Ask The Fellas

[Guest writerstale]

Tofu_Cloud said: writerstale said: Tofu_Cloud said: so im kinda wanting to dress not for myself anymore but to attract guys..... most guys i ask say they like classy....
i personally dress a lot like CL (from 2ne1)........... hahahaha. Yes im trying to tone down my gangsterness wardrobe.... i dont like heels all the time and im curious if guys really just dont like girls in hiphop clothing? (hiphop but it's fitted not baggy!)

[racheln]

how often would you see a girl you're dating? We're seeing each other and have been mutually exclusive for a month and little bit (pretty much as soon as we started talking) but were not 'official' or anything and he said that 'seeing each other once a week wasn't too much or too little'. we live like 20 mins a part and neither of us have really hectic schedules or anything and I often do want to see him more than once a week but am afraid to ask after he's said that because I don't want to come off clingy. i don't expect to see him everyday but y'know a little more would be nice .. is he just not that interested or am I being clingy? and while I'm at it how often do you call or text someone you're in this kind of relationship with? he doesn't text me at all during the day but then calls really late at around 10:30-11:30pm (I usually sleep at like 1 or really late and he knows this it's not like I wake up just to talk to him but I do feel like I'm making myself too available) and then is too tired to talk for very long and I know that it's not like he's too busy to call earlier so I feel like he calls me because he feels he HAS to call me and puts it off. I once asked what would change if we did get together properly and he said not much which I'm kind of disappointed about because I feel like the relationship we have now isn't what I'd want in a more official relationship.

[silent.dragon]

racheln said: how often would you see a girl you're dating? We're seeing each other and have been mutually exclusive for a month and little bit (pretty much as soon as we started talking) but were not 'official' or anything and he said that 'seeing each other once a week wasn't too much or too little'. we live like 20 mins a part and neither of us have really hectic schedules or anything and I often do want to see him more than once a week but am afraid to ask after he's said that because I don't want to come off clingy. i don't expect to see him everyday but y'know a little more would be nice .. is he just not that interested or am I being clingy? and while I'm at it how often do you call or text someone you're in this kind of relationship with? he doesn't text me at all during the day but then calls really late at around 10:30-11:30pm (I usually sleep at like 1 or really late and he knows this it's not like I wake up just to talk to him but I do feel like I'm making myself too available) and then is too tired to talk for very long and I know that it's not like he's too busy to call earlier so I feel like he calls me because he feels he HAS to call me and puts it off. I once asked what would change if we did get together properly and he said not much which I'm kind of disappointed about because I feel like the relationship we have now isn't what I'd want in a more official relationship.

[Guest cloudybun]

My S/O always talks about other girls. Technically, we're not dating... we do hold hands, kiss, etc, and he tells his friends he's involved with me, vice versa for me, but he hasn't officially asked me to be with him yet.

Anyways, sometimes we'll be talking (phone, in person) and he'll be looking at his comp and he'll just say "Damn!! That girl is so hot. I'd hit that."
I know it's normal for guys to have eyes, but why does he have to tell me? Is he playing on my insecurities?
I'm guilty of talking about other guys too (most of my friends are guys), but when I do it, it's COMPLETELY platonic (he still ends up getting jealous), when he talks about girls, it's usually sexually.

He even has the nerve to ask me if he can get another girl on the side... for when I'm not there. He says it in a playful tone so I'm not sure if he's serious, but it's still hurtful...

There have been a lot of instances of this happening, but it's mostly just a repeat of both situations.

I need advice badly Why does he do this? Is it just to make me mad? Is he even worth my time? Should I be confront him? 

[5880]

cloudybun said:

[radiocat]

oooroosay said: if a guy tries to set u up with his friend does that mean his friend potentially has feelings for u? 

[Guest writerstale]

cloudybun said: My S/O always talks about other girls. Technically, we're not dating... we do hold hands, kiss, etc, and he tells his friends he's involved with me, vice versa for me, but he hasn't officially asked me to be with him yet.

Anyways, sometimes we'll be talking (phone, in person) and he'll be looking at his comp and he'll just say "Damn!! That girl is so hot. I'd hit that."
I know it's normal for guys to have eyes, but why does he have to tell me? Is he playing on my insecurities?
I'm guilty of talking about other guys too (most of my friends are guys), but when I do it, it's COMPLETELY platonic (he still ends up getting jealous), when he talks about girls, it's usually sexually.

He even has the nerve to ask me if he can get another girl on the side... for when I'm not there. He says it in a playful tone so I'm not sure if he's serious, but it's still hurtful...

There have been a lot of instances of this happening, but it's mostly just a repeat of both situations.

I need advice badly Why does he do this? Is it just to make me mad? Is he even worth my time? Should I be confront him? 

[Guest Keion]

@Tofu_Cloud, I personally like bright colors on women, but perhaps you should consider dressing based off of what you wish to attract. Skimpy clothes always gets my attention, and usually I would make myself known to these women if the situation were right. If you're the type that wants everyone to think you're reserved, but really not, then I'd go with classy. You'll probably get more men with money anyway.

I suppose the key would be to show off what you got, and downplay what you don't have.

So if you want a quick lay, go skimpy.

If you want to improve your chances of getting a guy with money, go classy

If you want thug d*ck, then just go hip hop all the way. Might as well throw in a weave just so you stay in character, nah mean?

[radiocat]

Lie said: lolaleatherwhip said: And what about in terms of making new friends, and just being friends. Do you see that as a 'waste of time'? Nowadays, I can't seem to make any new guy friends without them thinking that I like them, or that it could lead somewhere. Heck, I just want to make friends..

[silent.dragon]

radiocat said:  Is it true love if i love a girl based mainly on emotional attraction and very little physical attraction? just a question i was wondering...

[zantac_2]

its a stronger bond as you feel emotionally connected. but i wouldnt discard physical attraction. it is just as important. physical attraction to me wont change regardless of weight and age. it compliments the emotional and spiritual aspect and vice versa. its naive, but i truly believe that i would be just as content waking up next to my partner 90 years down the track.

[radiocat]

^I feel ya, but sometimes i get confused if that is lust or love? IDK but i tend to feel that girls that are more physically attractive is less intelligent/weaker character and i get super attracted to intelligent/smart girls, its just like "uglier" ladies are more well developed internally which i find damn sexy... ok nvm i am being superficial lolol

[zantac_2]

through emotional, spiritual, and physical connection, if you feel that you are connected with at least 2 of these, i think its safe to say that it is love more than lust.

i assume by intelligent you mean women who are academically well versed? id imagine its because they are focusing more towards their career than their outer appearances. but my experiences with women have been the other way around. however my idea of intelligence is someone who presents logical thinking. this very forum alone, there are and were some female members who i think are both attractive and intelligent.

[Guest Keion]

That is all rubbish.

An emotional attraction, is an emotional attraction. What with all this extra baggage to this simple fact? Physical attraction is a physical attraction; you only wanna put it in and be done with it.

Emotional attraction is deeper, but there is something more deep that lurks.

Therein, is love.

Love comes first, it is a mysterious thing. It really has nothing to do with the person. You can love someone you see on the street. It is a deep connection, it comes and it goes.

Nothing is permanent in the world of matter. If love exists, then it too is not permanent. It will come and go, and come and go.

The emotions and physical attraction come second to love.

That is why those who are in true love, don't leave each other when they experience emotional hatred. The love is still underneath. As she nags you, and you feel so annoyed, underneath it all, therein lies love.

No need to call it this or that, you'll just turn it into a "thing", and make it ugly.

When someone does a favor for you, or when someone feeds you compliments and pleasure, and you feel such a "connectedness" to them. The connectedness is real, but don't think it's love. That connectedness will exist insofar as your partner still continues to feed your insecurities, and makes you feel stronger than you are.

Can you observe this yourself?

It is possible to love multiple people at once, and feel all sorts of things for them. You can love, and still not want to be around someone and still feel no attraction to them.

And when you meet someone who can reflect love back to you, it grows deeper. Those who reflect love back to you so deeply, we call them "soul mates." 

[Ninshark]

@radiocat

I actually think that physical attraction is not shallow. it's just generally accepted as being shallow, but is it really? I would say most people who go for looks are shallow, but there are people who genuinely place very high value in looks. you can say these people are materialistic, but it's just how they operate. some guys are gay, and although it's unusual since most people are straight, they are wired that way, just like the people who place high value in looks, it's unusual because most of us think it's shallow, but they could just be wired like that.

now if you are attracted to a girl because of emotions, then that's probably because that's just what you care about more. in that regard, the looks don't apply as much... as someone else who puts high value in looks... so in that way, don't you think you have an "unfair advantage" to achieving true love just because it's easier for you to place more emphasis on emotion than the other guy who tends to place more emphasis on looks? I think the answer therefore is no- just because you are emotionally attracted doesn't mean true love. however, since it's generally the case that looks = shallow, then perhaps, you might actually have a high probability that your relationship means true love (to a blind observer) if chosen at random (if you choose a person at random who is attracted emotionally, he may have a higher chance of being in true love than a person chosen at random who is attracted visually), but not a higher probability that you can get true love.

[radiocat]

@ninshark well said

[halfmoonsmile]

Let's say the pressure of marriage wasn't put on you by your family, friends or your girlfriend or society. Your girlfriend wants to be with you for a long term but she doesn't require marriage. Would you think you still want to get married? I'm asking because guys are sometimes portrayed as not wanting to get married in movies/TV shows and the women are the ones having to push them to marriage. I'm just curious would a guy want marriage on his own and what about if his girlfriend doesn't want marriage yet still wants to be with him?

[Ninshark]

Meany-chan said: Let's say the pressure of marriage wasn't put on you by your family, friends or your girlfriend or society. Your girlfriend wants to be with you for a long term but she doesn't require marriage. Would you think you still want to get married? I'm asking because guys are sometimes portrayed as not wanting to get married in movies/TV shows and the women are the ones having to push them to marriage. I'm just curious would a guy want marriage on his own and what about if his girlfriend doesn't want marriage yet still wants to be with him?

[silent.dragon]

Meany-chan said: Let's say the pressure of marriage wasn't put on you by your family, friends or your girlfriend or society. Your girlfriend wants to be with you for a long term but she doesn't require marriage. Would you think you still want to get married? I'm asking because guys are sometimes portrayed as not wanting to get married in movies/TV shows and the women are the ones having to push them to marriage. I'm just curious would a guy want marriage on his own and what about if his girlfriend doesn't want marriage yet still wants to be with him?

[Guest writerstale]

Meany-chan said: Let's say the pressure of marriage wasn't put on you by your family, friends or your girlfriend or society. Your girlfriend wants to be with you for a long term but she doesn't require marriage. Would you think you still want to get married? I'm asking because guys are sometimes portrayed as not wanting to get married in movies/TV shows and the women are the ones having to push them to marriage. I'm just curious would a guy want marriage on his own and what about if his girlfriend doesn't want marriage yet still wants to be with him?