Ask The Fellas

[Guest HERMIT]

It's hard to tell which of your scenarios is the 'most correct' without really knowing what the guy's intentions are.  And seeing as it's only been 2 weeks that you guys have been talking, I suppose that's not nearly sufficient time to really read the guy.  Do you want to give him the benefit of the doubt as a "nice guy" and say that maybe his only reason for the change is due to #3?  I don't know.  But I think one plausible approach you can take is to just wait and see and monitor how your subsequent interactions proceed from here on out.  If you notice a considerable decline in the conversation, then it could very well be that he had a too idealistic picture of you and your self-assessment in #2 ultimately turned him off.  But if you guys continue to communicate as you have been, then maybe all his well and he's just taking the situation under better consideration and not getting too swept up in lofty expectations.  I hope for you that it's the latter that pans out.  Good luck!

[Guest Xianie]

^ Thanks a lot for the detailed and insightful response, Hermit. Much appreciated.

[odaesan]

Hi Odaesan, why do you think that its some camouflage association? Is it some kind of defense mechanism?

It's behavior attached to a certain surrounding. It doesn't quite mean that it's for defense.

My Communications teacher was an idiot, but she did give me a good explanation I can pass onto you. People speak and they act in different ways in different settings such as when they speak to their friends versus when they speak to their parents.

This setting is with the same person, but he's developed a behavior for the classroom and for being outside that setting.

Once he starts to realize what he's been doing, he probably will act by what he chooses to be his default behavior.

[LALA]

Shall be deleted sorry hehe

[Guest Daisy-W]

I was wondering how do you generally keep a guy interested? I unfortunately loose a guy's interest boo )' : ( High school boys to be specific!)

I think I'm fun to talk to and hang with.. I don't look too shabby either. Perhaps I need to jazz up my wardrobe? What do you guys think?

[Guest d_jen]

So I have been wondering...

My guy friend and I like to joke around each other but mostly through text and there was only one moment wherein he initiated the texting. He would kid around saying he's in love with me, i'm beautiful, or i'm his ideal girl. One time my friend asked him what he wants to get for his birthday like interests, and he started listing down items then wrote my name at the end. Then a minute or two he texted my friend saying that he was just joking when he said my name. Another time was when we went out with a bunch of friends, he had a couple of drinks and throughout the night he would try to hold my hands, and whenever my friends would ask if he likes me he would say yea but then would follow up that he's just kidding. Also, he would keep mentioning my name in his texts. 

I'm starting to like him but I don't know if he feels the same way because he always make seem like a joke. Whenever we're out he barely glances at me except that night when he got a lil bit tipsy and whenever I talk. He never initiates the texting. Whenever we walk together with friends, he would either be so ahead or behind but never walks beside me. 

[Guest carshrimped]

What are your thoughts on your girlfriend making you a lunchbox?

Monthniversary with the boyfriend coming up soon, and it coincides with his exam period, so I thought of making him a bento to.. give him some sort of energy boost. Plus I do owe him one way before we even got together and he's been whining about how he never quite got his bento.

Part of why I've been putting it off is because I'm not the best cook - I cook decently enough to get by my own picky tastes, but that's about it, and I've never really cooked for anyone apart from myself before because it's so stressful.

[MrPower]

Why am I always here moments before a major exam? 

 

if you're crush asked you "are you gay?" through text message, will you guys mind it? would you feel mad?

after few weeks, your crush apologizes through message in facebook. will you really accept it? how will you guys feel?

Uh, is it being asked seriously? It doesn't really sit well with guys.

If a crush asked me this, I won't lie, I would be a bit disappointed.

(This is assuming that the guy isn't gay, and the crush is female)

I was wondering how do you generally keep a guy interested? I unfortunately loose a guy's interest boo )' : ( High school boys to be specific!)

I think I'm fun to talk to and hang with.. I don't look too shabby either. Perhaps I need to jazz up my wardrobe? What do you guys think?

I think it's a bit of give and take. Don't give him too much attention, but enough so he knows that you're interested. Play around with the power tug of war, and make sure that you're in control of how much you pull and give.

That being said, personality always keeps me interested, while intelligent banter keeps me engaged. Somebody who proves that they are someone beyond their appearances... having a great sense of humor never hurt anyone either.

So I have been wondering...

My guy friend and I like to joke around each other but mostly through text and there was only one moment wherein he initiated the texting. He would kid around saying he's in love with me, i'm beautiful, or i'm his ideal girl. One time my friend asked him what he wants to get for his birthday like interests, and he started listing down items then wrote my name at the end. Then a minute or two he texted my friend saying that he was just joking when he said my name. Another time was when we went out with a bunch of friends, he had a couple of drinks and throughout the night he would try to hold my hands, and whenever my friends would ask if he likes me he would say yea but then would follow up that he's just kidding. Also, he would keep mentioning my name in his texts. 

I'm starting to like him but I don't know if he feels the same way because he always make seem like a joke. Whenever we're out he barely glances at me except that night when he got a lil bit tipsy and whenever I talk. He never initiates the texting. Whenever we walk together with friends, he would either be so ahead or behind but never walks beside me. 

Meh. The way I see it... A guy who jokes around by saying he's in love with you, or that you're his ideal girl, without backing the words up is not worth your time. A guy who's not interested in you is also not worth your time.

What are your thoughts on your girlfriend making you a lunchbox?

Monthniversary with the boyfriend coming up soon, and it coincides with his exam period, so I thought of making him a bento to.. give him some sort of energy boost. Plus I do owe him one way before we even got together and he's been whining about how he never quite got his bento.

Part of why I've been putting it off is because I'm not the best cook - I cook decently enough to get by my own picky tastes, but that's about it, and I've never really cooked for anyone apart from myself before because it's so stressful.

Can't speak for all guys, but from my point of view, it's endearing to have your girlfriend make anything for you. Bentos especially are delicious, not because of the quality of the food, but because of who cared enough to make it for you.

But that could be just me hahaha

[odaesan]

I was wondering how do you generally keep a guy interested? I unfortunately loose a guy's interest boo )' : ( High school boys to be specific!)

I think I'm fun to talk to and hang with.. I don't look too shabby either. Perhaps I need to jazz up my wardrobe? What do you guys think?

I don't think someone who is 21 years old should be going after high school boys.

What are your thoughts on your girlfriend making you a lunchbox?

Monthniversary with the boyfriend coming up soon, and it coincides with his exam period, so I thought of making him a bento to.. give him some sort of energy boost. Plus I do owe him one way before we even got together and he's been whining about how he never quite got his bento.

Part of why I've been putting it off is because I'm not the best cook - I cook decently enough to get by my own picky tastes, but that's about it, and I've never really cooked for anyone apart from myself before because it's so stressful.

I'd like that.

I thought bento lunches had minimal cooking.

If he insists on it, then you can check out the Food forum here and ask for something simple which is not dangerous when not properly prepared.

He should like the idea anyway.

[Guest A_Star296]

Okay so I was at my cousins place this weekend for her wedding and her hubby introduced me to one of his friends. They've been trying to set me up with him for agesss but this was the first time I met him. He was quite shy at first which I found hilarious but because I was (slightly) drunk I kinda made him talk. Anyway, we went out to celebrate that night and more alcohol was involved and that led to me and him dancing together most of the night (I was the drunk one, he didn't drink). Now because I was drunk I was being abit over flirty ie. playing footsie under the table and dancing on him (yes I'm ashamed) but that was it, nothing else happened. That night when he left I just hugged him and apparently invited him to my place next week (with my cousin and her hubby) and he accepted. He left and I went back home the next day, I live in a different city. Anywho, when I woke up the next morning and remembered everything I felt really bad, embarrassed and freaking awkward whenever they mentioned his name. According to the hubby, his friend really likes me but I just don't feel the same. He's really sweet but I'm just not attracted to him and plus he lives in another city and from experience I just can't do long distance again. All three of them (cousin, hubby and the guy) are still planning on coming to my place next week to go out but I really don't want to see him because its going to be awkward. How can I explain to him that I don't like him THAT way without hurting his feelings? He is really a sweet guy and I wish I liked him but I just don't. I feel like such a pinkberry :/

[Guest HERMIT]

@A_Star296:  Don't sweat it as much as you are.  There is a simple and direct way to handle this.  What you don't want to do is just totally cancel out on the invitation because then that would just be pretty rude and you probably would risk hurting his feelings that way.  Instead, use the planned visit to your advantage by using it as an opportunity to vehemently apologize to him in person for being too tipsy at the wedding and acting out of turn and unladylike to him.  In doing so, basically get the point across by explaining to him that you hoped he didn't get the wrong ideas and impressions about you.  If you think it would be strategically beneficial to you, you might even try to paint it in such a way that you don't even remember too much of anything and make it sound like you get too overly flirtatious with everybody when it "really doesn't mean a thing".  I guess what I'm saying here is that you can use the occasion to apologize for your behavior that night while at the same time subliminally getting the point across that you really aren't expressly interested in him.  Hopefully this tactic would work.  And most importantly, to help solidify your point, you can purposely behave and act in a way around him that would totally be opposite from the way you were with him that night.  The more impersonal and 'distanced' you manage to stay around him, the more he'll hopefully come to realize that that night was just an aberration of your character and that you really don't like him.

And if all else fails, then I guess it wouldn't hurt to confide all that you've told us to your cousin and her husband and maybe they can tactfully 'break' this news to the guy on the way back home on your behalf.  Good luck!

[AiriinxKumori]

hey how much is too much when a guy prioritizes his friends?

[Guest Andreas1]

hey how much is too much when a guy prioritizes his friends?

It's kinda subjective... but basically if the girl feels left out and lonely then she should probably speak up and draw the line somewhere so he understands that he needs to give the relationship top priority. If he blows her off continuously without even considering her then maybe that's something for her to think about when deciding if she wants to be with that guy at all. Just keep in mind that there's reasonable amounts of needing attention and unreasonable amounts, a certain level of moderation is good for a healthy relationship. As long as her needs fall into the reasonable category then by all means give him an earful for being insensitive.

[Guest sukiyakiyamy;~;]

does it mean much if a guy compliments your clothes often? he doesnt really talk to other girls much. 

and how would you guys feel if all your guy friends in your circle of friends had girlfriends? and that those girlfriends where also part of that circle of friends? and that you where the only one without a girlfriend or anything, within that circle of friends? 

[Guest yanni~]

When it's enough for the coolness of a guy? When the guy stop playing cool and rude and pay attention to his real feelings toward a girl he likes?

What if you have split feelings about a guy? What if you know he visit your webside often that he is on a second place who's watching your site? But in real life he play cool. What would you think about that?

[Guest Fatalchange]

Do guys give their hoodies/jackets for a day to just any girl? Or is that a big sign that they might have feelings for her?

The guy I like recently gave his hoodie to a this girl in my class, and it kinda drove my crazy all day as I tried to assess their relationship. I mean, if he already has feelings for her, or if they're already dating, I don't want to get in the way.

If there is still some hope for me, what could I do to get his attention? I don't really talk to him outside of class, and I'd reall like to get to know him better...

[Guest icecream_x3]

I plan to confess to a friend with the message written on cake. Cake is an insider..

I was thinking of asking him to meet me before he goes on vacation (only time available) at the Cheesecake Factory. Make a reservation, and ask them to write a message on the cake I order (while I make the reservation by phone). I've never been to the Cheesecake Factory or reserved before..

My question to you fellas: 

Will this confession going to be memorable? Assuming the Cheesecake Factory will accept my request and carry out the surprise correctly?  

& if anyone HAS been to the factory, do they bring your cake to you? o_o I really don't know D: Will they take requests like that? D: 

---edit: CHEESECAKE FACTORY DOES NOT DO RESERVATIONS.

[MrPower]

Where are you guys... :/

 

does it mean much if a guy compliments your clothes often? he doesnt really talk to other girls much. 

and how would you guys feel if all your guy friends in your circle of friends had girlfriends? and that those girlfriends where also part of that circle of friends? and that you where the only one without a girlfriend or anything, within that circle of friends? 

Trying to be nice? Really likes your clothes? Maybe wants to get in your pants? meh, depends with every guy.

Whenever I compliment the clothing of women, it's usually to make them feel better about putting forth an effort to look nice.

If all of my guy friends had girlfriends huh? Well, I'd wonder why I don't have one, but I suppose I'd hang with my female friends?

If they were also part of that circle, then I'd hang with another circle if they were all lovey-dovey.

When it's enough for the coolness of a guy? When the guy stop playing cool and rude and pay attention to his real feelings toward a girl he likes?

What if you have split feelings about a guy? What if you know he visit your webside often that he is on a second place who's watching your site? But in real life he play cool. What would you think about that?

eh?

I'm not sure what you're asking. It seems like you're trying to assess the situation so you'll  be in control.

Well, take some action if you feel like your hunches are right.

Do guys give their hoodies/jackets for a day to just any girl? Or is that a big sign that they might have feelings for her?

The guy I like recently gave his hoodie to a this girl in my class, and it kinda drove my crazy all day as I tried to assess their relationship. I mean, if he already has feelings for her, or if they're already dating, I don't want to get in the way.

If there is still some hope for me, what could I do to get his attention? I don't really talk to him outside of class, and I'd reall like to get to know him better...

Meh, some guys do, others don't.

I usually lend jackets and whatnot. Usually to friends, and friends of friends. I'm a bit more intimate with those I fancy.

You've identified the problem. Talk to him inside class to start hanging out outside of class. Make the move!

I plan to confess to a friend with the message written on cake. Cake is an insider..

I was thinking of asking him to meet me before he goes on vacation (only time available) at the Cheesecake Factory. Make a reservation, and ask them to write a message on the cake I order (while I make the reservation by phone). I've never been to the Cheesecake Factory or reserved before..

My question to you fellas: 

Will this confession going to be memorable? Assuming the Cheesecake Factory will accept my request and carry out the surprise correctly?  

& if anyone HAS been to the factory, do they bring your cake to you? o_o I really don't know D: Will they take requests like that? D: 

---edit: CHEESECAKE FACTORY DOES NOT DO RESERVATIONS.

Make your friends help you out.

Confession by cake... They say the fastest route to a man's heart is through food. I'm sure he'll at least remember this occasion... even if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings.

[LALA]

Shall be deleted sorry hehe

[Guest dazzIe]

What does it mean when a guy says he "hearts you"? (Not love you) We've been liking/hanging out with each other since July and now we're exclusively dating. I know he doesn't mean he loves me so I don't really know...Or maybe he's saying he loves me as a person but NOT in love with me? lol.