Ask The Fellas

[_siku_]

You can make anything sound weird or not weird; it's not what you say but how you say it.

For example.. saying, 'Hey, can I have your number.' can be translated into, 'How was the final for you? It was hard/easy or me. We should get together later and celebrate. What's your number?'

It's all about the presentation.

Hope this helps

Well first of all you gotta make sure he doesn't finish his exam before you and  take off lol.. if you are assured an opportunity to talk to him after  the final then casually as you are saying your goodbyes just be like "why don't you give  me your number so we can hang out sometime." .. as long as you ask  casually it won't sound weird. Good Luck and yes it really should be that simple.

=D thanks guys! I got his numbers LOL we talked for a bit after the final and I asked for his numbers~ It was a bit random and he just laughed LOL 

[Guest SlicedBread]

So you're saying that he's trying to sink in an image of me + him and probably trying to make ME have fantasies of us? whuuuut the -

that's weird. I don't even know, shouldn't he be doing this to his gf? Or is he purposely trying to make me like him, and like, idk, IDK. ;_;

thanks for that insight though.

Well, he might not be doing it for the same reason as me, but the result he is aiming for is the same. Guys tend to turn the heat up and cross boundaries because they know it can lead places if there is any sexual tension at all.

Having a girlfriend or boyfriend doesn't stop people from having someone on the side, or from meeting people they'd rather date. If you don't like him that way, stop him cold.  

[bzz07]

If a guy treated you coldly, what would you think?

You're lucky he's even asking you why you treat him differently. I'd just ignore you.

i think u misunderstood me.. i didn't treat him coldly.. we are pretty close.. just that somethings i control myself..

[Guest SlicedBread]

^

I understand, but sometimes the meaning of what you communicate is how other people receive it.

there's this guy. i have feeling for him, and he knew about it. i treat him differently from others. if others i can say thank you, sorry, invite movies, invite drinks, etc, with him i cant. he keep on asking me why i treat him differently. why with others my tone is like act cute tone, but with him act cool tone..

I think that most people would interpret this as being cold to them, specially if you're nicer to others around them.

[Guest Andreas1]

=D thanks guys! I got his numbers LOL we talked for a bit after the final and I asked for his numbers~ It was a bit random and he just laughed LOL 

congrats, I'm happy it worked out for you

[inxomnia]

Maybe it's not that he is bored with you now, but he now isn't as excited to be with you like the first times.

what does that mean exactly, like what's the difference? and how to improve the situation?

[odaesan]

what does that mean exactly, like what's the difference?  and how to improve the situation?

The difference is the difference... I thought it was self-explanatory. If he's bored, he just doesn't care about you anymore and that usually cannot be fixed. If he just isn't excited to see you all the time now, then you need to see him less and you need to text him less. That is giving him space, but there's the whole "I need space means we're ending the relationship" and that really isn't the case. Just make him miss you without pulling away too far. Also don't do it all of a sudden because that usually is like an alarm that something is wrong.

If he keeps becoming distant, he was bored but you won't miss him as much and if he is glad to communicate with you every time after that, he just wasn't as excited and you won't worry anymore.

That's my logic response although others like illogical stuff that usually ends up being a mess I see all the time. Think about it and good luck.

[Guest yha6358]

Hey guys, so I have a bit of a problem!

Theres this guy that likes me and he is really persistent and I do not like him back whatsoever. He's my friend and I want to keep it that way. I'm nice to him, but I'm also nice to everyone else, so it's not like he should feel exclusive or anything. Last year, he liked me and the only time he backed off was when I got a boyfriend and when I stopped replying to him often. But I broke up my boyfriend and after that, he began to talk to me again and I guess he never stopped liking me? I'm not sure. But what should I do to keep being friends with him but maybe get him to stop liking me? Is that possible or should I just be cold to him altogether? I was really cold to him last year and he was still quite persistent, and he stopped talking to me altogether (very awkwardly) when I got a boyfriend. I would just tell him straight up that I don't like him like that if he was the type of guy to take it well and just gradually be able to be friends, but he's more of the type to just be incredibly awkward and never talk to me again. I can't not be friends with him either, because we have a lot of mutual friends and our families are quite friendly with each other. What would be a good solution if there is one? :S

[Guest Andreas1]

Hey guys, so I have a bit of a problem!

Theres this guy that likes me and he is really persistent and I do not like him back whatsoever. He's my friend and I want to keep it that way. I'm nice to him, but I'm also nice to everyone else, so it's not like he should feel exclusive or anything. Last year, he liked me and the only time he backed off was when I got a boyfriend and when I stopped replying to him often. But I broke up my boyfriend and after that, he began to talk to me again and I guess he never stopped liking me? I'm not sure. But what should I do to keep being friends with him but maybe get him to stop liking me? Is that possible or should I just be cold to him altogether? I was really cold to him last year and he was still quite persistent, and he stopped talking to me altogether (very awkwardly) when I got a boyfriend. I would just tell him straight up that I don't like him like that if he was the type of guy to take it well and just gradually be able to be friends, but he's more of the type to just be incredibly awkward and never talk to me again. I can't not be friends with him either, because we have a lot of mutual friends and our families are quite friendly with each other. What would be a good solution if there is one? :S

No easy answer sry.. imo you should just be frank with him and hope for the best, no need to be mean or anything but simply explain that he's not your type and there's nothing you can do about that. Tell him you value his friendship though and would like for things to be cool between you two if possible.

[odaesan]

No easy answer sry.. imo you should just be frank with him and hope for the best, no need to be mean or anything but simply explain that he's not your type and there's nothing you can do about that. Tell him you value his friendship though and would like for things to be cool between you two if possible.

I agree with this.

Just tell him it would be best for you two to be friends and for him to only think of you as a friend. Introduce him to someone if you can.

[Guest phlux874]

Be honest but be prepared for your friendship to become awkward.

[Guest Rekidai]

So me and this guy told each other we like each other and I know there's a lot going on right now for him. His best friend and his gf are on a break and his dad is in the hospital now. Ever since that day he barely txts me now and i havent really talked to him for a couple of days. Usually he tells me he misses me and stuff but ever since he found out he hasn't said anything to me. I'm so bummed out by it. We're not in a relationship and I know he wants to be there for his friends so he's been out with him watching movies and going to the bar drinking. I tried to cheer him up and made a handmade gift for him (yet to give him). Is it possible to lose feelings right away though? I'm giving him some space now I just txt him in the morning and than nothing else now and just talk to him at night maybe if he gets home before I sleep. Also what else can I do to cheer him up? I never met his friend but I made a four leaf origami thing..

[Guest Andreas1]

So me and this guy told each other we like each other and I know there's a lot going on right now for him. His best friend and his gf are on a break and his dad is in the hospital now. Ever since that day he barely txts me now and i havent really talked to him for a couple of days. Usually he tells me he misses me and stuff but ever since he found out he hasn't said anything to me. I'm so bummed out by it. We're not in a relationship and I know he wants to be there for his friends so he's been out with him watching movies and going to the bar drinking. I tried to cheer him up and made a handmade gift for him (yet to give him). Is it possible to lose feelings right away though? I'm giving him some space now I just txt him in the morning and than nothing else now and just talk to him at night maybe if he gets home before I sleep. Also what else can I do to cheer him up? I never met his friend but I made a four leaf origami thing..

I doubt he just suddenly lost feelings for you, stranger things have happened but it's not likely.  If his dad is in the hospital then I think he has a pretty good reason for being aloof atm and I think how you are treating the situation currently is fine. His friend has probably been talking his ear off as well.  He will come around most likely. Give it some time and be patient is my advice. If this becomes a prolonged issue then you might have more reason to worry.

[Guest antarcticheart]

soooo, slight predicament. bear with me. o_o;;

there's this guy who i've thought was cute for the past two years or so. my friend found out

i thought he was attractive and introduced us recently. prior to this, a bunch of his friends had

fallen under the impression i liked him since i was/am very shy around him and told him so.

not exactly the best way to start off a friendship, right? very, very, very awkward. anyway, so, we met.

he was very nice and said i was super cute but he was also incredibly shy/quiet. he also doesn't

speak english well, which isn't that big of a problem since he's originally from busan and can

speak korean fluently and i can understand/speak most of it. that's beside the point, though.

the thing is, a few days after i met him, i did my best to say hello in the hallways and wave politely

but after a while, i just began to feel awkward because i discovered his friend disliked me. his

friend made this very obvious by blatantly telling him (in korean, assuming i couldn't understand him

well enough to be offended/upset) that he should ignore me and etc. luckily, he told his friend to go

away by himself and leave me alone. now, i don't really even say anything to him. i'll catch him looking

at me (usually because i'm sidelong glancing at him) but he never tries to say anything. i understand

he's incredibly shy but his lack of speech doesn't help me out either, y'know? and the girl he liked

in the past is the complete opposite of me. at least, in looks. my question is, what do i do about him?

i'm thinking of asking him to come to dinner with some of our mutual friends tomorrow but i'm afraid

that he'll think it's weird/too forward or something. aaaah. and i'm usually really outgoing. this never happens.  ;~;

i'm also incredibly sorry about the length.

[odaesan]

He seems like a great guy and he probably won't have a problem with it if you ask him.

I'm just wondering how he dealt with his friend's remarks. A slight difference in behavior says a lot about a person.

[Guest SlicedBread]

i understand he's incredibly shy but his lack of speech doesn't help me out either, y'know? and the girl he liked

in the past is the complete opposite of me. at least, in looks. my question is, what do i do about him?

i'm thinking of asking him to come to dinner with some of our mutual friends tomorrow but i'm afraid

that he'll think it's weird/too forward or something. aaaah. and i'm usually really outgoing. this never happens.  ;~;

We're in the year 2011, so a woman has the same freedom to step up to the plate and risk rejection like a guy does; waving and saying hello from far away is not enough. If you opt for this passive game of waiting, then you'll just have to live with the uncertainty of waiting for him to make a move.

So, forget about the friend (who may either have a crush on you or the stud from Busan:), since your object of desire has already told him to buzz off. Next time walk by him in a way that doesn't look like you're going out of your way and strike up a friendly conversation. "Hey, (friendly smile).  I haven't really talked to you since (whatever time you talked to him), how have you been?" If he's still too shy to really talk, then at least you can tell yourself you gave him a shot, if you don't want to persist.

So me and this guy told each other we like each other and I know there's a lot going on right now for him. His best friend and his gf are on a break and his dad is in the hospital now. Ever since that day he barely txts me now and i havent really talked to him for a couple of days. Usually he tells me he misses me and stuff but ever since he found out he hasn't said anything to me. I'm so bummed out by it. We're not in a relationship and I know he wants to be there for his friends so he's been out with him watching movies and going to the bar drinking. I tried to cheer him up and made a handmade gift for him (yet to give him). Is it possible to lose feelings right away though? I'm giving him some space now I just txt him in the morning and than nothing else now and just talk to him at night maybe if he gets home before I sleep. Also what else can I do to cheer him up? I never met his friend but I made a four leaf origami thing..

How close are you to the friend? That might be a bit too much, too eager to please, so tread with care.

Also, telling you this because I did the same thing in the past (and you know the guy better, so take this with a  grain of skepticism): People make the mistake of thinking that when someone distances themselves, the best way is to flamethrow them with even more attention. Do not do that; it almost always backfires, unless the person is extremely kind (I'm talking Mother Theresa levels).

Here's why: A lot of people will interpret your good intentions as clingy and cloying; specially when you're not really in a relationship. Best thing you can do is to back off and allow him space. If you text him, for example, don't text him again until he answers. If he's still interested, he'll pick up the slack, believe me.   

[Guest Rekidai]

How close are you to the friend? That might be a bit too much, too eager to please, so tread with care.

Also, telling you this because I did the same thing in the past (and you know the guy better, so take this with a  grain of skepticism): People make the mistake of thinking that when someone distances themselves, the best way is to flamethrow them with even more attention. Do not do that; it almost always backfires, unless the person is extremely kind (I'm talking Mother Theresa levels).

Here's why: A lot of people will interpret your good intentions as clingy and cloying; specially when you're not really in a relationship. Best thing you can do is to back off and allow him space. If you text him, for example, don't text him again until he answers. If he's still interested, he'll pick up the slack, believe me.   

yeah we're okay now; he txted me a lot yesterday after his friend's stuff is almost over ^^;; haha well i don't know his friend at all but his friend knows a lot about me V__V;; i told the guy i like i made a four leaf clover thing and he said his friend would actually really like it V__V;; i was hesitant at first but yeah, he also liked the heart i made. I gave him a lot of space and i guess that payed off though he was a lot more teasing yesterday than any other day thanks for both of the advice

[Guest purpleisraddx]

Do guys like a lot of ... naesoong (내숭)? HAHA .... I don't know how to say that in English....

[odaesan]

Naesung? I personally don't like it.

[Guest Andreas1]

Do guys like a lot of ... naesoong (내숭)? HAHA .... I don't know how to say that in English....

Hmm Babylon translator came up with "n. treacherousness, insidiousness"... if that's what you meant or something similar then I'm with Odaesan.. No.