Ask The Fellas

[Guest clairdeluned]

I went out with this guy last night (who I have known for a few years and lost touch with, and he just recently found me on FB) and he made it quite clear after dinner that he wants to start a relationship with me. I thought we were just going to hang out and catch up on what we've been up to, but that's.. obviously not what happened haha I was stressed out enough about a midterm in a couple of days so I just told him that I wasn't sure and would have to think about it for a while. I woke up this morning and realized that the age difference (he's 29, I'm 19) and long distance (he's in NorCal, I'm in SoCal) is just too much for me, and there's no way that it could ever work out.

Problem is, I really can't afford to spend any more time stressing out about him until after Wednesday (midterm day) but he keeps on sending me texts. I feel like if I answer any of them, he will call me up and want to "talk about things" which I frankly don't have the time or emotional capacity to do at the moment... but I feel like a jerk for just not talking to him at all. (Though I was planning on telling him on Thursday that I don't think it'll work out, before he leaves to go back up to NorCal.)

So I guess 2 questions... how should I respond to his texts, if at all? (If I write back, is it going to make him think that I am interested? Because I really don't have any intentions to start anything with him, even if he is a nice guy)... and how should I tell him that I'm not interested? I normally do things face to face but I just feel like he won't let me get a word in edge-wise trying to kiss me, and will try to convince me otherwise Or should I just strap some duct tape on his mouth and not let him talk/kiss? haha I guess this was a rant/question thing, but any advice would be much appreciated :blush:

[Guest jeffword]

I went out with this guy last night (who I have known for a few years and lost touch with, and he just recently found me on FB) and he made it quite clear after dinner that he wants to start a relationship with me. I thought we were just going to hang out and catch up on what we've been up to, but that's.. obviously not what happened haha I was stressed out enough about a midterm in a couple of days so I just told him that I wasn't sure and would have to think about it for a while. I woke up this morning and realized that the age difference (he's 29, I'm 19) and long distance (he's in NorCal, I'm in SoCal) is just too much for me, and there's no way that it could ever work out.

Problem is, I really can't afford to spend any more time stressing out about him until after Wednesday (midterm day) but he keeps on sending me texts. I feel like if I answer any of them, he will call me up and want to "talk about things" which I frankly don't have the time or emotional capacity to do at the moment... but I feel like a jerk for just not talking to him at all. (Though I was planning on telling him on Thursday that I don't think it'll work out, before he leaves to go back up to NorCal.)

So I guess 2 questions... how should I respond to his texts, if at all? (If I write back, is it going to make him think that I am interested? Because I really don't have any intentions to start anything with him, even if he is a nice guy)... and how should I tell him that I'm not interested? I normally do things face to face but I just feel like he won't let me get a word in edge-wise trying to kiss me, and will try to convince me otherwise Or should I just strap some duct tape on his mouth and not let him talk/kiss? haha I guess this was a rant/question thing, but any advice would be much appreciated :blush:

I think what you need to do is mainly just focus on your work right now.

If he really is in such a hurry to start a relationship with you,

Then he should be consideration of your work, and let you finish before you do anything else.

As for the process before that, simply tell him that you're going to be busy with midterms.

Show him the bags under your eyes or something xD

prove to him you're working.

Just avoid it, dodge his kisses! haha,

anything just to get him knowing you [do] have good intentions, but right now

you don't have the cards to do such.

[Guest marvinoppa]

what do you think about a guy who looks at you, and then smiles, then after like a second, he immediately goes back to his normal face. like literally from --> =D to =l haha. x] is it still the same thing as a guy just smiling at you... except he doesn't want it to be awkward or something? =s and this happens frequently

um if some dude gave me that kind of look, id give him the middle finger. i aint no homo. but from a girls perspective...its just a smile. would you rather he gave you the finger? its really just a silent greeting.

[Guest jia0zi]

ive known this guy literally since i was born. our family are really really close with each other. ur parents and his parents are always encouraging us to hang out and eventually become bf/gf and eventually get married LOL.

we both talk about it, and joke about how annoying it is etc. but i think this kid is kinda starting to grow on me, and i can picture myself marrying him. its starting to scare me.

we've been hanging out a lot recently, and i notice that he looks at me alot and he's really protective of me.

this might be a weird question to ask, but what's going on? am i starting to grow on him too? haha idk

[Guest marvinoppa]

ive known this guy literally since i was born. our family are really really close with each other. ur parents and his parents are always encouraging us to hang out and eventually become bf/gf and eventually get married LOL.

we both talk about it, and joke about how annoying it is etc. but i think this kid is kinda starting to grow on me, and i can picture myself marrying him. its starting to scare me.

we've been hanging out a lot recently, and i notice that he looks at me alot and he's really protective of me.

this might be a weird question to ask, but what's going on? am i starting to grow on him too? haha idk

how old are the both of you?

[Guest jia0zi]

how old are the both of you?

i'm 18 and he's almost twenty

[Guest FESHA]

Crap! *taps keyboards thinks of a good way to explain this*

How am I suppose to break it to my *thinks for a second* four year ex saying that it's over. Completely over between us?

He's a year younger than I am. He still tries to get back with me.I don't wanna be with him. Got tired of his possessive, cheating, suicidal butt long time ago. The next day after I broke up with him he came up to me saying he tried to commit suicide, if I don't get back with him he'll try to kill himself. My friends tried convincing me into back with him because he was treating them like crap(mean). Spoken about it with my dad what he told me. My dad said, "if he feels that way, he can't handle this world if he threaten you like that"

What words do I have to use that it's over ? (I feel like he's Sousuke from Last Friends who can't seem to understand the word that it's over, except him being the abuser type out)

Even my nephew bluntly told him straight in his face that I don't like him when he asked about me. I'm more annoyed when he came up to my sister asking about me during Treaty Days this past weekend.

[wonny]

oh bloody hell.

i feel stupid for posting this but i hope one of you guys can help me.

yeah, and im pretty sure this questition/situation has been answered before, but do give this girl a chance yeah?

ooorrrighty, here it goes...

well i have a guy friend - hes one of those kind of people that everyone likes, pretty good looking etc etc

we talk oftenish, on msn or at school but we're not majorly close friends, just normal casual friends...

oh, and hes the type of guy who good naturedly flirts with all the girls in our grade - its just his nature to do so. His personality is just to flirt and complement any chick - thats why most of the girls in my grade are good friends with him LOL.

anyway last saturday he called me, and said causally along the lines of "come out & lets meet up"

but i was busy so i said something like "oh i'll shout you food next week"

and then at school he mentioned it again, like "your buying me dinner yeah?" etc etc

and all these other little things happened recently...which leads me to ask...

BLAH, worst explanation ever, but...

does he like me/wants to get closer?

or is he just being a good friend, and wants to get more friendly?

BLEH, IDK cause hes such a bloody flirt.

[Guest Unseen Choice]

ive known this guy literally since i was born. our family are really really close with each other. ur parents and his parents are always encouraging us to hang out and eventually become bf/gf and eventually get married LOL.

we both talk about it, and joke about how annoying it is etc. but i think this kid is kinda starting to grow on me, and i can picture myself marrying him. its starting to scare me.

we've been hanging out a lot recently, and i notice that he looks at me alot and he's really protective of me.

this might be a weird question to ask, but what's going on? am i starting to grow on him too? haha idk

He might regard you as a little sister more than a girlfriend, most guys I know who have a childhood friend like you regard them as more of a little sister since they both grew up together basically. It's kind of hard to make a switch between childhood friend and to something more for most guys at this age but it is possible.

But with the recent changes you said about hanging out a lot recently, anything that changes from the usual norm might be a signal that you might be growing on him as something more than a childhood friend.

[Guest shirotaka]

I´m still dreaming about this..

I hope my first boyfriend to be my future husband.

Guy hav/had this in mind?

ROFLCAKES ROFLCAKES...anyways.. Yeah but you kind of have to get real...we're not in an anime/Korean drama here. I know this seems kind of cruel or harsh. But its the truth. Sad thing is, I'm hoping for this too xD.

[Guest shirotaka]

ahuaha I hav to wake up..

Is that.. my sister was his first love and vice-versa. After 10 years dating (record) they got married

Ahh.. and when a guy is dating

Which are the % of dating a girl, because he wanted.

% dating this girl, hoping to be her future husband?

Well he wouldn't be dating...if he didn't want to . So he'd kind of want to and the % increments and decrements while he's dating. The percents really depend on who she's dating. Also depending on the age and maturity, I grew up watching good old fashion TV. So my mind is basically implemented with ideas of this. But I know that life isn't like that. So it depends on the guy, how he grew up, maturity and personality. Its not a simple, oh yeah he loves you forever.

[Guest shirotaka]

Hm I was wondering

Because I don´t want to be just other girl to any guy.. U know?

Is like if I´m in a relationship, I´m in coz I´m hoping it will last forever.

I guess guys don´t think this way..

Sorry I´m not that clear, I´m trying my best to write in english

Its ok I understand what you're saying, but you can't just find love...I know you want your first relationship to be...perfect...but you know practice makes perfect and you have to practice different relationships to get a perfect one. Sure it'd be awesome to have someone stand by you for a long time but you still have to go out there and not be afraid to interact and meet different people. If you're afraid of a heart break then of course it'll never be broken. But it'll never be full either.

[Guest watcher]

oh bloody hell.

i feel stupid for posting this but i hope one of you guys can help me.

yeah, and im pretty sure this questition/situation has been answered before, but do give this girl a chance yeah?

ooorrrighty, here it goes...

well i have a guy friend - hes one of those kind of people that everyone likes, pretty good looking etc etc

we talk oftenish, on msn or at school but we're not majorly close friends, just normal casual friends...

oh, and hes the type of guy who good naturedly flirts with all the girls in our grade - its just his nature to do so. His personality is just to flirt and complement any chick - thats why most of the girls in my grade are good friends with him LOL.

anyway last saturday he called me, and said causally along the lines of "come out & lets meet up"

but i was busy so i said something like "oh i'll shout you food next week"

and then at school he mentioned it again, like "your buying me dinner yeah?" etc etc

and all these other little things happened recently...which leads me to ask...

BLAH, worst explanation ever, but...

does he like me/wants to get closer?

or is he just being a good friend, and wants to get more friendly?

BLEH, IDK cause hes such a bloody flirt.

there was a time in my life when i used to poke around here and there. i didn't poke any two girls within the same circle. i think that's dumb, but i did make moves to suggest interest and gauge their reactions. if they showed interest back, i'd give it a go. if they didn't, i'd poke again and see how they react. it's like throwing out bait and getting a feel of the bite.

if that guy is anything like how i used to be, he's probably interested in you, but he's probably mildly interested in a lot of other people. if you're ok with that, and you like him, you should start throwing up signs. if it's too much for you, then just avoid him and try not to make too much contact. depending on how much he likes you, he might keep going. but if he stops all of a sudden, he probably found someone else.

[Guest marvinoppa]

Crap! *taps keyboards thinks of a good way to explain this*

How am I suppose to break it to my *thinks for a second* four year ex saying that it's over. Completely over between us?

He's a year younger than I am. He still tries to get back with me.I don't wanna be with him. Got tired of his possessive, cheating, suicidal butt long time ago. The next day after I broke up with him he came up to me saying he tried to commit suicide, if I don't get back with him he'll try to kill himself. My friends tried convincing me into back with him because he was treating them like crap(mean). Spoken about it with my dad what he told me. My dad said, "if he feels that way, he can't handle this world if he threaten you like that"

What words do I have to use that it's over ? (I feel like he's Sousuke from Last Friends who can't seem to understand the word that it's over, except him being the abuser type out)

Even my nephew bluntly told him straight in his face that I don't like him when he asked about me. I'm more annoyed when he came up to my sister asking about me during Treaty Days this past weekend.

i dont know who Sousuke from Last Friends is... lets stick to perspectives, examples, and experiences from real life situations.

Sounds like a few of my ex's. theyre all still alive...i think. just cut off all ties. do not respond to any of his threats. this will only encourage him/her.

next in line.

[Guest catsinheat]

i have a good friend who happens to be male. we hang out, get sloshed together, etc. etc. etc. i can honestly say i love him---but as a friend (as i almost exclusively date girls).

we're very physically comfortable with each other. we spoon, cuddle, hold hands. he plays with my hair, gives me massages, and tells me i smell nice.

would you say this is strange behavior between two platonic friends of differing gender? my close friends and i (there aren't many) have always been very physically affectionate with each other, regardless of gender. but people outside our circle assume we're a couple, and we're most definitely not. a mutual friend has warned me he might want to pursue something in the long run, but i really don't know about that. he's straight, i'm not (mostly), and he's 100% aware. neither of us are dating anyone.

i might be overthinking this, but what that mutual friend implied bothered me, since she's known him longer than i have. if there's the possibility that he could be misinterpreting our physical interaction...well...

i guess i could ask straight-up but i don't know how to do that tactfully, since he honestly hasn't been behaving abnormally.

[Guest marvinoppa]

i have a good friend who happens to be male. we hang out, get sloshed together, etc. etc. etc. i can honestly say i love him---but as a friend (as i almost exclusively date girls).

we're very physically comfortable with each other. we spoon, cuddle, hold hands. he plays with my hair, gives me massages, and tells me i smell nice.

would you say this is strange behavior between two platonic friends of differing gender? my close friends and i (there aren't many) have always been very physically affectionate with each other, regardless of gender. but people outside our circle assume we're a couple, and we're most definitely not. a mutual friend has warned me he might want to pursue something in the long run, but i really don't know about that. he's straight, i'm not (mostly), and he's 100% aware. neither of us are dating anyone.

i might be overthinking this, but what that mutual friend implied bothered me. if there's the possibility that he could be misinterpreting our physical interaction...well...

no its not strange. some girls are just very comfortable being physical. errr 2 of my ex's still like to hold my hand and clasp my arm. we do let people know that we're not together should we be asked. if he knows, he knows. what would you have me do? tell you to tell him again?

next!

[Guest shirotaka]

i have a good friend who happens to be male. we hang out, get sloshed together, etc. etc. etc. i can honestly say i love him---but as a friend (as i almost exclusively date girls).

we're very physically comfortable with each other. we spoon, cuddle, hold hands. he plays with my hair, gives me massages, and tells me i smell nice.

would you say this is strange behavior between two platonic friends of differing gender? my close friends and i (there aren't many) have always been very physically affectionate with each other, regardless of gender. but people outside our circle assume we're a couple, and we're most definitely not. a mutual friend has warned me he might want to pursue something in the long run, but i really don't know about that. he's straight, i'm not (mostly), and he's 100% aware. neither of us are dating anyone.

i might be overthinking this, but what that mutual friend implied bothered me, since she's known him longer than i have. if there's the possibility that he could be misinterpreting our physical interaction...well...

i guess i could ask straight-up but i don't know how to do that tactfully, since he honestly hasn't been behaving abnormally.

Best thing to do is wait. My opinion is, if a guy gets touchy he usually wants to go further, guys don't usually touch girls that much if they're just friends. I mean hugging is nothing. But massages, holding hands, cuddling means a whole nother thing. Unless he has a girlfriend I'd be careful. But wait it out and see what happens.

[Guest forum-love]

last day of school,no reply to confession.(even though there are exam days)....safe to say its over? high school.

[Guest marvinoppa]

it over until the fat lady sings.

[Guest Unseen Choice]

i have a good friend who happens to be male. we hang out, get sloshed together, etc. etc. etc. i can honestly say i love him---but as a friend (as i almost exclusively date girls).

we're very physically comfortable with each other. we spoon, cuddle, hold hands. he plays with my hair, gives me massages, and tells me i smell nice.

would you say this is strange behavior between two platonic friends of differing gender? my close friends and i (there aren't many) have always been very physically affectionate with each other, regardless of gender. but people outside our circle assume we're a couple, and we're most definitely not. a mutual friend has warned me he might want to pursue something in the long run, but i really don't know about that. he's straight, i'm not (mostly), and he's 100% aware. neither of us are dating anyone.

i might be overthinking this, but what that mutual friend implied bothered me, since she's known him longer than i have. if there's the possibility that he could be misinterpreting our physical interaction...well...

i guess i could ask straight-up but i don't know how to do that tactfully, since he honestly hasn't been behaving abnormally.

He might be misinterpreting where your feelings are and where his is, guys aren't usually the touchy/feely type when it comes to well...anybody except a gf or someone they're pursuing. If he knows he's in the "friend zone" but has a lot of physical contact like massages/etc then I think they're definetly is some signals mixed up there.

Talk to him about it, and make sure that you tell him your feelings outright otherwise he'll think there's something more that's growing when there isn't.