Ask The Fellas

[odaesan]

I think it's not a bad rule. It actually helps for not having a girl be the rebound and his feelings will be clear at the end of that time. I don't know about the distance he's been taking and it doesn't look like it's related to not dating because he can still be your friend until he's willing to date. Maybe he's not confident enough.

Asking a girl if she missed him is a little direct. An indirect answer is better than another direct one. "Not so much" seems fine, but some people may think it's harsh. If you want to tell someone he's not making it past being your friend, talk to him about finding a girlfriend. Some things he does around you you can use to tell him not to do when he finds a girl he likes. If possible, tell him that you can introduce him to someone.

[Guest _serene]

So I want to 'confess' to my friend that I want us to be more than just friends and that I like him. I liked him beginning of high school but since he's so friendly with girls, I just thought I had no chance since I'm nothing compared to them, so I gave up and didn't want to try. I dated one guy for 6 months after that during junior year (last year) but things didn't work out. Now senior year starts, I'm much closer to my girl friends than guy friends yet I started to talk to the guy I liked freshman year (friend, call him L). We tease each other and sort of play fight a little but I guess he does that to every girl maybe since he's so friendly with them. He helps me and he actually talks to me about my ex and like why it happened, what went wrong, but it only comes up once in a while. After talking to him for the past few months, those feelings started to build up and although he comes off as a jerk sometimes, he's actually a caring friend. He'll joke around saying he won't do it for me yet he'll do it at the end. We're going to the same college, basically spending another 4 years together. My ex, coincidentially is also going to the same college as us, and he still likes me and L talks and teases me how my ex still likes me and all that jazz.

I've been keeping it to myself lately and it's so hard not to say it when we talk. I want to confess and thought of a way. Maybe tell him in person and tell him to turn around, tell him that I like him and want us to be more than friends. It's okay, if he doesn't want it, but we can always still be friends. That's all and just walk away? If he does want it, maybe he'll take the next step, if not I guess it wasn't meant to happen.

Is that okay o_o?

[Guest lululuvs4ever21]

guys, girls with pixie hair? yay or nay? kind of like emma watson's new haircut

what about just short hair in general? (opinion of boys who are around high-school age would be good, because that's just the age group of guys that I am around )

I'm just curious lol~

[Guest Andreas1]

I've been keeping it to myself lately and it's so hard not to say it when we talk. I want to confess and thought of a way. Maybe tell him in person and tell him to turn around, tell him that I like him and want us to be more than friends. It's okay, if he doesn't want it, but we can always still be friends. That's all and just walk away? If he does want it, maybe he'll take the next step, if not I guess it wasn't meant to happen.

Is that okay o_o?

Do it without the walking away part, show some confidence and let him respond. If he's a good guy even if he isn't interested he will be cool about it.

[Guest minicherries]

okay, so say theres a girl whos been crushing on this dude for 2 years,

so there was a dance and the day before the dance , she asks him on facebook " heey do you wanna go to the dance with me"

and he doesn't reply, the day of the dance , he doesn't come up to her AT ALL still with no reply of "yes" or "no" from him ...

on the way back home (the bus) one of his friends asks the girl who she danced with 

she says "no one" , after he then asks her "who did you WANT to dance with ?" does he KNOW that i wanted to dance with his friend thats why he was asking me??

because hes never asked me that before .. =/

im really really sad, and i need this answer im so confused, so ..

did her crush want HER to come up to him and ask him face to face ??

did the no reply on the internet indicate that he straight out rejected me ?

i dont get this, he acts like nothing happened ..

[Guest tinatran_]

I would leave both girls and I would apologize to my current girlfriend if that ever happened. She doesn't deserve a love triangle situation happening to her.

Do you think it's right for me to stay because I chose to?

@tinatran_ 

Wow you are a very forgiving girlfriend.. but after 5 years together I can understand you wanting to try and mend things. I don't know if it will work. He's obsessing over something "new" most likely and has to get over it before you two can continue together, unless you are cool with the idea of sharing a guy with another girl. I don't think those kinds of relationships really work though.. maybe in a purely sexual way it can be good times if you are both into it, but other than that I just don't see it happening. It's probably time for you to break up if he can't drop the other girl tbh.

Yeah, a majority of my friends say I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to things like this. I talked to him the other day about it and I told him I'm willing to stay with him if only we fix this. He wanted to fix the whole situation too and he agreed with me. I know it's wrong to keep an eye on him now that this has happened, but I just can't help it. This isn't the first time he's done something like this to me either, so you can see why/how I'm so protective. I know I can't do anything to change his feelings because we obviously know feelings don't go away that easy. What should I do as the insecure girlfriend? Should I keep holding on or give it some time for me and him to develop as a couple? Something tells me the feelings are temporary, but if it gets too far, I believe I should leave.

[Guest Andreas1]

 Should I keep holding on or give it some time for me and him to develop as a couple? Something tells me the feelings are temporary, but if it gets too far, I believe I should leave.

It's not wrong at all for you to be protective of your heart, especially since the one you trusted to keep it safe is not handling it properly. If you are certain you want to work things out then I suggest that you both try to rediscover why you fell in love in the first place. Go out on real dates together, take walks, go to the movies etc.. do the things that a couple does when they first meet and see if it feels right. If his head is not there and he doesn't make an effort to give you his full attention then he is not serious. You should be able to tell in your heart when and if it's time to go, trust that instinct and do it. You've had problems with this type of thing before so you need to take a strong stance this time.

im really really sad, and i need this answer im so confused, so ..

did her crush want HER to come up to him and ask him face to face ??

did the no reply on the internet indicate that he straight out rejected me ?

i dont get this, he acts like nothing happened ..

Aww, tell your "friend" not to be sad.. this kinda stuff happens to tons of kids. It's just those years where some mature faster than others(ie.her being more mature than those guys), I know it hurts to be treated that way. The no response means he didn't have the guts to tell her straight out what his deal is. The guy questioning her on the bus was probably teasing or just fishing for a reaction. Tell her not to worry though, she's gonna meet guys that treat her with respect in time, these guys are not what she wants and deserves.

[Guest cindy--rox]

How do you know this guy? Needs more infos plz. You should probably explain how you got his number first if you call him. From there it doesn't really matter, if he likes you he will probably agree with whatever you suggest, within reason.

ask him in person, don't ask him if he doesn't know who u are through texting...

I doubt you can do it with his number which you got without personally knowing him. The number is useless if you don't personally know each other.

LOL, okay so maybe I guess I was too vague in my initial post. I met this guy a few months ago through a mutual friend. So it's not like out of the blue, he knows my name and all. My friend says he likes me but I'm not sure cuz honestly, I've only hung out with him like twice in a group and I don't know when we'll meet again. That's why I want his number (which my friend has offered to give me) but if I do get his number, how would I approach him so that we can get to know each other better?

[odaesan]

Do you think it's right for me to stay because I chose to?

I don't think it does you any good and it probably will happen again and it may get worse. It's your choice, so if you think it won't happen again and whatever this is will just go away, then stay.

LOL, okay so maybe I guess I was too vague in my initial post. I met this guy a few months ago through a mutual friend. So it's not like out of the blue, he knows my name and all. My friend says he likes me but I'm not sure cuz honestly, I've only hung out with him like twice in a group and I don't know when we'll meet again. That's why I want his number (which my friend has offered to give me) but if I do get his number, how would I approach him so that we can get to know each other better?

If you get his number and you don't have a good excuse like you needed something from him, you need to be direct and tell him in the call. Approaching him though his number isn't the best idea unless you have a reason to contact him through it.

[Guest ricesonice]

guys, girls with pixie hair? yay or nay? kind of like emma watson's new haircut

what about just short hair in general? (opinion of boys who are around high-school age would be good, because that's just the age group of guys that I am around )

I'm just curious lol~

Personally, I prefer long hair over short hair. Some girls can pull off the short hair and whatnot, but one of the first things I notice about a girl will definitely be her hair. In my eyes, there's just something extremely sexy about a women who has long, silky, shiny hair.

However, since you also mentioned emma watson, I think she looks absolutely beautiful with short hair, but when I recently saw her in the seventh movie, her with long hair + her accent + her smile = sexy overload! I probably paid more attention to her than some parts of the movie haha =P

[Guest neshpa]

I'll remove your name when you delete your post.

Like Andreas1 posted, I'll remove this partial quote when you're ready.

Thanks for your opinions (:

I actually texted him last night, asking if he was taking the train tomorrow (since before our falling apart we would always meet up at the train station). He said that his parents were out of the country at the moment and that he wasn't going to be taking the train. I really do hope that that's the truth or else I'm going to be insanely pissed, haha. We exchanged a few more texts then I told him I was going to bed. He didn't text me back goodnight, which I think it's only polite to do so with anyone, so I was just sighed and went on with my life. So, as per usual, I'll just go with the flow and see where it takes me (:

About the other guy ... saying I'm too busy to miss anyone doesn't really work out since he asks me this every time I talk to me, haha. I guess I'll just continue saying, "You wish, jellyfish."

I can't talk to him about other guys I like (for example, J) because he and J are really close friends and that's just .. awkward

I think I'll go with odaesan's advice though~ about hinting to him that he should get a girlfriend, haha. Thanks again guys (

And I will have deleted my post after this one (:

[Guest __CHINA.DOLL]

Hey guys.. this is such a silly question however..

i was planning to hang out with this guy next week and i was contemplating on whether i should have a "plan" & ask him if he's busy on Thursday or if i should just ask him on Thursday instead? I have class on Thursday and he lives on campus .. shrugs* I wanted to do it after class because i wanted it to seem a bit spontaneous like? however.. he may be busy or something ? :/

what do you think i should do??

[Guest Liandon]

This has been making me frustrated for the past few days, so i guess it's safe to say i'd like some help, if possible

[edit - sorry, this is really friggin long and i hope any grammatical errors are overlooked >________<]

----

There's this guy - he's popular, high achieving, and has had several girlfriends in the past few years.

Not only that, but he's incredibly confident in what he does (but not egoistic), and is honestly a super sweet guy.

Then there's me - i'm not popular like him, i don't wear have this amazing body like some girls in my grade, i'm not gorgeous, i don't go clubbing, nor do I drink, and i'm farthest away from what kinds of girls he usually dates.

But it's odd. I sometimes catch him staring at me. Or he'll be looking at the board, and suddenly, his eyes will go to me, look down at my converse, and back up again, only to comment, "haha, nice uniform shoes" with a smirk. And he'll be calling me uncalled for names (not things like richard simmons, pinkberry, and whatnot though), only for me to turn around to him saying "...nice socks *lol*".

But it's like wtf? He goes out of his way to 'talk' to me, and when I reply to him, he's like, "why're you talking to me? do you like flirting with me or something?". The other day I pointed this out, how contradicting he is to tell me to stop talking to him when he always initiates it, and he proceeded to cover his face with his sweater for some reason. <___<

That same day it was hot out, so I took off my uniform polo so i could only wear my tshirt, and when he noticed that, he took off his sweater so he could hide it and loudly remark, "wow. liandon's going to be getting in trouble. she doesn't have her uniform on!", several times until I finally heard him, and he smirked at me. i glared, telling him why he should care.

It's just funny, since he treats me so differently from everyone else - I haven't done anything wrong to him to earn this annoying treatment. Just oneday, he began acting like this, being somewhat snide towards me, and nice to everyone else. He had his watch on his desk for example. My friend went out to grab it so she could look at it since it was pretty nice. He doesn't bat an eyelash at this - he doesn't care. Then there's me - i reach out to hold it, and maybe before i'm even near it he says, 'what are you doing? you trying to steal my watch - you thief!"

Oh with the theif thing. i dont know how, but oneday i found a pencil case and calc. on my desk. i somehow knew it was his but hoped it wasnt <__< And when i was asking around to see whose it was, he said that it was his, and called me a thief for taking his stuff. Now, everytime somethings missing, i'll hear, 'liandon! you thief, where's my stuff?" Now my friends take his stuff and plant it on me so i look guilty...lol. the thing is, everytime he comments or says something to me, it's with one of those smirk/smiles...<__<

He just...UGHH. He frustrates me to no end! Everything was cool - i wasn't going out of my way to talk to him bc we just were never friends, and then suddenly, he starts this. I mean, if he disliked me, he wouldn't go out of his way to talk to me at all, but he does so frequently, and not in the kind way he talks to others but in a 'rude' way. I don't know why he does this.

my best friends think he likes me. i don't, but maybe because i can't even imagine HIM liking ME of all people. i never hear of people liking me. i've never dated someone. i'm not from his crowd, and i'm not some beautiful chick.

your take on this, and his frustrating behaviour?

[Guest minicherries]

Aww, tell your "friend" not to be sad.. this kinda stuff happens to tons of kids. It's just those years where some mature faster than others(ie.her being more mature than those guys), I know it hurts to be treated that way. The no response means he didn't have the guts to tell her straight out what his deal is. The guy questioning her on the bus was probably teasing or just fishing for a reaction. Tell her not to worry though, she's gonna meet guys that treat her with respect in time, these guys are not what she wants and deserves.

[Guest c3n8g]

You guys give awesome answers, so I'll ask questions of my own.

What's with this guy? We met through a very close friend of his (my cousin's wife). We chatted on FB  once in a while. Last month, he invited me to a wedding in Ohio (where he lives). He knows that I had moved from Michigan to Texas in November. The first day he asked, I told him I would not be going. The second day he asked, I told him I might since my parents will be heading up there that weekend. On the third day, I told him I would go with him to the wedding. I went & it was kind of boring. He barely  talked to me at all. I tried starting conversations and asked questions, but he answered it briefly and barely said anything. The only people I knew at the wedding was my cousin, cousin's wife and the Ohio guy.  I see weddings as an intimate event where you don't invite just anyone. When I asked him why he invited me, his response was that he wanted to surprise his friend (my cousin's wife). When my cousin's wife found out that he invited me, he was indifferent about it. When we met, he was very nonchalant--he didn't seem excited about me being there compared to when he asked me to go.

1. Would you invite someone who live 1000+ miles away to a wedding if you only saw them as a friend?

2. He usually tells me to date his cousin but I tell him I don't like his cousin. Why does he do that?

3. We talk/chat, but he doesn't come off as the shy type. It wasn't until a  few days after the wedding, when I texted him, he claimed that he is  shy. Is his shyness the reason why he was so unfriendly toward me at the wedding reception? I use the word "unfriendly" because there was a point when he left me alone at the table to drink at the bar for half an hour; and I mean alone... as in no people within 20 feet radius of where I sat (half of the guest had left by this time).

[Guest Andreas1]

your take on this, and his frustrating behaviour?

I don't know how old you are but I think I stopped doing the "be mean to girl to get her attention" by the 5th grade.. I guess it does sound like he likes you in some way but it could also be in a sisterly respect. If you really want to find out and soon.. ask him if you can talk to him for a minute after class, pull him aside and get some answers out of the guy. Don't be too shy about it, take control of the situation.

You guys give awesome answers, so I'll ask questions of my own.

Pretty weird... some people are like that though, indifferent to how they treat others..etc. Seems like he invited you just so he wouldn't be showing up alone. He doesn't sound shy to me, he just sounds kinda lame to be honest. You obviously don't care much for his personality so just shrug it off and move on imo.

I would never have someone travel 1000+ miles just to treat them like any other random person...

Hey guys.. this is such a silly question however..

what do you think i should do??

I like spontaneous but with enough time to get ready to meet someone (take shower, whatever). Don't go knocking on his door unexpectedly lol. I think calling him up on Thursday is fine and if he's busy then try to make plans for the weekend or something.

[Guest coco_0106]

I met this guy on an internet 'dating' site, called plenty of fish last week thursday. 

He had a nice profile and all so i decided to message him, we send each other replies and he asks to start messaging via phone instead of the site because it was inconvenient.  Things are going fine we seem to be getting to know each other better, but he doesnt seem to reply to my last text messages and I'm left feeling at a loss.  This goes on for the next couple of days he initiates the convo but he doesnt finish it, then the next day i would initiate the convo but he doesnt reply to my very last txt (i.e The game must be over by now right?) 

Then on Monday he asked if we could meet up face-to-face for the first time for dinner, i agree.  We meet up at a sushi place and he goes in for a 'hug' (it was more of a half-hug).  Dinner is great, we talk and get to know each other but near the end there are a few awkward silences where we have run out of things to talk about.  Dinner ends he walks me to the car and he says, "it was nice meeting you. Have a good night."  I'm left utterly confused because he doesnt send a text or anything at all that night...I thought he would at least say something..

Tuesday comes around and he doesnt message me at all, so I bite the bullet and message him, his replies are slightly shorter than what i would hope for but he replies to whatever i say, but again he never replies to my last message.  

-Should I just give up on the guy? or still try to talk to him? I dont want to come across as needy and I have no idea what to do.  He's a great guy and would like to get to know him better. help?

[Guest Jive]

I met this guy on an internet 'dating' site, called plenty of fish last week thursday. 

He had a nice profile and all so i decided to message him, we send each other replies and he asks to start messaging via phone instead of the site because it was inconvenient.  Things are going fine we seem to be getting to know each other better, but he doesnt seem to reply to my last text messages and I'm left feeling at a loss.  This goes on for the next couple of days he initiates the convo but he doesnt finish it, then the next day i would initiate the convo but he doesnt reply to my very last txt (i.e The game must be over by now right?) 

Then on Monday he asked if we could meet up face-to-face for the first time for dinner, i agree.  We meet up at a sushi place and he goes in for a 'hug' (it was more of a half-hug).  Dinner is great, we talk and get to know each other but near the end there are a few awkward silences where we have run out of things to talk about.  Dinner ends he walks me to the car and he says, "it was nice meeting you. Have a good night."  I'm left utterly confused because he doesnt send a text or anything at all that night...I thought he would at least say something..

Tuesday comes around and he doesnt message me at all, so I bite the bullet and message him, his replies are slightly shorter than what i would hope for but he replies to whatever i say, but again he never replies to my last message.  

-Should I just give up on the guy? or still try to talk to him? I dont want to come across as needy and I have no idea what to do.  He's a great guy and would like to get to know him better. help?

If you like him then why not, but in all honesty he doesn't sound that interested anymore.

[Guest Andreas1]

-Should I just give up on the guy? or still try to talk to him? I dont want to come across as needy and I have no idea what to do.  He's a great guy and would like to get to know him better. help?

Wait for him to make the next move in a reasonable time frame like 1 week (I don't think he will tbh), if he doesn't then you give up on him.

[Guest Jive]

Hey guys.. this is such a silly question however..

i was planning to hang out with this guy next week and i was contemplating on whether i should have a "plan" & ask him if he's busy on Thursday or if i should just ask him on Thursday instead? I have class on Thursday and he lives on campus .. shrugs* I wanted to do it after class because i wanted it to seem a bit spontaneous like? however.. he may be busy or something ? :/

what do you think i should do??

Doesn't matter.  Just ask in advance.  If he likes you he will agree.