Ask The Fellas

[silent.dragon]

Babybug82 said: I started going to a new church last year. And at church we have connect groups where we fellowship together. And at a fellowship group there was this nice guy who happens to have a girlfriend. At that time I didn't know he had a girlfriend, and he ask me to go on missions trip with him. So I was thinking it'll be nice to go to missions, since he's a nice guy. However at the missions interest meeting, his girlfriend was there and he introduced me to her. I decided not to go the the missions trip. At church though he ask me to sit next to him two times. And then he leads a fellowship group and he told me he wants me to sign up for his fellowship group. Do you think it's a bad idea to sign up for his fellowship group? I didn't want to sign up for his connect group. But I don't want to not to not sign up because I only want to be friends with him.

[Meezu]

Hi guys
Ok so, I'm being too clingy/needy with my boyfriend and I really want to stop this. Let me start off by giving some background information. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year (he's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend) and we are both 23. When we first got together he was all over me like white on rice (calling/texting all the time, touchy-feely, always available, always wanting to know what I'm up to, etc.) but I wasn't really the same with him because I just wasn't like that, I was always doing my own thing but I didn't mind that he was at all. 
Fast forward a few months, he progressively became less like that (I think this usually happens in most relationships after the 'honey moon' phase') but now I notice that I'm being all over him like he was with me. Now, when he's not all over and about me, I feel rejected or that he's not interested anymore but I know this isn't true, he has his own life to live apart from me but it's like my feelings don't understand that. Usually I wouldn't care if a guy was like that, I'd just do my own thing but now it matters so much to me. I don't have many friends now because they've all graduated and the best friend I did have moved away some months ago so I feel like I depend on him a lot more because I have no one else (I should also mention that I'm going to school far away from home and he is back home). I think I'm being clingy or needy because he's pretty much all I have now. I am busy with school and figuring out my life but I still always find a way to be all about him. I want to be with him but not like this, this isn't me. 
So my question is, how can I be less about him and more about me?

[odaesan]

I think that's normal with first couples. It's part of the reason why people keep saying that they never work out. You're not sure what to do so you are more clingy than you should be for the first part of the relationship and you can't figure out how to adjust from there. It works best when you do it earlier but even now, try to give yourselves a little space and hang in there for a while. You just need to adjust naturally. It looks like he's starting to do that but if you don't, you're going to begin to look desperate out of your mind to him and I'm sure you're not like that. The problem is that he's going to perceive it a different way and try to back up as much as possible and that will make you feel like you need to get even closer and he's going to end up running away. Just relax right now and if you have something you can focus on a little more other than your boyfriend, I suggest trying that for a while.

[Ninshark]

nn_nn said: ninSharks The first and last time we talked about it he told me that he's not ready yet. My respond was "ok but I'm not going to wait for you to makeup your mind though", he responded back with "yeah I know" ...recently he said he want to invite me to his co-ownership with his friend... sometimes I fee like he's saying all the stuff I want to string me along ps: anyone mind me pm inbox them for advice

[nn_nn]

NinsharksI guess all of these come down to having lower expectation for the other person. He is not my boyfriend yet, just someone that I am seeing for 6 months now. The fact that in the beginning I was being really chill aka not caring at all versus now caring a bit more has proven to him that my feelings has escalated to something more than just "dates" at our previous hangout he reminds me of the amount of times that we have been seeing each other for, i did sneakily tried to ask him if time really help him knowing what he wants for us and he said he has been knowing what he wants for us. It is just me not knowing what I want (&& i feel that he is always using it as an excuses to get out of answering more questions from me)lately I am very confused with his actions/words. And do think that he is talking to someone else.  sometimes I feel like hes drawing back for me to do a bit of a chase. I had already told him that I dont chase after anyone. If they want to leave, then I will let them no holding back !! (I think that is a mistake too but that was from the beginning where I did not REALLY care for him)  meezu I'm in the same situation as you too.. so just find something to do, to keep yourself busy because the more you're coming closer the farther apart he will be from you. Go hangout with your friends, clean the house, your room, find a hobby... anything that keeps you occupy

[Hanulsky82]

Long time ago when I was 21 there was this guy who was a business guy (investment  banker). He ask me out at mcdonalds, but I was coy and shy so I kind of refused him. Soon after this other girl in church got his attention. So he asked her out. I sort of regretted acting shy, coy and self righteous. There's nothing wrong with having a relationship with a guy, after all it is sweet and loving. But nonetheless this is what happen. I moved to another church. But I kept people in church on facebook. Flash forward to 2008. I said Hi to him on facebook. I was working at the state university of new York. And the business guys girlfriend was working at lehman brothers as an analyst and her best friend was working for lehman brothers as well. The economy crashed, and they were able to find new jobs after the company went bankrupt. However, I had a hard time finding a new job after that job. And I was then mentally hospitalized. I decided to move to another church in queens. I decided never to ever flirt with any guy that was interested in me, because girls can be ruthless when they're slighted or jealous. Do you think so? I'm currently trying to find freelance work as a commercial artist (because I went to art school.)

[zantac_2]

^hmm...not sure how all that is related? :-?

[Hanulsky82]

@ZANTAC_2
I just have a feeling the economy crashed due to lehman brothers and they were working for the company. I'm not sure if it was done on purpose or mistake.

[radiocat02]

Babybug82 said: Long time ago when I was 21 there was this guy who was a business guy (investment  banker). He ask me out at mcdonalds, but I was coy and shy so I kind of refused him. Soon after this other girl in church got his attention. So he asked her out. I sort of regretted acting shy, coy and self righteous. There's nothing wrong with having a relationship with a guy, after all it is sweet and loving. But nonetheless this is what happen. I moved to another church. But I kept people in church on facebook. Flash forward to 2008. I said Hi to him on facebook. I was working at the state university of new York. And the business guys girlfriend was working at lehman brothers as an analyst and her best friend was working for lehman brothers as well. The economy crashed, and they were able to find new jobs after the company went bankrupt. However, I had a hard time finding a new job after that job. And I was then mentally hospitalized. I decided to move to another church in queens. I decided never to ever flirt with any guy that was interested in me, because girls can be ruthless when they're slighted or jealous. Do you think so? I'm currently trying to find freelance work as a commercial artist (because I went to art school.)

[Guest deepdeep_]

Would you like to change to the form of a girl if you have the chance?

[5880]

EnYingChen said:

[zantac_2]

Babybug82 said:I just have a feeling the economy crashed due to lehman brothers and they were working for the company. I'm not sure if it was done on purpose or mistake.

[odaesan]

Babybug82 said: And I was then mentally hospitalized.

[Guest writerstale]

@Babybug82: Mentally hospitalized for what?

[halfmoonsmile]

Would you date a stupid girl if she is interested in you?

[Guest writerstale]

Meany-chan said: Are you somebody who doesn't mind dating a dumb girl if she's into you?

[ReckLESS_]

Guys, when you tell a girl that you guys are seeing each other what does that mean?

Do you text Her everyday? Do you still hold her hand? Are you seeing other girls?

Please elaborate, the things you do or not do when you're seeing this girl. Thanks

[halfmoonsmile]

writerstale said: Meany-chan said: Are you somebody who doesn't mind dating a dumb girl if she's into you?

[Hanulsky82]

I don't know radiocat02 said: Babybug82 said: Long time ago when I was 21 there was this guy who was a business guy (investment  banker). He ask me out at mcdonalds, but I was coy and shy so I kind of refused him. Soon after this other girl in church got his attention. So he asked her out. I sort of regretted acting shy, coy and self righteous. There's nothing wrong with having a relationship with a guy, after all it is sweet and loving. But nonetheless this is what happen. I moved to another church. But I kept people in church on facebook. Flash forward to 2008. I said Hi to him on facebook. I was working at the state university of new York. And the business guys girlfriend was working at lehman brothers as an analyst and her best friend was working for lehman brothers as well. The economy crashed, and they were able to find new jobs after the company went bankrupt. However, I had a hard time finding a new job after that job. And I was then mentally hospitalized. I decided to move to another church in queens. I decided never to ever flirt with any guy that was interested in me, because girls can be ruthless when they're slighted or jealous. Do you think so? I'm currently trying to find freelance work as a commercial artist (because I went to art school.)

[nn_nn]

Guy

what is the different between seeing each other and dating??

are we still allow to see other person? the need to communicate daily?? Does it mean the other person is more serious about you