave that up to him.

[cutiek028]

How about if your boyfriend goes to the gym at his school with his female friend. Since she doesn't know how to exercise he says he has been tellling her (never touching her) how to do excercise. Would that be okay? The female friend goes to his school and you don't. They are excercising because they have a fitness class and one of the "hw" is to go to the gym an x amount of times in the semester. They don't necessarily have to go at the same time however. There are people who work at the gym and are like gym teachers. Your bf is pretty knowledgeble about working out too.

What do you think up to this point?

How about later he posts on her FB that his body hurts from the workout he did. She says her muscles don't hurt anymore. He says that is weird since he told her to do many excercises and that she's a bionic woman and he's going to have to work her harder.

What do you think up to this point?

Just curious and it pertains to the topic.

[Guest moo_lah]

Personally I would feel uncomfortable, but I often think of it from both perspectives. I mean, when I was with my ex he wanted me to stop talking to all my male friends, even though I gave him the freedom to talk to any girl he wanted to talk to. To me that didn't sound very fair, especially since one of my best friends is male. So with me, I feel that if I give my significant other freedom, then I should be allowed freedom too, no?

I don't think I'd mind if my boyfriend was hanging out with a girl one-on-one, but that's only if I know the girl, or they have been close friends for a while, especially if they knew each other before we started dating or talking. Mind you, I'd still feel a bit iffy about it. I wouldn't try to control their relationship though, "oh, you guys want to go out to lunch together? Well, NO, YOU CAN'T" isn't something you'd hear me say.

In short, if I give him freedom, then I should get freedom back. There's just some lines that we can't cross.