Ask The Fellas

[Guest ChingGoo]

How should I act towards him now? Should I pretend that it never bothered me, or should I make it obvious that it did hurt me and that I am somewhat pissed at him? What would "pleasure" a jerk? Because I certainly don't wanna make him feel any better about himself; I actually want to make him feel guilty and horrible (since I didn't do a thing and he's acting ridiculous).

Making it obvious would just feed his ego. Its better to act indifferent in this situation. Pretend it never bothered you and just move on.

[odaesan]

Hey fellas, just a simple scenario that's puzzling me (cause I'm noob like that). Say you invite a girl, who you're pretty close to, to dinner for your birthday with just the two of you. Would it be just that, that you're inviting a friend for dinner on your birthday, or would there be some other hidden agenda? Also would it make a difference if the girl was your best friend as oppose to your 'close friend' or wouldn't that matter?

Dinner with a girl on my birthday is something I would consider more like a date night than anything else. There's this whole weird hierarchy of dating/food eating that even confuses me, but I do know that lunch on someone's birthday is more friend than "I like you and I want us to be a couple" whereas dinner is more "I like you" than being friends unless it is in a group.

It's a little confusing, but he might know that he's busy the rest of the day with other people and he would like to end the day with a calm meal with his best friend. If you can find out the rest of his plans for the day, then you may gain more insight.

How should I act towards him now? Should I pretend that it never bothered me, or should I make it obvious that it did hurt me and that I am somewhat pissed at him? What would "pleasure" a jerk? Because I certainly don't wanna make him feel any better about himself; I actually want to make him feel guilty and horrible (since I didn't do a thing and he's acting ridiculous).

I think he'd be indifferent at most if he was a jerk, so I don't recommend that you try to make him feel guilty and horrible. It only would hurt you.

He purposely ignored you, so ignore him. He makes you feel invisible, so make him feel non-existent.

This was only the second time where we hung out.. and first time we ever had any physical contact with each other..

yeah .. car hugs are really awkward just the space/position you are in.

I kind of patted him on the shoulder before i said " okay ill see you soon" and before he asked me for the hug.

haha does it make a difference? between light touch versus tap?

So it was him asking for hug >> you saying awkward car hug >> you patted him? The order looks so strange.

The second time I think is asking for too much. Awkward car hugs are reserved for people who have close relationships and who will not leave the car for some reason (examples include, but are not limited to: it's too painful to say goodbye any other way, "I really need to go, but take care", and it's too awkward for a hug outside the car, but it's okay inside the car for some reason).

Light touches and taps do make a difference. It's this subtle difference in meaning. The light tap is reassuring and the tap is less personal and more like saying the person did a good job.

There is so much stuff between the lines, so it's good to ask others what they think. It gives us a wider image.

[Guest __CHINA.DOLL]

So it was him asking for hug >> you saying awkward car hug >> you patted him? The order looks so strange.

The second time I think is asking for too much. Awkward car hugs are reserved for people who have close relationships and who will not leave the car for some reason (examples include, but are not limited to: it's too painful to say goodbye any other way, "I really need to go, but take care", and it's too awkward for a hug outside the car, but it's okay inside the car for some reason).

Light touches and taps do make a difference. It's this subtle difference in meaning. The light tap is reassuring and the tap is less personal and more like saying the person did a good job.

There is so much stuff between the lines, so it's good to ask others what they think. It gives us a wider image.

oh sorry the order is

me patting him on the shoulder saying bye then him asking me for the hug and i said " yay.. awkward car hugs.."

haha wow.. who knew theres all this stuff about car hugs and " tapping"

[odaesan]

haha wow.. who knew theres all this stuff about car hugs and " tapping"

Yay... awkward car hugs...

They started all this.

[Guest roar.]

I think he'd be indifferent at most if he was a jerk, so I don't recommend that you try to make him feel guilty and horrible. It only would hurt you.

He purposely ignored you, so ignore him. He makes you feel invisible, so make him feel non-existent.

Ooooh that's true. I should do that, thanks :3

Today, I kinda showed that I was angry.. kind of. All that I am scared of, is that he has connections with the bigger popular group of asians, and I am afraid that if I make drama with him, then they'll come into the situation and I will be all by myself (since my friends don't know about this and I don't really wanna tell) while he has this big group of intimidating asians.

Whatever, I'll just keep it subtle and simple?

[Guest BattleRoyale]

Dinner with a girl on my birthday is something I would consider more like a date night than anything else. There's this whole weird hierarchy of dating/food eating that even confuses me, but I do know that lunch on someone's birthday is more friend than "I like you and I want us to be a couple" whereas dinner is more "I like you" than being friends unless it is in a group.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing.. I've had lunch with him before which seemed purely friendly but dinner? I might be leading him on if I go.. And I've never had one on one dinners with a guy friend before so I was unsure of what it actually meant haha thanks for your insight!

[odaesan]

Ooooh that's true. I should do that, thanks :3

Today, I kinda showed that I was angry.. kind of. All that I am scared of, is that he has connections with the bigger popular group of asians, and I am afraid that if I make drama with him, then they'll come into the situation and I will be all by myself (since my friends don't know about this and I don't really wanna tell) while he has this big group of intimidating asians.

Whatever, I'll just keep it subtle and simple?

Don't even think about him and if you do see him, don't keep your eyes on him. When you pass by him, look forward as though there's no one to the side of you. All the drama isn't worth it whether he has a large group of friends or no friends at all.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing.. I've had lunch with him before which seemed purely friendly but dinner? I might be leading him on if I go.. And I've never had one on one dinners with a guy friend before so I was unsure of what it actually meant haha thanks for your insight!

Sure, but just be certain about why he asked you to dinner.

[Guest perhapsmaybe]

hey guys! kinda new here, so please be nice  

Anyways i broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. He was the one that wanted a break up.. and i agreed, and the next thing i know he was spamming my phone, calling me, whatsapping me saying that he misses me and that he hopes that we could still be together after he sort his self out. and for days we'll be texting and whatsapping each other, he acts like he still really cares about me.. he sends me good night messages and all those stuff. Giving me an impression that maybe he wants to get back together? and when i asked him, he said i dont know i am afraid that if we do get back together we might start arguing with each other and we'll end up breaking up again.

This is when it gets reaaaallly confusing. i thought to myself.. this is suppose to be a break up? why are we still talking? Shouldn't we be giving each other space and time..i told him we should stop talking because he doesnt know what he wants and it wouldnt be fair on me waiting for him to make his decision, he wanted me to wait for him.. i told him it isnt fair what happens if i do wait.. and he tells me at the end of it that he doesnt want to be with me anymore? he got really upset initially, but subsequently he agreed. I tried not to talk to him.. but failed. This time when we did talk to each other.. he started acting really hostile and cold towards me, which is really unlike him.  urrrghhh sorry its just so frustrating.. i just want to be with him but he wants time to sort himself out. but he acts as if he still really wants this.. its just not fair on me.. he always gets things his way.

2 nights ago, he started to ignore me.. not replying to my msgs or answering my calls. ok maybe partly it was my fault i was trying to make him jealous and i was saying hurtful things to him. I guess i was just so frustrated and confused because i dont know where we stand, he wasnt being clear with me. sometimes he does say things that make me think that he wants to be together. anyways he was like pls stop calling,  if not i really think i would want a clean break up now. i said ok if that it want you want then so be it and we havent talked since.  like wtf?! just last week he was crying and begging me not to forget him.. he calls me he texts me. he was giving me an impression that he still wants this and when i do show that i still do care about him, he backs off. -.-  i am so frustrated and angry! but at the end of everything.. i still do love him and i still do want to be with him.. and i know he loves me (well last time he was, not too sure about now after the break up) sigh i dont know.. i just want to know why was he acting like that. just really sad that.. just last week he was so sure that he wanted to be with me.. and now its like he has given up.  

[odaesan]

That's some erratic behavior. To answer your question, he is very unstable. Please be careful and good luck.

[Guest hiswendy]

Hi again,

Just a question! --related to something I asked before. (I asked a month or so ago how you would feel if a girl who broke your heart in the past comes back and explains to you finally why she broke your heart before.)

Would you ever forget a person you claimed to love? I talked to my friend and he told me that he once had a crush on a girl but, over the years, forgot he ever had a crush on her. Is it possible then that you also forget your feelings for someone from four years ago who you confessed to "love" and who broke your heart by replying to your confession with a brutal "wtf"?

The thing is, the guy from 4 years ago whose heart I broke and to whom I never explained myself, might attend my upcoming book launch. We will see each other for the first time in three years. I don't want to bring up the past in case it just angers him to be reminded of my having broken his heart. Also, it might be that he forgot all about me already and saying sorry to him now after years might just be reminding him of the hurt that he already forgot, rather than making him feel better?

You guys have any take on this?

Please and thank you, as usual!

[Guest roar.]

Don't even think about him and if you do see him, don't keep your eyes on him. When you pass by him, look forward as though there's no one to the side of you. All the drama isn't worth it whether he has a large group of friends or no friends at all.

Omg, thanks for the advice :3 I shall remember them for monday ~

[Guest Andreas1]

You guys have any take on this?

Please and thank you, as usual!

If you get a chance to speak to him alone tell him you are sorry for the way you treated him in the past, don't have to go into details. He will remember and I think he will appreciate it.

[Guest RiceBunnii]

I'm not sure how to talk to this guy, He's in my Fine Art support class but we don't know each other very well, I know his name and stuff but that's about it, we hang in different friend groups but we see each other around the art department. The thing is I'm always finding him staring at me, Idk it's kinda weird and sometimes he'll say a word or two to me, but that's about it. I've always found him really cute and I want to talk to him, but I never know what to say, and I wanna ask him why he's always staring at me, but I don't want to be rude or anything......?

What should I do?

[Guest chaconne]

Hi everyone,

I am usually a lurker on Soompi but I made an account a few days ago because I think I need advice from people outside of my friend circle. I contemplated for a few days if I should post or not, but this is really driving me crazy to the point that I'm questioning myself everyday. I know, I sound crazy already. I am stuck in a position and don't know what to do anymore... it's really affecting me a lot. However, the situation is kind of complicated and long to explain in a "short and sweet" type of way -- if anyone is interested in hearing me out through PM to give me some opinions about the matter, please PM me. Thanks.

[Guest Aliyosha]

As he stares...

"....Can I help you?"

[Guest hiswendy]

If you get a chance to speak to him alone tell him you are sorry for the way you treated him in the past, don't have to go into details. He will remember and I think he will appreciate it.

Thank you! I will do that, then; tell him without going into details.

[Guest Andreas1]

I'm not sure how to talk to this guy, He's in my Fine Art support class but we don't know each other very well, I know his name and stuff but that's about it, we hang in different friend groups but we see each other around the art department. The thing is I'm always finding him staring at me, Idk it's kinda weird and sometimes he'll say a word or two to me, but that's about it. I've always found him really cute and I want to talk to him, but I never know what to say, and I wanna ask him why he's always staring at me, but I don't want to be rude or anything......?

What should I do?

Can you sit near him in class? That would be the easiest way to start getting to know each other better. Do you ever give him a smile or anything when you catch him looking at you? You are in the same class so you should have lots of stuff to talk about together I would think. Ask him questions about the class even if you already know the answers, not foolish questions mind you.

Thank you! I will do that, then; tell him without going into details.

yw, let us know how it goes

[Shuga]

He's not the one with the ego problem. He thinks it is harsh even though others don't care and they leave everything there for someone with whom they've had no connection in years or they just delete the information to save space without anything.

While you don't think of him as a friend anymore, he actually did think of you as a friend so he sent you that message. Some people are offended and they'll complain about someone removing them from his contacts. If everyone removed you from his contacts at once, you probably would be offended if there weren't messages to explain what happened.

If you think you're too good for anyone to consider you as his friend, then whatever. Just don't say it and don't say that the guy has the ego.

I'm going to take this moment to defend myself.

Yes, he is not good enough to be my friend. Sure, it's nice enough for him to update me, but I have others who I consider my actual friends. Not everyone is worthy to my friend because some people make you take a step backwards in life, right? You would seriously call them a friend?

I admit, my ego exists - everyone has an ego - and its main manifestation is in that I haven't forgiven him entirely, but please, don't think he doesn't have an ego problem either.

Thanks for pointing out his motive perhaps isn't entirely ill, though. I realise that in the end, no one knows. I don't feel I should be flustered by this anymore.

Anyway, no hard feelings, kay? : \ I feel like I've stepped on your foot, odaesan.

[odaesan]

So are you now saying he is not a good guy instead of him just being a regular guy you know? See, this makes more of a difference, but you first say something that makes it seem that he is not good enough to even send you a message to explain things. What is the real story behind this?

[x_MiSSANN]

So...I'm dating two guys at one time and I'm falling for one. My question is.. do you guys think I should tell him what I've been doing?

Here's the catch...

I've chosen someone over him before but he still stuck around to pick up the pieces after my retarded short lived relationship ended. He thinks he's the only one in my life right now. I never told him we were exclusive... actually, I have told him that I don't want to be in another relationship after my last one. Things are moving too fast for me but I'm so afraid of losing him. He's been hinting that he want to move into more serious lately and its scaring me. So I don't know what I should do...advice?

p.s

the guys don't know about each other..if they found out about my little scheme I'm pretty sure they wont be happy...