Ask The Fellas

[Guest NANI*]

My one year dating anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up and I want to give/plan something special (because I basically am the epitome of thoughtful handmade/homemade/awesome things ). Then two weeks after that is his college graduation ceremony and his 24th birthday the day after. I already bought the Mortal Kombat Kollector's Edition and plan on giving it to him on that day. My mom thinks I spent way too much and wants me to return it. Did I overspend? I know he will love the gift but she likes to remind me that he hasn't been the perfect bf and that I shouldn't treat him too well.

What other gifts are suitable for a one year dating anniversary??

[Guest Andreas1]

Last night, my boyfriend and I got into an argument.

He said, he ever intended our relationship to be a long term nor a short term.

And he also does not want a distraction when he go into the army. Therefore he have thoughts

of breaking up. I asked him when, and he said he really doesn't know. Then he say he really don't

see us in the future together, but things can change.

I'm so disturbed by this, I don't see why he chose to be in a relationship with me in the beginning.

It's pointless. I don't understand.

If he doesn't intend to be long term nor short term then what? Idkk what im really asking. ehhh.

I guess I just want someone to explain his thoughts of thinking to me.

Some people get in relationships for purely selfish reasons.. he may have simply wanted to satisfy his own loneliness/lack of sex etc.. at the time. It's quite gross behavior for him to tell you after the fact that he did not intend to get into a relationship. It is also possible that he has become disillusioned over time and is now throwing excuses for an escape. I'm sorry to say but this seems like a dead end relationship for you, I would get away from this person and not look back. You will probably be better off without him. Stay strong.

My one year dating anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up and I want to give/plan something special (because I basically am the epitome of thoughtful handmade/homemade/awesome things ). Then two weeks after that is his college graduation ceremony and his 24th birthday the day after. I already bought the Mortal Kombat Kollector's Edition and plan on giving it to him on that day. My mom thinks I spent way too much and wants me to return it. Did I overspend? I know he will love the gift but she likes to remind me that he hasn't been the perfect bf and that I shouldn't treat him too well.

What other gifts are suitable for a one year dating anniversary??

Honestly just spend what you feel is appropriate with regards to your current budget. Follow your own emotions when it comes to what you think your bf deserves from you.. your mother is not dating your bf.  Sorry I don't have any gift suggestions since I don't know your bf.

[Guest itrayya]

No we aren't afraid, we most likely don't care.. you seem like you are high maitenance and possibly a lot of drama.

^ i'm not high maintenance at all. i just know what i want.

the guys who think that way are maybe the ones that i shouldn't bother with.

and i don't want to spend time with a guy who isn't serious.

because i won't settle for just anything, i'm high maintenance?

well then if that's how confidence is categorized, then okay.

you think i sound like a lot of drama because maybe i'm not an easy girl?

i'm not drama at all, i don't have to apologize for standing up for what i like in a guy.

i see girls date guys just to date. such robotic relationships.

so, if me looking for a good guy is dramatic then, action!

and it's not my goal to 'seem' that way to people.

but different eyes see different things.

[Guest Andreas1]

^ i'm not high maintenance at all. i just know what i want.

the guys who think that way are maybe the ones that i shouldn't bother with.

and i don't want to spend time with a guy who isn't serious.

because i won't settle for just anything, i'm high maintenance?

well then if that's how confidence is categorized, then okay.

you think i sound like a lot of drama because maybe i'm not an easy girl?

i'm not drama at all, i don't have to apologize for standing up for what i like in a guy.

i see girls date guys just to date. such robotic relationships.

so, if me looking for a good guy is dramatic then, action!

and it's not my goal to 'seem' that way to people.

but different eyes see different things.

I don't know you, I only know that what you wrote before came across as standoffish and overly dramatic to me.  One doesn't have to be easy to be a bit more easy going. What you seem to be looking for in a man may be somewhat unrealistic. But I wish you luck, anything is possible you might find just the right sort of guy you seek someday. My only advice to you is maybe dial it down a little.. shrug.

[odaesan]

I have a problem.

There's this guy that I've known since elementary school but haven't talked to, until one day sometime in 11th grade when I saw him on a bus  (we didn't go to the same high school btw). Anyway three years have passed and I occasionally see him on the bus. We just talk about how our day went, things that have happened recently and random things.

Anyway, I only saw him as a friend (and he used to have a crush on my best friend back in grade 1). Recently, he told me he liked me, and I was stunned because I don't even hang with him. Now i feel awkward and embarrassed because I don't know if i went the wrong signals.

I don't even want to see him anymore because it's THAT awkward. And he keeps walking me home (he tells me he does this to all his friends) but I feel so uncomfortable about it because i don't want him to think that I'm giving him a chance. I will only ever see him as a friend and nothing more, but I know that if I keep talking to him and let him walk me home, he'll continue having feelings for me and I don't want that.

I've already told him that I didn't like him that way and only saw him as a friend. What should I do?

Your mentality might push you to believe that he's some psycho stalker later. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, so if you aren't a couple and he's acting like your friend, what's the problem? If you keep thinking it's a problem, it will become a problem to you. If you're just friends, he'll eventually get over it. If you say you don't want to be around him, it means you don't want to be his friend and he may take you not wanting to be his friend as a sign that he can just skip the friendship part of the relationship. If you tell him once, that's fine, but if you keep telling him, each time you say it, it will hold less value.

Last night, my boyfriend and I got into an argument.

He said, he ever intended our relationship to be a long term nor a short term.

And he also does not want a distraction when he go into the army. Therefore he have thoughts

of breaking up. I asked him when, and he said he really doesn't know. Then he say he really don't

see us in the future together, but things can change.

I'm so disturbed by this, I don't see why he chose to be in a relationship with me in the beginning.

It's pointless. I don't understand.

If he doesn't intend to be long term nor short term then what? Idkk what im really asking. ehhh.

I guess I just want someone to explain his thoughts of thinking to me.

He's a capricious guy. Get someone else. He's the type that has a child's mentality. "I'll take this and throw it away when I'm bored." Just don't bother. Next time, ask questions. You may be a little uncomfortable, but it would be better than what happened now.

[Guest roar.]

Well I have this guy friend, who has a girlfriend (of about a year+ now), and well, he's the kind of guy friend who likes to make the perverted sex jokes especially with me.

But lately he's been making the jokes quite... exclusive. Talking about me + him showering together and doing something sexual, or coming over and you know, "doing something".

And don't get me wrong, I don't like him as more than a friend at all, but well, since we just had another convo like that just now, I just wanted to ask you guys and talk about it just for the hell of it. (LOL).

What is this guy thinking? He's mainly just joking around, right? Like, it's nothing personal... right?

O_o; Because I hope not... LOL.

[Guest Andreas1]

Well I have this guy friend, who has a girlfriend (of about a year+ now), and well, he's the kind of guy friend who likes to make the perverted sex jokes especially with me.

But lately he's been making the jokes quite... exclusive. Talking about me + him showering together and doing something sexual, or coming over and you know, "doing something".

And don't get me wrong, I don't like him as more than a friend at all, but well, since we just had another convo like that just now, I just wanted to ask you guys and talk about it just for the hell of it. (LOL).

What is this guy thinking? He's mainly just joking around, right? Like, it's nothing personal... right?

O_o; Because I hope not... LOL.

Hard to tell without really knowing this kids personality but to me it sounds like he's "testing the waters" with you. Seeing how far he can go with the innuendo and how responsive you are etc. Pretty shady considering he has a gf but it's only conjecture. He may just be joking around..but not really. If you follow me. Has he told you anything about the status of his current relationship lately.. like things not going well or w/e.

Also I'll give you a little insight into the male psyche.. when we are sexually frustrated, like haven't done it for a while.. the cravings tend to build up. This is why guys often look at porn even though they are in a committed relationship. If he's not getting it from his gf regularly and he's not taking care of business himself then you may find the inappropriate comments becoming more common. An overactive sex drive is a possibility but he should know how to keep that in check.

[inxomnia]

what does it mean when your s.o of a yr and a half who used to text really regular (within minutes even) barely responds to or texts you anymore? does it mean he's bored or just to comfortable with the relationship? what would happen, in either scenario, if I were to bring this up numerous times? what can I do to get things back to the way they were?

[bzz07]

there's this guy. i have feeling for him, and he knew about it. i treat him differently from others. if others i can say thank you, sorry, invite movies, invite drinks, etc, with him i cant. he keep on asking me why i treat him differently. why with others my tone is like act cute tone, but with him act cool tone.. he jealous.. and i told him its just the way it come out, and i didn't act. and he said i look down on him. take him stupid. make fun of him. and keep on forcing me to answer why i treat him differently.

i dun understand. is he so clueless or is he trying to pretend don't know? isn't it obvious that i treat him differently coz i have feeling for him? any opinion? should i tell him the reason? i scare he will act strange again just like when he knew i like him.

[Guest SlicedBread]

Well I have this guy friend, who has a girlfriend (of about a year+ now), and well, he's the kind of guy friend who likes to make the perverted sex jokes especially with me.

But lately he's been making the jokes quite... exclusive. Talking about me + him showering together and doing something sexual, or coming over and you know, "doing something".

I can't speak for your guy. Maybe he's doing it innocently, or maybe on purpose. When I do this, I'm banking on the idea that the brain can't help but make a picture inside your head. Quick: Try not to think of a green unicorn.

I'm hoping that illustrates what I'm trying to explain: Regardless of how a person might feel about it, the image will most likely show inside their minds eye, however brief.

Consider the idea that the unconscious can absorb and incorporate information/beliefs, well...unconciously. If I were to overwhelm a person with a barrage of images, then maybe some of those might sink into her consciousness only to be manifested later as autonomous thoughts. 

Let that sink in and come to your own conclusion. I know it's weird, but there is some truth to this. Our unconscious minds are like sponges, and anything that comes in, inevitably manifests itself outwardly. :-)

I've already told him that I didn't like him that way and only saw him as a friend. What should I do?

Tell him what you just posted here. Let him know that you won't accept him walking you home anymore, because it feels awkward. If you don't want him talking to you, tell him that as well. If he's a socially adjusted person at all, he should totally respect your space.

i dun understand. is he so clueless or is he trying to pretend don't know? isn't it obvious that i treat him differently coz i have feeling for him? any opinion? should i tell him

If a guy treated you coldly, what would you think?

You're lucky he's even asking you why you treat him differently. I'd just ignore you.

[Guest P a p e r_C l i p]

Me and this guy are dealing right now, our feelings for each other are mutual but nothing is too defined right now. The only thing is that he's naturally quite a shy/reserved guy so he's not often forward or open with his affections nor does he ever really take initiative to do anything.

Our mutual friend's advice to me was to reciprocate my feelings more towards him so that he'll be more comfortable showing his affection/taking action.

Since I am not a guy i'm wondering if I do this will it just set a bad precedent of me always having to initiate things? Or would this encourage you to be more forward and take action yourself?

[Guest Squinty]

Ello, friend problem

my friend thinks that it would be fun to hit my head playfully (even though it hurts) and pat my head whenever she pleases even though she is younger than me and taller -insert bitter smile- I've already tried talking to her but she just forgets and continues and then I've tried fighting back but she just literally slaps me back thinking that it would be some kind of joke =_=

Then I talked with my cousin about this > cousin tells mom > mom politely asks my friend to stop touching my head > and now, TODAY she grabs the front of my head whilst walking down the corridor while I was just standing normally, and pulls my head backwards towards the wall behind me -_____-

I don't intend to add more burden to my mom because she is already stressed as it is with my 2 older siblings out of the country and in university. Help?

Can I just hurt her just once? -________________-

edit: teachers are out of question too

[Guest roar.]

Hard to tell without really knowing this kids personality but to me it sounds like he's "testing the waters" with you. Seeing how far he can go with the innuendo and how responsive you are etc. Pretty shady considering he has a gf but it's only conjecture. He may just be joking around..but not really. If you follow me. Has he told you anything about the status of his current relationship lately.. like things not going well or w/e.

Also I'll give you a little insight into the male psyche.. when we are sexually frustrated, like haven't done it for a while.. the cravings tend to build up. This is why guys often look at porn even though they are in a committed relationship. If he's not getting it from his gf regularly and he's not taking care of business himself then you may find the inappropriate comments becoming more common. An overactive sex drive is a possibility but he should know how to keep that in check.

Lol, so basically, it seems as if he's like, using me as a tool like he would use porn for example?

well I don't even think he's gone that far with his gf. ... but I am unsure.

When we talk, we don't usually bring in the topic of his gf. ... so I don't know how him + his gf are doing as of now.

Lately he's been constantly bugging me and saying "why don't you give me hugs?!" and always telling me that I better ggive him hugs at school and such. And well, it's quite obvious why I don't give him hugs, he has a gf! I don't want his gf to be thinking things, and I don't want others to think things either. Shrug

I can't speak for your guy. Maybe he's doing it innocently, or maybe on purpose. When I do this, I'm banking on the idea that the brain can't help but make a picture inside your head. Quick: Try not to think of a green unicorn.

I'm hoping that illustrates what I'm trying to explain: Regardless of how a person might feel about it, the image will most likely show inside their minds eye, however brief.

Consider the idea that the unconscious can absorb and incorporate information/beliefs, well...unconciously. If I were to overwhelm a person with a barrage of images, then maybe some of those might sink into her consciousness only to be manifested later as autonomous thoughts. 

Let that sink in and come to your own conclusion. I know it's weird, but there is some truth to this. Our unconscious minds are like sponges, and anything that comes in, inevitably manifests itself outwardly. :-)

So you're saying that he's trying to sink in an image of me + him and probably trying to make ME have fantasies of us? whuuuut the -

that's weird. I don't even know, shouldn't he be doing this to his gf? Or is he purposely trying to make me like him, and like, idk, IDK. ;_;

thanks for that insight though.

Me and this guy are dealing right now, our feelings for each other are mutual but nothing is too defined right now. The only thing is that he's naturally quite a shy/reserved guy so he's not often forward or open with his affections nor does he ever really take initiative to do anything.

Our mutual friend's advice to me was to reciprocate my feelings more towards him so that he'll be more comfortable showing his affection/taking action.

Since I am not a guy i'm wondering if I do this will it just set a bad precedent of me always having to initiate things? Or would this encourage you to be more forward and take action yourself?

I am not a guy, but I am kind of experiencing that similar thing with me + the guy that I like.

Well from the start, I've always been the one who made initiatives, making conversation and saying hi, and stuff like that. Mainly because I liked him even before we became friends (well I was .. infatuated) and so when we became friends, I couldn't help but to talk to him more. And the thing is, he never ever made initiative. And I am thinking that it's because it's always been ME doing things first. Maybe he's gotten used to it and started to think that even if he doesn't say hi, I would end up saying it anyways.

From my POV, that really sucks and I've gotten sick of always making the first move. He is a shy kind of guy too, but I hate how he doesn't even try to make small conversation even as friends. Nothing at all. It makes me think "why can't he just act friendly for once, say hi? why?"

Maybe he doesn't want to be my friend - maybe that's as simple as my situation can get.

But yeah, from what I am feeling, from the girl's perspective, it's annoying and I've gotten to the point where I don't wanna try anymore.

So it's up to you. Maybe your guy would feel like the guy I like and think "oh, since she always makes the first move, I won't do it since she'll do it anyways!"

or yeah, he might be encouraged and think "I should probably make it up to her by doing things and surprise her once in a while."

But there's a connection to our guys - they're both the shy type. So.. yeah.

Just pointing out something out there XD!

I hope I didn't make your situation any worse =\ sorry DD:~

[Guest fujichan]

I don't see any reason why you can't try to be his friend, if you are both attracted to eachother then things will probably naturally progress. But I'm a bit confused by the whole rejected kiss thing. Did you actually explain to him that the reason you wouldn't kiss him is that you have a rule about first dates? It's possible that his actions after that first date don't have much to do with the kiss thing and that he really did think carefully about the fact that he was about to get involved with a coworker and decided to opt out.

Haha, I didn't exactly get a chance to explain, just because I had thought that we would have a second date to do so. But by the time we actually got around to talking, it was already awkward because he hadn't contacted me for 3 days after the date and then we saw each other randomly at work so I didn't know how to bring it up. If it really was about the dating a coworker thing...I'm surprised that he would have been alright going out to dinner, saying it was a date, and flirting with me (and then wanting to kiss me) but then going back on it a few days later and saying it was 'weird'. That makes me wonder if he's just trying to make excuses...so I don't want to pursue him if that is the case. If it really is because he felt weird after we went out because he saw me as his boss, then that should be alleviated when we no longer work together?? I hope...<.<

[Xkumagorobeamx]

so i have this question..

if a girl confessed to a guy and he said that he doesnt have any feelings for her right now but still friends with her. Will he try to start to hang out with her more to see if he will develop any feelings for her?

[Guest Andreas1]

so i have this question..

if a girl confessed to a guy and he said that he doesnt have any feelings for her right now but still friends with her. Will he try to start to hang out with her more to see if he will develop any feelings for her?

Not likely.. if he wants to hang out with her more it's probably because he thinks he already cleared the issue and just wants to hang with his buddy. That doesn't mean it's not possible that he may develop feelings over time but I wouldn't bet on it.

Haha, I didn't exactly get a chance to explain, just because I had thought that we would have a second date to do so. But by the time we actually got around to talking, it was already awkward because he hadn't contacted me for 3 days after the date and then we saw each other randomly at work so I didn't know how to bring it up. If it really was about the dating a coworker thing...I'm surprised that he would have been alright going out to dinner, saying it was a date, and flirting with me (and then wanting to kiss me) but then going back on it a few days later and saying it was 'weird'. That makes me wonder if he's just trying to make excuses...so I don't want to pursue him if that is the case. If it really is because he felt weird after we went out because he saw me as his boss, then that should be alleviated when we no longer work together?? I hope...<.<

Ya.. the fact that you didn't explain to him why you refused to kiss him changes things. That is most likely the reason he avoided you and didn't want to go on another date. If you want to try and start something up with this dude again then you are going to have to find an opportunity to explain it for sure.

what does it mean when your s.o of a yr and a half who used to text really regular (within minutes even) barely responds to or texts you anymore? does it mean he's bored or just to comfortable with the relationship?  what would happen,  in either scenario, if I were to bring this up numerous times? what can I do to get things back to the way they were?

you should watch this: 

[odaesan]

Well I have this guy friend, who has a girlfriend (of about a year+ now), and well, he's the kind of guy friend who likes to make the perverted sex jokes especially with me.

But lately he's been making the jokes quite... exclusive. Talking about me + him showering together and doing something sexual, or coming over and you know, "doing something".

And don't get me wrong, I don't like him as more than a friend at all, but well, since we just had another convo like that just now, I just wanted to ask you guys and talk about it just for the hell of it. (LOL).

What is this guy thinking? He's mainly just joking around, right? Like, it's nothing personal... right?

O_o; Because I hope not... LOL.

He's a creep. He shouldn't even be making jokes like those. It looks like he's testing the waters, but more than that, he's making his move more every time he says something like that because you won't tell him he's a creep.

what does it mean when your s.o of a yr and a half who used to text really regular (within minutes even) barely responds to or texts you anymore? does it mean he's bored or just to comfortable with the relationship?  what would happen,  in either scenario, if I were to bring this up numerous times? what can I do to get things back to the way they were?

Maybe it's not that he is bored with you now, but he now isn't as excited to be with you like the first times.

there's this guy. i have feeling for him, and he knew about it. i treat him differently from others. if others i can say thank you, sorry, invite movies, invite drinks, etc, with him i cant. he keep on asking me why i treat him differently. why with others my tone is like act cute tone, but with him act cool tone.. he jealous.. and i told him its just the way it come out, and i didn't act. and he said i look down on him. take him stupid. make fun of him. and keep on forcing me to answer why i treat him differently.

i dun understand. is he so clueless or is he trying to pretend don't know? isn't it obvious that i treat him differently coz i have feeling for him? any opinion? should i tell him the reason? i scare he will act strange again just like when he knew i like him.  

I think you'll need to tell him. He'll probably be confused and frustrated if he doesn't get an answer. If he's willing to ask you, he's willing to communicate.

so i have this question..

if a girl confessed to a guy and he said that he doesnt have any feelings for her right now but still friends with her. Will he try to start to hang out with her more to see if he will develop any feelings for her?

It looks like an honest answer. Take it at face value. If he says something like that, he probably means it. He may not be around you more, but he still will be your friend.

[Guest hg.8716]

  Boyfriend situation and feeling somehow......  (if you could read it and tell me if i am thinking too much)

We have been dating for only 5 months and 2 days ago I made my bf really angry because of my issue i am currently dealing with. He always tells me how to deal with the situation and the solution to the situation is something how I should not prefer to deal with it. So I don't do it by his way and I still complain to him since he is my bf and finally he told me he is fed up with it and through text he told me" its over, release me, don't put me into stress, i look like a fool to you, don't play with me anymore.., and I completely understand it and knew how it was hard for him to but i still did it so I told him I was really sorry and I know what I did to him and went over to his apartment and apologized in person but it was like 10 pm and his place is close to mine so it wasn't trouble for me and at first he wouldn't talk to me so I just sat there after saying sorry, and he didn't talk for a while and I finally said so you want to break up then?  and he shaked his head ''no''  so I asked him you forgive me? and he said yea and we made up but yesterday and today,  i see him as a different person and my feeling about him is changed... maybe because i keep thinking if he wants to break up.. he can do it by text and it kinda breaks my heart how cold his words were while we were arguing.. i know he was just trying to help but I can't help thinking how we used to before and how happy... and he seems kinda distant now and I tried to be more warm to him, maybe he is still angry? give him more time? or i just ruined my relationship? but i want to give him more time but he is leaving next week for 4 months and I didnt think this fight was going to happen...  I don't know how i am feeling... or what to do. I think i did all i can.

[Guest Andreas1]

  Boyfriend situation and feeling somehow......   (if you could read it and tell me if i am thinking too much)

We have been dating for only 5 months and 2 days ago I made my bf really angry because of my issue i am currently dealing with. He always tells me how to deal with the situation and the solution to the situation is something how I should not prefer to deal with it. So I don't do it by his way and I still complain to him since he is my bf and finally he told me he is fed up with it and through text he told me" its over, release me, don't put me into stress, i look like a fool to you, don't play with me anymore.., and I completely understand it and knew how it was hard for him to but i still did it so I told him I was really sorry and I know what I did to him and went over to his apartment and apologized in person but it was like 10 pm and his place is close to mine so it wasn't trouble for me and at first he wouldn't talk to me so I just sat there after saying sorry, and he didn't talk for a while and I finally said so you want to break up then?  and he shaked his head ''no''  so I asked him you forgive me? and he said yea and we made up but yesterday and today,  i see him as a different person and my feeling about him is changed... maybe because i keep thinking if he wants to break up.. he can do it by text and it kinda breaks my heart how cold his words were while we were arguing.. i know he was just trying to help but I can't help thinking how we used to before and how happy... and he seems kinda distant now and I tried to be more warm to him, maybe he is still angry? give him more time? or i just ruined my relationship? but i want to give him more time but he is leaving next week for 4 months and I didnt think this fight was going to happen...  I don't know how i am feeling... or what to do. I think i did all i can.

No easy answers for this one sry. Can you tell us what you did that led to the initial problem.. was it something trivial or serious? I don't want to jump to conclusions but could it be that he wanted an excuse to be free to fool around while he's gone for 4 months. I dunno it just sounds kinda harsh to me the way he treated you unless you did something aweful...

[Guest SlicedBread]

We have been dating for only 5 months and 2 days ago I made my bf really angry because of my issue i am currently dealing with.

I don't mean to pile on you while you're feeling down. I know sometimes people just need an ear but I gotta say it can be very annoying to have someone constantly complain to you about something they don't want to fix. Even when you love a person, the duty that comes out of that love has limits.

I'm dealing with that situation right now, but it's my own mom. It's gotten to the point where I now only answer her calls occassionally because I just can't stand one more hour-long conversation of her complaining about my sister.

I also got really annoyed at an ex-gf because she was asking me for advice, but wouldn't listen. It's like, if you're not going to listen to me, why do you want my advice?

Of course, you have to understand that I still love my mom, and I loved my ex-gf. I would never cut my mom out of my life, and I didn't break up with my ex over something so silly.