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Friendly vs. Flirting vs. Hitting On

KreizeKreize UCSDPosts: 259Member
edited February 2010 in love & relationships
What's the difference?
I'm sorry if this kind of topic has been made before :( I'm just really too lazy to search through this forum haha.

Anyways, the question is:
What's the difference between being friendly, flirting, and hitting on someone?

I've been told that I'm a big flirt around girls even though my intention really has NOTHING to do with being interested. Honestly I just try to make friends that are girls and the misconception makes it very difficult... I'm actually really picky when it comes to relationships so that's probably why I can't tell the difference in flirting and being just friendly.

The things I talk about in the conversation when I'm being FRIENDLY:
- Learn more about who they are and where they are from.
- What they like.
- I tell some funny stories/jokes
- I laugh
- I smile a lot (is that too much?) - around my guy friends I smirk instead.
- I just sound positive
- Look at them when I talk half the time & the other not really looking at them

Things I would do to flirt:
- Compliment the hair, outfit, ect...
- Say they look nice that day
- Give hints that I want to hang out
- Make eye contact
- Glance at them more

Hitting on:
- Making stronger implication that just the two of us should go out.
- Some seductiveness in speech.


  • witcherywitchery ailurophile Sydney~Posts: 5,011Friend of Soompi


    edited February 2010
    The problem is not everyone has the exact same list. Or they dig up other things not in the list such as touching the arm, friendly poking, how frequently you talk to them in a week, etc and put it in the "flirting" category when you've accidentally done those actions without thinking about which list they go in lol.
    And also to complicate the matter some people just don't have a list, or will be like "screw this!" and go with their gut instinct. Even if you only do the things on your "friendly" list, the aura you give off might be completely different to the girl.
    Basically everyone has different reactions, and there's no real foolproof way of preventing someone from getting the wrong message xD
    edited February 2010
    girls like to twist the story

    you tell them a joke

    if you dont want to be called a flirt then....... BE MEAN or DONT TALK TO THEM or IGNORE WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU or KEEP THE COMMENTS TO YOURSELF

    you should watch "he is just not that into you" its a good movie
    ask for el facebook
  • &lt;3StrawberryPocky&lt;3&lt;3StrawberryPocky&lt;3 Posts: 1,107Member


    It's different in everyone's perspective, and girls honestly tend to over-analyze friendly gestures. There is no definite list to separate being friendly, flirting, or hitting on because every girl will take your actions differently. One can view you laughing often in your conversations mean you like her while another can just view it as you think her jokes are funny. Hitting on is probably more distinct from friendliness because they include strong suggestions you're interested in them, but friendliness and flirting have an ambiguous line between them. The only real difference I can is that flirting has the intention of attracting the other person while friendliness is just your personality.
  • uponashoreuponashore Uponashore CanadaPosts: 811Member
    judging from your list, i don't think that girls are misinterpreting your friendliness as flirting ... they're probably just falling in love with your personality! girls twist and interpret things the way they want to, so the fact that they think you're flirting with them just means they want you to
    amy ♡
  • xDMarzxDMarz Posts: 97Member
    I can't tell the difference. You can be friendly and flirt as much as you want as long as you don't lead them on.
  • peppermintsugarpeppermintsugar Posts: 5,693Friend of Soompi
    It's vaguely all the same mini cooper, but coming from someone who is a recovered, unintentional flirt (1 year+ strong!), when you make the effort to NOT do things that could be misinterpreted, the difference is very clear. I never really thought I was a flirt, either, I just made basic conversation and got to know people, but hey, some people take simple things and run with them, so you have to kind of learn to be nice and friendly, while still making it clear you are being only platonic.

    It might be easier for me since I have a boyfriend, but I have noticed a significant difference in my own behavior, matched with the results I have seen.

    . . .Then, there are some people that are just going to crush on you no matter WHAT you do!
    4kjKV.gif memoirs.twitter.tumblr. 2Vdge.gif
  • MNLV27MNLV27 Just keep swimming... Posts: 1,371Member


    For me, I can say, my friendliness and flirtiness are borderline the same. I like to flirt with guys, even if I find no interest in them. I like to try to make it fun for me at least while I'm talking to them. I'm naturally a friendly person, sometimes I like to flirt just for the heck of it but to make it clear that I see them as friends. I tend to say stuff like, You're such a funny friend. I'm glad we're friends or I call him buddy, to indicate that he's just a friend to me and I like to make it clear that I'm not looking for a relationship or anything at that moment. If I find interest in a guy, I'd still be friendly/flirty but I'd be more touchy like pat him or just doing small things to touch him a bit and I won't be calling him buddy or saying any of those friend phrases. lol.
    If I was in a relationship, I just altogether don't bother making much conversation with guys unless it's necessary, just to avoid any misunderstanding.

  • joxxyjoxxy CanadaPosts: 745Member
    Its a very difficult distinction because everyone interprets the actions of one another differently.
    Actions you perceive to be platonic or friendly may be interpreted by some girls to be flirty, especially joking around and such.
    Be cautious about coming off as too nice... If you're really nice like I am, people may think you're going the extra mile for them when in actuality, that's just your personality. I never took that into consideration until my bf pointed it out, and it suddenly became really apparent and I stopped.
  • dp61dp61 Posts: 269Member
    - talking about something like a TV show.
    - talking about what activities you enjoy.

    - complimenting what they're wearing/hair/makeup.
    - making a lot of jokes
    - more comfortable atmosphere.

    - talking about bases..and how far they've gone.
    - more seriousness
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