Ask The Fellas

[Guest Andreas1]

So this isn't anything serious at all but it's bothering me. I met this guy while I was waiting in line for SNSD fan meet. We chatted with each other while waiting for around a little over two hours and I thought he was pretty nice. Although he had two girl friends next to him, he seemed to want to talk to me more. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't stop thinking about him. *quoted image* Someone please tell me this is not normal. *quoted image*

Oh god, I sound pathetic... 

Sorry to tell you but it's perfectly normal. I'd be more worried if you felt nothing after meeting someone that you got along well with, had similar interests, and were probably attracted to. Don't stress, happens all the time, and it will fade. People can develop crushes from the littlest of things, even from just hearing a voice or reading text. Humans are funny creatures.

[Guest staticlullaby]

Posted message.

[Guest straw_b3ry]

I'll be visiting my boyfriend this holiday, so he's currently looking for accommodations for both of us. He has an apartment for school, but shares it with friends. So I guess it wouldn't be convenient since I'll be the only girl there and they only have 1 bathroom. Now he's planning to borrow a studio from other students who will be going home for the holiday break. My bf said he will ask random students if he can sublease their studio and not from his friends because he said it will be weird. Why is it weird to ask friends if he can borrow their apt? I don't understand...his close friends know I'm his gf but haven't met me yet.

Another thing is my bf doesn't reply to my messages on his facebook wall. Like he doesn't reply me on facebook, rather he will text his reply to my phone...usually really quick and sweet though. I don't understand. Is he embarrassed about what I write? I rarely write on his wall and when I do it's quite vague and not lovey at all. Also before we started dating, he would write on my wall and reply me directly on Facebook. I know this is minor, but I'm just curious what guys think about this.

 

[Guest o________O]

Should I be worried at all? So the guy I've been seeing for the past 3 months is finally going to graduate in 3 weeks or so. After he graduates, he will no longer be a boarder; which means he can go out as late as he wants and anytime. With that much freedom I fear he will turn into a party animal as I already know he will be clubbing (I don't know how excessively though) and I know for sure his friends are really into clubbing. This really concerns me since all my older friends warned me about getting into relationships with clubbers/the party type as it screams out trouble. I know for sure girls will grind on him/ attempt to hit on him etc etc.. (I know this can't be helped.. you're at a club and it's only when he actually does something with the girl then I should be worried)...But I feel so down and worried about the idea of him clubbing anyways.. and it really doesn't make me feel better that he's quite attractive, a bit cocky and our relationship is still quite new. Is there anything I can do to make me less worried/depressed about this? Should I just try and tell him how I feel... and no, suggestions about me going with him won't work because I am still underage and will be underage for nearlly two years..

It's too early on in your relationship imo, to tell him not to go clubbing. Put it this way, do you think he's worth the risk?

[j'adoreAZNpop]

nevermind lol

[dreamL13]

Hey having a deep pondering thought.

What do guys think of innocent girls?

A girl friend of mine told me guys find them adorable; whereas my guy friend told me some guys can find it intimidating and a turn off.

What do you guy soompiers think?

[odaesan]

Hey having a deep pondering thought.

What do guys think of innocent girls?

A girl friend of mine told me guys find them adorable; whereas my guy friend told me some guys can find it intimidating and a turn off.

What do you guy soompiers think?

I think they're nice.

Intimidating as in they won't be able to pull off the same things they do with other girls?

I would rather be around an innocent young lady than one who flirts with every guy.

[Guest gangdur]

I met this guy recently with my friend and since then he has been texting both me and my friend. He started texting my friend first because she asked for his number... and they texted a lot beforehand. Then he asked another mutual friend of ours for my number. We've been texting for like 5 days straight but what I tend to notice is that he takes ages to respond! Like 20mins-2hrs.... but the questions he asks me are like 'getting to know' questions lol. He responds to my friend really fast though but it seems like they are shorter answers.

I find this weird. Am I boring? LOL

[Guest ssarahlee]

What can a girl do or say to know if a guy is serious about a relationship or just in it for the fun of it?

How can you ask this question with out being too blunt, yet to ensure a proper answer.

[Guest HERMIT]

I met this guy recently with my friend and since then he has been texting both me and my friend. He started texting my friend first because she asked for his number... and they texted a lot beforehand. Then he asked another mutual friend of ours for my number. We've been texting for like 5 days straight but what I tend to notice is that he takes ages to respond! Like 20mins-2hrs.... but the questions he asks me are like 'getting to know' questions lol. He responds to my friend really fast though but it seems like they are shorter answers.

I find this weird. Am I boring? LOL

It doesn't necessarily mean that you are boring. If that were the case, then I doubt you'd be texting 5 days straight with this guy. He'd just simply stop, I suppose.

It could just be that he doesn't really know you as much as your other friend and thus isn't as comfortable with making quick text responses. Given that it sounds like he responds with longer replies/answers to you compared to your friend, he could be putting in more thought in how he wants to respond - and this would explain the longer response times.

Another question is: how do you feel that he texts both you and your friend. Do you both like this guy?

[Guest SlicedBread]

What can a girl do or say to know if a guy is serious about a relationship or just in it for the fun of it?

How can you ask this question with out being too blunt, yet to ensure a proper answer.

"I am looking for a serious relationship."

You cannot prevent a guy from fibbing the answer, though. You can't really know if his answer is truthful unless you're really experienced at reading guys, though. To keep guys like me away from them, I think that the best thing a girl can do is make the guy wait...even then, you won't know if the guy is biding his time.

[Guest gangdur]

It doesn't necessarily mean that you are boring. If that were the case, then I doubt you'd be texting 5 days straight with this guy. He'd just simply stop, I suppose.

It could just be that he doesn't really know you as much as your other friend and thus isn't as comfortable with making quick text responses. Given that it sounds like he responds with longer replies/answers to you compared to your friend, he could be putting in more thought in how he wants to respond - and this would explain the longer response times.

Another question is: how do you feel that he texts both you and your friend. Do you both like this guy?

Umm well at first I was quite iffy about it because I thought that he was interested in me when we met.. but I found out that she had asked him for his number so I just laughed it off. I don't know if they still text as much because they don't have much in common.. she's very in-your-face and upfront. Whereas I am quite shy to ppl I am attracted to and he is as well so I have heard. She has a boyfriend lol.... but she likes to stir trouble and is very flirty to everyone (literally) so I don't know.

I like him though, that's where it sucks. That could be true what you are saying about him putting more thought into his replies. He seems to just go to sleep on me at night (when we text the most) and just carries on the conversation the next day.. Would you reckon it's normal to texting everyday with just a new friend?

[Guest nihewo87]

is he just shy to talk or judging me.....? >_<"

there is this guy on my bus who often glances at me whenever we're on the same bus. Today I sat in front of him so we were face to face. (I didn't even notice that he was sitting there in the first place....otherwise, I wouldn't sit there.)

I had my backpack on my lap and with hands on top of my backpack. I don't know why he keeps staring at my hands and then I caught him looking at me (at my face this time), and he turned away. I felt extremely awkward because we made eye contact for like a 1 second and half so I avoided his eyes. And the last time when we were on the bus together, I felt that he glanced at me a few times but I'm not sure. BUT when I got up to get off the bus, he was like looking down at my direction and he had a smile on......O____________O'' IDK what he's thinking.......he's making me feeling insecure about myself.

[Guest wonderland*]

You know when you share an eye contact with someone and suddenly feel this "connection" or the "zing" feeling without even knowing that person? I mean, even a stranger (usually a stranger). It's not exactly the physical appearance that caused it completely but something about the eye contact makes you fall for the person.

So anyways, this guy in one of my college class .. I noticed that he was staring at me couple of times. At first I ignored it but then soon after.. when I met eyes with him couple of times, I just start to develop this "like" towards him. Silly, I know.. since I have no idea who he is. But I honestly thought he shared the same feeling like I do because he stares at me at least few times every class time (not just a glance but literally for few seconds deeply...in a non creepy way of course haha).. UNTIL I found out he actually has a girlfriend. Yet he keeps staring at me in a way that makes me believe that he actually likes me.

What does this mean? Am I just being delusional? I mean, why would a taken guy stare at me in a way that a normal guy would when he finds a girl attractive? I just want to know what others think about this before I try my best to ignore his stares and hopefully not fall for him more than a small "like" I have currently haha ^^;;

[Guest vanessa_x17]

hiya, so random thought ive been pondering on. i want some guys opinion on giving a girl your coat. its a nice act that means more to girl than guys to me. anyways, if you do, do it, is it reserved for your s/o or would you do it for any girl out of kindness even if you have a gf.

[Guest x kisekiboshi]

A couple weeks ago, I met this guy at the campus center. He seemed really friendly and overall, a pretty good guy. We never really have a lot of time to talk to each other since we see each other about 10 minutes max before class and then another 5 when we're waiting for our bus. I wouldn't really consider him an aquiantance, but more of a guy I just have casual conversations with. Thus, we don't really know that much about one another.

The thing that irks me about him is that he's been a bit touchy feely lately. The first time, he high-fived me and let his fingers linger against my palm. I was a bit weirded out, but I shrugged it off. Right before he got on the bus today, he got close to me and pulled me into a hug. As you can tell, I have quite a bit of a delayed reaction. This definitely took me by surprise and by the time I wanted to say something, he got on the bus. While I definitely like getting hugs, I only like it when my close friends hug me. I feel like since we're not even acquaintances, I'm very uncomfortable with this. I know something like this is going to happen again (I'll probably run into him again this week) and I want to say something about it, but I don't know how. I don't know if I should just bring it up the next time I see him or say something the minute he tries to be touchy feely.

tl;dr : I barely know this guy and he's been making me feel uncomfortable by being touchy feely. What should I say to him so that he'll stop?

[Guest Miyuki♥]

Hello...I have a lame question sorry ;;

Okay! So I am 5'1'' and I weigh 165ish pounds. Okay, I want to say that I am not delusional, I am chubby/fat but in real life I just look curvy/chubby I really don't look my weight (I very well portioned and I also know how to dress for my body type) I used to do alot of sports in high school and when I went to college I completely stopped and I ended up gaining 25ish pounds. But, honestly, most of my old clothes still fit me and I had to go up 1 size in tops and 1-2 size in jeans depending on the company. I REPEAT I know I am not slender, slim, skinny. Also, I am pretty aesthetically pleasing face-wise and I am a master at applying minimal makeup for the maximum impact.

Okay so enough tooting my own horn, but I hope you get the picture.

In high school I always used to get asked out alot and then I would say no (because I was honestly not in that mindset) and then boys would say "haha I was just joking!" or call me a lesbian behind my back.

So now I am in college (I am a soph) and guys sometimes flirt with me but I now not only feel insecure about my body but I also don't know if they are serious or not so I act very serious. I don't want to mistake something that was not intended, you know?

So, up until now, I have NEVER had any romantic contact with boys. None. And I am not thinking about getting a boyfriend but I kind of want the experience since I want to go to medical school and won't have as much time then. I guess I am just looking for overall advice?

Please and thank you!

[Guest HERMIT]

gangdur' date='31 October 2011 - 07:27 AM' timestamp='1320071230' post='17460058']I like him though, that's where it sucks. That could be true what you are saying about him putting more thought into his replies. He seems to just go to sleep on me at night (when we text the most) and just carries on the conversation the next day.. Would you reckon it's normal to texting everyday with just a new friend?

It depends on the context of your texting, I suppose. But generally speaking, when it's a new friend I can see how frequent texting at first is normal and then it just gradually dies down. But since you like him, it doesn't necessarily have to go down that way. You can direct and control your text conversations in such a way, flirtatious or otherwise, to imply your interest in him. Ultimately, however, I think it would be in your best interest to graduate from texting to more frequent and actual face-to-face contact if you really want to explore romantic compatibility and possibilities.

nihewo87' date='31 October 2011 - 10:32 PM' timestamp='1320125569' post='17461149']

is he just shy to talk or judging me.....? >_<"

there is this guy on my bus who often glances at me whenever we're on the same bus. Today I sat in front of him so we were face to face. (I didn't even notice that he was sitting there in the first place....otherwise, I wouldn't sit there.)

I had my backpack on my lap and with hands on top of my backpack. I don't know why he keeps staring at my hands and then I caught him looking at me (at my face this time), and he turned away. I felt extremely awkward because we made eye contact for like a 1 second and half so I avoided his eyes. And the last time when we were on the bus together, I felt that he glanced at me a few times but I'm not sure. BUT when I got up to get off the bus, he was like looking down at my direction and he had a smile on......O____________O'' IDK what he's thinking.......he's making me feeling insecure about myself.

I think you might simply be overthinking this thing. The part about just staring at your hands could really be nothing other than him possibly just thinking to himself and blankly training his eyes on your hands without realizing it. For all we know he could have just been staring out into space or out the window while he was in thought. As to the other occurrences, it could just as easily mean nothing. It could just be familiarity with seeing you on the bus from before and the smile is just a sort of acknowledgement of seeing a fellow commuter again on the same route. If it really bugs you, you can always just break the ice with an innocently inquisitive "what are you so happy about?"

wonderland*' date='31 October 2011 - 11:26 PM' timestamp='1320128793' post='17461235']

What does this mean? Am I just being delusional? I mean, why would a taken guy stare at me in a way that a normal guy would when he finds a girl attractive? I just want to know what others think about this before I try my best to ignore his stares and hopefully not fall for him more than a small "like" I have currently haha ^^;;

I don't think you're being delusional but you should be cognizant that just because a guy is already taken it doesn't automatically mean he no longer notices other attractive women. He's a red-blooded male after all, hahaha. It's only if/when the guy actually appears to pursue you (or any other girl that catches his eye) where he can justifiably be judged to be a potential cheater and whatnot. It's the proverbial "you can look but you can't touch" saying, I suppose. Since he's already taken and presuming you really don't want to have anything to do with him because of that, go ahead and proceed to ignore his stares, lest you inadvertently provide that subtle incentive for him to consider pursuing something "on the side". Since you term his glances as "non creepy", just take it as a compliment that you're probably seen as attractive and simply leave it at that.

vanessa_x17' date='01 November 2011 - 01:09 PM' timestamp='1320178199' post='17462083']

hiya, so random thought ive been pondering on. i want some guys opinion on giving a girl your coat. its a nice act that means more to girl than guys to me. anyways, if you do, do it, is it reserved for your s/o or would you do it for any girl out of kindness even if you have a gf.

To me, offering a girl your coat is an age-old gesture of chivalry by a gentleman. Whether it is specifically reserved for your s/o depends on the situation, I gather. For example, if the girlfriend is the type to be easily jealous, I can see how refraining from performing this gesture for some other girl would give a guy pause for thought. By the same token, sometimes the kind of friendship/interaction the guy has with the other girl in question could come into play - ie. her impressionability and misconstruing the gesture as an implied overture other than being chivalrous. How the guy might assess the girl's reaction to it might also influence his consideration of offering the coat. But if the guy is just being a perfect gentleman, is in healthy and understanding relationship with his girlfriend, and the girl herself is perceived to be one not to read too much into the gesture, I can't see why this should be construed as a really big deal.

x kisekiboshi' date='01 November 2011 - 06:02 PM' timestamp='1320195756' post='17462299']

The thing that irks me about him is that he's been a bit touchy feely lately. The first time, he high-fived me and let his fingers linger against my palm. I was a bit weirded out, but I shrugged it off. Right before he got on the bus today, he got close to me and pulled me into a hug. As you can tell, I have quite a bit of a delayed reaction. This definitely took me by surprise and by the time I wanted to say something, he got on the bus. While I definitely like getting hugs, I only like it when my close friends hug me. I feel like since we're not even acquaintances, I'm very uncomfortable with this. I know something like this is going to happen again (I'll probably run into him again this week) and I want to say something about it, but I don't know how. I don't know if I should just bring it up the next time I see him or say something the minute he tries to be touchy feely.

tl;dr : I barely know this guy and he's been making me feel uncomfortable by being touchy feely. What should I say to him so that he'll stop?

Given that you guys are really just acquaintances at this stage of your developing interactions with him, I'm not so sure that verbally confronting him is exactly the correct route to go at this point in time. To do so directly has more potential for creating awkward situations and possibly cutting the budding acquaintanceship into friendship short - ie. he might just be that kind of touchy-feely kind of personality and to call him out on that directly might be construed more as some sort of derogatory indictment or insinuation of what kind of a person he is.

With that said, I think you might be better served to just strategically distance yourself in such a manner so as to not give him the opportunity to hug you. Or, if he does manage to do so, be firm in your body language and try not to be reciprocal in your reaction. Hopefully, the message would be more subtly received in this manner. If not, then you'll have no other option but to go ahead and confront him about his too overtly touchy-feely ways.

(Specifically speaking, if you feel that your strategically placed distance is being closed in and he's seemingly about to go in for the hug, try and reflexively hold up your bent arm in a preventive measure, effectively offering up a "fist bump compromise" followed up by a quick "put it there, I'll see ya later" (or whatever reply would suffice in that particular moment.)

Miyuki♥' date='01 November 2011 - 06:17 PM' timestamp='1320196627' post='17462307']

So now I am in college (I am a soph) and guys sometimes flirt with me but I now not only feel insecure about my body but I also don't know if they are serious or not so I act very serious. I don't want to mistake something that was not intended, you know?

So, up until now, I have NEVER had any romantic contact with boys. None. And I am not thinking about getting a boyfriend but I kind of want the experience since I want to go to medical school and won't have as much time then. I guess I am just looking for overall advice?

Please and thank you!

All I can say is that college is evidently different from high school as I'm sure you're realizing given the different social atmosphere you are experiencing. But judging from what you have posted, it seems that the one common thread that has kept you from realizing romantic contact with boys has been that you haven't actively been motivated or serious about pursuing it in your life. I guess now that you evidently feel motivated towards getting your feet wet in this realm, so to speak, all that you seemingly need to do is just change your original attitude/approach to your social interactions. Like you've said, guys still sometime flirt with you in college - so at least that half of the equation is in place. The other half is in your court: don't be serious and just be more open and reactively receptive to it. Flirt back and see what happens. That's one way to get the ball rolling.

(On a side note, don't let perceptions of your physical appearances mentally deter you. Presumably, the college guys you are meeting aren't the same high school guys of the past. So there's really no past reference for these new guys to judge you by. If they are flirting with you, then conceivably they are already liking what they are seeing now.)

[Guest PinkWaffles]

Edit: Thanks for the advice~

[Guest HERMIT]

I don't get as to why he's trying so hard to contact me and meet up when we've only talked through Facebook less than a hand-full of times.  Does he think I'm easy or something? It's just really creepy and weird.

Could be any of a number of reasons. Maybe this guy had a childhood crush on you back then and now he's excited to have found you. Maybe he only realizes how cute/pretty you are just solely based on whatever FB pictures you've posted and that's his motivation to want to reconnect. Or, maybe there's aspects about his life/personality that has changed over the 10+ years that you aren't aware of - like, maybe he doesn't have many friends in his own social circle and is just reaching out .... or, maybe he's the really, really friendly Facebook fanatic type and that's just the way he is.

I guess there's no real explanation for me to pose without knowing the context of your original childhood friendship. If you guys were pretty close as kids and then just instantly lost touch for over a decade, I can see his eagerness as just being excitement over finding a long-lost friend and now having the opportunity to reconnect again. The fact that you don't really rely on FB much probably just exacerbated the perception of things. In the end, it may not be that he finds you "easy" - it's just that he values the possibility of reconnecting and making up for lost time more than you apparently do.