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Why Pretty Girls Date Average Looking Guys (Or Ugly Guys)

mickeydmickeyd Posts: 53Member
edited May 2011 in love & relationships
I notice this just about every day. Every time I go to a grocery store, a cafe, anywhere really, anytime I see a pretty girl, 9 times out of 10, the guy she is with is either average looking, or below average looking. He may be noticeably short, or noticeably fat, or both short and fat. Greasy hair, poor or nonexistent fashion sense, or just flat out looks like a bum.

Even though I work out, have a nice body, nice clothes, nice car, am polite, good job, I have a hard time getting the prettiest girls to date me. This used to frustrate me and still does. I think what is happening is that girls want to be in a relationship, and the best way of insuring that she stay in one, is to find a guy who she thinks is GRATEFUL to be with her. That means, a guy who is not so good looking, and therefore (she believes) less likely to cheat on her.

In the meantime, guys who she thinks have A LOT of dating options (because of good looks, for example) are almost frowned upon by beautiful girls because they fear these guys will bring the drama, cheat, or dump her for a better looking girl.

Also, there have been times where I have been really nervous because I thought a girl was very beautiful, so I know what these girls are feeling.

Anyway, while it is frustrating to see beautiful girls choosing ugly guys, broke guys and abusive guys as boyfriends, at least I have a better sense of why.
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Replies

  • Andreas1Andreas1 Subliminal Posts: 469Member
    edited May 2011
    Yea... I don't think so bud. Keep searchin though, you might find the answer where you least expected it.
    HavenInMusemelkimxmudkipHaplessChildEishiJulelinhybearLiandonCloud ExpertHeartedmrsbunnyrabbitJENNUH
  • yunayuna 溫哥華Posts: 1,459Member
    edited May 2011
    Personality check?

    Who cares if you are fit, have nice car, good job. If you are a jerk to girls, no women would want to date you.
    &adamo.HavenInMusecookiechongmudkipk-teeHaplessChildmisspinkyKeayaraEishiJuleohsupjenniehoneylatte02ladyluckkBobaMilkTeastarberlinhybearkireisnowtenshimusicsmylifepeachiekeennana544SayTeenietinatran_pwnzrzpupluvgurlhellomomos_umiretwoplusoneshadesofseaAlt NumwonderjoeSilverain1letsflyycoolcoke.luven-youmrsbunnyrabbitKrystal.Bonnieimmortalbluefor3v3rlost_1sentimental-circusxoxo_sdbibomfg_machsweetxsimplehiienIATEYOUanon1234567890Jun4351aiCheerioGofishusmochacookiessakuracupcakemonkeyshinobiBissuHello!misSmystifiedChingGoojuiceyboxlil_mysticjaneymangel_501jasmine~the-dreamerjiyongfightingmarmar90hikari619tiguangnaJENNUHbgoddessOpenhappiiesslychee_pooSM1L3,chocvanillakwalkinz__CHINA.DOLLrealies09Xx_Shattereddream_onBLOO♥BloodPrincessShiroto_GLITCH_
  • BEBE_ANBEBE_AN Posts: 346Member
    i personally disagree with your assumption that girls date guys who they believe would be grateful to be with them. appearance is not a priority for girls when choosing their mates. they're more likely after security (financial or safety). girls like confident (not arrogant) and approachable guys. so those guys may lack physical appearance, but they probably have other characteristics that attract girls. seems like you need to do some self reflections and see what your flaws are that may not attract girls. you mentioned that you "have a hard time getting the prettiest girls." i think that's where your problem lies. you can try aiming for a pretty girl, not the prettiest girl (unless you're brad pitt or ryan reynolds of course).
    Fallenskies~Silverain1luven-you
  • JyumJyum Posts: 322Member
    Do you choose a car, because it looks the hottest? no. It has to be able to perform. (no i don't mean sexually. pervert.)
    I write poetry.
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  • EclecticEclectic lvl 1 red mage limboPosts: 2,150Member

    SUPERSTAR

    edited May 2011
    mickeyd wrote on 30 May 2011 - 12:32 AM:

    I notice this just about every day. Every time I go to a grocery store, a cafe, anywhere really, anytime I see a pretty girl, 9 times out of 10, the guy she is with is either average looking, or below average looking. He may be noticeably short, or noticeably fat, or both short and fat. Greasy hair, poor or nonexistent fashion sense, or just flat out looks like a bum.

    Even though I work out, have a nice body, nice clothes, nice car, am polite, good job, I have a hard time getting the prettiest girls to date me. This used to frustrate me and still does. I think what is happening is that girls want to be in a relationship, and the best way of insuring that she stay in one, is to find a guy who she thinks is GRATEFUL to be with her. That means, a guy who is not so good looking, and therefore (she believes) less likely to cheat on her.

    In the meantime, guys who she thinks have A LOT of dating options (because of good looks, for example) are almost frowned upon by beautiful girls because they fear these guys will bring the drama, cheat, or dump her for a better looking girl.

    Also, there have been times where I have been really nervous because I thought a girl was very beautiful, so I know what these girls are feeling.

    Anyway, while it is frustrating to see beautiful girls choosing ugly guys, broke guys and abusive guys as boyfriends, at least I have a better sense of why.


    this kinda reminds me of The Fox and the Grapes fable:

    (source: wikipedia)
    Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked, 'Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes.'

    People who speak disparagingly of things that they cannot attain would do well to apply this story to themselves.


    we tend to create our own rationalizations to make sense of the observations that we cannot understand. a sort of coping mechanism, if you will (like the fox did with the grapes he couldn't reach/obtain).

    :vicx:
    Always expect the worst; you will never be disappointed.

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  • ronniexieronniexie Posts: 113Member
  • iEatPowderiEatPowder Relic. californiaPosts: 2,022Friend of Soompi
    Maybe they think you're vain and superficial (actually, I'm pretty sure that's it). You boast about your looks and material wealth, which isn't very modest. And you insult other guys by pointing out their flaws when you don't know anything about them.

    ...But hey, at the end of the day, us "average" guys go home with the girl. ;]
    FAIL.
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  • KiwidotsKiwidots CaliforniaPosts: 81Member
    You sound genuinely frustrated, so I'll spare you another "you're just jealous/insecure/rationalizing" lecture.

    And I feel ya. I mean who hasn't spotted a couple walking on the street before and thought, "woah, why is he/she out with that person? They could do better ...like with me".

    Personally, I would assume it has to do more with personality match then security issues. I don't think a girl would mind dating someone who is attractive, but dating someone who knows that they are attractive, which you sound like, is a different story.

    A high confidence level can be pretty intimidating. Try toning it down? Maybe take the bum look you are seeing out for a spin?

    But if you don't want to lower your personal standards, you will just have to wait for a girl that has the same amount of confidence and self-esteem that you have. Good luck.
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  • 한스 ㅋㅋ한스 ㅋㅋ jifewohoefncei Posts: 4,659Member

    IDOL

    ya know maybe those guys dun look bad, its just that u think ur so good that u look down on them.
    but u do make a point, the prettiest girls at my uni have the most non-fashionable and normal looking bf.

    dot.abyssesourHearted
  • sussus AussiE lANdPosts: 3,213Member
    i think girls are less shallow
    they are more after security... like money/ good job/ emotional support
    often 'ugly' guys have these qualities...

    ermm i think a lot of hot guys... girls feel insecure.. like they think that they may leave them for another girl...
    but when they wit a less attractive guy.. they kno they are hot.. and maybe more secure that the guy wont leave them.. as in too good to give up??

    plus hot guys are associated with having lots of gals after them
    n they more the parti type.. hence more dramas..

    thats just my opinions
    Silverain1Heartedmystified
  • chilovesjjchilovesjj ??? ???! Posts: 876Member
    edited May 2011
    Generally, girls are more bothered about personality than looks. That's not to say looks carry no weight at all, but it's not the most important thing. Guys are very visual and need a partner that they find really physically attractive for it to work. For a girl, as she gets to know a guy, his personality and the way he makes her feel can make him more attractive to her. Similarly a girl can be put right off a physically attractive guy by how he acts and makes her feel, etc. :) (Also if you give off a vibe of an arrogant player type most sensible girls will run a mile)

    Also, for me personally I don't deliberately go looking for a less attractive guy in the hope he will be grateful to be with me, guys may be that logical when it comes to matters of the heart but I'm certainly not :lol: I don't choose who I fall for, who I am attracted to. It just happens and I roll with it. :)
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  • meiko540meiko540 PAPosts: 471Member

    ROOKIE

    personally dating an average guy gives the girl more "secure" feeling and they probably have better personality so no need to be worked up about it.
    Silverain1
  • bona fide*bona fide* Posts: 1,520Member
    edited May 2011
    mickeyd wrote on 30 May 2011 - 03:32 AM:

    I think what is happening is that girls want to be in a relationship, and the best way of insuring that she stay in one, is to find a guy who she thinks is GRATEFUL to be with her. That means, a guy who is not so good looking, and therefore (she believes) less likely to cheat on her.

    What a horrible analysis. You assume that women don't take into account character when looking for a potential mate, just appearance. Maybe this is why you're single. If all you have to offer are superficial qualities, trust me, women who want a SERIOUS relationship won't be flocking your way.

    kireisnowtenshipeachiekeenMythnoonAAlt NumSilverain1luven-youHeartedchoellemarmar90tiguangnalychee_pooSM1L3,_GLITCH_
  • HaplessChildHaplessChild Apathetic Posts: 5,398Member
    edited May 2011
    If I have to choose between the gym rat and the nerd, I'm going to choose the nerd. At least the nerd is likely to have interesting hobbies.

    When I see a guy that extremely fit (beyond the occasional sport with friends and things like fitness from commuting and/or the morning jog) I know he spends hours of his free time at the gym. That means he's spending those hours that he could be doing something fun/ interesting/ fulfilling/ enriching, worry about how he looks and what other people might thing about how he looks. That's pretty lame to me.

    There is a different kind of confidence that comes from a man that's not model material. They've usually not had looks to carry them so they are forced to develop a personality, a sense of humor and hobbies to keep them busy while their vain friends are at the gym.

    When I met my BF I was also being pursued by a man that is a gorgeous physical trainer. His body is perfection and his mug ain't bad either. My bf is skinny, easily winded, has adult acne and a huge crooked nose. None of that crap mattered because the guy that went on to become my bf makes me laugh. The other guy didn't.

    My bf spent his awkward, ugly teen years in a basement playing around on the computer while the other guy was at the gym and playing sports and lifting weights, trying to get girls and making himself beautiful. Now, they are about the same age and my bf is making $70k with no college degree and the other guy has a BA and is still working at the gym making maybe $35k because he didn't pick up any [life] skills because he spent his days worrying about his looks instead of his mind.

    The guy I dated before my bf is hot at balls. It's crazy how hot he is. TBH, I don't even know what made him look in my general direction. Too bad he's dumb as rocks.

    There's no more security in dating an "ugly" guy than there is a hot one because, quite frankly, once you get past the 6 month mark, the novelty of things like looks and sex has gone. They're still important but they're no longer the most important. Come the 6th month, it's not going to be something like gaining 5lbs or having an acne outbreak that going to cause the fight that's going to make or break the relationship; it's going to be a fight about compatibility, respect, trust, or something of that nature, none of which looks have any bearing on.

    Not to mention, a guy's face has pretty much zero to do with how good he is in the sack.
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  • cutemonstercutemonster Posts: 792Member
    To be honest I don't think what you speak is true in two aspects:

    1. not all pretty girls date average guys. I think you just see what you want to see to give yourself an excuse as to why you don't have someone you sincerely like yet.

    2. you are under the assumption that girls don't date good looking guys because fear of drama. But then you are assuming all girls want some kind of deep relationship with some sort of connection. That is not necessarily true. girls are just as superficial as guys. girls date good looking guys for the looks too.

    but what I WILL tell you is that IF a girl is looking for a meaningful relationship, why they would want to date someone who's a level below them, and this applies to all guys & girls:

    1. less effort. they don't need to look pretty/dress up all the time to impress the guy.
    2. these average guys know what they have and they work harder to keep the girl, not all average/ugly guys are rich/emotionally supportive, but they make the effort TO BE because otherwise they'll have NOTHING to compete.

    what I just outlines is of course a misconception by the general female population. because let's be honest, whether you are good looking/ugly, rich/poor, men don't really need a reason to cheat/be a jerk. I've seen plenty of examples where beautiful and wonderful women get cheated on by their less than average husbands because they are "too good for them and the pressure is too much to handle."
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  • witcherywitchery ailurophile Sydney~Posts: 5,005Friend of Soompi

    SUPERSTAR

    edited May 2011
    Putting all your sweeping assumptions aside, you simply underestimate the value of personality.

    I also don't understand the idea of girls dating the more average looking guys out of security. A girl would have to be really, REALLY insecure about herself to go out of her way to choose a guy she knows other girls won't be fighting for, based on looks. Also if you think by doing so you're reducing the risk of your bf running off with another girl, then that doesn't make sense either when it's all about how loyal and trustworthy HE is, and cheaters will come in all shapes and sizes (not just the good-looking ones). So I just don't get the point of deliberately dating someone with sub-par looks, because in that you're making the incredibly broad and unfair assumption that they are somehow "lesser" beings and less desirable to other competitors, and therefore will be a more trustworthy person and provide a happier relationship....????
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  • EishiEishi Posts: 41Member
    You can't choose who you fall for.
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  • flayzflayz Posts: 117Member
    Eishi wrote on 30 May 2011 - 09:22 AM:

    You can't choose who you fall for.


    i like this one.....
    JyumjellykrystleeeSorahakone
  • F-U-NF-U-N Posts: 30Member
    Just to be clear OP I think it's perfectly fine the way you think. Maybe its just so damn hard to find an attractive guy other than on T.V. Maybe the girls you see have been rejected and lowered their standards. Maybe the girls have thought you were out of their league. Maybe you need to step up your game and ask out all the girls you consider pretty.Maybe its because you yourself are average because you compare yourself to other ugly-average people. Who knows, just ask the pretty girls in front of their boyfriend how they met or if you prefer, "What's a guy like that doing with a chick like you."
    choelleFORTISSIMO
  • LieLie I'm #1 Posts: 3,042Moderator

    MODERATOR

    edited May 2011
    HaplessChild wrote on 30 May 2011 - 08:56 AM:
    When I see a guy that extremely fit (beyond the occasional sport with friends and things like fitness from commuting and/or the morning jog) I know he spends hours of his free time at the gym. That means he's spending those hours that he could be doing something fun/ interesting/ fulfilling/ enriching, worry about how he looks and what other people might thing about how he looks. That's pretty lame to me.

    I agree with the rest of your post, but I have a problem with your logic here. Maybe he spends hours of his free time at the gym because he likes the way the exercise makes him feel (energized, healthy, etc)? According to your post, you're assuming that everyone who works out a lot (more than you've deemed viable) does it for looks, which isn't necessarily true. And who's to say that a nerd really spends their free time in a more productive way just because they're a nerd? I have a friend that lives in his parents' basement and spends hours upon hours making new multiplayer maps for 10 year old FPSs. Not my idea of productivity, but he has fun with it.

    I wouldn't say that I'm either a work-out nut or a nerd (maybe a little of both), but you obviously have losers (and winners) in both groups. There are productive work-out nuts and unproductive work-out nuts, productive nerds and unproductive nerds. We shouldn't judge them according to their looks or social status. That said, I do think nerds get a bad rap, so I agree with the rest of your post as previously mentioned.
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