Ask The Fellas

[odaesan]

Tell them both. Don't do it again. Tell the next person with whom you want to start a relationship about all this and live an honest life.

[x_MiSSANN]

i've been dating multiple guys ever since college started in order to prevent myself for falling too hard for someone and getting hurt by them. i just didn't expect to want something more than just a mindless dating games. i've never lied to anyone. i always tell them that i don't want a relationship, its their expectations that screw everything up. i can assure you that i am living an honest life. i'm just afraid of losing someone because i tell them something they don't want to hear. if you were in his position would you want to know? know that not knowing would not hurt you.

[odaesan]

That's not living an honest life. If you want to date multiple guys, you need to tell them you're doing it. It isn't that you're saying "I'm not dating two people at once," but you aren't telling them either. Of course the people you are dating should know. It's not good to start a relationship with this.

Be honest with them and be honest with yourself. If you like one of them, tell them both what's happening and stop telling yourself it's fine because you think you have a good excuse.

Trying to keep yourself from getting hurt by doing things to hurt others is no good.

[Guest RiceBunnii]

Can you sit near him in class? That would be the easiest way to start getting to know each other better. Do you ever give him a smile or anything when you catch him looking at you? You are in the same class so you should have lots of stuff to talk about together I would think. Ask him questions about the class even if you already know the answers, not foolish questions mind you.

I've always sat next to my friends, at the opposite end of the class to where he sits, and as for smiling I haven't really done that either -.-. but I'll definitely try actually sitting and talking:) Thanks!

[Guest chloe_addict]

Meeting a guy in "public spaces" (ie grocery store, coffee shop,etc) ?

To: Fellow guys!

So we've all heard about and seen in the movies how a girl and guy can meet randomly at the coffee shop, have a great conversation, and start dating. But how does this exactly happen in real life?

My latest scenario:

I've been frequenting this local coffee shop to catch up on my work. One day while I was there, I sat behind a guy who was recently hired, and he was reading the store's handbook. When he glanced up, we exchanged smiles which I didn't think much of it. One day after he finished working, he grab a table next to mine, and we introduced ourselves and briefly chatted. Now, whenever I go in to order my coffee, he would smile and wave even if he wasn't the one taking my order. Once when I went up to the counter to ask for a cup of water, he'd popped by and teased over the barista's shoulder, "that would be $2 extra". I think he's a pretty friendly guy, and I want to get to know him better. Not necessarily asking him out but maybe just to hang out as friends. How do one go about doing that since we have no mutual friends, and we only run into each other at the coffee shop? And I don't want to give the vibe that I'm crushing on him, but I do have a history of "misreading" signals, thinking guys aren't into me when they really are and vice versa. I know that he's just probably being friendly to all the customers there, but I can't help but wonder if he goes a little bit out of his way when I stop by. But yeah, I must admit, maybe I do have a little crush on him...from a distance.

Thanks in advance!

Signed,

Shy Lonely Girl (inspired from Gossip Girl's "Lonely Boy"....)

[Guest Andreas1]

Signed,

Shy Lonely Girl (inspired from Gossip Girl's "Lonely Boy"....)

You're going to have to try and extend the conversation which isn't going to be that easy since he is working but it's doable. A little extra here and there may open things up for you. Have a little something extra to say when you see him at the counter or if he comes by your table etc.. maybe a little compliment sarcastic or not about how he is working hard lol. That might lead to a bit more banter and perhaps discussion about weekend plans etc..

Good luck.

[Guest AliceAristocrat]

okay so I have a friend who likes this guy and it's kinda iffy, I don't want her to get hurt.

So the first time I heard about him (never met him. we live in different states so it's not really an option) she said he kissed her but she wasn't sure how she felt.

So he started dating another girl. Then she started liking him and the guy still likes her. He hugs her and stuff like that and says he likes her alot. But when she asks him out, he says he can't because he has a girlfriend but when they break up, he'll go out with her. (His actual words were 'I can't, I have a gf but when we break up, I'll hook up with u' which personally I think makes him an a-hole but she doesn't agree)

And what I don't understand is if he liked her alot, wouldn't he dump his girlfriend to go out with her?

So I feel like he's using her but since I'm not a guy, I don't really know.

All I know is I don't want her to get hurt and I'm worried she will get hurt.

[odaesan]

Well, you're a good friend.

Saying something like that is cheap and it's insulting. If a guy is in a relationship, he shouldn't go chasing other girls and he shouldn't tell them that they are his rebound options. Rebound relationships are bad enough as they are, but when a guy tells a girl to stick around him so that he can use her later, that's no good.

Your friend is blinding herself to this. Many people do it. She sees him in a way which is not the way he is. The bad thing is that this may affect your relationship with her. Even if it's difficult, do what you think you need to do.

[Eclectic]

comrades, what are some good ways to verbally respond (or downplay) a girl's rejection?

i was thinking something along the lines of: (or a combination of the following)

"Oh, okay."

"(nods head) Cool."

"No problem."

"Oh alright, just checking."

and probably have a follow-up "outro" like:

"Have a good one."

"I'll see you around."

--------------------------------------

your thoughts? pretty much keep things simple and let the girl know that it's okay (i.e. no big deal) and not to feel guilty for rejecting you

[Guest Andreas1]

your thoughts? pretty much keep things simple and let the girl know that it's okay (i.e. no big deal) and not to feel guilty for rejecting you

Just yell "YOU BROKE MY HEART!" and run away crying...

nah I dunno.. pretty much just say "Aww that's cool, take it easy."

[Guest pyrotekniq]

hey fellas!

there's this boy i've known for about about 8 months. he never mentioned he had a girlfriend (until i found out recently!). anyhow, he still messages me almost everyday, asks me to lunch (one-on-one) and take a class with him. i kinda feel like he's keeping me around...what do you guys think?

thanks for reading. =)

[Guest Andreas1]

hey fellas!

there's this boy i've known for about about 8 months.  he never mentioned he had a girlfriend (until i found out recently!).  anyhow, he still messages me almost everyday, asks me to lunch (one-on-one) and take a class with him.  i kinda feel like he's keeping me around...what do you guys think?

thanks for reading. =)

Did he have a gf the whole time you've known him, you say you found out..does that mean he didn't tell you? Anything is possible but maybe he simply likes you as a friend... does he flirt with you?  If he doesn't actually flirt with you at all then I'd say he just likes you as a friend and you shouldn't read anything else into it.

[odaesan]

hey fellas!

there's this boy i've known for about about 8 months.  he never mentioned he had a girlfriend (until i found out recently!).  anyhow, he still messages me almost everyday, asks me to lunch (one-on-one) and take a class with him.  i kinda feel like he's keeping me around...what do you guys think?

thanks for reading. =)

He most likely is, but I really can't be certain from this information. Please post more.

[Guest roar.]

I have a few questions . . . ;_; I was sitting in class today and I guess I just came up with these thoughts and decided I should ask youuuu guys when I get home~ LOL you guys are just so awesome at giving answers! :3

so here they are:

1. In general, are guys more attracted to the cute girl, sexy/hot girl, or the beautiful girl? Especially teenage boys? Like, around the range of 15-17?

2. What would your guys' reason be for keeping your nails long? And I mean, SUPER long, longer than a girl's average nail? I know this seems like a specific question and it may vary from guy to guy, but just wondering about YOU guys... XD

3. If there's a girl who is always around, and you talk to from time to time, then suddenly she just disappears and isn't around so much . . do guys tend to think and wonder "aw, what happened to the girl who's usually here?" or do you guys just don't notice?

4. Do you guys think that high pitch voices (from a girl) is cute, or annoying? Elaborate on your opinions on this pls?

5. We have all heard of the quote "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they're supposed to be yours" or something like that. Do you guys believe in this? Do you guys actually try this out, and let the girl from your grasp, and see if they make an effort to retrieve what you had? LOL.

Sorry for the flood of questions from one girl! :3 And as always, thanks in advance!

[odaesan]

I have a few questions . . . ;_; I was sitting in class today and I guess I just came up with these thoughts and decided I should ask youuuu guys when I get home~  LOL you guys are just so awesome at giving answers! :3

so here they are:

1. In general, are guys more attracted to the cute girl, sexy/hot girl, or the beautiful girl? Especially teenage boys? Like, around the range of 15-17?

2. What would your guys' reason be for keeping your nails long? And I mean, SUPER long, longer than a girl's average nail? I know this seems like a specific question and it may vary from guy to guy, but just wondering about YOU guys... XD

3. If there's a girl who is always around, and you talk to from time to time, then suddenly she just disappears and isn't around so much . . do guys tend to think and wonder "aw, what happened to the girl who's usually here?" or do you guys just don't notice?

4. Do you guys think that high pitch voices (from a girl) is cute, or annoying? Elaborate on your opinions on this pls?

5. We have all heard of the quote "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they're supposed to be yours" or something like that. Do you guys believe in this? Do you guys actually try this out, and let the girl from your grasp, and see if they make an effort to retrieve what you had? LOL.

Sorry for the flood of questions from one girl! :3 And as always, thanks in advance!

I already answered that guys are in general attracted to sexy/hot girl although I prefer cute girl. The teenage boys especially don't care for anything other than the hot girl.

My nails actually grow faster than the average person's nails and I don't cut them unless it prevents me from doing something. They usually go a few millimeters from the end of the fingers and that is all.

I'd think "what happened to her?"

I find it annoying. My hearing is much more sensitive than the average person.

I never heard the second part of that quote. I've never done it anyway.

[Guest pyrotekniq]

thanks for the reply, Andreas1.

from day 1, he never told me he had a gf. i'm not sure if he's just comfortable chatting with me, but i think he's told me some personal things in the short time i've known him.

we had lunch and he didn't hesitate to pay. he walked me out and gave me a hug. our knees kinda touched under the table and he didn't move back or anything. does that count as being flirty?

Did he have a gf the whole time you've known him, you say you found out..does that mean he didn't tell you? Anything is possible but maybe he simply likes you as a friend... does he flirt with you?  If he doesn't actually flirt with you at all then I'd say he just likes you as a friend and you shouldn't read anything else into it.

[Guest Andreas1]

Sorry for the flood of questions from one girl! :3 And as always, thanks in advance!

Guess I'll give it my 2 cents..

1. I've dated all 3 types and I think I will always prefer the "cute" girl. They often have better personalities. I'm nowhere near 15-17 so take that for what it's worth. Guys at that age usually haven't learned about the personality thing yet.

2. I had long nails when I was playing classical guitar in college but that was only on my right hand.. not sure why a guy would do that otherwise.

3. I would notice she's not hanging out like before. Might be good or bad depending on how her personality was.

4. I personally like cutesy high voices.. depends though, can be annoying if the pitch is bad.

5. I don't subscribe to that quote, no.

thanks for the reply, Andreas1.

from day 1, he never told me he had a gf.  i'm not sure if he's just comfortable chatting with me, but i think he's told me some personal things in the short time i've known him.

we had lunch and he didn't hesitate to pay.  he walked me out and gave me a hug.  our knees kinda touched under the table and he didn't move back or anything.  does that count as being flirty?

If he never told you he has a gf but also talked to you about personal things then yea he's most likely interested in you. I would be really wary about any advances from this guy though since he is not forthcoming about his real situation.

[Guest pyrotekniq]

thank you, odaesan.

he never mentioned having a girlfriend and then bam! i somehow found out through mutual friends. i wonder if he was keeping it a secret? i would imagine if you have a bf or gf that you would pretty much mention it without even thinking.

i haven't really confronted him so he still contacts me. i don't know if i should ignore him...i feel it's unfair...like i'm the third wheel or something?!

He most likely is, but I really can't be certain from this information. Please post more.

[odaesan]

thank you, odaesan.

he never mentioned having a girlfriend and then bam!  i somehow found out through mutual friends.  i wonder if he was keeping it a secret?  i would imagine if you have a bf or gf that you would pretty much mention it without even thinking.

i haven't really confronted him so he still contacts me.  i don't know if i should ignore him...i feel it's unfair...like i'm the third wheel or something?!

He never mentioned it for eight whole months? I find that difficult to believe if he wasn't keeping it a secret. Sometimes if you just mention it like you know, the person can get nervous and you can see from the reaction that he was keeping it a secret so he could secretly be with you, but he may also be the type who doesn't care or who doesn't react to that because he knows you could read his response.

If you can meet with him and ask to go somewhere with friends and include his girlfriend, then that probably will keep him from keeping you to the side.

[Guest pyrotekniq]

thanks again, Andreas1! you're so quick with your replies. =)

i totally agree! he's been dishonest all this time so i must be careful.

If he never told you he has a gf but also talked to you about personal things then yea he's most likely interested in you. I would be really wary about any advances from this guy though since he is not forthcoming about his real situation.

yeap, never said a thing!

i feel totally played...he wasn't being completely honest. plus, it's not even fair for his girlfriend. maybe he does this with other girls?

i'm just wondering if we should stay friends...?!

He never mentioned it for eight whole months? I find that difficult to believe if he wasn't keeping it a secret. Sometimes if you just mention it like you know, the person can get nervous and you can see from the reaction that he was keeping it a secret so he could secretly be with you, but he may also be the type who doesn't care or who doesn't react to that because he knows you could read his response.

If you can meet with him and ask to go somewhere with friends and include his girlfriend, then that probably will keep him from keeping you to the side.